Shark week!

Every since I got my period back after my son was born, my periods have been hell... I used to have it for like 3-4 days where of two were barely anything.. Rarely had any cramps or anything.. The only thing that I used to notice was the mood change and the need for chocolate the day before it started.. 

Now, I enter this really bad depression mode a couple of days before I get my period.. I have cramps that make me cry, and it lasts for 7-8 days... As if it is not enough I also have labor like cramps when it's around the time I'm ovulating.. 

Anywho.. All in all the last been has been really bad.. I have been doing OK with my food compared to what I would normaly do, but yeah - I am not getting on the scale until this is over.. I think (I hope) this round of hell is over by Monday- Tuesday.. 

I am going to reread You can be thin , I am also going to download the  CD to my cellphone and do the meditation every night. As everything else I do, I never did this properly.. So hopefully it will be working better this time around.. I have a long list of books I want to reread, or finish reading.. Intuitive eating, why we get fat and what to do about it, the end of overeating and The CR way

I also just finished reading, feeling for bones and the best little girl in the world (random fact, I just noticed there is a whole video/movie based on this movie on youtube, when I googled the title to link the book here... I think I might have to take a look at it later) ... I do want to read Skinny ... But I guess I need a break from these books.. 

I had a talk to hubby today.. My weight has become a subject lately.. Or more, me losing weight, and then trying for another baby... Funny how there is a chance that things can go wrong cause of what I mentioned few posts ago (btw thank you so much for all your comments, e-mail, and thought on that matter.. It has really made things a tad easier to deal with.. I just hope that I get my docs appointment soon and can have it all overwith).... 

Anyways.. I hope you are all having a great weekend.. Oh and welcome to my new followers and thanks for your lovely comments.. Please, leave me the link to your blogs so I can follow you back.. 

New pages!

I am making a few new pages, these are pointers from the book "you can be thin". Feel free to have a look and use them. They are wonderful.

Ok, so here goes nothing..

London was great, I finally got me a proper haircut and had my eyebrows threaded. I also shopped for some new pairs of shoes and got me a very cute purse. We ended up paying an additional 96 GBP for the hotel :S Apparently the breakfast wasn't included.. I am 100% sure that I ordered the hotel WITH it.. but I guess not... So that really was a shock.. And a good bunch of money...
My bff and her husband met us there as well for the last two days and it was nice to meet her again. We ate ALOT... I have gained so much and I have reached yet another "this is my new fattest weight EVER" weight. So this is really about time to stop that and get back on track.
Before we left to London I read Marisa Peer's book "You can be thin" and since this morning I am following her plan. I will reread the book, and I will listen to the CD again every night. A lot of changes I am making are mental changes. They are about how I talk about my self. Talking down will make you believe that you are what you keep telling your self you are. I will not call my self for stuff again. Now when my bf tells me I am beautiful I wont argue back. I will listen and try to agree. I am not denying my self food, I am simply choosing not to eat some groups of food. I will focus on what I can eat and choose to eat them because those are what will make my body work better and for me, not against me. So flour and wheat is out cause that is not what is normal for my body to eat. It is like eating glue.. And it will be hard for my body to burn off. No added sugar.. I do not need sugar. No dairy products. Cows milk is full of that animals pus and hormons.. It was not ment for humans. Chocolate is basicly lard which will cover up my organs..
I will eat food that I can recognise, food that can be eaten raw if I want to. Food that can be portable. Fruits, veg, meat, egg, fish, seeds, nuts, lentils. What more can I ask for?
Choosing what is good for my body and eating what it can burn off and keeping it clean is what I am aiming for. No processed food. So I am going to choose me and what is best for me. I will also go to the gym because that is what I choose to do. I will choose things that are good for me and my body. On Monday I will also start couch to 5k running plan and I am really looking forward to that.

Are you an emotional impulsive binge/overeater??

If you are.. Then you are not alone. I have always been an emotional eater. I am THE eater. I eat when I'm sad.. I eat when I'm happy. I eat when I stress.. I eat to relax. I eat when I've got something to celebrate or when something is heavy on my heart. To round it up.. I always eat. I got the book "You can be thin" from Marisa Peer a few days ago. I don't know if you remember that I mentioned it in one of my earlier posts, but I got it few days ago, and started reading it yesterday. I have only read a few chapters but I have had so many "OMG I should have known that" moments.
I have always wondered why I eat the way I eat. And why I can not get rid of the weight. My diets have always failed cause I aim for the "I have to fix my eating" habits and not for the reason why I have the habits. And I am starting to understand why I always go to food for comfort.. It has been my safe zone.. When my step dad decided to use me as his personal play ground, the only thing I thought of was to eat, get fat, and thought that it would keep him off. For me food was what I used to keep me safe from the pain. From being used.. And that is what I keep doing. Every time I was to feel better, or every time I feel good, I want to share the feeling with my good and loyal friend.. Food... Now I understand why I feel so horrid and weak as soon as I stay away from it. I have made my self believe that food is what I need to feel safe.. What I need to feel good. And as long as I believe that, I wont be able to shed off the weight. This book is showing me how I should listen to my body and understand what I am feeling, instead of going for food as soon as I feel something.
I knew that what my step dad did to me fucked me up in many levels.. I knew that what my ex's made me feel made me unsure about how I look and feel. But I have never really thought about to what lever. I never thought that me calling my self for a fatty is making me believe that fatty is what I am. They say skinny people can't get fat cause their brain is programmed to stay skinny. And that fat people are programmed to be fat. This book is saying that, that is BS. We were all born to say no to too much food. We were born to stop eating when we are full. And that we were only born to eat when we were hungry. As a young kid we didn't eat when we got hurt, or felt happy. We used food as it was ment to be, not to fix or cover our feelings.
I am going to read this book, and then reread it and do the mental exercises- and then listen to the CD. And I have a feeling that this is going to be my way of finding the right way to shed the weight off, and keep it off. And hopefully on the way to that I will learn to deal with my feelings instead of feeding them.
If you like me, are an emotional binge/over eater... Read the book. If you are open to the changes you will understand why I am recommending it. And if you are going to, please let me know. I'd love to have someone take this journey with me.

Edit:
Came across this clip and it ttly makes me think of my Bf hehe.. Some times he makes me feel like a teen hehe