Not doing so well!

Ugh... Started this post several times- during several days and kept having to go away - so if everything doesn't make sense.. Sorry!

--------------------------------------

I am sort of not losing weight at all... I know it's only been a few days, but it has made me think of what is wrong.. So I did my weigh-in and took the pictures - I haven't taken measurements yet, but then again, this is the first time I have had some time since the last time I posted. Little mr. has been sick, and as soon as he got better I got what he got and I am still not feeling all too good.

I tracked a couple of days worth my eats on MFP, and I am doing OK with my calories, but I think there are 3 reasons to why I am not losing weight..

1: I barely get 5 hours a sleep a night
2: I don't keep my portion sizes since I don't get the chance to eat more than once or twice if I am lucky while hubby is at work
3: I eat too much carbs since it is the easiest thing to eat when you don't have much time to spend on food

I have been thinking about what I can do - and I think I should start planning my meals better. I was thinking about getting a whole bunch of veg when we do this weeks grocery shopping, and oven bake them all. And also precook some chicken filet and just make lunches for the whole week so I am set. That way I will skip the carb filled sandwiches. And I am also thinking about having some cereal for breakfast - I know it's carby, but I am so sick of sandwiches and tasteless oatmeal, and it goes fast.. I just need to find something to have it with since I don't drink milk...
I also need to get some fruit to fill up on - I have been so bad with it ever since the kid was born.. And the fact that hubby never ever eats fruit unless I force him doesn't help... Maybe I should get back making smoothies.. Hmm..

I think I really need to plan my eats better. It was so much easier while I was pregnant - now I don't have the time to eat until I feel really starved, and that's as you know when I usually overeat..

On the good note, I tossed all the leftover cookies and candies we had after Christmas.. I have kept one bar which wasn't open - but it is well hidden and out of reach. I have been covering my chocolate needs with low fat hot coco and it's working well.

I guess I should just finish this post before I have to go away again... I'll try to make a proper post soon..

<3


Edit:
Just remembered this thing I was ttly :S about.. I was watching the new season of Supersize vs superskinny online.. And there was this picture from this dude who had died because his inner organs were smooshed by his fat.. OMG!!!!!!! I didn't know it was possible :S

The days isn't the same without..

My day isn't really the same without you guys.. I was in pretty much a funk this morning- but then I saw the comment emails on my cellphone- and Ulla dear.. Your comment cheered me up. 

I am so glad that you are feeling better.. I have been really worried about you. Enjoy your time in France- and take good care of you. And don't be too hard on your little sis :) She only ment to do what she thinks is right. Des charges de l'amour <3 (Don't lough at my really poor French, I barely use it anymore)- and ya :P Lets not use meningitis to lose the pounds ^^ 

Yesterday went fine until dinner time. I had some of the food I made for my fiance which I shouldn't have. But even with that I am down 3.5 lbs. Most likely water weight.. I also am done with that time of the month- which means I weigh less. But I am not complaining. 

Last night was really bad. It's been a while since I felt this bad.. I cried for hours.. I have mentioned earlier that I gained loads of weight when I was very young to "protect" my self from my step dad.. That action has had other consequences on my body. I have stretch marks.. Not the ones normal people have on their tummy or ties - I have them on/around my shoulders. My girlfriends/ fiance tell me it doesn't look at horrid as I make it to be but ya.. What I see is what counts, right? 

So I looked into what you can do to cover them- I really hope to avoid wearing a bolero at the wedding since it will be really really warm.. I saw several articles where they recommend using mineral makeup to cover them. After work I went to several places to have a look at it- but none of the people working there knew anything about it.. Which made me feel even more down... I tried on my veil and without any coverage you are able to see the marks.. Look: 

Anyhow.. I had a really bad crash last night over it. I think I will read more about it- and actually one of the powders I tried did work OK.I just have to keep looking I guess.. Does anyone here know anything about these stuff?? So ya... I cried and cried.. And cried.. I have a tad of headache now. And I think it's most likely cause of that.. It makes me wonder though.. Is it "normal" to cry over looks? Apparently most people don't care.. I can't imagine not caring at all.. I mean.. I guess you guys know what I mean.. Don't you? 

Anyways I have thought more about the upcoming weeks. I have a plan for how I am going eat until the wedding. I have thought about the honeymoon. And I think that I will be eating "normal" while we are there. I will eat whatever he is having just less of it. We will be walking around in Rome and Barcelona so we will burn some calories. 

Princess Perfection wrote something in her last post that I have thought about many many times.. Never acted that way though...  She wrote : generally just living and eating as if I am already thin ...

That is what I will be doing while we are away. Think and eat like a skinny person.. 

I have also thought about how things need to be when we get back.. And every time I think about it, my first thought is that I need to get in shape again.. As hard as it is to believe before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgi and was in pain thinking it was my training I was doing really well with kick boxing. Back then I would be training a minimum of 3-4 hours a day. I didn't weigh in anywhere close to what my goal weight is- but I was really fit and pretty tiny.. I remember how much I loved being able to go to big sales and shop and shop cause most things looked good on me.. THAT is where I want to be again. I know I can not go back to kick boxing cause of my arms but I want to get back to that shape. Have you guys seen the super size vs super skinny episode with Amy Jo?? I LOVE her body.. She is just so perfect..

I think I will be following Rusty's visual impact for woman  .. I mean I already got the plan.. But will see.. Anyways I am off for now :) <3 

Edit: