Monday morning.. *yawn*

So I'm back to work.. And it is still vacation mode here. So it's not much to do. But there are a whole new bunch of people starting today. Our company is growing so there are a whole bunch of new employees here. Thinking about work :) I am officially an employee here. My trial contract was out a week ish ago. So this is great ^^

Anyways.. I keep getting AFK here.. Damn work getting in my way of blog time :P . But almost lunch time :)
I have a new plan about what my eating/training days will be like. So this is what I am thinking:

- During work day I will eat couple pieces of fruit where one will be a banana and couple of corn/rice cake. Drink green tea- coffee and water. - If we are going to the gym, I will have a protein shake after. If not then some low fat yoghurt or something similar that is low in calorie. - Work days aren't normally where my problems are.. It is dinner time I need to get a grab on. I am putting down a few rules for dinner time, and these are:

• If I have a "I am starving" day. I will start my meal with a green salad. 
• I will eat only one portion. If I am still hungry I can have an additional portion of veg as a second. 
• I will have my food served- I will use a blue one since so many say it will keep the appetite down, and well blue is pretty.
• I will make my portion on the kitchen counter and not serve all the food on the table. ( For me it's easier to overeat if I everything is just there).. 
• I will only eat oven baked/ grilled/ steamed or cooked food. No frying ( We don't fry our food that often, but still)

- I am aiming to keep my daily calories no more than 1200. But I will be going on a weekly amount of calorie and not daily. I want to be able to work around it for dinners out. So a weekly amount of 8400 per week.
- I will also write down everything I eat in the old fashion way- and punch it in my counter in the end of the day. Most of the times I tend to overeat if I have room in my calorie budget. So I think maybe it's better to calculate it all in the end of the day to prevent that..
- I also am going to only weigh in twice a week. I have put Mondays and Thursdays for that. Once a week is too little for me, I would just ignore. But twice a week should be doable. I didn't get on the scale this morning,  so this week it will be Tuesday and Thursday. - Tonight I am going to take out the measuring tape- and measure up stuff. I am going to keep the numbers and redo it once a month. I think sometimes the scale can be harsher, so I guess it is something to look at when the scale is telling me my work isn't giving results.

Talking about "my work"- I am also aiming to get my butt to the gym 3 times a week. I am not going to aim for too much cause it means I can fail on it. At the gym I want to focus on cardio and light weight training. I also am going to use the couch to 5k to warm up or to finish up or instead of other cardio machines. I don't know how to work it in yet- but it will be there.. I really want to start running. It is one of my "can't do" things.. So I really really want to do it. There is a plan for it for those who want to do it on the treadmill. So it should be doable. I don't really see that much difference in the "normal" and the treadmill version of it.. I have the app on my cellphone so that makes everything much easier.

I am also going to get better on getting in a session on our WiiFitPlus.. We haven't used it yet since we bought it right before the wedding. So tonight I am going to put up the settings and fix it to my numbers. I aim to use it on the  days we don't get to the gym OR maybe I will even try to get up earlier in the mornings and do a before work yoga or something :) I don't know. One step at the time is what I aim for.

Hum... I think that is it for now. Eating less and get moving. That is the most sane way of doing it, isn't it?

As in for more pictures- here are a couple from the church and so on and one from our honeymoon, I will have to revome them before we go to Germany. :)

Edit: Pictures removed

Gotta get off here.. Kaos at work hehe..

<3

No running today..

My BF is really sick. He has been on and off sick since the day before London.. Now he is running a really high fever. So after work I just went home. Made him something to eat. I am kind of bummed not getting to hit the gym since I had made up my mind, but there is 3 day in the couch 2 5k plan and 7 days in the week. So I am not going to go mental over it. I have done good with the modifast today. From tomorrow I will do it more like this:
Pudding for breakfast (220) , soup for lunch(210), shake for snack(220), and soup for dinner (210). That makes the total intake 860 Calories. Anyways off again.. Laters :)

THE talk!

Today is going to be very very very quite at work. I work for an email marketing Co. Living in Sweden my main customers are from Norway. Today is a Norwegian holiday- while it's a normal work day here in Sweden. Which means I will have NOTHING to do. So most of the day will be going to streaming, blogging and so on. Can't complain.. But ya.. It will be boring.

Anywho.. Last night my BF and I had this long talk. I told him how much I have gained since we got together.. It is insane.. I have gained 33 lbs since I met my BF. And I don't want to blame him, but I eat A LOT more when I am with him. Mostly because I feel like I HAVE TO feed him. And that I have to eat with him, and every time I try to lay off. He goes all emo on me saying I should eat.. Our sex life has been decreasing as time goes, and well those 33 lbs are one of the main reasons why. I told him how sick I feel when I see my self. How I feel when I try to shop.. I love to shop.. I love cloths.. Fashion.. I LOVE shoes.. I can barely wear any of my high heels cause I weigh too much. What is the point of owning like 50 pairs of heels and only wear jogs?

Anyways. We talked and I explained. And he listened. He understand that I shouldn't weigh more than 125 lbs to have a healthy BMI, and that my goal of 110 is actually good for my body. That if he loves me, and wants me to be happy he needs to stop asking me to eat all the time, and give up to my cravings. That he HAS to stop surprising me with chocolate ice cream and coockies cause I have a bad day at work. You know he is very sweet and the thought behind it is very sweet. That would be ok if I wasn't twice as big as I should be.  And we came to this agreement. He is now going to make his own meals. I mean he is pro athlete, he has been competing in national team levels. He knows how to feed him self. And stop pushing me to eat. No more "sweet surprises" and no more supporting the cravings. So now I can do whatever I want. Eat whenever I want without having the constant guilty feeling.

I have this co worker that is going to undergo gastro surgery  soon and he has been drinking these "modifast" shakes/soups. They give you around 800-900 calories, depending on what flavour you choose. Now he is really big, but the first he went on them, he was on it for like 3 months and he lost around 80 lbs. Anyways the normal VLCD shakes didn't work for me. Eating around 500 calories really messed up my head. Specially since the shakes tasted so horrid that I was skipping a bunch of them and ended up with like 100-200 calories a day. I went down around 30 pounds in two weeks and then gained it right back and some more right as soon as I fell off the wagon. Anyways seeing that he manages it ( I think he weighs around 500+ lbs) has giving me the push, and modifast is a VLC diet. 800-900 calories isn't that little. I mean reaching my GW I don't need more than 1200 calories so I don't think it's that drastic. And if he can, can I!

So I just went down to the pharmacy that is next to my office and got me a box of the shake, and soup. I will order more from their web site since its much cheaper. And I had the "bfast shake" for like 45 mins ago.
Anywho here is how the Modifast plan will look like:


Breakfast around 0800-0830. Coffee flavoured shake
Lunch around 1200: Either a soup or a shake.
Snack around 1630: Banana shake or a pudding.
Dinner around 1900-1930: Soup or shake depending on the weather.

According to the site you can have one whole or half a shake on the gym days. You could also have fruit if you prefer that. You could also have something with loads of protein in it if you have been doing heavy training. So the smart and fit protein shakes are also a good choice. In addition I have to drink a minimum of 2,5 l of water. I like water and I drink around 1,5-2 l water a day normally, so that wont be such a big problem. I don't know how long I will go on it. They say you shouldn't go on it for more than 3-4 weeks without having a talk with your doctor. I am an appointment with a doctor next Monday, so I will talk to her about it then. With the insanely hight BMI that I have I don't think it will be an issue. The wedding is 7 weeks away, and it will be the honeymoon break from the diet then. Until then I will take one step and day at time.

Today sure is a day for new changes. I have been talking about starting the Couch to 5k program, and I am getting on it today. 3 days a week is a sensible start and I don't want to bite over too much. I have to get in some light weight training for the arms cause of the fibromylagia but that is something that wont be an issue since that is just something I have to do. I also downloaded (Yes I am a horrid person) the P90x Yoga x video and I want to do it during once during the weekend. I think it will do me good.

Oh btw :P This shake/water intake is making me pee like every 30 mins.. The toilets are all the way on the other side of the office- so I have to pass EVERYONE before I get to it lol.. A tiny tad embarrassing, but you  gotta do, what you gotta do lol..

Wish me luck.. Yet again.. I really don't want to be huge. I want to be able to shop freely.. Wear my high heels.. Feel light and tiny.. I remember how it felt.. But it's been years since I felt it..

Back to the gym..

Today has been Ok so far. Most of the family stuff is done. His dad is comming over for dinner, and his little brother is still here after the family brunch. The brunch went Ok. I think his gran is too sick to bother with the comments..
Tomorrow we are getting back to the gym. The idea is that I hit the gym after work and that he will join me when he gets there (he has a 20 min drive from his work). I have to plan our dinner so I don't overeat after the gym.
Haven't been to the gym for around 3 weeks (eeeek) so this will hurt. I am going to try to do the couch to 5k on the treadmill.. The treadmills scare the shit out of me heheh but I am going to try anyways. The weather outside is either too humid or too hot or rainy lately, so I think it's a good idea to start there.
Anyways. Still no period.. But I am putting the baby freaking thoughts out of my head..If it happenes we will just deal with it. The timing may not be the best, but it is what it is.. and for all I know.. I just might be sick all the time cause of Marisa Peers book and the period is late cause I have alot of stuff on my mind..
Foodwise I am all over the place. I need to stop and just say no and basicly get my shit together.. Stop whining and act instead. Tbh I don't think anything will work for me as long as I don't take charge and actually start saying no.. No matter how many diet or shit I try.. It wont happen until I just go for it. Going for it for only few days and then nvm it has the freaking yoyo effect, which is probably why my weight keeps going up and up as soon as it goes a little bit down. The fact that I haven't been going to the gym isn't helping either.

I think the only way to stop this mental war is just to stop trying diet on diet. Do a proper lifestyle change. And just stop being such a whiney lazy bum and just do it.. I don't understand why I can't do it in this aspect of my life.. I have always worked on what I want and most of the times I get it. It might take time, but I get it.. Why can't I just get a hold of the stupid eating habbits??

Anyways I'm gonna go get dinner on and try to socialize with his little bro.. Hope you guys are  having a good weekend.

Run forrest run!

My friend Pete poked me today and started talking about running. And he showed me this site.. Kind of funny, cause I just read about it on another blog but anyways. He wanted to start doing it and I told him I could be his running pal..
We aren't going to do the actuall running together since I live in Sweden and he lives in England but more of the mental motivation part where we pick up each other and can talk to about it. The plan is actually perfect for my lunch breaks so I will start on it tomorrow ...