Trigger warning

Please don't read cause if you are on this page you probably have a bunch of the same issues that I have.. I just need to put down the convo in my brain so I can breath...

You are a huge whale
I'm a good mother
Your kid will be teased cause you are a fat hog
He loves me
You are so fucked up that one day C. will wake up and leave you
I am trying to lose weight
You fail.. You always fail.. You never seem anything through
I am getting help
You can not be helped
Maybe it is time for me to up my meds
Maybe it is time for you to cut off a limb or so.. That's one way of losing weight.. 
He needs me
You can't run and play with him
I want more kids
More kids to watch you blow up?
I need to get rid of the food in me..
You stopped purging you fail fuck.. 
I want to be thin..
You will NEVER be thin..
You will NEVER look good..
You will NEVER be able to shop in a normal clothing store..
You are waste of space.. Waste of money.. 
I need to lose weight..
Go eat until you die..
I want to exercise..
I will call the neighbors letting them know an elephant will be jumping around.. 
I fail at everything
I will never be thin
Nothing I do is good enough
I never see anything through
I will never look good
I don't need help, I need to stop eating and get rid of this fat
I can live off this fat for months
You are not strong enough to stop eating
You are not strong enough to get thin
When you die they will need a casket big enough to fit 4 people
My son loves me
He doesn't know any better

I just want to be thin........................................................................................................


  1. I'm sorry you are struggling! It's always hard to want something wih all your heart but see your body not putting in that same effort. Sometimes I find my hand in the candy jar, even though my brain screams NO!! if you are able to tak a step back and view your life from the outside, can you tell where you get tripped up? For instance so you start the week of great but then always head to McDonalds on Wenesday for dinner? Maybe if you can find a pattern you can come up with a solution to break it.
    What I'm working on right now is my night time munching. If I get home before 7:30, I eat and eat and eat. I'm trying to either stay at work later, go to the gym, clear out any excess food from my house, or a combo of all 3. Not sure if this is helpful... Keep your chin up!

  2. Jag är på samma nivå just nu. Det är därför jag tar ett break från min blogg. Jag orkar bara inte.

  3. You are a beautiful, kind, caring person who is full of worth. You are an amazing mother to your son. You are strong, and can get through this with him as your motivation. I love you!

  4. Aww sweetie :( I'm sorry you're struggling so bad right now but I can relate. You are a good person, you are good enough, and you don't deserve so much pain. I wish I had some magic words to make things better. Just know I'm keeping you in my thoughts. Lots of love and hugs <3 xx

  5. You are an amazing person Kitty
    Our eds spend all their time telling is how worthless we are
    And we listen and believe it
    But it's all lies
    Lies, lies, lies!

    Take care my lovely x

  6. We are meanest to ourselves. You would never said such hurtful things to anyone else yet we are able to say these horrible things to ourselves.
    Now that you wrote that out why don't you answer yourself back, how you would if a friend said this about themselves?