A more proper update!

I have had a rough night.. I had a hard time breathing and the coughing kept me awake.. And when I finally got to sleep again it was around 06:30.. I woke up from our neighbours renovation...Who the hell starts working at 08:30 in the morning without giving a proper neighbour notification?? 

Anywho... I am very tired, but am feeling a little better today, so I thought I would make a more proper post and try to give some asnwers to the questions I haven't replied to yet. 

I can start with the day of ultrasound.. It was one of the wackiest, weirdest things I have EVER seen.. I thought the baby would look a little more "alian" if you know what I mean.. But no.. It was this little tiny person.. Who had hiccups lol.. So this little tiny person was jumping around in my tummy.. Who knew that a baby can have hiccups in the woom??? I didn't ^^

After we got to see the baby and were out of the room, my hubby was all "lets go and sit down a bit" .. And I was all "no I'm Ok, lets just go to the car" and he said: "I wasn't thinking of you - I really need to sit down" lol.. And yes.. When we did.. My wonderful, emotional hubby was crying for .. erm I dunno ^^ 15 mins lol.. I think it was the first time the baby actually felt real to him.. I have been feeling the baby move and being sick and so on has made it real for me - but for him.. I think that was the moment hehe.. I must say, him being all emotional is one of the reasons why I love him ^^ 

When we were at the ultrasound, they also found out that I am not as far as they thought.. They thought I was in week 19 - but it showed that it was only week 17.. So the baby was too tiny to have a full check-up.. And we are going back again this Sunday to have him fully checked. They said from what they could see everything looks good, they just want to be sure, since he was too tiny for them to be able to see everything.. I am really looking forward to see him again.. My little tiny weird boy ^^ 

The trip to Oslo was also kind of baby related.. My friend had her baby girl last Wednesday.. So we decided to take a trip to meet the little girl, and to pick up the stroller. We also got to meet up with my cousins who were in Oslo for a small trip.. They live in Dubai and we hadn't seen them since the wedding, so it was good to have some time with them.. But OMG.. I had forgotten how insanely expencive Oslo is.. A day with my little cousins where we hit the movies and had dinner ended up costing us around 350 US dollars... Which I really think is insane.. We didn't even have anything fancy, just pizza... 

So if you guys ever hit the nordics.. Remember.. Oslo is probably the most expencive city you will EVER come across.. So bring shit loads of cash lol ^^

What else.. Ah yes.. Linny asked if I was thinking about breastfeeding.. And yes I am.. If there is enough to feed the baby and have him content.. I want to breast feed him the first 6 months.. After that when it's time to introduce more "real" food - I think it will also be time to stop breast feeding too.. 

I have seen and read articles about these mothers who breastfed the kids until they are 3-4 years, and in the most extreme 10.. And it really freaks me out.. So yes.. I think 6 months is enough.. 

Anywho.. I am going to end this post for now since I am starting to feel sort of woozy lol.. Stupid cold.. ^^

Thank you so much for all your comments and support.. I am very blessed to have you girls around.. 



Quick update..

Hay all..

Just wanted to drop by to say that I'm alive.. Ish..
My friend had her baby girl so we decided to take a trip to Oslo, and I have been sick since our second day there. We are home now - and I am yet again taking some sick days at home..

I sort of had no choice since I am coughing my guts out and I have no voice... Who the fuck knew coughing could hurt this much :S And the wonderful side of it all is that they can't give me any medication for it but normal asprins couse I'm pregnant... *sigh*


Gonna try to catch up on your blogs.. I think I have a couple of weeks worth of reading to do hehe - and I promise I will make a proper update post soon :)



Oh boy, oh boy!

It's a boy!!!!

Had my ultrasound today :) And it showed that I am in week 17 and not 19 as they had calculated. So I have to have another one again in 14 days so can double check everything - but she said that from what she could see everything was fine :)

Annnnd she could see very very clear that it was a little boy :) (I couldn't see that it was a boy to save my life - but she could see it right away - so I guess it's pretty safe to say that it is a little boy ^^)

Anywho :) I thought I would let you know ^^



Thinking ahead..

Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I love planning. I love thinking ahead and plan ect.. I often suck at following the plans - but still...

You also might remember that this pregnancy wasn't really planned and that I wanted to lose some more weight we went for it.. Now that it has happened and I am really looking forward to it.. I am also thinking about the time after the baby is born.

I am aware of the fact that having a new born baby will be hard and it will take a whole lot of time and energy - and some of you might even think "oh you didn't put the time into it before why would you do it with a baby around" .. But still..

I am due to have the baby some time in November (will know a more exact date on Monday after the ultrasound) - and I am not planning on doing anything until the new years.. I was thinking that first of my body will need the time to adjust to not being pregnant - and I think it will take some time for us to get used to having the baby there - and Christmas is right around the corner then, and I really don't want to plan to fail.. So I think the smartest option would be to wait until the new year and then go for it.

What I am thinking to do is pretty simple. Since I am getting a better grip of eating and listening to my body - I am going to put away calorie counting. I might do some it some day to have an idea about how much I'm eating - but my main focus will be portion control and to go for what my body asks, AKA eat when being hungry - stop when feeling full.. Thinking about why I want to eat the things I crave before actually having it...   And last and not least.. There wont be any forbidden foods.. This time around everything is allowed within limits.. I always enter the binge mode as soon as I put up a list of "forbidden" foods.. I guess it's normal though.. We want what we can't have right? - And I will keep my food journal of when and what I eat.. It really helps staying aware of the eats without having the insane number stress..

As far as exercise goes - I have a whole bunch of DVD's at home that I am going to put into use.. Lets see - I have a yoga box , a pilates box, Jillian Micheals box1 and box 2.. I am not sure if the pilates box is the right one - but you get the idea.. So I thought that since I will be off work for parental leave, which will last around a year I don't have to worry about getting a sitter - and I can do some of these while the baby is sleep ect. And there will be a bunch of walking cause the baby will need the fresh air and it will be good for us both to get out of the house..

I think one of my problems during this whole weight loss progress , which mostly has been ending up in a gain has been that I have been making it too complicated and I have been putting up unreal goals.. I think I am finally learning that I need to stop comparing my self to others and their progress.. It has taken me almost 30 years to get to this weight.. It wont disappear in a couple of months.. I want to put up my goals of 10 lbs/5kg at the time and go from there..

All small changes - small goal will end up in big amazing results , wont it? :)

Anyways.. I am going to end this wall of text.. I just needed to write down some thoughts..

Wish you all a great weekend!


PS: Thanks for your lovely comments and welcome to new followers :)


Need some changes..

Ever since I got pregnant I have been letting my self go.. Not with food and stuff - but I have been more of a slack than anything else.. I am so freaking tired all the time - so I have been sleeping in the extra 30 mins than getting up and fix my hair and put on some make up for work... I keep avoiding the mirror cause it screams "tired" every time I look at it.. I really need to do something soon.. I need to get a manicure.. and have my eyebrows threaded..

And I really need to find some new cloths.. I have been wearing whatever that feels comfy, which means I have been wearing a whole lot of yoga pants - tights - hoods ect.. And none of my shoes are comfy since my feet get  the same size as big foots feet by the end of work day ... *sigh*

To top it all - the lack of sun the last couple of weeks have put me off my plan to get some colour on me, so I am even more pale than I thought was ever possible.. I don't dare to use any tanning creams or anything like that either - cause I don't want to breath in or have anything harm the baby...

The "wonderful" hormones are making my hair unmanageable and I have been wearing a ponytail for weeks.. Which again hasn't been the best look since nothing stays in place even with the ponytail... So I am going to get some shopping done - and make some appointments to look more human.. I need to keep reminding my self that I should take care of my looks no matter what, cause it really effects my mood..

Over to something else.. We have bought some more baby stuff.. We have bought a .. I think it's called carrier bag in English.. It was on sale so we only paid half price for it :)

We also bought a crib and a mattress for the crib. It's from Ikea and we need it to put it together .. Her is a picture of the crib ..  I wanted a white crib to keep it neutral.. 

And we are going to buy off the stroller from my friend. She is expecting another baby in matter of couple weeks and the stroller she bought for her son is only a bit over a year old and barely been used and it is the same model I was thinking about getting for ours. She is going to sell it to us for half of the price she bought it for which saves us a bunch.. I never thought I would consider something used - but I have known her for around 10 years and she is the only one I could consider buying something like this from.. The stroller is going to be in forest green and it has a carrier bag for the first 6 months and can be swapped into a sitting part when the baby is older. Here is a picture of it:

We still have a whole lot to buy and the baby room is still my hubby's gaming centre but I guess I am already "nesting" .. That's the word isn't it? hehe

Anyway.. I should end this wall of text and try to do some work..

Take good care..



Will it ever end?

I'm so sick and tired of numbers ruling my life.. Before the pregnancy it was to get it lower - now (and you will probably hate me for this) I am worried that I'm not gaining enough. There is still couple of weeks left until the ultra sound and I am starting to wonder.. What if there is something wrong with the baby and that is why I am not gaining weight..

I mean.. I am actually a couple of lbs less than I was the last time I talked about the weight.. Is it normal? Should I be worried? - Where does the baby get the nutrient if I am not eating enough? ...
I really feel like I am though.. I am watching what I eat - and how much I eat - and sometimes it feels like I am eating something ALL the time.. So where the fuck does the weight go? - And I am so conflicted.. On one hand I am so happy that I'm not gaining weight.. On the other.. I am really worried..

Could it be that something is wrong? 

Maybe I should talk to that midwife/nurse/what her name is.. And sometimes - I think that I am probably just thinking too much about it.. and there is still around 5 months left of this pregnancy.. Maybe I should just wait and see how everything is at the ultrasound..

And as if I don't have enough to think about - I am so fucking sick of people commenting on my eating habits.. I have already flipped out once at work.. And I just can't take another "friendly" advice.. Where they keep telling me that I am not eating enough.. Cause I know that I am.. I just eat smaller portions to avoid getting sick - but I am freaking eating ALL the time.. I am eating 4-7 times a day counting the snacks and stuff.. How can it not be enough.. It could be one of the reasons why I am so worried about the weight gain.. I dunno.... *sigh*

Ok.. Lets change the subject.. This isn't good for me...

I have bought baby's first outfits :) They aren't in the newborn size but one month - cause I have a feeling that the kid will probably get a bunch of newborn gifts and since it will be growing fast that its better something that it can fit into after a few small weeks :) They are from Next and I just love them ^^

Cute.. Right? ^^ They have so many cute baby stuff and the prices are insane lol.. I do wonder how they decide the prices on this things.. I mean they are tiny.. I should probably take a trip to London and do my baby clothing shopping there, cause I am sure we can save a whole bunch there.

Over to something else.. Did I mention that I had my therapy session a couple of weeks ago? ... I don't think I have.. I did decide that I am not going back though.. I was supposed to have my second session yesterday and I called it off.. You are probably wondering why I did it.. And well.. It is because after I told her some about my past and such.. She said my food issues (aka the binging and purging) - was normal... She actually used the word normal.. How could she? I am sane enough right now to know that it is not normal.. And that it never was.. The other reason was that she kept wanting me to talk about the sexual abuse and really.. I didn't go there to dig up things that I have put behind me.. I wanted to be guided about how to handle the emotions that I am going through now.. And if all she could offer was to have me talk about my childhood - and telling me how my destructive behaviours were normal.. Well.. It wasn't something I wanted to spend time on..

You guys understand what I mean - don't you?

I have thought and talked about my past enough to understand how it is effecting me - and why I react to things the way I do.. I dunno... It didn't feel right.. It made me more depressed - and that is not what I need right now.. I did however had a talk with my uncle.. This uncle of mine lives in Dubai and he is a pastor.. He is one of my relatives who have always been in-touch with no matter what state my life has been at - and he is the one who walked me down the isle on my wedding.. He said something that really made me feel better.. I have heard some of it before - but never in the way he put it..

In his words, he said that I was very strong.. That I had gotten through everything without any help from any one - and that even though life could have been easier if I had taken some help from people I trusted - it is something I had to go through to get where I am now. And that what I should remember from my past is that  nothing is impossible.. That no matter how hard things get - I can raise above it.. But now..
Now I have my own family.. I have a husband who love the ground I walk on - and a baby on the way.. And my focus should be in finding happiness in the family I have now - and not focus on what I didn't have before..

Makes sense doesn't it? ..

Ah well.. I should end this wall of text..
I want to say sorry for being so much awol lately.. I read most of your blogs and try to comment when I have something to say.. Which isn't that often lately...