Starting tomorrow I am going to go on LCHF diet. I am planning on staying on it until end of this year, and then see where to go from there.  I have tried Atkins before but it didn't work well for me cause I just didn't know what to eat, and as we all know a not properly planed diet is a diet you will fail on..

I've changed my goals on MFP, and it is now set to 1500 calories, 5% carbs, 25% protein and 70% fat. I know for sure that I will have a hard time upping my fat intake - but I guess this means I need to start buying "real" food instead of all the low fat stuff I normally go for. They haven't worked for me so far - so how good can they be for me anyways?

I will now be posting more pictures on the "food" blog, but I think there will be a whole lot of eggs in my upcoming future!


Around the corner...

Today my son turned 11 months!!! My time flies... He is changing so much.. So fast.. He will be walking by him self any day now... And before I have had time to blink an eye, it's January and time for him to start kindergarten...

I am dreading that day.. Dreading the day he will start doing something new and I am not there to witness it.. Dreading being away from him... I have loved before.. I love my husband.. But the love I feel for him can not be compared to anything else. I love him so much that sometimes my heard aches.. Does it make sense??
Hubby and I are talking about maybe trying for another baby next year.. Well end of next year.. But I can not imagine how it would be to have another tiny person to love. Ah well.. I guess that is something I will have to wait and see..

Him going to kindergarten means that it is time for me to go back to work.. I have told my job that I will be back January 6th.. The plan is to start part time to so that my son doesn't get stuck with day care while he is still so young. When I started my job, we were a team of 12.. All guys and me.. Couple of months before I left on maternity leave we had another girl join us.. I wasn't worried really, she being all nice and all, was 38 years old, a tad chubby and not as close as I was with the guys.. Now there are a whole bunch of new people in my team.. Including 3 new girls... This worries me...

Before I left on my maternity leave, my manager and I had a very close relationship.. I was the one taking over every time he was gone. My team mates trusted me and talked to me when something was off and I was the one taking it up with our manager.. The one who would "sweet talk" him and get things the team wanted.. We were actually mistaken for a couple by a new co-worker of ours..

When I go back.. I have been gone for 14 months.. And before that I was barely at work.. All these new people.. All the changes that have been made while I was gone worries me.. What if that connection I had with my team, with my manager is gone?? .. What if I am so much out of it that I mess up more than I do good?? Ugh...

Anyways.. In all of this mess I know one thing.. And that is that I will not be returning to work at the size and weight I am now... I know I will not be anywhere close normal weight, but I will be smaller than now.. I have not been under 100 kg since a month or so after I moved to Sweden (sadly enough around the time I started this blog), and I aim to be under 100 kg by the time I am going back to work..

I started working on this goal a couple of days ago, and have lost a couple of pounds, but we all know a couple of days in not a routine! My usual pattern is to be good a couple of days and then just jump of the wagon.. Now I just need to stick to it..


Sometimes I feel so stupid.. 80% of my thoughts goes to my weight, eats, and everything that has to do with weight loss.. While there are people dying, starving everyday..

Lately I have been thinking about how many people could have been fed with all the food I have binged on.. All the food that I just ate to purge... Or all the "diet" food I have bought and then tossed away.. All the food I in name of weight loss have let go bad and not eaten, just to replace it with junk..

I know it's not how things go, but I also know that I should have more respect for food.. For the life and blessings I have been given. Have you ever thought of how we treat food? We slaughter animals, bare mother earth and then process the hell out of it before we fry it and eat it so we can die just a little more inside..

I think if I as a person had more respect for food, where it comes from, how it's made before I put it in my body, I would be so much better off. I would be eating clean, my body would take the nutrients it needs from the food I give it.. Maybe I wouldn't then be in so much pain.. And I know for sure that I wouldn't be morbidly obese..

Imagine how different things would have been if we spend all the time and energy on hating our bodies, on taking care of it... I bet we could have achieved a whole lot more with our lives if we stopped... I know I would..

Anyways.. All this said, I think I am going to make it a new goal.

  • To respect food and where it comes from
  • Respect my body and make peace with it
  • Stop hating everything about me and try to learn and like (and maybe even love) all my flaws
Maybe.. Just maybe, when I treat my self kindly and with respect, my body will restore it self... Wouldn't that be nice???



This post is mostly for me getting my thoughts on "paper" - so feel free to ignore it if you wanna.


Right after waking up - Drink a large glass of water, and take a dose of vitamin mineral pill.
Breakfast - Smoothie (Recipes from this book with subs to fit local food) + Green tea
Lunch - Salad made of quiona, edame beans, avocado, mix lettuce, nuts/seeds, beans/peas/lentils, veg
Snack - Fruit, hard-boiled egg-whites, coffee
Dinner - half a portions of whatever I am making for my family topped with extra salad/veggies
Snack - Tea, 10 gram piece of dark chocolate


30 mins of w/e that gets heart-rate up

My goal is to add 5 mins each week until I reach 60 mins, and then add 5 mins every other week until I reach 120 mins.


I was messing around with my MFP account and just realized for me to be able to reach my GW I need to lose more than half of my current body weight...

I'm still in shock... I dunno why I'm shocked, but I just can't get over it...


I am hitting yet another round of depression... An as result I am hating everything about my body... 
My not pale and not tan skin.. What is this color... 
My fat thighs.. If I read another wanna be healthy post on tumblr where they say it's sexy to have fat thighs I am going to go insane.. Get a fucking grip people - fat thighs that rub off the fabric between them, that never stop touching.. They are disgusting..
Double chin... Fuck you deeply... If we were ment to have it it wouldn't be named chin to begin with... 
Body hair... You would think fucking evolution with fix that... But  no.. Not if you are me... 
Huge upper arms... When you try on an EU size 52 and your arms don't fit cause the fabric is not stretchy .... 
Fat fingers... My wedding ring doesn't fit anymore.. And let's not forget that I was huge even then....
Fat feet... My fucking shoes I got in London couple of years ago don't fit properly cause even my feet are fat and look like a tub of lard... 
Let not forget back fat... It sure is sexy to see rolls of fat under your sweater regardless how big it is... NOT....

Today's intake is half a cup of coffee... FML... 


Another reminder of why I should make time to eat a proper breakfast....


I think I have consumed 100000000000 calories today .. I just can't stop... 

FML.. I hate days like this ... 


I was supposed to have my surgery tomorrow.. But I got my period.. And they can not do anything while you are on it.. So I had to cancel..
They put me on a list so if anyone else cancels they will call me and I get to have it done, else I'll have to wait until mid November..
So frustrated..
Lately it feels like my body is just working against me.. Like this.. My period was almost a week late.. Probably due to stress, but still... *sigh*

Doctor hunk sent me a letter along with a note to pick up some D-drops from pharmacy.. Apparently my D-levels were really low.. I don't understand how it could be cause I have been out and about whenever it's been sunny... But yeah.. The lady at the pharmacy told me I couldn't take the D-vitamin pills cause they only have like 400 points, while the drops doctor hunk wants me to take have 20000 points.. She also was "so I guess you got it bad" lol

I guess this explains why I have been so tired and out of energy - and the extra pain I have been having. The doctors note said he hoped when my D-levels are better he hopes for me to have less pain.. So we will see how it works..

I have been taking the drops for a couple of days and I actually feel a tad less tired. So I guess that's good.

Sammy : I will post pictures from the meals :) I should have done it last week, I have no idea why I haven't, but I will do it starting today!

The meals are working well for us. It's just so good to not to have to think about why we are going to have for dinner more than twice a week.. The only problem is that even though they say that the recipes are between 500-700 calories, most of the dishes have like 600-700 calories.. And they are huge portions.. I have decided to half the portion and save half for lunch the day after, and just add some more veggies or salads to what they have planned. This means I can cross another meal off my brain! So now it's just breakfast and snack to worry about and that I can handle..

A few of you guys told me to pre-cook eggs and have that for breakfast.. The idea is good, but I just gag from the thought of cold pre-cooked eggs.. I did try it once a while ago, having the egg whites for lunch, but the smell just makes me ill... So that's a no go for me. I will however try to hard boil eggs and have it when ever hubby is home and can take over the kid in the mornings. I do love eggs - I just don't cope well with the smell..

Anywho, I'm going to be off now, hubby has taken my son out and it is the first day in ages where I am having some alone time, which was needed..

Take care ladies