Been a while!

I know I have rarely been on blogger.. I do miss you guys, and I do check in to get updated on your blogs (even though I am kind of behind)..

I have been busy, and I am glad to say that it has been really good! My new therapist was probably just what I needed.. She and I clicked, and my whole state of mind has changed a whole lot. I actually have my last session with her this Thursday.. And I have been off my anti-deps for 2-3 months now.

I did gain almost all of the baby weight back again but I really don't care right now. I am improving, and the weight is coming off. I got me this LCHF/nutritionist who made me see all the mistakes I was making on keto and ever since things have been good.

I have so much energy, and it helps keeping my mood steady. I have also started working out. I am only using the elliptical I bought before I got pregnant, but I have gone from barely being able to do a couple of mins, to do 3 full intervals (about 20-24 mins) and I couldn't be prouder of my self :) And ladies get this: My body fat percent has gone from around 59% to 47%!!!

I also turned 33 around 3 weeks ago :) Seems like I am finally getting hang of this.. you know.. Life.. in my 30's :)

Anyways I just wanted to check-in and say that I am still alive..



I'm still alive..
Life has been busy.. But I am here.. I do read blogs, and I do try to comment but I have always been suckey at that and you know it..

I am however way more often on Instagram.. If you want to feel free to follow me there (it is mostly food pics lol) - anywho, my username there is sheslosingit82


I have gained tons of weight, a wooping 11lbs, but I am back on track and am working it off again.. I'm also seeing a new therapist again cause my depression was taking over my life.. again... 


Our home! (Finally some pictures)

So we have been living in our new home for.. hmm.. 6 months ish?? - And I know I promised I would post pictures, and I have been waiting for the right moment to take them, but lets face it, with 2 kids under the age of 3 our house is just a huge playground. It is messy, full of toys but it is our home. I still haven't had the time to put up pictures ect, but here it goes :)

So first ... This is how the place looked like when we bought it:

This is our home now:

The view from one of our windows, you see the bridge? It's the one that connects Sweden to Denmark :) 

Living room!


Guest WC!



My oldest's bedroom!

Baby's room!

Our bedroom!


So as you see we redid everything :) I am not happy with the woodwork, they did a really bad job on the door-frames, and the wood floor in the hallway and the kitchen.. But it is what it is.
I still have to hang up pictures, and we haven't done much to the balcony ex. from fixing the floors.. We are planning on buying a love seat to have out there.

I haven't decorated the baby's room either.. As you saw his COT is still in our room, so he sleeps with us. I will move him to his own room around end of next month, so for now, his room is just more like a changing/storage room.

The walk in closet in the hallway was such a huge mess that I spared you the picture of it ^^

I really do like our home, I wish the woodwork had been proper, and the bathroom is really really small, but other than that we like it and it is going to be our home for the next 2-4 years.


Been a while..

Gosh, time flies by and I know I have been a horrid blogger...
I just haven't been able to get my self to write cause I have been so disappointed in my self. I have been going back and forth between eating "normal" and LCHF, and those combos just don't work. I have gained around 6lbs and I am not going to let it get out of hand again.

This weekend we had my bff and her family here.. It has been an emotional ride because of her daughter. She is the one with brain cancer and it has just been horrible to see the little angel become a shadow of her former self. Meal times were just a war, cause she is barely able to eat. She got a tube put in through her nose, and they are waiting for the operation to put a button through her belly so she doesn't have to go around with the tube in her nose. I could go on and on about how it was but yeah..

Anywho.. So we took the time to go out, just the two of us and we talked about, well everything. One being my frustration over not being able to decide what to do. You know like which diet to follow ect.. As you know I am one of those diet hoppers.. I keep getting on a off this and that wagon and it needs to stop..

A few years ago, my friend lost around 30kg, which is around 66lbs following a low calorie diet and add 3 days of workout to it. And she was like, you have to remember no matter what you do, it is calories in, calories out. And I think each one of you can agree to that. It doesn't matter how low carb you go, you can even go vegan.. But if you keep binge eating, you will not lose weight.

That is me you know.. Always the binge eater..

That said, I am going to start restricting my calories.. I am going to ignore macros and just focus on the calories. My goal will be 1200 - 1500 calories a day. No food is off limit.. There will be no "cheat days". Just plain counting the calories. I am just so tired of being confused over what I should be doing, so I think this is the best way to go.

I hope everyone is doing fine, and I promise to catch up on blogs asap.



Two weeks...

Days, hours are just flying by.. I have no sense of time anymore.. The baby is two weeks old already today. How is it even possible? 

Things have been hard.. I am in so much pain that I can barely function.. I can't lift my arms to a shoulder level even. Thank you Fibromyalgia.. I talked to my doctor last week and I am going to go back on my anti-dep pills again. They are supposed to help manage the pains too (even though it can take 4-8 weeks before you notice anything).. Which means I have had to stop nursing the baby.. 

I know for people living outside the Nordics bottle-feeding a baby is no big deal, but here it is a taboo.. You are supposed to breast-feed. You get weird looks when you take out a bottle to feed a newborn. And even though we had to do it with my oldest too, it still really messes with my head... I have been feeling like I fail as a woman. As a mother.. I feel like I am not good enough to have kids. I have been feeling guilty and ashamed. I still am.. But c'est la vie.. Right? We can never have everything we want. 

So I am trying to keep reminding my self that I am lucky to have two healthy little boys.. A husband who does what ever he cans to make me happy. Not nursing is not the end of the world. 

So next week there will be a bunch of changes: 
No more nursing the baby
Starting my meds again
My "free" weeks are also over and this means focusing on my journey, making right food decisions, and start moving more. 

Oh and today is the first official day of Spring in Iran, which also means we celebrate 
the Persian new year aka Norouz :) So happy Norouz from me to you ladies <3  


Weight update!

The baby is 1 week old tomorrow and I now weigh 32 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant. I am barely 2 lbs away from my first weight goal, and 12 from the second.. I don't have any rewards planned for the first goal - but I am thinking about getting a haircut when I reach the second one. 

And I am considering the new Kim Kardashian cut.. So kind of a longer layered bob.. What do you girls think? 

I haven't cut my hair in ages cause I have been trying to save the length but I am thinking a change for spring/summer would be nice. What do you guys think about that? 



Ladies, he is here!
My little chipmunk was born on Saturday afternoon.. He looks just like his older brother when he was born ex from the fact that he is bigger :) Tall and chubby with chipmunk cheeks would be the best way to describe his cuteness.

The labour in it self was hell.. 26 f--ing hours.. Couple of hours before he was born I just crashed down - I don't think I have ever been crying so hard cause I just couldn't do it anymore. I still don't feel like my self, with the lack of food and sleep during all those hours, and even the rest of the weekend.

Right now we are trying to settle in and make sure that my oldest doesn't feel left out, and I promise to write a proper post, with a proper update later on.



Baby is due next Sunday and I am counting minutes for him to be here. I can not wait to see and hold him, and let him be a part of our little family.

With the pregnancy coming to an end I also keep finding myself thinking more and more about my body - food - diet and everything that comes with it.

I have just started gaining back some of the weight I lost during the pregnancy and it has had me in half panic mode. I know it is really silly cause I know it is because the baby is growing and putting on fat and weight to get ready for the birth, but it also makes me wonder.. Will this round be just like the last, where I lose a whole bunch of weight within 2-3 weeks after the baby is here, just to gain it and additional 20 lbs after?

I find myself thinking about meal plans and so on more than I have for months.. And I know it is not coming from a healthy place. And I try to keep reminding myself that my "plan" is to eat healthy, move, and just make sure to keep my portions under control, and then there is this voice back in my head going "lol who the hell are you trying to kid - you will never have control.. You are fat, you will always be fat.. Fat.. Fat.. Fat.." *sigh*

What do you think I should do? Should I just leave it, or actually sit down and make a proper plan? Should I try to ignore the voice, even though it has all the right to say what it is saying based on my past?


2015 and still no post!

2015 is here and I still haven't gotten around to write a post. I have started a few posts but never gotten past the first couple of sentences, and never gotten around to actually post them.

We are still getting in order in the new place. I am waiting to get some furniture delivered so we can get more in order. We still haven't gotten any of our picture frames up either, but hopefully by the end of this month I will be able to do a before after post of the place. 

As far as the pregnancy goes, I have 6 more weeks to go. Time has really been flying by, and I can not lie and have to admit that I am ready for this pregnancy to be over. It has been really hard, being sick the whole time (it only got better a couple of weeks ago), and now the SPD is in full bloom and I can barely walk, sit,  stand or lay down for longer periods. I am happy that the gestational diabetes is under control, and I still don't need any treatment for it but checking my blood levels every day before and after each meal. We will be going in for another scan on Monday and hopefully they will confirm that everything is fine with our little bundle. My weight has kept pretty much steady since mid November - gone up and down a couple of pounds here and there, but I have still lost around 18 pounds since I got pregnant, so that is great. 

With the pregnancy soon to be over I have been thinking more and more about what I will do with my diet, and the only thing I am sure of so far is that I want to eat clean whole food. I still don't know which way I will go with it, but then again maybe all I need to do is to eat clean and practice portion control. I guess only time will show.

Anywho.. I was supposed to have my first appointment with the new shrink tomorrow, but I have called them and asked them to change it and give me another appointment. I am feeling fine now, and I really don't feel like going there. The weather is shitty, I have a whole lot of pain and I just don't feel like I need it right now. I am going to see if they can rather give me an appointment in March, after the baby is born, cause that I know I will need. I really hope to not get hit by another wave of depression when the baby is born, but I am ready for it to happen. There is a 80% chance that it will so yeah that is that..

I guess that's it for me for now ladies.