2012/09/28

Tiny update!

So I went to the doctor yesterday and starting today I will be working 50% , which is great for me. This way I still get to meet the coworkers I like and get out of the house, and get to go home before the pain is too much.

I also talked to my manager, and I am not in charge of the tardface anymore.. I told him basicly that I didn't want to deal with him and that if they think he is worth a chance they should have someone else train him cause the stress of it all is not good for me. So they have made one of my coworkers in charge of him - and I have put him out of my mind.. I have told them what I think - they are the ones that need to follow up..

So today.. Working until lunch and having the tard away from me, has been good. I had fun with the co-workers I love and am really looking forward to the weekend.

Hope you all are having a great Friday, and I wish you a great weekend :)

<3

2012/09/26

I just snapped!

And left work...
I got back to work after being away for a week.. And was told that the new sucky guy was given full access to the system ect.. I tried to talk to my manager about what a mistake it was, and he was all "oh it will be fine".. And I wrote a msg telling him that I officially wanted to wash my hand off everything regarding him".. And he just loughed it off..

I just got more angry and felt my pulse going faster and faster.. So I just packed all my stuff, and gave everything (aka work laptop/phone ect) to my manger and told him I was going home.. I just couldn't deal...

I am going to call the doctor when she has her phone hours and ask for a doctors notice and take atleast another week off.. At the moment.. I just don't want to go back there.. I just don't....

I just sometimes wish I could just give a shit and ignore it all and don't even care about what it's going on there...

Yesterday I had an argument with my mother cause yet again she was being an ignorant bitch.. Today this.. I just want to hide away and don't talk to anyone for days.. And I think I just might do that....

2012/09/24

Life..

I have been home from work since last Wednesday.. I just haven't been able to "force" my self to go to work.. It really upsets me, cause I have been wanting to be full time at work, as long as possible.. But lately, I just can't be arsed... The new guy I told you about in my last post sucks.. I have told my boss about it.. And they still wanted to give him a couple of more weeks before they decide how it goes.. I know, it's not up to me hwo they keep and who they don't, but I really don't feel like being there, forcing my self to have a full day - when they don't really respect my opinion.. I am going back to work tomorrow, but I don't know how long I will keep it up.. As I mentioned before, I am going on my maternity leave from 12th of November - and I am already planning to call in sick the two work week before that date ( Yes I know it sounds bad - but I don't want to use my maternity leave days before I have to, when I can call in sick) - That means my last day at work will be the 29th of October.. Which means it's only 5 weeks left.. I really should just ignore how annoyed the whole work situation makes me and keep going, well unless I am in too much pain.. Right? 

*Sigh* I probably sound like a spoiled brat when I nag about my work.. But I just don't know how to deal with this thing.. I am so sick of it all :S

Other than work, I have been having money on my mind a whole lot lately. For me to be able to take the long leave that I am planning, we will have to really watch how much we spend.. My hubby just got a nice raise, so we really wont be having too much of a hard time with allt he expences, but I have been standing on my own for so long, that having him being the one who will be paying more than twice as I will be to our joint account to cover everything really has been tough on me. I know that the reason why I will having the low income is because of the baby, and because it is best for our family that I stick around until he is old enough to go to kindergarden.. But it has been tough.. Silly right?? - I mean if he was the one staying home, I would be the one paying more than he does.. So I should just shut it and be thankfull - right?? 

Anywho... 

The next few weeks are going to be packed with baby stuff.. This Thursday we have a new check-up with the midwife.. This week, we are attending Lamaze classes, and my work is actually covering the bill for it (See I should be greatful, and don't be so upset about my work... ).. The upcoming two Mondays we have "parenting" classes.. It's basicly going to be about the birth plan, and stuff like that as far as I know.. And then the 11th we are going to have another check-up with the midwife, and later the same day we will go to the hospital for a 3D/4D scan. I am really looking forward to that.. This whole becoming a monther thing is getting really real ladies.. 

I just hope that they keep telling us that the baby is healthy, and that everything is fine.. I have these dreams about stuff that can go wrong.. But I hear that it is normal.. Like every other weird thing that they tell you is normal while you are pregnant.. 

Anyways, I am going to finish this wall of text.. Thank you again for all your comments and support.. and welcome to the new followers.. Thanks for reading :) 

Oh and before I forget.. I had to activate the stupid "Please prove you're not a robot" thing on the comments after I got 30.. Yes you saw correct 30 - spam comments in one day.... :S 

Ah well.. Take good care of you ladies... <3 

2012/09/17

Sorrrryyyy!!!!

I'm sorry to be so MIA again.. Got this guy to get ready to take over my position when I go on my matirnaty leave who SUCKS!!!!!! And he is draining all my energy and time at work (not that it is giving any results.... ) ...
Between that - and the pain, I am soo tired by the time I get home.. I have been going to bed around 9 PM everyday and still feel like I have no energy..

I will make a more proper post soon.. But I wanted to check-in and say thanks for all your comments on my last post..

<3 you all

2012/09/07

Depression??

Not sure what's wrong with me..
I don't know if it is due to the pain - or me feeling huge, not being able to move freely.. But I feel so down lately.. I know I am 7 months pregnant and it is normal to be big and heavy.. But all I think about is how badly I want to get rid of all this weight..
I also know that I am lucky that haven't been gaining during this pregnancy, and that I will weigh much less than when I found out about being pregnant.. And I do feel a whole lot of love and joy when I feel my baby boy move.. But the numbers are taking over my mind.
I keep thinking about how badly I want to be able to wear shorts next summer.. How much I hate being yet another overweight mother.. About how much should I eat.. How I should maybe practice more portion control already. And then I get really afraid - cause I know that these thought aren't coming from a healthy place.. I don't want be a mother with ED behaviours.. I don't want to have my kid see that I hate my body..
My logical side of the brain says it wont happen. I have changed a whole lot during this pregnancy.. I have been listening to my body most of the times and followed what it needs.. And I know it will take a couple of years before the baby understands enough to notice my actions. But I just don't want to go there..

I don't understand why I am thinking about it..
I don't understand why I feel so shitty about everything...

I know it's wrong of me to be happy that I haven't gained weight every time I step on the scale.. And I know it's wrong of me to step on it as often as I do.. But I don't know how to control it..

Maybe it's just the fact that I have been home for a few days.. Maybe I am over-thinking it all.. Maybe it's all the changes that I can not control that is bringing up the ED thoughts.. I just don't know...

I need to stay strong.. I need to push those thoughts away.. I know that.. Right now - I'm just not sure how..

There are so many things I wish were different.. I wish I had a good loving family who would be there.. One who I don't feel like I need to always tip toe around..
I wish I was living back in Oslo where I had my friends close to me..
I wish I had more willpower to actually have done something about my weight before I got pregnant..
I wish I could shut my mind and think of other things than weight.. Body.. Numbers.. How to's..
I wish I didn't feel so lonely...




2012/09/05

Pain.....

The person who said that the 3rd trimester is joyful is a lying bitch... I have so much pain - in so many places that I dunno what to do with myself.....