Last post of 2011.....

Oh wow.. Last day of 2011.. I can not believe I have been living in Sweden for almost a year now (couple days short).. This year has been very eventfull.. A whole lot of good and bad things have happened.

I movdr to another country - and moved to 3 new flats hehe - got a new job - got married (all good stuff but... ) - and during this year I have gained shit loads of weight.. (this is the not so good thing :S ) .. I have gained a total of 35 lbs.... Have lost a few since then - but ya.. It is insane..

I have a whole lot of excuses to why I have gained it all.. (Stress, emotional eating.. Depression... Binges even after I stoped the purging, not exercising enough... the list is long) .. BUT I am not going to focus on the excuses..  Today is the last day of 2011 - and with that I am going to let it be the last day of my messing up. I am going to make all those changes I have only talked about..

My focus next year - will be on getting healthy.. Making right choices for my body and my health.. I am going to try to learn to like my body.. I have many many many steps before I can love it - but for now .. I am going to learn to like it and make peace with it..

Anywho - that is it for now.. Thanks for all your support and love during this year.. Love you guys :) <3 AND happy new year ladies <3


The "new" plan..

I mentioned before that I had been thinking of a new plan.. I didn't really feel like stressing with it during Christmas, and since I have been pretty sick the last days it hasn't been an issue either. We have another dinner out planned tomorrow - and that is it for this year :) We aren't sure what we are going to do for new years eve yet.. So we will see if we are going to do much else than going out for the fireworks by midnight.

My mom is coming to visit us right after the the new years. She will visit us from the 5th to 8th of January. We are planning to spend one of those days in Copenhagen - I need to visit the Norwegian embassy and apply for a new passport. My current one is not valid after I changed my last name and I dunno if I mentioned it - but we have a weekend in Chimonix planned with my work (they are paying for everything) - and I want to have my passport ready by that time. It will be in March - from 08th- 11th so it is still some time left but you never know how long these things take..

Back to what I wanted to write about.. Aka the plan I have for upcoming week and the new year.
My idea is to choose a bunch of foods - for breakfast - snacks - lunch - dinner and so on - and just have my pick from those food groups each day. I sort of think I need to take a mini break from counting calories - cause it is kind of not doing me any good. It really depresses me - which tosses me in a binge circle.. and ya.. I think having a list of "safe" foods where I can have my pick will make it easier. So I will still measure how much I eat - but I will chill on the counting.
With exercise, I am thinking to exercise for 3 days, and then have a day off - then exercise for 3 days, and have another day off. I wont be getting properly started with the exercise plan that I have in my mind until after my mom leaves but it will be OK.
I have also changed my goals a tad - the numbers aren't changed my just the number of the goals. I am going to think of rewards to put up there too :) just haven't figure out what yet.

Anywho. Off for now.. Wishing you all a great night.


Best Wishes..



Warning! Ignore the mess!

Sooo - The only thing left of this renovation is the last couple floor thingis that will be in place on Friday - and to actually get in proper order, put up pictures and add the little touches that give the place, the home feeling. But I thought I would post the before/after pictures from the renovation we have been going on even with the huge mess hehe.

Ok.. Lets start with the hallway:


The hallway wardrobe:

I think the second room should be the bathroom:


We decided to go with these corner walls you can close in to have more space. The bathroom is small - But it is enough for us for now. 

3rd room - is the livingroom: 

 I am reusing this picture so you can see the doors into the livingroom - we have those removed.


The living room is pretty huge - It's just so messy right now since we had to move everything out of the hallway so that the wardrobe dude would be able to get around. 

Lets move to the kitchen... I just love our new kitchen.. The end price was insane.. But it is worth every penny!



And now the bedrooms. I don't have pictures from both of them - only the one we use, since the other one is filled with boxes still- but they are pretty much the same in size. Our bedroom has the extra wardrobe, and the black curtains. The other room has deep ark purple curtains, and no wardrobe. 


This is bedroom 2

Bedroom 1:


I haven't put the extra sheets on the lower part of the bed yet because we are going to buy a new bed soon, and I didn't want to spend money on buying the extra curtainssheet thingis for the bed. The wardrobe in the bedroom is devided in the middle - so we get each our own side. 

I guess the closet is the one room left. It is pretty hard to see the shapes, but lets give it a try :) 



That's it :) Here a sum up of everything that has been done to the place: 

  • All the wallpapers have been removed or covered. and then painted. Hallway - kitchen- livingroom and the closet are painted in gray shaded white. The bedrooms have a light purple color.
  • All the roofs have been covered and painted in white. 
  • The hallway -closet and the kitchten has had the floors removed, and has black oak floors in place. 
The doors to the livingroom and the kitchen has been removed. And the rest of them have been painted in white. - we are not allowed to paint the "outside" door cause of the color restrictions of the building.
  • The kitchen has been totaly redone. The old wood smelly cabintes were removed and replaces with white cabinets- granit stone bench - and stainless steel appliance. Oh and the we have a built in dishwasher which I find very handy hehe 
  • The bathroom has been also totaly renovated as you can see - we had to remove everything and redo the ground to have it as a approved safe wetroom. 
  • We changed the el system of the appartment. The old one couldn't handle all new el stuff. 
What is left to do (I know I mentined it once already lol)  - is the small floor thingis.. And we gotta get the rest of the things in place. Hang up pictures and so on. We are also going to buy a new bed as I mentioned. - and we gonna turn the extra bedroom to a guest room for now :) And when the weather is better, we are going to paint the balcony, and redo the floors there too. It is just too cold to think about that now..

Anyways :) That's it for now :) 



Morning ladies :)

First off I wanna say thank you all for being so lovely and caring :) - Second, I want to explain the stuff with my BFF. What happened is that I called her to talk to her about the piercing.. She has several - so I wanted to check if it would be safe to pull the thing out and not leave it in. She called me back and we talked - and then talked some about her - and how she and her family was and so on. And then I went and removed the piercing, and went on my Ipad to check e-mails and facebook, and I saw that her husband has posted on his status that their son is going to be a big brother.

I sent her a text and said "Dude we just spoke on the phone why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant" - and she send me a text back saying "lol, you didn't ask" .. And I was like "erm I have been asking how it's been going - how could I guess that you were pregnant" .. And then I got text back saying "Listen, I am not in mood for any nags - you got to know at the same time as the rest of people, and that's how it is" ...

You must understand - that I know that pregnant ladies can be moody and so on.. But we have known eachother for over 10 years and been very close for the last 8-9 ... She sort of started ditching me when she met her now husband. The times she wasn't - he would tag along.. He was ALWAYS with her.. And I mean to a point where we couldn't even go underwear shopping without him tagging along. And that is just so wrong.. Anywho.. Back then I just figured that this is what she want - and started hanging out more with my other friends. And I have sort of been like that ever since.

After I moved to Sweden however - I have always been the one taking contact with her. Calling her - texting her and so on.. And not that long ago - since we haven't met after the wedding, I asked her if she wanted to to go on a girls only trip with me after newyears. And she said that she couldn't cause of her son.. A week later I heard that she was going to be in Dubai during that time.. It sort of hurt me that she didn't just say that.. Why would she hide something so simple? .. And the thing with her being pregnant again, is sort of the last drop on her acting like a jerk. Last time she got pregnant - she didn't tell people until she was over 4 months on the way.. I have always told her everything.. I have always been there for her.. I was there where her husband lied to her.. I was there when she got so drunk she couldn't walk.. I have always always been there.. And now when I got this hurt.. She says that she wasn't in mood for nagging? .. What the fuck ??

Anywho... I told her that I was sick of her treating me like shit - and lying to me no matter what.. That I was done trying to always fetch her - and always keep her feelings in mind.. And that if she wants to keep me out of her life - so be it.. I told her that if she wanted me there - she should be the one taking next step cause I was hurt - angry and done..

You want to know what happened after ?? NOTHING....

So that's it for me for now.. I have been very sad this weekend, but hay.. C'est la vie...

Moving on.. We are almost done! I think I will be able to put out the before after pictures of the flat by the end of this week :) The wardrobes are due the next coming two days - and I should get in order since we have a big family dinner this Friday. I figured I would take the pictures when we have cleaned up for the dinner and post them next weekend hehe. The place is starting to shape up pretty well..

We are going to buy a new bed and a new TV .. But we figured we should wait for the newyears sales to do that. So there will be some changes after the pics but it should give you an all over view of everything that has been going on.

As you might remember I also talked about making a career change. I am thinking about picking up coaching, life - and business coaching. I also want to pick up some nutrition classes. I am still looking into details about where to start - so this is a long term plan and it might change when I have more info about it. My first step is going to be get my drivers license (yes I am a slow poke :P ) - and to get in shape.

I think I know what I am going to do diet wise.. But I am still figuring out details there too- So I wont post a plan until I am done :) What I can say is that the plan will be put into action for full from second week of January. My mom is going to stay with us from the 5th to 8th of January, so it wont be fully in action until after she goes home. But I will be/ have started some of the plan already.

Anyways - this post is getting waaay too long :) I am going to end it by saying welcome to the new followers and thanks for reading. I think I am following all of you - but due to the fucked up dashboard issues blogger has, I don't get all of your updates all the time :(

Oh and about the piercing... It is ttly fucked up.. I am probably going to redo it again after it has healed , but this time it will not be here lol.. I am going back where I got my first one- or the place that did my tattoo in London :)

Wishing you all a great day!



Just found out my so-called bff is pregnant... not from her eventhough we spoke on phone for 15 mins ago... but from her husbands facebook status... how fucked up isn't that..

Post no. 200 and one crappy piercing later..

I have my tongue piercing for a whole hour... When he was done.. I noticed that it sat further back than I used to have mine.. I got home and noticed how fucked up he had placed it :S The whole thing was weirdly placed.. The upper part was around 6 mm further back the lower part.. 

I don't know if this makes sense to all of you but this so fucked up.. So.. I decided to take it out.. And I am just so sad.. I had really been looking forward to this.. Now.. I have to wait until it is properly healed .. Aka 6-8 weeks before I can even think of doing it again.. *sigh* .. And talk about fucking wasted money.. :( :( :( 

This should be my lesson.. Next time I am going back to the place that did my first one in Oslo.. Sorry about the rant :( but this just happened, and I am really upset ... 

But enough of that.. 

This week has been very busy at work. Loads of meetings and we were only 3 left in my team.. Rest called in sick and so on.. We have also been having stock meetings.. They are letting us buy stocks in the co.. 

I have also been thinking about.. Food - exercise.. What I want to do for a living and so on.. And I think I am sort of getting in order about what I think I should be doing and how.. 

I will make a post about it soon.. 

Anyway.. I am going to be off for now :( I have a really bad headache :( 


Just wanted to say ..

That I am still around... Been sort of too tired - too busy and too confused.. I will make a proper post soon..

Take care of you all




I'm gonna give SGD another try from tomorrow. I srsly suck with the "normal" calorie budget.. I stay of binges and so on when I live off shakes - but as soon as I am "allowed" more calories I end up in a binge cycle.

Anywho.. SGD from tomorrow. Lets see how it goes..


Feeling much better!

Thank you girls for your comments yesterday. I was feeling really down, and I guess I let my self get too worked up. I know that we have been very stressed out lately.. Things have been happening none stop and they all have been major changes.

I know for a fact that my hubby loves me and that most of the things he does "wrong" is cause he is a boy and boys are stupid. Most of the time he doesn't even realize that he has said/done something really annoying. And I suppose I am really good at reading too much into things cause of my "wonderful" past with guys. I think I have to really accept that he isn't like any other guy I have been with and that he really doesn't do things to hurt me.

We did talk yesterday and things are OK. We both have things we need to work on. And I think things will be much easier when we are in a more relaxed place and done with everything we have had going on. It's not every year where you move 3 times - one being from another country - get married and start a renovation. So ya.. I think we will be fine.

I think one of the reasons why I am so annoyed is the amount of food I have been eating. 300-500 calories is sort of too little - and has made me very edgy too I think. So I am upping my calories. I am going to eat like I did before the move. That diet really made me feel good in my skin. And I think it is a better diet to combine with training. I have put my limit back to 1200 calories, but I calculated my eats as they were before and most  days will be around 700-900 calories. The balance of carbs vs fats vs proteins will also be more "normal". I am aiming for the 40-30-30% plan. Which is supposed to be a perfect combo for my body type.


Over to something else - I am going to get my tongue pierced again. I used to have one - and I had to take it out when I had to pull out a wisdom tooth. And I have been missing it - so I am finally going to make the appointment and get a new one. I am not sure if should go for the one I had - or have two next to eachother.. I will probably just have the one. I used to love it.. And it was one of my sexy factors.. And I really need to get some of my sexy factors back.. The appointment is next Friday after work :) Yay for that!

I am so not focused today lol sorry for being all over the place.. Just got a call that they are delivering our doors tomorrow after work!

Talking about tomorrow.. We are having dinner at hubby's boss's home.. Sort of Christmas dinner thingie..

Gonna publish this post for now.. Can't focus on it at all ..




Apparently I am fasting today.. Not really planned - but I am so fucking depressed. It is really bad.. I normally tend to overeat while I am this emotional- but maybe heavens have heard my prayers and I am losing my appetite when I am upset..

My married life isn't going that well.. I think we have been "together" in total 10 times since the wedding.. This is including the honeymoon.. *sigh*
I am lonely..
I miss my social life..
I feel so lost..

It's my lunch break - it is the same time as hubby has his.. I tried to talk to him on msn - about how I feel about everything.. And guess want.. He just went AFK..

I guess his food was more important than what I feel...


Time for some planning..

As I mentioned yesterday - everything that happened made me think. I have been thinking about my life - my work.

At the moment I work as a support technician for an e-mail marketing company. The co I work for had been growing a whole lot over the past year and I am really enjoying my job. The pay is OK - and I really love my team mates. But.. Not that long ago we got two new co-workers. One is 38- the other 42.. The rest of us are in the late 20's or have just turned into the 30's..

And I have been thinking - Would I want to be in this position when I am that age ? Do I want to work with the same things as I do today in 5 years - in 10 ? And the answer is : NO.. I do not want to keep being in this job - when I am 35- or 40 or what ever..

I have been working since I was 16. And I have been very proud of the fact that I have always been standing on my own two feet. Managing .. there has been times where I have had 3 jobs to get things go around.. But I have survived.. I have done what I have needed to do - just to get by..

Couple years ago I tried to do this online BA study as a last resort after my ex fucked up everything.. I had quit my job and everything to move with him (he lived in the NL) - and when he suddenly broke up with me - I only had 3 weeks to figure out a way - and the online studies were the only option I had. It was private school- cost a whole lot - and I really couldn't follow it - cause trying to study first year of a BA study on your  own, specially it being economy based, when you don't have a real economy mind - SUCKS...

So I dropped out after the first semester. I still had to pay for the whole year.. The total cost is around 25 k USD.. So ya.. Hubby says that the money wasn't wasted on my fail attempt that I had to try it to find out that it wasn't the right choice for me.. But that is a butt-load of money to toss away like that...

And now I don't really know what to do- which road to take.. I am really not sure what I want from my life. I always thought when I get married, that I will be happy with the married life - having a kid or two and so on. And yes I do want a kid.. And so on.. But I don't have to have it right away - do I ?? I mean I don't want to "too old" to have one either - but why I have always thought I would just go for it.. You know what I mean?? - I don't know if all these thoughts are even valid.. I mean.. Why would I suddenly change my mind on something so big? - Is it cause I am afraid of having no life of my own when we do have the kids? On the other hand, what is so wrong to wait a few more years to have the kids.. but then again.. Nicole Richie had two and she is amazing... So erm ya... *going crazy*..

Anyways, before this drives me totally mad, this is what I have been thinking of:

- I am going to figure out what I want to do with my life.. Properly.. And find out how to get there.
- I am going to put more time on me, finding my way back to my wants and needs - and work on building up my confidence. Investing in me is going to be the best investment of my life, wouldn't you say so?
- I am going to work properly with my over and emotional eating. I haven't purged in almost 6 months.. If I can do that.. I can get control of the rest!

I want to get in charge of me, my body and my life by the time I turn 30. My birthday is on second of September. So it gives me plenty of time to do it. - and lets face it.. I think to be able to do all of those things I need to make me my first prio.

So ladies.. Stay tuned and I will make sure to share the steps with you all :)



A tad of thoughts..

Today has been a very very emotional day.. I started work couple of hours late cause of a meeting we had at our bank.. And when I had cleared the things I had to do at work, I went over the my blogger dashboard.. And your posts has made me really emo hehe.. All from Sam's wonderful, sad words.. To Tempest's and thinpls's frustrations, Kes's struggles.. To Miranda's post.. All of you.. I always take your words to heart - but I guess some days they leave major foot prints.. And today is one of them.. 

Often I can understand your side of story.. Often I can see your struggles and imagine your pain.. Some times.. It  feels like I could be the one writing what you guys are writing.. Sometimes I wish I knew you guys in my "real" life.. My life is so much easier with you guys in it, and sometimes it feels like I know you.. Does it sound weird??

Anyways.. Your words has made me think of my life.. My everyday.. My struggles.. My fail attempts.. God knows I have had many of them.. lol.. You guys know I have had many of them.. 

I have been very lonely since I moved to Sweden, and a whole lot of times - you ladies have been the ones who have gotten me through things.. And I just want to thank you girls for all your comments.. For your words.. For making time to read my rants.. For being there.. For believing in me.. 

I seem to have some thinking to do again.. I feel like my "eating plan" is working fine for now.. So that is not it.. But all other concepts of my life are in question at the moment. So bare with me and my coming rants.. But for now.. I just wanted to say Thank you :) 

I have been listening to Maria Mena's new album today. And I am going to leave you with one of her songs.. 




There is something very wrong with blogger.. I seem not not be able to follow people. If I go to their blogs, it says I am following, but I don't see them on my dashboard. And it seems like sort of half of the blogs I was following are gone....

Anyone has an idea how to solve this? I don't seem to figure it out.. *sigh*

I saw this about this challenge on Miranda's blg, and I have signed up for it - I hope it is not too late to join.. You can find the info about it here ... This is one of the blogs where I don't seem to be able to get updates on even though I am following it... *sigh*

Anyways - I want to lose 20 lbs by Christmas. And as you girls know I have been on my new plan for a couple of days. 5 lbs down- 15 to go... :)

I must say- I am pretty proud of my self so far.. I have been on my period during these days - and I have been very very stressed and tired, which normally would end in binges. But I have been sticking very well to 2 shakes and a "salad" - aka mostly veggies and some lean protein in a small portion for dinner.. I actually haven't managed to finish my portions even.. And I have always managed to sort of work around my diet and find excuses and cheats- and I haven't even had to. The big test will be tomorrow though.. I normally fuck up my plans during the weekend. So this will be the big challenge.

But I am actually feeling pretty good about it - its like - so empowering to just ignore food, if you know what I mean. I could see my self "eat" like this for weeks, even months.. That has never happened before.. I mean I might try to swap the salad for soup- but you guys get the idea.. Also.. I am not sure if it is the diet pills, or the fact that I am drinking something aka tea/water/coffee all the time .. But I don't feel that hungry even.. Which is a bliss..

Renovation update.. We should officially be done the 21st of December lol..
They are done with the kitchen and bathroom - and they are going to touch up the paint and finish up the floor details next week. But the first available time to get the hallways wardrobe installed was the 20th, and they will come to fix the walk-in closet the day after. They didn't have that many fun option for the last part - but it will be OK for what we are going to use that closet for.

We bought a wardrobe from Ikea for our bedroom, so we gonna fix that this weekend. Hopefully we will be most in place with most things during this weekend and can use the extra bedroom for storage until the rest of the stuff are done.

We also need to buy a new bed.. The frame on the one I have is pretty worn down cause of all the moving (I have had it for around 10 years now) - but it is very good quality, so we are gonna buy a new frame and use the mattress from the one we have. - we are probably just gonna buy that from ikea as well. Will see :)

Anyways - Work day almost over :) I want to wish you all a great weekend .. Gonna leave you with this song.. Just came over it on youtube and I am loving it..

@ Claire: Sounds great.. We can talk about the details of how to later :) Really looking forward to this- and I think it is an amazing idea to post it on the blog - I will most likely update it my self :)