Last post of 2011.....

Oh wow.. Last day of 2011.. I can not believe I have been living in Sweden for almost a year now (couple days short).. This year has been very eventfull.. A whole lot of good and bad things have happened.

I movdr to another country - and moved to 3 new flats hehe - got a new job - got married (all good stuff but... ) - and during this year I have gained shit loads of weight.. (this is the not so good thing :S ) .. I have gained a total of 35 lbs.... Have lost a few since then - but ya.. It is insane..

I have a whole lot of excuses to why I have gained it all.. (Stress, emotional eating.. Depression... Binges even after I stoped the purging, not exercising enough... the list is long) .. BUT I am not going to focus on the excuses..  Today is the last day of 2011 - and with that I am going to let it be the last day of my messing up. I am going to make all those changes I have only talked about..

My focus next year - will be on getting healthy.. Making right choices for my body and my health.. I am going to try to learn to like my body.. I have many many many steps before I can love it - but for now .. I am going to learn to like it and make peace with it..

Anywho - that is it for now.. Thanks for all your support and love during this year.. Love you guys :) <3 AND happy new year ladies <3


The "new" plan..

I mentioned before that I had been thinking of a new plan.. I didn't really feel like stressing with it during Christmas, and since I have been pretty sick the last days it hasn't been an issue either. We have another dinner out planned tomorrow - and that is it for this year :) We aren't sure what we are going to do for new years eve yet.. So we will see if we are going to do much else than going out for the fireworks by midnight.

My mom is coming to visit us right after the the new years. She will visit us from the 5th to 8th of January. We are planning to spend one of those days in Copenhagen - I need to visit the Norwegian embassy and apply for a new passport. My current one is not valid after I changed my last name and I dunno if I mentioned it - but we have a weekend in Chimonix planned with my work (they are paying for everything) - and I want to have my passport ready by that time. It will be in March - from 08th- 11th so it is still some time left but you never know how long these things take..

Back to what I wanted to write about.. Aka the plan I have for upcoming week and the new year.
My idea is to choose a bunch of foods - for breakfast - snacks - lunch - dinner and so on - and just have my pick from those food groups each day. I sort of think I need to take a mini break from counting calories - cause it is kind of not doing me any good. It really depresses me - which tosses me in a binge circle.. and ya.. I think having a list of "safe" foods where I can have my pick will make it easier. So I will still measure how much I eat - but I will chill on the counting.
With exercise, I am thinking to exercise for 3 days, and then have a day off - then exercise for 3 days, and have another day off. I wont be getting properly started with the exercise plan that I have in my mind until after my mom leaves but it will be OK.
I have also changed my goals a tad - the numbers aren't changed my just the number of the goals. I am going to think of rewards to put up there too :) just haven't figure out what yet.

Anywho. Off for now.. Wishing you all a great night.


Best Wishes..



Warning! Ignore the mess!

Sooo - The only thing left of this renovation is the last couple floor thingis that will be in place on Friday - and to actually get in proper order, put up pictures and add the little touches that give the place, the home feeling. But I thought I would post the before/after pictures from the renovation we have been going on even with the huge mess hehe.

Ok.. Lets start with the hallway:


The hallway wardrobe:

I think the second room should be the bathroom:


We decided to go with these corner walls you can close in to have more space. The bathroom is small - But it is enough for us for now. 

3rd room - is the livingroom: 

 I am reusing this picture so you can see the doors into the livingroom - we have those removed.


The living room is pretty huge - It's just so messy right now since we had to move everything out of the hallway so that the wardrobe dude would be able to get around. 

Lets move to the kitchen... I just love our new kitchen.. The end price was insane.. But it is worth every penny!



And now the bedrooms. I don't have pictures from both of them - only the one we use, since the other one is filled with boxes still- but they are pretty much the same in size. Our bedroom has the extra wardrobe, and the black curtains. The other room has deep ark purple curtains, and no wardrobe. 


This is bedroom 2

Bedroom 1:


I haven't put the extra sheets on the lower part of the bed yet because we are going to buy a new bed soon, and I didn't want to spend money on buying the extra curtainssheet thingis for the bed. The wardrobe in the bedroom is devided in the middle - so we get each our own side. 

I guess the closet is the one room left. It is pretty hard to see the shapes, but lets give it a try :) 



That's it :) Here a sum up of everything that has been done to the place: 

  • All the wallpapers have been removed or covered. and then painted. Hallway - kitchen- livingroom and the closet are painted in gray shaded white. The bedrooms have a light purple color.
  • All the roofs have been covered and painted in white. 
  • The hallway -closet and the kitchten has had the floors removed, and has black oak floors in place. 
The doors to the livingroom and the kitchen has been removed. And the rest of them have been painted in white. - we are not allowed to paint the "outside" door cause of the color restrictions of the building.
  • The kitchen has been totaly redone. The old wood smelly cabintes were removed and replaces with white cabinets- granit stone bench - and stainless steel appliance. Oh and the we have a built in dishwasher which I find very handy hehe 
  • The bathroom has been also totaly renovated as you can see - we had to remove everything and redo the ground to have it as a approved safe wetroom. 
  • We changed the el system of the appartment. The old one couldn't handle all new el stuff. 
What is left to do (I know I mentined it once already lol)  - is the small floor thingis.. And we gotta get the rest of the things in place. Hang up pictures and so on. We are also going to buy a new bed as I mentioned. - and we gonna turn the extra bedroom to a guest room for now :) And when the weather is better, we are going to paint the balcony, and redo the floors there too. It is just too cold to think about that now..

Anyways :) That's it for now :) 



Morning ladies :)

First off I wanna say thank you all for being so lovely and caring :) - Second, I want to explain the stuff with my BFF. What happened is that I called her to talk to her about the piercing.. She has several - so I wanted to check if it would be safe to pull the thing out and not leave it in. She called me back and we talked - and then talked some about her - and how she and her family was and so on. And then I went and removed the piercing, and went on my Ipad to check e-mails and facebook, and I saw that her husband has posted on his status that their son is going to be a big brother.

I sent her a text and said "Dude we just spoke on the phone why didn't you tell me that you were pregnant" - and she send me a text back saying "lol, you didn't ask" .. And I was like "erm I have been asking how it's been going - how could I guess that you were pregnant" .. And then I got text back saying "Listen, I am not in mood for any nags - you got to know at the same time as the rest of people, and that's how it is" ...

You must understand - that I know that pregnant ladies can be moody and so on.. But we have known eachother for over 10 years and been very close for the last 8-9 ... She sort of started ditching me when she met her now husband. The times she wasn't - he would tag along.. He was ALWAYS with her.. And I mean to a point where we couldn't even go underwear shopping without him tagging along. And that is just so wrong.. Anywho.. Back then I just figured that this is what she want - and started hanging out more with my other friends. And I have sort of been like that ever since.

After I moved to Sweden however - I have always been the one taking contact with her. Calling her - texting her and so on.. And not that long ago - since we haven't met after the wedding, I asked her if she wanted to to go on a girls only trip with me after newyears. And she said that she couldn't cause of her son.. A week later I heard that she was going to be in Dubai during that time.. It sort of hurt me that she didn't just say that.. Why would she hide something so simple? .. And the thing with her being pregnant again, is sort of the last drop on her acting like a jerk. Last time she got pregnant - she didn't tell people until she was over 4 months on the way.. I have always told her everything.. I have always been there for her.. I was there where her husband lied to her.. I was there when she got so drunk she couldn't walk.. I have always always been there.. And now when I got this hurt.. She says that she wasn't in mood for nagging? .. What the fuck ??

Anywho... I told her that I was sick of her treating me like shit - and lying to me no matter what.. That I was done trying to always fetch her - and always keep her feelings in mind.. And that if she wants to keep me out of her life - so be it.. I told her that if she wanted me there - she should be the one taking next step cause I was hurt - angry and done..

You want to know what happened after ?? NOTHING....

So that's it for me for now.. I have been very sad this weekend, but hay.. C'est la vie...

Moving on.. We are almost done! I think I will be able to put out the before after pictures of the flat by the end of this week :) The wardrobes are due the next coming two days - and I should get in order since we have a big family dinner this Friday. I figured I would take the pictures when we have cleaned up for the dinner and post them next weekend hehe. The place is starting to shape up pretty well..

We are going to buy a new bed and a new TV .. But we figured we should wait for the newyears sales to do that. So there will be some changes after the pics but it should give you an all over view of everything that has been going on.

As you might remember I also talked about making a career change. I am thinking about picking up coaching, life - and business coaching. I also want to pick up some nutrition classes. I am still looking into details about where to start - so this is a long term plan and it might change when I have more info about it. My first step is going to be get my drivers license (yes I am a slow poke :P ) - and to get in shape.

I think I know what I am going to do diet wise.. But I am still figuring out details there too- So I wont post a plan until I am done :) What I can say is that the plan will be put into action for full from second week of January. My mom is going to stay with us from the 5th to 8th of January, so it wont be fully in action until after she goes home. But I will be/ have started some of the plan already.

Anyways - this post is getting waaay too long :) I am going to end it by saying welcome to the new followers and thanks for reading. I think I am following all of you - but due to the fucked up dashboard issues blogger has, I don't get all of your updates all the time :(

Oh and about the piercing... It is ttly fucked up.. I am probably going to redo it again after it has healed , but this time it will not be here lol.. I am going back where I got my first one- or the place that did my tattoo in London :)

Wishing you all a great day!



Just found out my so-called bff is pregnant... not from her eventhough we spoke on phone for 15 mins ago... but from her husbands facebook status... how fucked up isn't that..

Post no. 200 and one crappy piercing later..

I have my tongue piercing for a whole hour... When he was done.. I noticed that it sat further back than I used to have mine.. I got home and noticed how fucked up he had placed it :S The whole thing was weirdly placed.. The upper part was around 6 mm further back the lower part.. 

I don't know if this makes sense to all of you but this so fucked up.. So.. I decided to take it out.. And I am just so sad.. I had really been looking forward to this.. Now.. I have to wait until it is properly healed .. Aka 6-8 weeks before I can even think of doing it again.. *sigh* .. And talk about fucking wasted money.. :( :( :( 

This should be my lesson.. Next time I am going back to the place that did my first one in Oslo.. Sorry about the rant :( but this just happened, and I am really upset ... 

But enough of that.. 

This week has been very busy at work. Loads of meetings and we were only 3 left in my team.. Rest called in sick and so on.. We have also been having stock meetings.. They are letting us buy stocks in the co.. 

I have also been thinking about.. Food - exercise.. What I want to do for a living and so on.. And I think I am sort of getting in order about what I think I should be doing and how.. 

I will make a post about it soon.. 

Anyway.. I am going to be off for now :( I have a really bad headache :( 


Just wanted to say ..

That I am still around... Been sort of too tired - too busy and too confused.. I will make a proper post soon..

Take care of you all




I'm gonna give SGD another try from tomorrow. I srsly suck with the "normal" calorie budget.. I stay of binges and so on when I live off shakes - but as soon as I am "allowed" more calories I end up in a binge cycle.

Anywho.. SGD from tomorrow. Lets see how it goes..


Feeling much better!

Thank you girls for your comments yesterday. I was feeling really down, and I guess I let my self get too worked up. I know that we have been very stressed out lately.. Things have been happening none stop and they all have been major changes.

I know for a fact that my hubby loves me and that most of the things he does "wrong" is cause he is a boy and boys are stupid. Most of the time he doesn't even realize that he has said/done something really annoying. And I suppose I am really good at reading too much into things cause of my "wonderful" past with guys. I think I have to really accept that he isn't like any other guy I have been with and that he really doesn't do things to hurt me.

We did talk yesterday and things are OK. We both have things we need to work on. And I think things will be much easier when we are in a more relaxed place and done with everything we have had going on. It's not every year where you move 3 times - one being from another country - get married and start a renovation. So ya.. I think we will be fine.

I think one of the reasons why I am so annoyed is the amount of food I have been eating. 300-500 calories is sort of too little - and has made me very edgy too I think. So I am upping my calories. I am going to eat like I did before the move. That diet really made me feel good in my skin. And I think it is a better diet to combine with training. I have put my limit back to 1200 calories, but I calculated my eats as they were before and most  days will be around 700-900 calories. The balance of carbs vs fats vs proteins will also be more "normal". I am aiming for the 40-30-30% plan. Which is supposed to be a perfect combo for my body type.


Over to something else - I am going to get my tongue pierced again. I used to have one - and I had to take it out when I had to pull out a wisdom tooth. And I have been missing it - so I am finally going to make the appointment and get a new one. I am not sure if should go for the one I had - or have two next to eachother.. I will probably just have the one. I used to love it.. And it was one of my sexy factors.. And I really need to get some of my sexy factors back.. The appointment is next Friday after work :) Yay for that!

I am so not focused today lol sorry for being all over the place.. Just got a call that they are delivering our doors tomorrow after work!

Talking about tomorrow.. We are having dinner at hubby's boss's home.. Sort of Christmas dinner thingie..

Gonna publish this post for now.. Can't focus on it at all ..




Apparently I am fasting today.. Not really planned - but I am so fucking depressed. It is really bad.. I normally tend to overeat while I am this emotional- but maybe heavens have heard my prayers and I am losing my appetite when I am upset..

My married life isn't going that well.. I think we have been "together" in total 10 times since the wedding.. This is including the honeymoon.. *sigh*
I am lonely..
I miss my social life..
I feel so lost..

It's my lunch break - it is the same time as hubby has his.. I tried to talk to him on msn - about how I feel about everything.. And guess want.. He just went AFK..

I guess his food was more important than what I feel...


Time for some planning..

As I mentioned yesterday - everything that happened made me think. I have been thinking about my life - my work.

At the moment I work as a support technician for an e-mail marketing company. The co I work for had been growing a whole lot over the past year and I am really enjoying my job. The pay is OK - and I really love my team mates. But.. Not that long ago we got two new co-workers. One is 38- the other 42.. The rest of us are in the late 20's or have just turned into the 30's..

And I have been thinking - Would I want to be in this position when I am that age ? Do I want to work with the same things as I do today in 5 years - in 10 ? And the answer is : NO.. I do not want to keep being in this job - when I am 35- or 40 or what ever..

I have been working since I was 16. And I have been very proud of the fact that I have always been standing on my own two feet. Managing .. there has been times where I have had 3 jobs to get things go around.. But I have survived.. I have done what I have needed to do - just to get by..

Couple years ago I tried to do this online BA study as a last resort after my ex fucked up everything.. I had quit my job and everything to move with him (he lived in the NL) - and when he suddenly broke up with me - I only had 3 weeks to figure out a way - and the online studies were the only option I had. It was private school- cost a whole lot - and I really couldn't follow it - cause trying to study first year of a BA study on your  own, specially it being economy based, when you don't have a real economy mind - SUCKS...

So I dropped out after the first semester. I still had to pay for the whole year.. The total cost is around 25 k USD.. So ya.. Hubby says that the money wasn't wasted on my fail attempt that I had to try it to find out that it wasn't the right choice for me.. But that is a butt-load of money to toss away like that...

And now I don't really know what to do- which road to take.. I am really not sure what I want from my life. I always thought when I get married, that I will be happy with the married life - having a kid or two and so on. And yes I do want a kid.. And so on.. But I don't have to have it right away - do I ?? I mean I don't want to "too old" to have one either - but why I have always thought I would just go for it.. You know what I mean?? - I don't know if all these thoughts are even valid.. I mean.. Why would I suddenly change my mind on something so big? - Is it cause I am afraid of having no life of my own when we do have the kids? On the other hand, what is so wrong to wait a few more years to have the kids.. but then again.. Nicole Richie had two and she is amazing... So erm ya... *going crazy*..

Anyways, before this drives me totally mad, this is what I have been thinking of:

- I am going to figure out what I want to do with my life.. Properly.. And find out how to get there.
- I am going to put more time on me, finding my way back to my wants and needs - and work on building up my confidence. Investing in me is going to be the best investment of my life, wouldn't you say so?
- I am going to work properly with my over and emotional eating. I haven't purged in almost 6 months.. If I can do that.. I can get control of the rest!

I want to get in charge of me, my body and my life by the time I turn 30. My birthday is on second of September. So it gives me plenty of time to do it. - and lets face it.. I think to be able to do all of those things I need to make me my first prio.

So ladies.. Stay tuned and I will make sure to share the steps with you all :)



A tad of thoughts..

Today has been a very very emotional day.. I started work couple of hours late cause of a meeting we had at our bank.. And when I had cleared the things I had to do at work, I went over the my blogger dashboard.. And your posts has made me really emo hehe.. All from Sam's wonderful, sad words.. To Tempest's and thinpls's frustrations, Kes's struggles.. To Miranda's post.. All of you.. I always take your words to heart - but I guess some days they leave major foot prints.. And today is one of them.. 

Often I can understand your side of story.. Often I can see your struggles and imagine your pain.. Some times.. It  feels like I could be the one writing what you guys are writing.. Sometimes I wish I knew you guys in my "real" life.. My life is so much easier with you guys in it, and sometimes it feels like I know you.. Does it sound weird??

Anyways.. Your words has made me think of my life.. My everyday.. My struggles.. My fail attempts.. God knows I have had many of them.. lol.. You guys know I have had many of them.. 

I have been very lonely since I moved to Sweden, and a whole lot of times - you ladies have been the ones who have gotten me through things.. And I just want to thank you girls for all your comments.. For your words.. For making time to read my rants.. For being there.. For believing in me.. 

I seem to have some thinking to do again.. I feel like my "eating plan" is working fine for now.. So that is not it.. But all other concepts of my life are in question at the moment. So bare with me and my coming rants.. But for now.. I just wanted to say Thank you :) 

I have been listening to Maria Mena's new album today. And I am going to leave you with one of her songs.. 




There is something very wrong with blogger.. I seem not not be able to follow people. If I go to their blogs, it says I am following, but I don't see them on my dashboard. And it seems like sort of half of the blogs I was following are gone....

Anyone has an idea how to solve this? I don't seem to figure it out.. *sigh*

I saw this about this challenge on Miranda's blg, and I have signed up for it - I hope it is not too late to join.. You can find the info about it here ... This is one of the blogs where I don't seem to be able to get updates on even though I am following it... *sigh*

Anyways - I want to lose 20 lbs by Christmas. And as you girls know I have been on my new plan for a couple of days. 5 lbs down- 15 to go... :)

I must say- I am pretty proud of my self so far.. I have been on my period during these days - and I have been very very stressed and tired, which normally would end in binges. But I have been sticking very well to 2 shakes and a "salad" - aka mostly veggies and some lean protein in a small portion for dinner.. I actually haven't managed to finish my portions even.. And I have always managed to sort of work around my diet and find excuses and cheats- and I haven't even had to. The big test will be tomorrow though.. I normally fuck up my plans during the weekend. So this will be the big challenge.

But I am actually feeling pretty good about it - its like - so empowering to just ignore food, if you know what I mean. I could see my self "eat" like this for weeks, even months.. That has never happened before.. I mean I might try to swap the salad for soup- but you guys get the idea.. Also.. I am not sure if it is the diet pills, or the fact that I am drinking something aka tea/water/coffee all the time .. But I don't feel that hungry even.. Which is a bliss..

Renovation update.. We should officially be done the 21st of December lol..
They are done with the kitchen and bathroom - and they are going to touch up the paint and finish up the floor details next week. But the first available time to get the hallways wardrobe installed was the 20th, and they will come to fix the walk-in closet the day after. They didn't have that many fun option for the last part - but it will be OK for what we are going to use that closet for.

We bought a wardrobe from Ikea for our bedroom, so we gonna fix that this weekend. Hopefully we will be most in place with most things during this weekend and can use the extra bedroom for storage until the rest of the stuff are done.

We also need to buy a new bed.. The frame on the one I have is pretty worn down cause of all the moving (I have had it for around 10 years now) - but it is very good quality, so we are gonna buy a new frame and use the mattress from the one we have. - we are probably just gonna buy that from ikea as well. Will see :)

Anyways - Work day almost over :) I want to wish you all a great weekend .. Gonna leave you with this song.. Just came over it on youtube and I am loving it..

@ Claire: Sounds great.. We can talk about the details of how to later :) Really looking forward to this- and I think it is an amazing idea to post it on the blog - I will most likely update it my self :)




Man... I could sleep and sleep and sleep for days... I am so freaking tired.. And as if that wasn't enough I have the worst "monthly visit" EVER... I have been having cramps from hell since yesterday and my whole body is shivering.. :S

@ Claire: I got these - they are supposed to control the hunger and sugar cravings. There are very strict rules about what you can get of these things here - and I bought them from a health store - so they should be safe :) They also have folic acid, and vitamin B6 - B12 and so on and they are aspartame free. So nothing shady. I buy my protein shakes from the same place - so it should all be good. And ya I am adding the fruit for the fiber - and I will get plenty from the salad too. So it should be good..  Btw - that is no TMI ^^ You would be surprised to see how often ppl on blogger - specially the ones on weightloss blogs talk about BM ^^ it is very important part of it all, so nw :)

... Anywho :)

Today I am working from the office, which is actually good.. I have been missing the guys and it was easy to see that I had been missed :) .. BUT the most important reason why I have missed being at work is tea and coffee lol.. Not having a kitchen - and having everything packed away means no tea/coffee - I could just put the Nespresso machine in the living room - but with all the work that is still going on - I didnt want to get all dirty. So I have been DYING for a cup of properly made tea or coffee lol.. The office coffee sucks but yesterday I was such a desperado! I could have anything lol .. Good thing  I don't have as many as I used to.. Imagine the horror... *shiver*

Another "bright" side of moving in the middle of the renovation and having no wardrobes or anything in place - is that I have nothing clean to wear.. I am digging up my "fat" cloths.. So yes yes I know all my cloths are fat cloths-.. but these are the ones that make me feel extra fat.. You know what I mean ? But then I guess no matter what size we get/ are - we always have those "fat cloths" which make us feel a tad blah... I can not WAIT to change my whole wardrobe when I reach my goal.

Anyways- no matter how things go I am getting back on the exercise track from next week. Our living room is actually much bigger than I thought it was so I have room to have the mill out all the time. And finally to put it into good use. I found out that I could buy a proper treadmill instead of the one I bought for the same price... The one I have is for walking - power walking. You can not run on it - cause the walking thingi-- (the thing you walk on.. what is it called? ) anywho- it is too short to run on.. But you can do some fast walking aka up to 10 km/h on it. Which I guess is the same as a slow ish jog? Isn't it? - oh and it also has a prefixed incline which is good.

Ugg.. Again.. I gotta finish up this post.. Too much seem to be happning at work so I really cant focus :S



Gaaaaahhhh... New game plan!

I have no idea how much I weigh.. I just know I feel huge.. No no.. Correction.. I look HUGE... So new plan starting tomorrow...

- Breakfast : Protein shake 105 cal
- Lunch: Protein shake 105 cal
- Snack : Fruit 80 cal
- Dinner : Salad 300 cal
 Drinks: Tea - Coffee - Water

I have probably over calculated the amount of the cals - but better to count a tad too much than too little. So this means around 600 cals and barely any carbs. Planning on going on it for a while.. I feel too yucky not too... Starting the diet pills from tomorrow too. I never got to use them cause hubby had packed them all away.. I had to digg through a bunch of boxes to find them.. Ah well.. Got them in my purse now..

Headaches and all that jazz....


Today I am working from home... The moving went... Well, lets just say the weather was soo horrid- and the wind so strong that they were warning people about going out.. Our couch got showered down by the rain.. But ya we have officially moved..

Moving update.. Well they had to redo the floors 3 times.. And some parts of it are still :S but I just told them to let it be. Everytime they redid it - they managed to damage something else.. Ofc we will withdraw it from their payment but it is enough now..

They did come with the bench yesterday - but parts of it had the wrong measurement so they had to take it back. They are coming again today . thank God.. and if everything goes as planned we should be done with everything but the wardrobes by Friday. Lets keep them crossed. Well everything but the wardrobe.. I am supposed to hear about that today.. hehe..

I want to say welcome to the new followers and for the comments and all the luck you wished us. I must admit that I have missed you girls and can not wait to get updated on your blogs :)

To those of you I have on MFP - I will get back on it properly from next week. Things are way too messy right now.

@ Claire: I would love to do the Rusty's VIFW with you :) - I am going to get back to the gym properly from next week and build up come condition and get on the program from the second week of January- second week since we have a trip to Oslo coming up in the first week. I am thinking about doing his 2 day split - and follow the 12 week cardio program. Let me know if you rather want to keep up this on facebook/msn/mail and I will send you the info :)

I am not sure if I can say that IF/eat stop eat was a very good experience for me. I had a bad headache all day- eventhough I was drinking enough. I will try it again - and see how it goes. I wasn't really hungry - the hunger went away after a little while.. The headache... It lasted until the day after.. So ya..

Let me know about how you guys do it - or if there is something I should think about.

@Thinpls: Rusty's ebook has both.. He is very cardio oriented and he aims for the "lean hollywood look" and not the bulky one. His weight training in the book are to tone up- and the cardio to burn fat. I love his program and I highly recommend his blog and his program.

I am aware of the fact that I haven't been on it - cause I have been too busy/lazy or whatever the excuse might be. But I really believe he knows what he is talking about. And he knows what women want from the program.

@ Does it even matter: I will - I will post the pics when it is pretty! ^^

Anyway - gonna try to get updated on work and your blogs :)



The little experiment..

OK.. I am going to start with the 60 day challenge.. Even though I have had fun with the questions - I haven't really been able to commit to it.. I might restart it after newyears but meh.. Will see..

Now over to the experiment.. As you guys might remember I have mentioned Rusty Moore a few times before.. I read about him the first time months ago in Harlow's blog and I have loved him and his ideas ever since. I bought his e-book Visual impact for woman months ago (ashamed to say that I haven't been doing much more than reading there but I will put it into use) ... Anywho.. When I bought the E-book, I also started getting his newsletter. A while back I got this document about IF - intermittent fasting. This document has a whole lot of info about IF - and how to use it and what it is good for and so on. The version that I am going to try is the one Rusty has talked about in his blog several times and it is called eat stop eat.

Eat Stop Eat
(24 hour fast, 1 or 2 times per week)
On this plan, you fast for a full 24 hours once or twice per week, eating sensibly (higher protein, minimizing processed foods, etc.) the rest of the week. It’s flexible: You can choose whichever 24 hours you want. Want to fast from breakfast to breakfast? That’s cool. Just eat breakfast on Monday, and don’t eat again until breakfast on Tuesday. Want to fast dinner to dinner? That’s cool too. Eat dinner on Wednesday, and don’t eat again until dinner on Thursday.

So that is what I am doing today. I had my meal about 19:30 last night. And I wont eat until after 8 PM today. Now the reason why I want to do this :

I have mentioned over and over and over how I have don't seem to stop eating when I am full- or I eat while I am not really hungry.. I think most of the times I feel hungry.. I am hungry cause I THINK I am hungry.. Not cause I am.. And what I want from IF is to learn the actually body hunger - and learn to recognize it in my everyday. I think when I restrict .. I often eat for the sake of eating.. Not because I am very hungry and need to eat. I always eat cause I want to eat.

I told hubby that I was going to try it - and explained what I wanted to achieve from it. He actually for once agree's that it is a good idea.


I am also putting together an exercise plan which I want to get on after new years. Until then I want to focus on doing cardio - getting in a better shape - and learn to control my appetite.. (Yet again).. I am still not going to stress with it. We will have a whole lot on our hands even after we move - not having the kitchen ready - and so on.. So I aim to get back on the exercise mode from December 5'th..

I will post a detailed plan when it is ready and I am ready hehe ..

Off for now ..



Forgot to say :) Happy turkey day :)


Oh so very tired..

Week four!
Weekly challenge: Switch up your diet. Try one fruit and one vegetable you’ve never tried before, and learn how to cook a new healthy meal.

Well this weeks challenge wont really happen. I do try new fruit and veggies often - but we are moving this weekend, and wont have a kitchen for a week ish. And I am actually quite good at cooking - so I guess this weeks challenge isn't really applying to me..

Day twenty-two: Are you generally smaller or larger than your friends?
Larger I think.. Larger than most of them.. I think that I am larger than everyone ....

Day twenty-three: Do you feel that your weight holds you back socially?
Sometimes I feel horrid about going out and dread it.. I have several times just cancelled - cause it got too much.

Day twenty-four: Is losing weight one of your top priorities in life?
This question really makes me sad.. But it is..

Yet another Wednesday where I am skipping the weigh-in. I haven't really been eating much the last few days, but I dunno..

I'm just so tired .. We are moving this weekend, and we haven't started packing even. So I asked for Friday and next Monday off. .. Hopefully the floor guy will fix his shit today or tomorrow. This guy is chewing on my last nerve. Hubby had a "Dude you better get your act together soon, or we wont be that nice anymore" talk with him the other day. So ya..

On the bright side- the bathroom is finished! Yaay for that :) Our bathroom is small, but it is enough for now .. We are probably going to move again in 4-5 years ish.. So ya..

Anyway.. Got ttly out of focus here.. So I am going to just finish the post :)

Moving this weekend btw - Might not have internet access for few days.



Weekend update..

Day nineteen: Have you ever lied to avoid eating something?

Day twenty: Do you binge? How often and what triggers it?
Yes.. I dunno :S Emotions.. failing...

Day twenty-one: Do you listen to music when you work out?
Yes, I can't really focus on working out unless I have music..

This weekend has been pretty busy.. And I will be away on seminars with the next two days. I will be working some time from there - but wont be that much on.. And we are moving next weekend...

Visited the flat today. The place is starting to look amazing.. But we found some issues with part of the florr that the guy has put down. I've sent him an email about it.. So hopefully that guy will fix it soon. I have been very disappointed over the stupid carpenter.. I just hope he fixes the last things that he is supposed to and we can get rid of him..

Anywho.. I bought some diet pills - they are supposed to reduce appetite- and I am getting on them from tomorrow..

Anywho, we had dinner with hubby's family today. And his uncles wife has gotten scary skinny. I mean.. She is ana skinny.. I hadn't seen her since our wedding, but she is now even smaller. She is very tall and she has alawys been thin, but now it's insane.. I don't think she has an ED though.. Gah.. I have no idea..

Gotta go now...



Day 18..

Day eighteen: Do you have to eat any meals with your family? Are they for or against your diet?
Hubby and I almost always have dinner together and we have meals at the same time on the weekends, unless he is away for work. I think he is neither.


I have been very tired the last couple of days. Work has been insane thanks to server crashes and issues. I have been very stressed out at work, which is really effecting the pain in my arms..
I have also been very frustrated.. It seems like I lose a few lbs, and then I just gain it right back eventhough I am not overeating. It is very very very frustrating. And today I have been tempted to binge all day. I haven't thought.. Todays intake so far is 956 calories, and I am not planning to eat anything else today and I wont do it either.

I just don't understand how it can be. I mean.. I dunno.. And today I was thinking all sort of thought.. About how I should just quit.. But I think that is where my problem lays--doesn't it? I give up as soon as something goes wrong. I should just keep going and see how it goes.. I should stop getting on the scale everyday and let the number dictate my mood... I guess eventhough I can not stay away from the scale.. I WILL keep going and keep trying.. With this sort of dificit I will lose the weight eventually.. Wont I ?

But I think.. If I am not losing weight more properly in a couple of weeks I will go back to carb counting.. I don't care if it makes me ill.. I need to get rid of this fat.


Today after work we went to the flat and it is starting to shape up very very nice :) I can not wait for it to be ready so I can show you guys what a huge difference we are talking about :)

The bathroom will be done on Monday- and the painters will be done tomorrow. We will still have to wait on the doors to be painted but that isn't really something to worry about. The floors are done, they just need to put the finishing touches to it and finish up the floors in the walk-in closet.

Decided on not having a door into the kitchen. It just made sense cause of the way the floor and the wall is shaped.. The kitchen cabinets were up, and tomorrow they will come and measure the bench and order it in. It will arrive on not the coming Monday - but the one after. And it will take a couple of days to get it in place - and when that is done, we just need to put the finishing touches to the kichen wall.

Hehe, I think I am gonna shut up about now.. I might even make a V-log when we are in place dunno.. Will see..

Anyways.. I should be off. Getting pretty late and I am dead tired..



Day 17...

Day seventeen: Have you ever been called fat? Or skinny?
Yup.. Been called for both.. When I was at my lowest weight (which was still couple of kg's over my normal BMI range) - everyone used to say how skinny I look. I guess I have a small frame that made me look smaller?? And yes I have been called for fat way too many times.. It started with my mom calling me for it when I was pretty young.. And it happened again over the years..

I am pretty tired today.. I woke up with a very unsettles tummy. Dunno why it is acting up.. Hopefully it will be over soon. Yesterdays calories inn were 1143 - out 204 = net 939. Gym yesterday was Ok.. I pushed my self past my "omg I can not move my legs level" .. And I realized yet again how bad my shape is heh.. I guess it will get better soon.

Anywho.. Don't have much to say today..



Day 16...

Day sixteen: Have you ever missed a work out just because you couldn’t be bothered?
Yup.. Way too many time.. Not going to try to explain even - I would only have excuses and I don't want to keep making excuses..

We had to get up way too early today too.. We had to meet the handyman at the other flat again.. Things are going way too slow in my opinion. We were planning on moving some of the stuff over this weekend. But I doubt it can happen. So it will be one big move next weekend. Bathroom seems to be shaping out pretty nice though :) So that is good.

But today we got to know that we have to change our el - central. It seems to be too old and not good enough to hold everything in the kitchen- so yet another cost.. And we couldn't change the doors - something about having to change everything.. So we are having the painters to paint those too - which is yet another cost _(costs more to paint them than to buy new ones.. WTF... ) . Not to forget about the floors in the kitchen and hallway.. Those had to be redone - cause they weren't put down properly.. So they had to put some sand - and some other plates under and then the wood-floors.. So the sand and the plates were extra cost too.. So far is this renovation is costing us around 60k US dollars and I really hope it stops there - cause we still need to fix the wardrobe in the hallway - and the walk-in closet.. *sigh*

I haven't had money worries the last year or so .. And it has been a blessing.. But I must say I am sort of worried about it now.. I am sure it will be fine - but ya.. I hate this feeling..

Anywho.. Yesterdays eats were so so so much better than the weekend. I am feeling really good about the plan. Yesterdays net was 1032 calories. I did have one mindless munching episode and I started thinking about why I was eating what I was eating.. So today my focus is to have the "talk" with my self BEFORE I start eating and not during :)

Uhm :) I guess that's it for now :)



Day 15...

Week three!
Weekly challenge: Add an extra 30 minutes to each work out this week, or if you weren’t going to work out at all one day, work out for 30 minutes!

Day fifteen: What is your favourite kind of exercise?
Hum.. I actually like the elliptical (does it count as an exercise? ).. Easy on my joints and I guess a good overall machine..

New week- new day.. New plan:

Step one :

I am going to stop eating stupidly little for days, for then to end up in a binge mode.. I am going to keep my eats to 1200 calories and stop forcing my self to go around hungry... And then binge.. And so on..

Step two: 

I am starting an emotion journal. I am going to write down when I eat - and when I get hungry. And I want to write down WHY I feel hungry. This way I hope to learn to tell the emotional hunger apart from actual hunger.

Step three: 

I will exercise. I am not aiming for much- I want exercise 3-4 times a week - no less than 30 mins.

Step four: 

I will plan my eats- and will practise portion control. No more mindless munching..

That's it for now..

@ Nasimiyu :
The post started with a moron talking about how sick she was of MFP letting ppl with Ana on the site- and that they should be removed.
Then another moron agreed and said "I hope they learn to enjoy small part of the life and stop being vain"
That's where I flipped and said she needed a reality check.. And the ball started rolling..
Most of the comments were on how stupid that comment was - and that if MFP was to ignore people with one ED - it should ignore all of them - AKA overeating and so on..
And how fucked up it was to say something like this.. Cause if someone wants the count their intake they do it  no matter of the fact that they can use MFP.
And it rolled over to how stupid it was to not judge the ones who cheer each others bad habits on.. Saying it is ok to eat if it's off your kids plate and so on..

So ya.. It was ttly fucked up...



Sunday update..

So I am not going to post all my eats here. And the reason is cause it takes a tad too much time :S and I am sort of lazy and don't want to spend the time on it :S Sowwy.. But I am still on MFP.. So do add me if you wanna :)

Day twelve: What are your friend’s eating habits like?
- My friends are either eat what you want sort of ppl or always on a diet sort of ppl..

Day thirteen: Is your diet ever negatively influenced by your friends? Do they pressure/tempt you to eat unhealthy food?
- YES! not as much now since I barely have any friends here lol .. But ya.. The "oh one cookie/drink wont hurt you" comment - is something that I have gotten over and over..

Day fourteen: Do you ever allow yourself a “rest day” from exercise or a “cheat day” from your diet?
- OMFG lol.. My whole life is a fucking rest/cheat day lol.. If it wasn't I would be a fatty now- would I ?? So ya.. If I get to the stage I want with my eats and exercise. I might .. But for now.. Nope..

This weekend hasn't been that great.. Well not with food.. We had the office party on Friday after work (which I had forgotten about :S ).. anywho... We had beers and Tapas, burgers... The greens that were there were either fried.. Or oiled down.. Yesterday we went out to dinner with my American co-worker. She hadn't had proper sushi here yet so that was the plan.. I had a glass of white wine and veggie/mix sushi..


I really need to get this "plan your meals" thing - and do it properly.. :S

Gotta get off now.. Need to clean around the house for a while.. pack a bit.. And hit the gym if I can fetch it in time..



busy weekend..

Ugg my eats were horrid yesterday thanks to the office afterwork party. Today has been ok if you ignore the rolls I had.. But still in my calorie budget. Going out for sushi dinner tonights. Don't have much time for a proper post now- but I will make one with the eats details and the challenge questions either tomorrow or on Monday...

Oh and we were at the new flat earlier today.. The bedrooms are almost ready :) The light purple is a tad more purple than white but it is still very pretty..

Anywho.. Gotta run..


Edit: Went by the American store - and thank to the very overpriced lovely ppl there I now have 10 cal sugar free Jello- and PAM cooking spray.. Yay for that hehe :)




Sometimes I HATE forums.. I noticed this post on MFP .. And I am so pissed lol ..
I HATE ignorant ppl like that.. Stupid moronic ppl!

Oh and ya. the "kittz30" comments are from me.. lol..

Stupid ppl..

Day 11...

Day eleven: What are your family’s eating habits like?
Depends on what you define as family.. Being Persian, EVERYTHING revolved around food. While I grew up.. Food was my safety.. My friend..
Now.. My husband and I.. I guess I can't really define our habits.. He eats enough for 2( and still weighs in no more than 140 lbs lol) and I guess.. I have my good and bad days..

I finally bought a new HRM yesterday. a Polar FT7.. and I love it.. It is SO much easier to use than the old one.. And I just start it and when I stop it - I get my beats and my calorie burned numbers right up.. I don't have to use a freaking book to see where to click for everything I want it to do..

And since you guys think it is a good idea for me to post my eats. I am going to do it.. :) Probably a good idea to help me keep my limits. There is no easy way to do it using MFP.. even the reports suck lol :P And since most of the products I eat are nordic brands - it would be hard for you guys to see what it is anyhow. So I can just write it down here. My eats can be very very boring.. And I tend to pretty much almost eat the same stuff over and over again... So ya hehe

This week so far :

  • Breakfast: Nespresson coffee (10 cal) - Actimel pro bio drink 0.1% fat (28 cal) - Green tea (0 cal)
  • Lunch: medium banana (105 cal) - Coffee made from grounds (2 cal) - Green tea (0 cal)
  • Dinner: Weight-watchers frozen meal, Vegetarian moussaka (274 cal)
  • Snacks: Eat natural macadamia bar (156 cal), Wasa - Crisp'n Light 7 Grain, 2 slices (40 cal), Polar extreme whole wheat bun (184 cal), Philadelphia cream cheese light (56 cal), Half tomato (14 cal), 10 salt pretzel (10 cal) 
Total inn: 908 Calories - 133 gr carbs - 25 gr fat - 28 gr protein
Exercise: 90 calories burned 
Net: 818 

  • Breakfast: Nespresso coffee x2 (20 cal) - medium banana (105 cal) - Green tea (0 cal)
  • Lunch: Low fat butter 10 gr (28 cal) - 3% fat turkey ham 25 gr (25 cal) - Paprika 30gr (8 cal) - Pågen wholewheat bread 2 slices (144 cal)
  • Dinner: Weight-watchers frozen meal, green pepper chicken (342 cal) - Rice and chicken sag (378 cal)
  • Snacks: Coffee 2 cups made from grounds (4 cal) - medium banana (105 cal) - Ica - Melonmix, 180 gr (180 gr)
Total inn: 1226 calories - carbs 197 gr - fat 20 gr - Protein 66 gr
Exercise: 260 calories burned
Net: 962 

  • Breakfast: Actimel pro bio drink 0.1% fat (28 cal) - Fruit - Apple, Gala, Medium (72 cal)
  • Lunch: Low fat butter 10 gr (28 cal) - 3% fat turkey ham 30 gr (30 cal) - Paprika 30gr (8 cal) - Pågen wholewheat bread 2 slices (144 cal) - Green tea (0 cal)
  • Dinner: Subway - 6 Inch Double Turkey,Honey Oat Bread, No Cheese & honeymustard, lettuce, paprika, cucumber (379 cal)
  • Snacks: 10 salt pretzel (10 cal) - medium banana (105 cal) - Coffee made from grounds (2 cal) 
Total inn: 835 calories, 156 gr carbs, 12 gr fat, 56 gr protein
Exercise: 0 (we walked around ALOT doing errands but I don't think it counts)
Net: 835

There :) I have planned my todays eats - but since it might change, I am going to post it the day after. I also drink between 2 to 3 L water a day. I chug down one liter during work days and the rest at home. 

I am finally starting to get back to the weight I was before the "week" and the TGIF episode.. So that's good..  Aiming to be under that by the end of this week. 

Anyway.. Off for now :) 



Should I ...

Post my daily eats here?? Or maybe weekly??

Anyone ??

Day 10..

Day ten: Do you eat breakfast? What do you usually have?
Yes I do now :) I normally have half a sandwich with turkey ham OR fruit (apple/banana/melon) with a small pro- bio drink. And a cup of green tea. In the weekends I like to have something different- the last couple weeks I have made scrambled eggs from 1 whole egg and 2-3 egg-whites with green bell peppers/mushrooms - something I have in the fridge. And I have a dry toast with it.

Sort of tired today... We went to the gym around 20:30 and when we got there I realised I had forgotten my shoes :S So went back home.. Picked up the shoes.. Went back to the gym.. And I REALLY didn't want to.. Got in 20 mins of exercise.. Not much to brag about.. But having been there twice this week already, is better than the 0 I have had before.. So ya.. I have NOT lost any weight this week.. I know it's only been two days.. but ya.. :( ... I guess I have to suck it up.. Stop being naggy about it, only cause I have been getting my act together for few days. And wait for the results to show.

@ Seeking Something Else : I love that you are in on the 60 day challenge :) I found it on Samzi's blog and it seemed like a blast.. I am not sure if I should post every thing I have done/plan to do after the instructions from the challenge though.. I guess as long as I actually do it, is what matters?

And Persian food is actually very yummy. It is normally stews made of chicken/meat- veggies/lentils - in a herb/tomato based sauce. We also have a bunch of good soups - and kebobs, and even lentils, vegs cooked in the rice - sort of like an Indian biryani . It is sad that now a days people seem to be adding more fat and butter to the stews and such, cause back in the days Persian food very balanced. Our food is spiced but not hot (unless you are from the south part of the country) ..

I have tried to make some of the stews meat free and they have been very very yummy :) I also tend to just bake the veg's in the oven - or add them raw in the stew, instead of frying it first (many many many ppl fry them first :S ).. Here are some pages where you can find recipes and so on, if you want to try to make some Here and here are the links..  One of my most fav dishes is this one  , it is a chicken stew on a walnut and pomegranate sauce.. It has every flavour you would want in a dish hehe... (I think atleast :P )

Didn't you live in the UK? There are some amazing Persian restaurants in London, mostly placed around Kensington..

Erm ya hehe :)

Oh and I agree with what everyone said about the gastro dude.. We all saw it coming.. I don't really feel sorry for him.. But his little girl.. She is so pretty and smart.. And I would hate to see something happen to her.. The chances of her growing up to be very overweight.. Or having an eating disorder are very very very big with a dad like that... I did ask him about his treatment before.. He did get a bunch of info and such BEFORE his surgery. And now I heard something about going to weigh-in session once a month or so.. But nothing else. As far as I know, he has been given a nutrition plan.. Following it is another story...

@ Miranda.. Sorry for being woozy.. I forgot to reply back on your comment :S
It is going to be fun with a new kitchen :) Maybe you get some fun ideas from ours when it's done ^^ (IF we ever get done :P )



Day 9!

Day nine: What is your favourite food, healthy or unhealthy.
Oh that's a hard one.. I love food.. Cooking it .. Eating it (duuh) .. I have fav's in each food group.. But if we are going to go general.. I guess I would say "Persian food" .. if that is even a valid option :)


Went to the gym last night.. I think the HRM I got from my hubby is fucked.. I know it was an outdated model but it should have worked.. It said that I only burned 40 cals on the elliptical .. while the machine said 134.. So erm ya.. I think I will buy a new one.. It really made me frustrated.. And then on our way home from gym we had to do some small grocery shopping.. (bread - yoghrt- apples) .. And I wanted to try this new low fat brand of yogurt.. I looked up the cals and it was on.. The label didn't give much info. So I thought I would go on the producers site when I get home and punch the info in MFP..

Got home- got online.. And they didn't have any more details on their webpage either.. And guess who ended up having a meltdown over yogurt.. Yup you guessed right.. My poor hubby.. He was all "omg what's wrong" and there I am sobbing over how the freaking yogurt label/site didn't say how much sugar and fiber it was in the shit.. He ended up calculating it all for me (the site gave % and no number)..

Does this happen to you guys.. I tend to have meltdown while grocery shopping - if the stuff I normally have are not there.. Or if something like this happens.. And I am not sure if it's "normal" lol...

PS: @ Miranda.. They never put calories on the menus here.. I have found nutrition info on some web pages.. But that is something that rarely happens. I didn't even find the info from the TGIFridays on their Swedish site.. I got the numbers from MFP..

Anywho... This will be a LOOONNGGG day.. Gonna have a meeting from 1 - 5 :S Freaking 4 hours.. I get tired just thinking about it....

Oh and I want to say thanks for the comments yesterday.. I ttly agree.. The surgery was such a waste of tax money on this dude.. I just can not believe how fast it is backfiring.. I mean he had the surgery done mid august. and it's only been 3 months.. I don't understand how it is even possible...

Sorry for the messy post btw.. I don't seem to be able to focus on it long enough... heh,,



Gastro dude is gaining!

You guys remember my co'worker from this post .. As I mentioned before he was back from his surgery recovery in end of September.. And he has been loosing a bunch of weight..

But guess what.. He is gaining again...

I am just talking to this girl at work.. and it is noticeable.. His face is growing again..


And we can guess why.. His eats are insane....

Anywho.. had a little mean lol moment I had to share ...


Renovation madness and all that Jazz!

Day seven: Do your friends and family know you are trying to lose weight?
Well duuuhh yaa lol - they have seen me yoyo up and down for years.. Some know more than others but ya.. They do.. 

Week Two!
If you broke your unhealthy habit for one week, congratulations! Why not try two weeks?
I actually have - until today ( I will eat something as we speak) - and yup  Iwill.. 

Weekly challenge: Get organised! This week try to plan tomorrow’s meal the night before.
I am going to do that. I should really get organised. I love planning so ya I guess I will add that to the list. 

Day eight: Name 5 things you like about your body (you can do it) and the one body part you’d like to change the most.
- I love my eyes and my eye lashes.. I have big brown eyes and long lashes :) 
- I love the shape of my lips and my smile. I have pretty full lips so ya :) 
- My cheekbones.. Eventhough I am overweight now, they are still pretty much easy to notice and see. 
- My hands/nails - I dunno why.. Just do hehe :) 
- My waist - being hour glass shapes - my waist is always so much smaller than the rest of me.. 

Ooohh.. Only one part I want to change most.. Hmmm... I guess my upper arms.. I HATE how huge they are no matter how much I lose weight.. So ya.. I guess that would be one of the part I would like to change most.. 


This weekend has been OK.. Yesterday was the first day in ages - hubby and I had time to relax together. We had to go out and do laundry and blabla.. But we had a few small hours where we got to just be and hang. 

But today is Monday and everything is on again.. We met the painters early this morning... We had to give him the last key we have to the apartment. We have 3 keys.. We gave one to the people fixing the bathroom (they say they will be done by the end of this week.. Doesn't seem so yet - but we will see) - Second one is with the guy that is fixing the floors and that is going to put up the kitchen. He is from the Co we bought the kitchen from so ya. And today we had to give the last one to the painters. The guy is going to be working late and so on - so we didn't have a choice ... 

They are really strict with how many keys you can have .. And our main key (the one to the main door of the building and so on) is just a tag.. And we can not copy that.. So ya.. I guess we just have to plan around with the guys working there when we need to get into the flat lol... 

But ya.. If everything goes as planned- The bathroom will be done by the end of this week. The flooring will also be done by then. The painters will be done by the end of next week. 

The kitchen cabinets are being delivered Friday. And they have two weeks to assemble and hang them up. The kitchen wont be done before mid December though - since they have to order the stone bench AFTER the kitchen is up.. So ya.. It will be a bless to live off microwave food for like 3 weeks hehe.. Thank God for the weight-watcher options lol.. 

And we still haven't started packing.. I guess I will have to get on with that this weekend. And pack as much as possible. 

Anywho.. Time to try to focus on work... 

I was late this morning cause of the painters.. And probably will have to work over - or during lunch.. So ya... 



Day 6 and TGIF....

Day six: Have you ever been overweight or underweight?
Overweight.. Still am.... 

OMG.. I did so good today .. All day.. And then I met my American coworker and we went out and we had dinner at TGIFriday's... and OMFG.. I just punched in my dinner on MFP.. and the dinner was over 3k calories.. UGG... WTF..... I feel sick to my guts now... That's it.. From now on.. Dinners out = sides only.. 


Day 5!

Day five: Is there any specific event you want to lose the weight for?

Yup... I call that event life..

Short post today.. Got a bunch to do at work... and I am really tired..



Day 4!

Day four: Do you work out? How many times a week?
Nope.. I don't.. My goal is to start working out more when the moving madness settles- and I hope to be able to start the couch 25k running more properly now.

I am feeling much much much better today.. Thank you so much for your support ladies.
I had my low day and I had my cookies and I am feeling so much better. I guess I just needed to vent :) Thanks for being there <3

So I am back on track again - and I am having some hunger pangs - which is normal since I have been eating probably a bit too much during the "week" .. But I am dealing with it. Hubby is going away this weekend - probably will be back Saturday night or Sunday morning but ya - I am planning to use those days to get back in control of the eats instead of binging (Which I normally do when he is away)..

I am planning to eat light and low cal stuff during the day so I don't get tempted to a "binge" mode being hungry.

Ooohhh girls.. Shitloads of stuff are happening!
So just got an email from the painters- they can start painting everything on Monday.. I am thinking about having the same colour in the kitchen, living-room and the hallway.. The colour I want for those rooms is called chalk - so it is a grey shade of white.. It is the same colour that we have in the living-room where we live now, it works perfectly with our couch and the stainless stuff we are going to have in the kitchen.

The bedrooms and the walk-in closet are going to be white with a very light shade of purple in them. I want to have the warmth from it. The door and window frames are going to be in white- plain white. We are even going to paint the radiator and those will be in the same colour as the walls...

I got my faith back heheh - Cause I think this will look great..

Did I mention the wardrobe that is in the hallway? We (AKA I) decided to go for the doors that you can shove to the sides.. The doors will go from the ceiling to the floors.. Going to have one of the doors in plain white and the other going to be a mirror door. I hate the idea of not having a mirror in the hallway on my way out (even though I don't always enjoy what I see there) but ya :) - reminds me I have to call them too and make an appointment. 

Man I don't seem to be able to finish this post --- Insane at work today... Off for now




I need to get this off my chest...

I have the mental war going on.. Again.. I am not sure if it ever stopped. Will it ever stop?
I have the extreme urge to B/P.. But I can't.. I am at work. I wont.. I have been good for weeks...

I am really stressed over the fact that I told my TL about me having fibromyalgia. I am scared that it will effect my raise next year...

I am stressing over everything that can go wrong with the renovation.. Hubby is putting his trust in my decisions.. Me making the place into ours.. What if it doesn't look as I think it will.. *sigh*

I want to take a break.. From my head.. My mind... My body.. The pain.. The urge..
Can one take a break from it all?

SMALL STEPS UPWARD... I don't understand how.. I just can't make it happen... I feel like it always has been a matter of do or don't.. Decisions.. Decisions.. Planning.. Planning every single step of my life.... 

My life is a planning project.. I keep planning..

Where to live.. What to eat.. What to wear.. What to feel.. How to act.. How to hide away.. How to deal with the pain.. How to control the urge.. What NOT to eat...  What to do...

Do you ever find your self fed up with making decisions all the time?? Planning everything?? Being afraid... Afraid of failing.. Or not making it happen.. Tired of being disappointed in who you are and what you do? Tired of feeling like you are not enough.. Tired of how you don't seem to be able to keep it together like others do... Tired of it all..

Sometimes I look at people.. The ones like my hubby who eat what they want.. When they want it.. They exercise when they feel like it.. And I think for my self. Can I do that? And I give my self the answer "no" ... before I am done thinking of the question..

I can't be trusted with food.. I can't be trusted... I will binge.. I will get fatter..

I wish I could though.. It would be just a bliss..

Anyways.. I might need a break from blogger too.. But I will still read and comment... And I will probably keep on the 60 day challenge cause I find it to be fun and no struggle. But we will see..

Just need to silence my head first..



I have gained like 300 grams ish since my last weigh in. I guess it could be worse- but ya... I am not taking it too harsh since it was the first weigh in after my period, and I tend to gain during those days.. Next weigh in will be much better.. 

Day 3: Do you count calories? What is your daily calorie goal/allowance?
According to MFP it should be 1260. I have been eating around/under that on my good days.. (Unless you wanna have a look at the "that time of the month" days)

Anywho.. Sort of sore and cranky today.. So I'm gonna be off for now. 



Day 2!

Day two: What is your MAIN reason for wanting to lose weight? (Be honest.)

I want to feel good in my cloths.. Be able to shop where I want and wear what I want. I want to spend my money on fashion items instead of overpriced cloths in bigger sizes. And I think losing the weight will help my fibro pain pangs..

So ya.. Yesterday after work while we were running around taking care of errands, I got a call.. The call came from the union our new flat is a part of.. And the guy was like "How is going with the accident you had in the bathroom today- we have had to close down the water for the radiators and we wonder if we can turn it on again" .. And I was like "wwoooooootttttt are you talking about" ..

So apparently the guy that was taking out the floors in the bathroom had hit a pipe.. The pipe leading to the whole buildings radiator system.. So they had to shut down the water to it - and then have the plumber come and patch it right away.. BUT apparently there had been water all over the bathroom for around an hour..

Lucky:  it was in the bathroom and they could drain it.. Unlucky: it happened AFTER they had removed the floors the the people living in the floor under us might have a leak...

So today we have been up since like 6... And been over at the other place since 7.. Talked to the plumber and the contractor... And so on.. And we met the guy that is going to do the painting of the walls and floors for us.

Work started at 8 and I am soo soo tired .. hehe

Buuuutt! not to worry.. I has coffee!! I has tea.. And I shall survive.. hehehe

I am already half way with the intuitive eating book. And it makes so much sense. I am going to finish it up and do my research on it and most likely give it a shot from the new year.

I don't want to start yet another project at the moment with everything that is going on.. So ya.. I think it is smart to wait..

@ Miranda & Tempest: Thanks ^^ Can't wait for the renovation to be over.. It is such a mess there now hehe .. But I think it will turn out amazing by the time we are done with everything!

Going to end this post with couple of songs that I have been listening to over and over today.. Enjoy :)


Busy bee!

This weekend has been insane..
We got the flat on Friday and the work started on Saturday. They have stripped the kitchen cabinets and floor and the hallway floor and closet along with the walk-in closet. The bathroom renovation starts today.
We have bought new wooden floors.. It is black oak to put on the hallway floors, in the walk-in closet and the kitchen. It is very very pretty.

When we got the flat on Friday - I got this panicky feeling. It felt like it was too much. And the horrid smell.. Ugg.. But it is looking better already and the smell is almost gone after we removed the kitchen and the closet and so on. So that is a good sign. And I think it will get very pretty by the time we are done.

I couldn't find my camera so the before pictures are taken on my cell- hope they turn out OK.

Over to something else. I finished reading Unbearable Lightness last night and I loved it.. It was so easy and comfy to read.. And I could relate to her feelings and thought in so many levels. And the ending was just so nice. I also loved the ending and her thoughts around intuitive eating. How we should learn to listen to our body. Eat when it asks for it- stop when we are full. And I have never managed that. I never eat cause I am hungry, and stop cause I full. I either binge - or under eat cause of my counts. I have DL'ed this book on my kindle and I hope to get a how to plan.

It would be such a bliss to stop the counting- and the binging- and the "cravings".. The hunger.. The good/bad food lists.. So ya we will see how it goes.

On the other note I have "stolen" the 60 day challenge from Samzi and I want to start on it cause I think it sounds like such a fun plan. I have made a page for it. and going on it from today.

The weekly challenge is: 
Pick one unhealthy food or habit you have (eg. Artificial sweetener, chocolate, eating after 8pm, skipping breakfast) and aim to go 7 days without eating/doing it.

Mine will be skipping breakfast. I tend to skip it or not have anything more than tea/coffee. And then have a half of a sandwich around lunch time and count it as breakfast. So if there is one thing I have always wanted to change and think can do - is this.

Day 1: 

How tall are you, what do you currently weigh, and what do you hope to weigh after the 60 days? (Be realistic).

I am 163 cm tall (it's around 5'3.5 I think) - and I haven't been on the scale since Thursday cause I had my monthly visit. But my weight then was 108.7 kg aka 239.6 lbs. (Yup horrid but that's what it is). I hope to be under 100 kg after the 60 days. So I hope to lose 10 kg - aka 20 lbs. I think it a doable number.


I have been off MFP the last 3 days- and I haven't counted at all. We have been out all day almost, and my cell app is acting up. I have not been on the scale either cause I have had my period. It was over yesterday, and I will get on the scale on Wednesday for the planned weekly weigh- in. Really hope I have lost some weight. Can't really tell at the moment since I have been really bloated..

@ Sasha: Great, I am following the new blog as we speak :)
@ Star: Thanks for the follow hon- I had a look at your blog and it seemed to be in Spanish, hence why I am not following back. Let me know if you have a blog in English :)
@Mia, Miranda, Run: Ya I had a talk to my leader today and explained the situation. He understands and hopefully there will be no more stinky situations like that.
@Nasimiyu: I loved it.. Enjoy the read :)

Anywho.. Off for now




Watching the movie again.. I had a sudden urge.. Weird.. But it sure is full av motivation (aka girls with amazing bodies) hehe..

I have decided I am taking the rest of the week off. I sort of had an argue with my teamleder on Tuesday - which made my sucky day even worse.

The thing is I am like super over sensitive.. Extreme sound- light-- But the thing that I react most to is smell. I can not deal with fish- onion- garlic.. It has gone really bad with the fibromyalgi. But I never ever thought I would have to argue about it at work..

This guy at work keeps eating at his desk.. And you know I don't mind it cause normal people have like some fruit, or yogurt or something like that. But he eats like hot food - or salad with raw onions dunked in garlic dressing..

I have asked him several times to don't cause it really makes me sick.. I get really ill... And last Tuesday it got so bad.. His onion garlic shit- along with his fucking power ball.. (Yes ladies.. He brings a toy to work *sigh*).. And it was so bad that I moved from my desk and went downstairs with my laptop to work..

When I got back (like two hours later) - I had a chat with my teamleader, saying how ill this made me - and that I have brought it up several times and rest of the guys respect it but that fucktard..

And then he said "but he was only eating a salad" ..... Come on.... What the hell is that for a pro workplace? I love my job and most of my co-workers. And I am so sick of that guy..

It's not like I am being unfair, asking for something weird... Anywho.. The convo ended with an ultimatum from me.. I said "if this happenes again, and you do not tell him to stop, I am packing my shit and going him - and will work from home from then"..

But when I got home.. I just got more angry.. So I needed a break- and I decided to just take call in sick.. and I did that yesterday.. And today.. And will tomorrow..

But in the middle of all of this shit.. I got my period yesterday.. 8 days too early.. And today I woke up with a hell of UIT (Urinary tract infection).. Anywho.. I got to the doc and got some antibiotics for it.. And I am feeling better already but ya...

Anywho.. Enough about this shit... Tomorrow is the big day.. Taking over the new flat.. I am really looking forward to that..  :)

Yesterday didn't end up liquid, but I did really good with my eat- and woke up weigh in less than I did yesterday even with my period..

@ Seeking Something Else : thanks hon.. It is good to know that I am not alone hehe :)

Anywho... Off for now :)


THIS is what I want..

I came across this picture on tumblr and I LOVE it.... 


Today will be a "liquid" day..

I am taking the day off from work. I just couldn't deal with it. So I am home today. I haven't had a whole day at home since the last time where I was so ill I was coughing my lungs out hehe, so this is going to be good.

Last night I cleaned out my closet. I am tossing a whole lot of cloths. Stuff that are too old- or that don't fit right.. And today I am cleaning some more. Everything has been stuffed in closets for the showings we have had of our current place. So I want to get things out and put them where they are supposed to be.

I also want to clean the kitchen. It's been so messy- and I am tired of waiting on hubby to clean up after him self. So I am going to do it. I am also going to have a "liquid" day today. Aka - Coffe, tea, and a probiotic drink for breakfast , protein shake for lunch - and soup for dinner. Some more tea and couple liters of water for snack.

I am down around 5 lbs since I started watching and couting again. I am happy for that, but I am not really happy with how the last days have been, I mean sure the counts have been OK- but the content of what I have been eating could have been better. I think I would have lost more, if I had been more carefull. And that is exactly what I will be doing from today.


I am also going to have some girly time. I want to fix my nails and my eye brows. I also bought Portia De Rossi's book unberable lightness for my kindle. And I am really looking forward to read that :)

Anyways girls .. I am gonna get on that .. Take care of you all..



This picture is just soo funny! I wish I could lose wight bitching :P I'm really good at it lol


Has anyone seen Dr. Oz's story on Colleen Williams? She is 700 lbs.. *sigh* .. This story is insane.. I can not imagine that life.. And I am so afraid.. So so afraid.. I know if I do not change my life I could end up like that.. And I am so glad I restarted my journey few days ago.. That will not who I become...