I want to do another go on the low carb diet, keeping it strict through March/April and then start eating more of a less strict version of it
Try for another baby
Want to start trying for another baby this spring, we want another and if we get pregnant before my son turns 20 months, we will keep the same allowance as we have now when I go on maternity leave else it will stoop down to half of what it is (stupid rules, can go on about it another time)
I have been wanting to do this for ages.. You all know it.. If I start now I will be able to keep at it even when I get pregnant.
Do weight training 2-3 times a week..
I really need to work on my arm and back muscles.. Cause they are.. Well there almost isn't any muscle there worth mentioning!
Get my driving license
I'm almost done with everything.. Hopefully I will have my license in January/February.. It has taken much longer time that I thought it would!
Work and deal with my emotions instead of eating them away..
I envy the people who lose their appetite when they are sad.. Cause I just want to stuff my face.. And then stuff it some more
Take care of my looks..
I mean really.. I need to start putting on a touch of makeup when I get out.. Try to look decent even though I am fat.. I can not look like a stay home mom who has fully forgotten how to dress up..
The time I had off on my maternity leave, specially the last few months, where I have been ill and my husband had to stay home to take care of our son has really taken a toll on our economy.. We have had to dig into our savings and it has been rough..
My mood has been horrible.. I have been depressed and have just now started to feel a tad better.. However I have been blessed, and I want to try to keep reminding my self of that when life gets in the way..
I wont be doing the juice reboot... We can not afford it.. I went to the shop to buy all the veg ect and what it costs for me to be on a five day fast costs as much as what it costs for all of us to have proper good meals for a whole week..
And right now we just can not afford it... I feed us all with proper food, unprocessed (mostly) almost all the day.. Lets face it.. My problem is that I do not have any self control.. I need to get control over my eating.. My portions.. Everything.. And unless I do, no juice fast.. Nothing will help....
Why is it so hard for me to make friends?? I keep finding mutual grounds and people I would LOVE to hang out with online.. The latest being the lady who is running the English business course I am taking for my job.. But in the real life.. Where it kind of matter.. Seems like no one likes me..
I mean.. I get friendly with a bunch of people.. But that's where it stops.. Seems like no on wants to take it any further.. I need friends I can go out and have a cup of coffee with.. To you know, shop with, hang with.. Whatever.. But it seems like it wont happen.. Whenever I try to go out with someone, doesn't matter if it's co-workers, someone I met on the mummy and me sing along hours, or whatever.. They always say OK, and then end up canceling it. I know it could be just a coincidence but I don't really think it is..
I guess I am one of those people who other people don't really like.. Maybe too honest? .. I know that I am too fat.. *sigh* .. I know it is silly but I think maybe people would like me more if I wasn't fat.. Maybe people would think I am more fun or whatever if I was skinny... It could be the case, right?
Anyways... I have one real life friend and she lives 6 hours drive away.. I guess I am going to stay lonely.. (And I promise you.. I feel lonely OFTEN...) And please, before you say I have my husband, you should know it's not the same..
My husband and I have decided that we are going to try for another baby in March/April.. We knew we wanted another and I think for me it is kind of a now or never thing..
I don't want to wait for a few years and then try cause I know I would be getting yet another shock coming with the new baby. Now we are kind of used to it all, so it will be easier to adjust.. I also want my son to have someone to play with and to be with.. I never had a sibling that was close enough to my age to connect with, and I see how much my bffs kids (there is almost two years between them) love each other, and how nicely they play together and so on.. It would also be nice to have them go pass the toddler age almost at the same time..
And I would love another winter baby. However I don't want the kids to have birthday too close to another, and I don't want a Christmas baby. Trying in March, April means the kid will be born in January/February and that works fine. And I think having a little time to adjust to the idea before trying is a good thing..
Anyways.. This means I have 3,5 months to get on track.. My plan is to keep a strict low carb diet, and to start working out other than the walks I go on with my son. Hopefully this time around I will be more in shape and more ready for the pregnancy.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was making good choices, I was watching my portions, and was so careful cause I wanted the best for him. I know I want to do the same for my next baby.. I am hoping to be able to be more active during the next pregnancy, and to keep the healthy eating even after the baby is born and don't make the same mistakes I made this time around.
As sad as it might be, I tend to reach my goals easier when I put them up because of someone else.. So I actually know I will be able to make it happen.
Lately and pretty often lately, I feel like I am suffocating..
And I know that there are several things that are making me feel like I am stuck in a box unable to breath..
Lately I have been thinking of how much fat there must be around my organs.. You know where you see those horror images on supersize vs superskinny.. The ones of fatty levers, fat covered hearts and so on.. And I keep thinking that it is how my inside looks like.. Everything is covered with a thick fat layer of lard.. I remember this one episode where the hunky doctor talked about how many fat people died cause their insides was just crushed with all the fat.. That is how my lungs feel like... I am.. My body is suffocating in a tub of lard... And please.. Don't make any mistakes.. That tub of lard is me..
And these feelings are just getting more and more intense.. I have always liked stuff.. I love gadgets and I love having pretty small stuff around the house.. But now it feels like they are taking over the house.. I love the fact that my son has things to play with but OMG... He has so much toys.. And the pile seems to be growing.. I have maybe bought like 10% of the stuff and the rest are gifts.. The toys are taking over the living room and I am so freaking sick of stepping of fucking duplos... I have to make some room in his room and move some of the toys else I will go crazy!
Out closets are filled with things, cloths and just random shit that we rarely use.. We keep asking our family and friends to rather give us money or give cards instead of presents for our birthdays and ect but we keep getting random shit!! I mean, I am not going to be a brat and just say that they are giving us shit.. But come on.. Why do people insist on buying others things that they don't need/want?? Like for my sons birthday.. We asked for gift cards or money so we can buy cloths for him. He is growing fast and he needs new cloths, and now that he is starting day care he will need even more things.. But what did we get?? Toys.. Loads of noisy big chunky toys... He plays with one of them.. The rest of just stashed with the rest of the toys he rarely touches. The kid is 1 year old.. He doesn't need all these toys.. *sigh*
I am going to clean up... Sell.. Give away... Cause the "stuff" are taking over my mind and I am going crazy...