Crap de la crap!

I am in such a crappy mood lately... Everything bugs me.. My husband is being the most annoying version of him self.. Every single thing is become and argument.. I am just soo tired..

I miss having a social life.. I miss my friends in Oslo, and Oslo was always the place I called home.. But still.. Now I don't feel like I belong there anymore.. And I know for sure that I don't belong here...

I am so lost..

90% of the time.. I feel like I am a single parent..
90% of the time.. I feel lonely...

I miss my job... At the same time I really hate the idea of going back to it..

The weather has been shit.. It is still shit.. One of the reasons I said OK to us living here was the fact that it was supposed to be only two weeks of snow per year.. It's still snowing.. And the fucking wind.. It is so bad that yesterday it almost tipped the stroller with the baby in it over.. And I mean.. We have one of the safest, most stabil strollers out there.. Imagine how strong the wind was..

And for someone like me.. The wind is poison.. I am aching everywhere.. I am constantly tired.. I just want to go away...

Two nights ago.. I broke down.. And for the first time in over 10 years I was thinking how much I miss the feeling of a blade against my skin.. I was thinking how good it felt to be in charge of the pain... Of course I didn't act on it.. But it scares me that I am actually thinking about it...

Random note...
I just turned on the TV and they are putting cloths on this girl.. This fat girl.. And everything either looks like a tent.. Or she looks like she is a painted building... And they keep telling her she is looking amazing.. And Trust me.. She looks like shit..

Talking about shit...

I am planning christening for the kid.. It is going to be on 4th of May and I am going to on a VLCD diet... We have this big family thing on Monday so I will start after that. I am going to have one meal of oatmeal (180 cal) - 5 portions of VLCD Shakes (560 cal) and a pro-bio drink (28 cal) and loads of water, tea, coffee...

I just need to have control of something.. and I think this will provide the control I crave without any blades involved.. (Yes I just saw how fucked up this sentence is)...

Anyways.. I guess all there is left to say is happy easter...


  1. Hun I am sorry you are feeling this way. I haven't went and read most of your post so if might have been mentioned (sorry if it has) you mood is normal but maybe go to the doctor and talk to them about postpartum depression. It is real and it never goes away unless treated. I got help two years after my twins were born and it was a horrible two years. Every mom feels they are alone. sometimes I feel like a signal mom with really good child support lol(the second income) I have found that making my hubby be more involved helps. early on I tried to do it all myself and he just stepped away. now I tell him it your turn. he might not be doing it right but i greet my teeth and bear it. better weather is on its way promise lol. sorry for writing a book I just worry about you and want you to know you are not alone and your feeling are normal just dont suppress them and get help if you think you need it. take care and i am sending <3!!!

  2. Yes,we already know you have "the best" of everything,you don't have to rub it at everybody's nose every fucking time, like with the stroller. Get over yourself girl

    1. is your comment really necessary?? wow if you dont like what she says in her blog maybe you should not read it. I have never read that she rubs anything in anyones face. she has had a baby and is struggling with emotion it is normal and conman. As women we believe we need to be superman and over stress our selfs. What would blogging be without haters like YOU!!!

    2. Thanks Linny :)
      This comment actually made me go back and look over my posts and see if I was bragging.. But I don't really think that I am.. It did upset me at first but then it made me lough.. Here I am sitting feeling all shitty and there is this person out there jealous of my life! So I don't care what this person says or thinks... I will try to remind my life is actually better than the most and I will get over this too...

      Thanks for your support and understanding Linny.. It means alot!

  3. I'm sorry things are crappy at the moment hun! I hope you feel better soon! Love and miss you!!!!!! xoxo

  4. I wish I had something to offer you... something brilliant and inspiring and encouraging... I wish your sentence about dieting being better than self harm didn't make any sense to me... If I knew whether you were a hugger, I'd threaten to come over and hug you until it all passes over.

    I don't know if it could be postpartum depression, but I do know that when I'm feeling ill physically, getting my mind under control is a bigger battle. Weather patterns are changing and it SUCKS, but winter will end. Your fibro will back down.

    Is there any way you can ask hubby to take care of the kid now and then so you can get some alone time and rest? Get someone else to take care of him so the two of you can have some couple time?

  5. I'm so proud that you were able to quell the urge to cut!
    You recognize how you feel, so the next step is to think of ways to talk about it or deal with it. Would talking to your husband help? Or a friend? Or doing something fun for yourself? Hiring a babysitter and going to the mall for an afternoon?
    I have no idea, but you do deserve to make yourself feel bette.r

  6. Oh boy I can relate to the annoying husband thing! Its so good to hear that I am not alone in feeling like that, I sometimes feel like such a bitch because of it. Sounds like you have cabin fever! When was the last time you did something to pamper yourself? If I remember one of your goals was to do all the girly stuff that you like to do more often, like your nails and stuff. I say you start planning for your first family vacation, somewhere sunny of course!

  7. Sorry things are just sort of overall crappy right now. If it's not one thing it's another and it seems to stack right on top of each other when you least expect it. Hang in there! Hope springs finds you soon and good luck with the diet.

  8. Sorry to hear you're feeling down. But super glad you resisted the urge to cut.

    I don't have kids or a husband, so I won't offer advice, but I do hope things start looking up for you.