Why is it so hard for me to make friends?? I keep finding mutual grounds and people I would LOVE to hang out with online.. The latest being the lady who is running the English business course I am taking for my job.. But in the real life.. Where it kind of matter.. Seems like no one likes me..
I mean.. I get friendly with a bunch of people.. But that's where it stops.. Seems like no on wants to take it any further.. I need friends I can go out and have a cup of coffee with.. To you know, shop with, hang with.. Whatever.. But it seems like it wont happen.. Whenever I try to go out with someone, doesn't matter if it's co-workers, someone I met on the mummy and me sing along hours, or whatever.. They always say OK, and then end up canceling it. I know it could be just a coincidence but I don't really think it is..
I guess I am one of those people who other people don't really like.. Maybe too honest? .. I know that I am too fat.. *sigh* .. I know it is silly but I think maybe people would like me more if I wasn't fat.. Maybe people would think I am more fun or whatever if I was skinny... It could be the case, right?
Anyways... I have one real life friend and she lives 6 hours drive away.. I guess I am going to stay lonely.. (And I promise you.. I feel lonely OFTEN...) And please, before you say I have my husband, you should know it's not the same..
I just... I don't know..
How do you guys do it? Make friends....
It's really hard as an adult. The friends I have now I met through old jobs and 2 of them are from when I was modeling. I am not "real" friends with any of my current co workers. Maybe if we didn't work together there are a few. I think sometimes people don't know if you want to take it further so maybe if you are the first to reach out then they will know. If they reject the offer then you move on. I do agree though. It is super hard to find people you clique with and actually want to spend your time hanging out with.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew, Kitty! I also wish I could take you out for a cup of coffee and talk.
ReplyDeleteI count Possum at work as a friend (it's easier to say it now that she has), and it is the second time in the last 7 years of work I have really connected with a coworker that way.
I have always had very few, very close friendships. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I did have to come to the realization that I would probably be happier if I could accept the friendships where we connect over fewer things, and simply enjoy what we do have in common. I don't know if that's the way you are but try to remember that you don't always need to be super close to enjoy someone's company.
I don't know... I just talk to everyone, smile lots, find people with common interests, listen and genuinely care about the people around me, offer to help when it's needed, invite people to things I'm doing/going to that I think they would enjoy but don't really care if they can't come... sort of an open friendship where you provide the opportunity but no pressure and then just take it as it comes?... between work, uni and the gym I can always manage to find people but I do enjoy being alone too. Plus, sometimes the best friends are those you don't see often but have a deeper connection with.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that I've made some amazing friends online and don't think you should underestimate the value of an email/sms friendship. I know it's not the same but it's hugely valuable in its own right.
Chin up hun, you're gorgeous and I'm sure you're overthinking the coffee cancellations. People being busy is far more likely reason! xxx
I have a similar problem. I have a few work friends but no real friends. My work buddies are great but I want friends to hang out with, go shopping with, and be able to really talk to.
ReplyDeleteI always read that you should join classes or volunteer to find people who have similar interests so I joined the dog rescue. But now I have rescue friends, people I talk to online and see once a month at events. I hope it turns into more. Good luck and if you get any great ideas let me know!
I can't have friends. My asperger is like a transparent shield. I see people but cannot interact with them. I want to be one of them, part of something, but I just end up alone in a corner, hoping no one will see me.
ReplyDeleteOch God Jul!
I feel like I'm right there with you! I don't have any close friends either. I had friends in my hometown that I went to school with, then we all went our separate ways when we went to college. I still consider them friends even though we hardly ever talk and rarely see each other.
ReplyDeleteI have co-workers and people I met in my classes, but no "real" friends. I guess you could say I have "acquaintances" than close friends. I find a person I want to get to know better and spend more time with and then they don't show any interest in wanting to spend time with me or I distance myself. I'm extremely introverted and dislike social occasions when more than like, two people are present. So I guess I'm antisocial in a way!