And I know that there are several things that are making me feel like I am stuck in a box unable to breath..
Lately I have been thinking of how much fat there must be around my organs.. You know where you see those horror images on supersize vs superskinny.. The ones of fatty levers, fat covered hearts and so on.. And I keep thinking that it is how my inside looks like.. Everything is covered with a thick fat layer of lard.. I remember this one episode where the hunky doctor talked about how many fat people died cause their insides was just crushed with all the fat.. That is how my lungs feel like... I am.. My body is suffocating in a tub of lard... And please.. Don't make any mistakes.. That tub of lard is me..
And these feelings are just getting more and more intense.. I have always liked stuff.. I love gadgets and I love having pretty small stuff around the house.. But now it feels like they are taking over the house.. I love the fact that my son has things to play with but OMG... He has so much toys.. And the pile seems to be growing.. I have maybe bought like 10% of the stuff and the rest are gifts.. The toys are taking over the living room and I am so freaking sick of stepping of fucking duplos... I have to make some room in his room and move some of the toys else I will go crazy!
Out closets are filled with things, cloths and just random shit that we rarely use.. We keep asking our family and friends to rather give us money or give cards instead of presents for our birthdays and ect but we keep getting random shit!! I mean, I am not going to be a brat and just say that they are giving us shit.. But come on.. Why do people insist on buying others things that they don't need/want?? Like for my sons birthday.. We asked for gift cards or money so we can buy cloths for him. He is growing fast and he needs new cloths, and now that he is starting day care he will need even more things.. But what did we get?? Toys.. Loads of noisy big chunky toys... He plays with one of them.. The rest of just stashed with the rest of the toys he rarely touches. The kid is 1 year old.. He doesn't need all these toys.. *sigh*
I am going to clean up... Sell.. Give away... Cause the "stuff" are taking over my mind and I am going crazy...