So I guess this will most likely be my last post in 2014. I know I have been a sucky blogger and been MIA most of this year, but I still find my self very lucky to have some of the most amazing readers <3

2014 has been a rough year for me. 2013 and most of  2014 have been filled with really unstable mood-swings and loads of depression. I am however really glad to say that I feel much better. I still have days where I just don't want to get out of bed, talk or even breath but those days are coming further and further apart.

I still am seeing my therapist, however we haven't been able to have sessions as often as I wish we had, but she is still there. Our next "project" is to prep me for birth of my new son this March, and hopefully try to prevent, or catch yet another PP depression in time and get on with treatment asap. They say when you have had it once, you are most likely to have it again, and for someone with my background the chances of it happening are pretty high. This time around I am lucky to have her on my side so I know I will not have to go through it alone until I crash.

This pregnancy has also been really hard, I am now into my 27th week of pregnancy and I still get sick. I have been coughing really bad for almost 5 weeks now, and it just doesn't seem to go away. The doctor says it is just a virus and there is nothing to do about it..

This year (a month or so ago) I was also verbally attacked and a victim of "random" racism.. It's not often I feel like a foreigner even though I live in Sweden but am Persian and raised in Norway.. But when something like that happens it really hits you right in the face - making you question if you made the right choice of living where you live. I know idiots are everywhere, and something like that could happen everywhere, but it is hard to just keep a "c'est la vie" attitude and not let if affect you.

We have also moved to a new place this year, we are still not really in place, still have no curtains, pictures ect up, but my son seems to love it here, so I am trying my best to stay positive, and just take it as it comes.

This Christmas is also going to be "special" since my mother and my middle sister are going to spend it here with us. I told my mother they could spend it here, but I know for a fact that it will be really rough. My sister is the definition of drama queen, one who always makes everything about her self, who has never really done anything to show that she cares about me but saying the words. She is also a liar (I am not sure if she means to be, but she is), and always tries to manipulate people around her. She has yet to meet my son, and she is already talking about meeting some random people she met, who she has spoken to once, while she is here. It really hurts me, that my son is 2 years old when she gets to meet him, which btw also has been her choice, and still she makes it clear that we are not the main reason why she is coming to visit us. And my mother.. Well she is who she is, you have all read the stories about her, and she doesn't really change. She says so many stupid things without being aware of how horrible they actually are.. So yeah..

I guess I just have to bite through the days there are here, and remember that it will most likely be years before we see my sister again, and months before we see my mother. I really don't understand why I just don't say "No you can not come" when I don't really want them here, and the only reason I say they can come is because I don't want to hurt them..


I am looking forward to 2015, and I aim to make it a great year for us. Are you happy with how 2014 has been?


  1. I'm happy this year is over soon, 2015 can't be worse.



  2. You've had an eventful year kitty
    And you are doing amazing given all you have been through.
    So lovely to get an update and don't worry about not blogging so much
    You know we are always here for you no matter how much you blog.
    Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and hope the depression stays away.

    As for me?
    2014 has been one of the best in a long time
    I am both nervous and excited to see what the new year brings

    Take care x

  3. I can't believe you're already 27 weeks. 2014 seems to've been a popular year for blogger pregnancies! I'm really glad you have your therapist to help you through all this so you don't have to face it alone.
    For me, I just hope 2015 will be somehow easier than 2014. I can't believe how quick it's gone by though.
    I hope Christmas goes okay for you despite the family drama. Take care <3

  4. Your pregnancy sounds really rough hang in there!! My writing is totally sporadic as well so I understand. I really, really hope you can enjoy some time with mom and sis and that it's not just extra stress.