The never ending try and fail..

I started this blog in March 2011.. My goal was to use this blog to keep up my motivation and lose the weight once and for all.. Since then I have gotten married, had a rendevouz with bulimia, gotten pregnant, battled depression, tried countless of diets, and yet here I am on my ever highest weight, where it is almost 60 lbs higher than where it was when I started this blog.

I am and have always been the master of excuses. I am the best to find reasons to change my plans, try another diet, and just give up.. I usually go on a binge fest where I gain more than I lost during the little time I spent on the diet.

Ever since then I have "met" a bunch of amazing bloggers, gotten a whole bunch of support and still I haven't managed to get anywhere close to what I was hoping for.

In spirit of "No excuses June" I am facing facts and thinking of how it has been going. These are the reasons why I have gained more weight, and am not anywhere close to where I need to be:

1: I never stick to a plan - I either give up, or find an excuse to change my plans or give up.
2: I use food to medicate my self. I use food to deal with all my emotions.
3. I always cheat, always finding a reason to cheat.
4. When I have a bad day, I end up thinking "I already had a binge meal, I can just go ahead and keep stuffing my face" and then I hop on the "I hate my self" which normally leads to several days of overeating.

Where am I going with this you wonder? Well. I have been wondering about the same myself.

The last time I saw my shrink I asked her to help me deal with my emotional issues. Teaching me to recognize and deal, and my homework is to look after what the different emotions make me feel physically. So here is the plan:

- Stop trying too hard, no more diets. Just use common sense, and practice portion control.
- Take one day at the time, one meal at the time and one kilo at the time.
- Keep working on my emotions. How to handle them. Food is not supposed to be used to nourish, it's not punishment, it is not a reward.
- A bad meal, or a bad choice does not mean I have failed and ruined the whole day.
- Measure my servings to get correct portion sizes until I learn what is a normal portion size.
- And last, I have to stick to it. Not get tempted into trying yet another diet because this one isn't giving the fast results I was hoping for.

So this is where I am at today. Still two more weeks left in June, which for me means I still have two more weeks to stay true to my plan.


  1. "So this is where I am at today. Still two more weeks left in June, which for me means I still have two more weeks to stay true to my plan." atta girl. actually, i love your new goals! i'm wishing you good luck on your quest!

    -Sam Lupin

  2. Ätandet sitter i huvudet. Mår själen bra, går maten bra, så är det.

    Jag tittade lite på PX90 yoga. Jag får nog träna en hel del för att komma dit :D

  3. Kitty, I am in the same place. I have had my blog for ages, it was meant to be a place to record my numbers (weight, calories in & calories out, etc) so that I could stay on track. And yet, here I am higher than when I started it. It's frustrating.

  4. It's reasonable to evaluate whether something is working for you, and if it isn't, to adjust your plans or goals. That's not the same as giving up. It's a good thing.

    Learning to stop the "what the heck effect" was a big part of losing weight for me! One bad meal doesn't mean a ruined day, one bad day doesn't mean a ruined week, etc. It was always "I'll start again next Sunday/next month/at new years" and that was a really destructive way for me to live. Getting out of that mindset takes some time, and a lot of work at awareness of your choices as you make them. I wish you the best in overcoming it.

  5. *And I have absolute faith that you can!

  6. Good luck with the new goals! I really really like them. :)

    PS I am also at a higher weight than I was when I started my blog. But I am determined to lose it. You can do it too! xoxo

  7. I'm sorry you are still struggling. When you are on you are so ON!! It's all going to click for you at some point. I just know it!! Neither one of us seems to be willing to give up though. Stick to the plan!! It might take a while but it will work and it will be worth it when you do.