Not doing so well...

So I fully crashed... And it scared the shit out of me cause I was carrying my son, and everything went black, and I was so scared I would let go of him, or fall down holding him, hurting him.. After that I dropped the whole idea of not eating during the day... I rather be fat than hurting my baby...

But then again.. I don't want to, can not stay fat.. I have been thinking and actually talked about it with hubby.. I figured my options would be strict counting and planning everything, going on a VLCD diet, or do a strict low carb diet. As you guys know, I have done them all, and failed at them all.. So what are my options??? ... Counting always puts me in a trigger point.. I eat cause there is room in my budget, I do good for a few days and go on a huge binge.. VLCD diets work.. But then there is the insane mood swings, the lack of energy, headaches... And I always always stop cause I feel to sick when I am at it...
So the thing that is left is going on a strict low carb diet. I have started on it slowly today.. Thinking of what I should be eating, talking about how the diet works with my husband.. And we have talked about how we can work it into being family meals..

The idea is to make whatever I can eat, and cook some pasta/potatoes/rice or whatever on the side for hubby.. I am also finally ask to get forms to register the whole family at this new private family clinic that is a tiny walk away from our place.. And I am going to make an appointment and have a proper chat with the doctor about the diet. I am also going to have my bloodworks done, and ask to have them redone once a month just to make sure that nothing goes wrong..

I have also been reading more and more about how food and my fibromyalgia pain go hand in hand, so I am going to try to stay gluten and wheat free (properly) to see if it actually helps the pain.. So if I can lose weight, and get rid of some or even maybe all of the pain I have.. Well that would be a win win situation now wouldn't it..

Anyways... That's how things are as far as my weight goes..

There has been other things happening.. I have finally registered with a school to get on with my drivers license. I bought this intensive course pack that covers all the tests that I need to take before I can get my license.. It also includes 30 driving lessons, and to be able to have them all right after eachother I had to wait a tad.. So I will start with this one part the 20th of September, and the driving lessons start the 25th, and if everything goes as planned I will be able to apply to get my license by mid November :)

My birthday is also coming up.. It's a week from tomorrow.. My bff is coming to visit on Thursday and she will be staying with us until Sunday before she has to go back to Oslo.. I am really looking forward to having her here.. I have also asked her to baby sit so hubby and I can go out on Friday night.. It will be our first date in ages.. Even before the baby was born, I was too heavy and in too much pain for us to have any proper dates.. So I am really looking forward to it.

I also got an early birthday pressy from hubby :) I got a new laptop and so far I love it... I am not using it now since it is downloading and prepping all it's programs, but it should be ready soon and I can not wait to "play" with it.. It is a Samsung  and apart from it being a really good laptop, it's also ttly cute hehe... I got the white one, and it is truely one of the prettiest PC's I have ever owned..

Oh and we are looking into moving again.. This time we will take our time and buy a place where we can live for years to come... I am so sick of moving...

I guess this is it for now..

Wish me luck, and I hope this time around I wont disappoint you or my self...



  1. Have you looked into low glycemic index diets? It's the same overall concept as the low carb diets, but more flexible because you can learn to eat carbohydrates in types or portions that will minimize your insulin response. i.e. you could still have legumes like beans and lentils, which are very nutritious and satisfying, can be gluten free, and won't trigger hunger soon after eating like refined wheat bread or pasta or rice will. If you're interested, some variations are the South Beach Diet (focuses on what type of carbs you consume) and the Insulin Resistance Diet (focuses on type, portion control, and pairing carbs with protein), and the Glycemic Index Diet. I like the way South Beach lets you eat as much as the approved foods as you want - no counting, ever. I like the way the IRD shows you how to have small portions and combine foods so you can still treat yourself with some carbohydrates.

    They all work on the same basic principle, so you can blend together what works for you with each diet. They don't address emotional cravings, but it keeps your physical cravings very well under control.

    Congrats on the new laptop and the driver's license plans! Both fun and useful :D

    1. I have been looking into the GI diet, and I am going to get on that one after I have lost some weight. The GI diet will be easy to hold, and I think it's something that the whole family can be on with some tiny adjustments :)

      I'm not really counting anything right now either, focusing on having lean proteins and mostly green veg, and leafy greens. I get sick of the atkins/south beach due to all the fat they want to add to the food, but I guess I am doing a version of it :)

  2. that must've been scary. holding him and blacking out. (PS. I will use that in fanfiction)
    low carb works. hey. Little Miss Thin mentioned Harcombe once. it is a low-sugar diet if you want to check it out. first time around, it was doing wonders for me and is less strict than low-carb so you don't feel extra sick off it.
    I just came back from the place to get my driving licence myself! xo lecture's next week ^_^
    how is the Samsung one? I'm hoping to buy a new laptop soon tdpgokdgpoksgs
    if things don't work, I honestly recommend that you go on the diet you did when you were pregnant. the whole eat 1800 calories a day thing and regularly throughout the day ^u^

    -Sam Lupin

    1. I think for once I should just stick to what I have in mind and see how it goes :)

      I love the laptop so far ^^ it's pretty, fast and has everything I need and then some :)

      Oooh GL with your license ^^

  3. Oh my god that would be so scary. I'm glad you're both okay.
    have you thought about seeing a nutritionist or a therapist? The more help you can get the easier it will be.
    Happy birthday!

  4. I'm sorry you are struggling! I feel your pain. It's so hard sometimes. I REALLY hope the new plan will work. Something has to stick. And then once you get where you want maintaining will be better then trying to lose. A new laptop is super exciting! Enjoy your B Day and your B Day date.

  5. Happy (early) Birthday!!

    I think one thing that helps me (when I'm being good) is to remember that what ever I am doing (restricting, counting, leaving half my food) I am _choosing_ to do that. If I don't think in terms of "have to" it helps. And reminding myself of the reasons why I want to as opposed to the things keeping me from it.
    I am positive that with the right motivation (you are the only person that I know who didn't gain weight during pregnancy!) you will succeed.

  6. Maybe looking at this in a different way could help? Have you ever seen a bug try to go out a window that is half opened? If you have then you know that first the bug bangs it self into the glass over and over, trying harder each time and with no results. It is only when the bug trys a different approach that he finds the opening in the window. Sometimes it is not about trying harder, sometimes its trying smarter-look at a problem and know what hasn't worked and stop doing it. Only then can you fly out a window.