Trigger alert!

Please do not read this post, if you might get trigged, and if you are trying to stay healthy..

Today... Well today things got even worst... After yet another failed attempt on sticking to a diet, and ofc overeating I have reached yet another high weight... Ladies.. I have hit 116kg... Or 256lbs if you like it... So fuck it...

This worked for me before...

- Skip meals as long as you can until dinner time
I mean I normally do OK during the day and eat too big of a meal at dinner time - so why eat during the day at all??? Filling up with tea, coffe, water works.. So the plan is to stick to that, and if I get REALLY hungry, I can have a piece of fruit.. And before dinner to avoid a huge binge, I will have a can of weight-watchers (112 calories) soup and or a protein shake.. Even with a huge dinner, I doubt my calories will go over 1000... And then I figured if I was to have a bad day with food it still be under my weekly calorie goal...

Now I know I can not go on like this forever... But I will keep at it as long as I can...

I even told hubby... I gave him the numbers... I told him to stay off my eating or not eating... AND I have decided that if I do not lose the weight until we have had the next baby (we want to try for another next year) after the baby is born, I will apply to get a gastric surgary... If I don't do it by then - I never will.. So this is an ultimatum... To me... I will get rid of this weight one way or another..

You know... My body aches.. My knees ache after the stroller walks I go on with my son... I seem to have a problem getting comfortable sitting... Laying down... Everything aches..

So fuck it... I have a limited time before my son will notice my eating habits.. So it is now or never..


  1. Well we all know it's not healthy but not judgement coming from me. Who am I to talk? When your back is against the wall I guess you do what you have to do. Your body is clearly not comfortable at that weight so you have to do what you think you can to fight back. Why is it so hard?

  2. aw no honey sdfpoksgsgs
    i'm sorry to hear you're at a new high weight. that must be absolutely devastating.
    oh my gosh you're considered bypass? that actually breaks my heart my honey :(
    you won't get any judgment from me. I just was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this you beautiful lady x I was a little confused when I saw your MFP stuff. I was just like...'wait. that's really low.'

    -Sam Lupin

  3. Like Miranda said... no judgement from me. I'm certainly not coming from a place of health myself (having issues with carbs right now). Being overweight is unhealthy... bingeing is unhealthy... eating too little is unhealthy... it's a vicious game.

  4. I used to be 115 kgs, long ago... i mean, till two years ago... now i stick around 70, 75 kgs, more or less and no gastric surgery but a lot of things to be changing like tons of hours of gym and cardio and fruit and veggies... that's just to say you can do it, darling.
    I'm 31, suffered bulimia and binge for too long, almost half of my life, and i'm still fighting binge, that is something that will never end, i suppose... but please, just consider the idea of giving up surgery and try to take care of yourself with love, dedication and passion. Remember u have a son and he must be the main reason why go thru all this with massive strenght and love devotion.
    I lost all my weight just because i wanna be a mother with all of my heart and i believe one day i will.
    You already have a baby, so u r a very blessed human being!
    Sorry for my english but i'm italian, so....

  5. Ok this is not the response you would expect but from my experience, B.S. in Nutrition and over five years of working for national wt loss programs, you can basically do your plan and it be ok for you. I had to put people on different diets most around 1,000cals but sometimes a VLCD 700cal diet was the best option for a person. I know you know about a very low carb diet because you have mentioned using shakes like them before. True it is not a diet you can stay on for long periods of time and think it is healthy, however, if you are careful it will work. I don't know your whole medical history so you should check with a doctor or another professional and don't do it if you have kidney problems.

  6. Woah woah woah, don't get so down on yourself!
    If you think the diet will work for you, great, but don't let it control you, as I feel that's where it's heading in this post. You have a chance every day to be a healthy person- to not give into ED thoughts, to not let your self-esteem slip away, to eat healthy. We are healthy some days and not so healthy others.
    Don't fall into despair, your life is not over.

    I feel like this isn't very helpful, so I hope you understand what I'm trying and probably failing to say with this. My thoughts are a bit muddled right now.

  7. Replies
    1. my new plan is not to eat at night, so I'm doing the opposite. I understand where you are coming from though. Love you always!