Don't ask me how it happened..
I can count the times I have had sex this year on one hand..

We wanted to try for another baby end of September.. I'm not sad about another baby even though it is earlier than we had planned, but I am worried.. My last pregnancy was rocky... And the time after even harder.. I am just starting to get out of my depression..

I don't think my doctor will approve..

And my mother has been here.. She just left a couple hours ago.. Surviving these days has been a binge fest.. I am tired.. So glad i planned this ahead and took two days off so I can recover.. I also have an appointment with my shrink which also is needed..

I found out my youngest sister is using heroin... She is barely 20.. And my mother still wonders why I don't bring my kid there to "spend time with his family"... Fuck that.. I am his family.. his dad is his family.. People who love him and care enough to spend time with him are his family.. blood relation doesn't matter shit..

I'm sorry..
I'm just so tired..

And I am fat.. I don't even want to face the scale after this weeks binges..
I will have to tomorrow.. I need to start tracking my weight.. I have to do as good as I did with my last pregnancy.. I do not need to get fatter..

Going to see the midwife on the 28th.. Not sure how far along I am.. Think it is 7 weeks or so.. Never understood why they count it the way they do...

That's it for now..


  1. darling, you really are showing your Arabic roots now.
    congrats, sweetie. <3
    i know that it must be difficult. getting out of the depressive slump you were in, but maybe it's going to do more good than harm? hopefully. i don't think there are many woman that can say that carrying one child is like carrying another.
    really? your youngest sister sounds like a bitch from previous posts. i once cracked down and read every single post you made. :)
    you sound tired, gorgeous.
    ah. they'd probably count it as weeks due to the development of the child. apparently, we have to learn it in weeks. like that at week 3 1/2 - 4, this is happening in the mother's womb, etc so probably easier to track it all down like that. :)

    -Sam Lupin

    1. Showing my Arabic roots? - what do you mean Sammy? (Ps I's Persian and not Arabic ;) )

      Thanks hon.. You actually read ALL my posts?? wow.. Never thought anyone would bother <3

    2. Persian. Arabic.
      close enough. :)

      and yes, i read all of them. from top to bottom, it was a very interesting week. <3

      -Sam Lupin

  2. "Don't ask me how it happened."

    Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy...

    Jag tror på ödet. Det kanske var meningen att det skulle hända nu? se bara till att du får hjälp med din depression under graviditeten. Det ABSOLUT VIKTIGASTE är att DU mår bra.

    1. "Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy..." HAHAHA :D this was very funny!

  3. Congratulations! My brother and his wife have a surprise peanut on the way too, expected arrival in January. They're not sure how it happened either ;)

    I know that another child is a big change and there are so many reasons to have mixed feelings, even when it is something you want. I also seem to remember you being very attentive to your health and taking care of yourself during your first pregnancy. I know you can do it again. "Fuck this shit... Tomorrow is another day.. Another chance to start over.." Thanks, Kitty. I try to be positive but sometimes I need to hear it from somebody else.

  4. Congrats! I'm sorry to hear your previous pregnancy was tough. I really hope it's a little easier this time, you deserve to have a happy pregnancy and a happy life. We're all here supporting you, and it sounds like you've got good support network with your doctor, shrink, midwife...
    I hope your shrink appointment went okay/goes okay. Take care of you as best you can.

  5. Congratulations Kitty!
    Wow that must have been a shock
    But a welcome surprise all the same
    I hope this pregnancy goes a little more smoothly

    Gosh I am so sorry to read about your little sister
    That is beyond devastating
    I hope and pray that she will see sense soon

    Take care lovely x

  6. Congrats? or Congrats!!! Either way it's something you want so it's a good thing. You did so well when you were pregnant before with your diet that I have no doubt you can do the same this time. Congrats on the new apartment too. And I am sorry about your little sis. That is a scary drug. I hope things don't get out of control for her.

  7. Congrats! I am sure it's hard now, since it's earlier than you were planning, but I think you'll be happy in the long run. You DID do great last time you were pregnant & you can do it again. I'm sure of it.