2015..

Christmas was.... Well it was (I just don't even want to go there *sigh*).. I guess it's best to leave it behind and focus on the future.. 

2015 is coming and these are some of the things I want to achieve by the end of it. 

- Do a monthly weight chart so by the end of the year I know where I started and where I am (Thank you Tempest for the idea)

- Choose a plan, stick to it and lose weight

This is something I aim for each year, and I'm sad to say that each year my start weight is higher than the year before. I never stick to a plan and that is a recipe for disaster. So this year I want to choose something and just stick to it. 

- Work out

Another one I keep repeating. I just need to get stronger so I can actually do stuff with my husband and kids.. I do not want to be one of those mothers who is always on a bench at the park cause she is too weak/tired/fat to play with her kids. 

- Redefine weight goals and rewards

I put too much pressure on my self, and when I don't reach the so-called "goal" I always feel like a fail.. So I have to redefine my goals and remember that 2 lbs down is still much better than 2 lbs up. 

- Spend more time and money on my self

My looks has been my lowest priority since I just don't feel good in my own skin. I need to change the way I look and feel about my self and remember that I am worth more than what I think I am now. 

That's it for me.. What are you looking into improving/changing in 2015? 

I made a comment on my last post, but I figured it would be easier to just make a new post.

First off, thank you so much for the comments, it makes it easier to deal with things when reminded I am not the only one who goes through things like this.

But yeah I am going to meet my shrinks replacement in January. And today I got a letter confirming the date.. And guess what.. The new shrinks last name is Frankenstein...

I couldn't stop laughing.. I mean really?? Frankenstein?? If this is not a sign then I don't know!

So erm yeah...

Today my shrink told me it is her last day and that she is starting a new job...
This after I had an emergency doctors appointment at the hospital cause my tummy has been hurting like a bitch and they told me my stress hormone levels are too high..

*sigh*

2014

So I guess this will most likely be my last post in 2014. I know I have been a sucky blogger and been MIA most of this year, but I still find my self very lucky to have some of the most amazing readers <3

2014 has been a rough year for me. 2013 and most of  2014 have been filled with really unstable mood-swings and loads of depression. I am however really glad to say that I feel much better. I still have days where I just don't want to get out of bed, talk or even breath but those days are coming further and further apart.

I still am seeing my therapist, however we haven't been able to have sessions as often as I wish we had, but she is still there. Our next "project" is to prep me for birth of my new son this March, and hopefully try to prevent, or catch yet another PP depression in time and get on with treatment asap. They say when you have had it once, you are most likely to have it again, and for someone with my background the chances of it happening are pretty high. This time around I am lucky to have her on my side so I know I will not have to go through it alone until I crash.

This pregnancy has also been really hard, I am now into my 27th week of pregnancy and I still get sick. I have been coughing really bad for almost 5 weeks now, and it just doesn't seem to go away. The doctor says it is just a virus and there is nothing to do about it..

This year (a month or so ago) I was also verbally attacked and a victim of "random" racism.. It's not often I feel like a foreigner even though I live in Sweden but am Persian and raised in Norway.. But when something like that happens it really hits you right in the face - making you question if you made the right choice of living where you live. I know idiots are everywhere, and something like that could happen everywhere, but it is hard to just keep a "c'est la vie" attitude and not let if affect you.

We have also moved to a new place this year, we are still not really in place, still have no curtains, pictures ect up, but my son seems to love it here, so I am trying my best to stay positive, and just take it as it comes.

This Christmas is also going to be "special" since my mother and my middle sister are going to spend it here with us. I told my mother they could spend it here, but I know for a fact that it will be really rough. My sister is the definition of drama queen, one who always makes everything about her self, who has never really done anything to show that she cares about me but saying the words. She is also a liar (I am not sure if she means to be, but she is), and always tries to manipulate people around her. She has yet to meet my son, and she is already talking about meeting some random people she met, who she has spoken to once, while she is here. It really hurts me, that my son is 2 years old when she gets to meet him, which btw also has been her choice, and still she makes it clear that we are not the main reason why she is coming to visit us. And my mother.. Well she is who she is, you have all read the stories about her, and she doesn't really change. She says so many stupid things without being aware of how horrible they actually are.. So yeah..

I guess I just have to bite through the days there are here, and remember that it will most likely be years before we see my sister again, and months before we see my mother. I really don't understand why I just don't say "No you can not come" when I don't really want them here, and the only reason I say they can come is because I don't want to hurt them..

Anywho..

I am looking forward to 2015, and I aim to make it a great year for us. Are you happy with how 2014 has been?