Finally!

Ladies, he is here!
My little chipmunk was born on Saturday afternoon.. He looks just like his older brother when he was born ex from the fact that he is bigger :) Tall and chubby with chipmunk cheeks would be the best way to describe his cuteness.

The labour in it self was hell.. 26 f--ing hours.. Couple of hours before he was born I just crashed down - I don't think I have ever been crying so hard cause I just couldn't do it anymore. I still don't feel like my self, with the lack of food and sleep during all those hours, and even the rest of the weekend.

Right now we are trying to settle in and make sure that my oldest doesn't feel left out, and I promise to write a proper post, with a proper update later on.

<3

Baby is due next Sunday and I am counting minutes for him to be here. I can not wait to see and hold him, and let him be a part of our little family.

With the pregnancy coming to an end I also keep finding myself thinking more and more about my body - food - diet and everything that comes with it.

I have just started gaining back some of the weight I lost during the pregnancy and it has had me in half panic mode. I know it is really silly cause I know it is because the baby is growing and putting on fat and weight to get ready for the birth, but it also makes me wonder.. Will this round be just like the last, where I lose a whole bunch of weight within 2-3 weeks after the baby is here, just to gain it and additional 20 lbs after?

I find myself thinking about meal plans and so on more than I have for months.. And I know it is not coming from a healthy place. And I try to keep reminding myself that my "plan" is to eat healthy, move, and just make sure to keep my portions under control, and then there is this voice back in my head going "lol who the hell are you trying to kid - you will never have control.. You are fat, you will always be fat.. Fat.. Fat.. Fat.." *sigh*

What do you think I should do? Should I just leave it, or actually sit down and make a proper plan? Should I try to ignore the voice, even though it has all the right to say what it is saying based on my past?

2015 and still no post!

2015 is here and I still haven't gotten around to write a post. I have started a few posts but never gotten past the first couple of sentences, and never gotten around to actually post them.

We are still getting in order in the new place. I am waiting to get some furniture delivered so we can get more in order. We still haven't gotten any of our picture frames up either, but hopefully by the end of this month I will be able to do a before after post of the place. 

As far as the pregnancy goes, I have 6 more weeks to go. Time has really been flying by, and I can not lie and have to admit that I am ready for this pregnancy to be over. It has been really hard, being sick the whole time (it only got better a couple of weeks ago), and now the SPD is in full bloom and I can barely walk, sit,  stand or lay down for longer periods. I am happy that the gestational diabetes is under control, and I still don't need any treatment for it but checking my blood levels every day before and after each meal. We will be going in for another scan on Monday and hopefully they will confirm that everything is fine with our little bundle. My weight has kept pretty much steady since mid November - gone up and down a couple of pounds here and there, but I have still lost around 18 pounds since I got pregnant, so that is great. 

With the pregnancy soon to be over I have been thinking more and more about what I will do with my diet, and the only thing I am sure of so far is that I want to eat clean whole food. I still don't know which way I will go with it, but then again maybe all I need to do is to eat clean and practice portion control. I guess only time will show.

Anywho.. I was supposed to have my first appointment with the new shrink tomorrow, but I have called them and asked them to change it and give me another appointment. I am feeling fine now, and I really don't feel like going there. The weather is shitty, I have a whole lot of pain and I just don't feel like I need it right now. I am going to see if they can rather give me an appointment in March, after the baby is born, cause that I know I will need. I really hope to not get hit by another wave of depression when the baby is born, but I am ready for it to happen. There is a 80% chance that it will so yeah that is that..

I guess that's it for me for now ladies.

<3 

So erm yeah...

Today my shrink told me it is her last day and that she is starting a new job...
This after I had an emergency doctors appointment at the hospital cause my tummy has been hurting like a bitch and they told me my stress hormone levels are too high..

*sigh*

I just don't understand how this is even possible!

So as the title says, I got my self a proper shock today..
We have had a bad cold, and moved to the new place last weekend, so I haven't had the chance to get on the scale.. But I did today..

And OMFG!!!!! I have now lost almost 20 lbs since I got pregnant... How.. I just don't understand how is this even possible??

I promise you I have not been trying to lose weight.. I have been eating almost everything I have craved (within reason), I haven't really been out and about because my fibromyalgia and SPD pains have been over the roof.. So how is it possible that I have lost almost 20lbs?

I know that a couple of it is probably cause I haven't been drinking as much as water as I should the last couple of days, but still..

As far as I can tell the baby is doing good too, he is very active (aka kicking my bladder so I have to pee like 30000 times a day), and we are to check the growth on Thursday, but nothing seems off. This means.. That if I don't gain any weight until the baby is duo I will end up losing over 30lbs when the baby is born. Of course I know I can not think like this, cause usually the most gain comes in the last tri-master.. But lets get real... I am 24 weeks pregnant and down almost 20lbs! Insane I tell ya... This is just insane!


PS: I promise to post before/after home edition pix as soon as we are more in order :)

Oh boy, oh boy!

Seems like we are having another boy :) I was sure this one was a girl since the pregnancy is one from hell, but the ultra sound doesn't lie lol

I just want to say that I am so sorry for being so much awol and so sucky reading/commenting. Between all the puking, insane pain in the joints and the hip and the renovation drama I am using every moment not spend on those sleeping.

I am doing very well with my weight - lost around 12 lbs and it is keeping steady so that is all good.

I promise I will do my best to post more.

Here we go again...

So I did the glucose test today and I have gestational diabetes again... I am not as panicked about it as I was last time.. But I sure hope it is exactly like it was then and that I do not have any issues - and that I only reacted to the insane amount of sugar in the glucose test.

In other news we got the keys to the new place yesterday, and the work started today... We are set to move in within 2 months, so I hope we are done by then..

It's not much to tell other than the fact that this is it for me.. No more babies after this... I really do not think I can survive another pregnancy like this.. And this time around everything has just been twice as bad.. So yup this is it and I am done.. Very very very done....


PS: I am so sorry for being a boring fart with nothing to post but boring stuff... :(

Birthday ramblings!

Turning 32 today.. I am OK with it. My 30's have so far been easier on me than my 20's regardless of everything.
Turning a year older always makes me think about life, and everything that comes with it. And I was thinking it was about time I gave you guys an update of what's going on.

I am now 14 weeks pregnant, and I am still very very sick. Puking my guts most days and have a sore throat thanks to it. My gag reflex is out of order and seems to trigger with the smallest cough. My boobs are huger than ever, and I just read that they will get bigger.. May the lord have mercy on me cause none of my bra's fit anymore.. Not even the ones I bought after I got pregnant... *sigh* .. My nose is also always stuffed thanks to the extra blood that comes with the pregnancy.. BUT other than that I am just OK lol... I am 99.9% sure that this is and will be my last pregnancy. No matter how rewarding having a kid is, I just don't know if I want to go through all of this again. I also have a very very strong feeling that this one is going to be a little girl - which means we will have one of each, and so the human line can still survive lol .. (I have my first ultrasound in a month so will know for sure then).

Because of all the charming aspects of the pregnancy I am on full time leave from my job for another 5 weeks, and after that I will be on 50% leave until end of November. I doubt that I will go back to work full-time even after that since this pregnancy has so far been harder on my body than the last one. On the bright side, I haven't gained any weight. I am down a total of 6-7 lbs since I got pregnant, which is very good in my book. I am eating well (as much as my body allows me) and I am in general in a much better mind-frame than I was during my last pregnancy. I am still going to the shrink (even though I have skipped the last two sessions since I have been so sick) - but she has been a huge help, and I really think she is the reason why I am feeling better. She isn't really doing much, but the fact that I can vent, and have my feelings - thoughts- ect validated is helping.

As far as my doctor goes, I don't need to start looking for another one before mid October, so I am trying not to think about it. Aaannnnnd I am also going to start physical therapy which hopefully will ease the pain I have in my back and joints. As far as medicines go, I am not taking anything but a whole bunch of vitamins.. I am taking iron - D-sup and prenatal vitamins. I also just had some blood work done to see if my Folic acid and B12 levels are OK, and I am being checked to see if I am any issues with gluten. My body is not taking up the supplements as it should - so my doctor wanted to make sure it has been checked as the one last thing she did before she left. So we will see how it goes..

As far as our living situation goes, we have finally sold our current place. The new owners will take over mid November which is perfect for us. We take over the new place in 2 weeks, and that is when the work starts. And hopefully we will be done with the renovations by end of October, so we can move. We are stripping the whole place off old wall-papers - having the walls, and siling (spelling :S) fixed and painted (all though I am putting up wall-paper in the living room this time).. All the floors are going to be stripped and redone. And we are putting new floors in the kitchen and hallway. A new kitchen will be fitted - the bathroom and the extra wc will be redone. The balcony is getting new paint and floor. The walk-in closet needs to be re-designed. The old closets in the hallway will be removed, and I am not sure what to put up instead. Will be some sort of closet - just not sure what style. We also need to update the el- system, and I think that covers about it all lol... So as you see when I am not puking - I am talking to contractors, trying to find good deals - ordering stuff and so on...

This is how life has been lately.. I am so sorry I am so awol from the blog, I try to read as often as I can, but sitting behind the pc makes me ill - so I haven't done much of that. I am not really doing anything fun fun cause we can't really afford anything right now lol. We are counting every penny, and need to really watch our spending. But my bff is coming to vising this weekend for my birthday and I hope to be well enough to go out for couple of dinners with her - cause I am really tired of being cooped up.

I guess I should end this wall of text, else no one will be arsed to read it lol... I hope you ladies are all doing well.


<3

Update..

Our vacation is soon over. And I am OK with that.. My son needs the time in daycare to run and play with his friends.. We go out everyday, most days before and after his mid-day nap, but it's easy to see that he misses his friends. 

My bff, her hubby and kids stayed with us for 5 days last week, and even though I loved having her here, it was really though.. She and I have really different outlook on parenting, where I believe in rutines and nutrition - she is more.. Well the kids were up to all hours, and they barely ate a proper meal. She would bring out pancakes while they were eating lunch and then to say "you can't have it before you finish up" and I just never got why.. She said "it is my way to let them know something good is waiting for them if they finish up".. but really?? what kid wants to eat noodles when they have yummy pancakes sitting right there in their face?? - And of course it would end up in A LOT of screaming, discussion and crying, and the kids ending up having more of the pancakes/chocolate/cookies/ice cream instead of the real food.. 

I might be a tad overprotective but no matter how I turn and twist I just don't understand their way of thinking.. My son that is 18 months old, ate more proper meals and waaaay less snacks compared to her 4 year old.. (still she would mock me for giving my kid freshly made juice instead of sugary chocolate milk).. Anywho... 

I had my first appointment with the midwife, I will go back in mid September and I have my first ultrasound 6th of October. I must admit I am really nervous about having another kid. I just hope he/she is healthy.. 

Pregnancy so far has been OK.. I am sick.. often.. but nothing compared to the last time.. I am really really really tired and my boobs hurt like an elephant has been sitting on them for hours.. My sense of smell is off the charts.. I have always been sensitive to smells but this is just insane.. ugh.. And it being hot means there is a whole lot of stinky sweaty people out there.. Srsly people.. Shower and use a freaking deo.. I do not understand that they can smell how badly they reek.. ugh.... 

Thing is flying by and the blog-sphere is pretty silent.. I wonder where everyone is and how you are doing.. 

<3

Goals of 2014..

I don't know what it is with my body and pregnancy, but my eating habits are totally different already and I am not really trying.. It's like my body says stop and I just can't eat more. Being sick, is making me start my days with some crackers, and then actually keep having a small breakfast, remember having regular breakfast was one of my goals? Well it is actually happening now. Then I have lunch, dinner and some times a little snack between those. But my portions can't really be compared to like two weeks ago. 

I have lost 5 lbs since I found out that I was pregnant, and again.. This is me not trying to lose weight. 

I still need to move more, and I am aiming to get off the bus a stop before my actual stop on the days the weather is OK. Not much, but something to aim for. 

This week is our last week at work before we go on a two weeks vacation. Well we aren't really going anywhere, but yeah, we are off work. Hopefully the weather Gods will be kind to us, and we will be able to visit the zoo, we were also planning to visit my bff in Oslo, but since I have a bad case of morning sickness, and have puked a few times (nothing compared to my last pregnancy yet though), I have asked them to come over. 

Anyways.. These are my goals for the rest of this year:

- Make better choices when I eat

- Get off my bum and move as often as I can.. It doesn't all have to be in one session, but a little here, and a little there is better than nothing

- No more haircuts .. I am so sick of going to the hairdresser and they fuck up my hair. I go in for a trim and I end up with chopped hair.. Trying to save some length and it has been taking ages. If I am going to get a trim, it will only be with the one hairdresser I trust. 

- Stop hating every aspect of my body.. This one will probably be a goal for life, and it will take years for me to deal with.. 

Do you have any goals? If so, what? 

Labor!

My water broke few hours ago ...
Been checked at the hospital and sent home to wait on stronger contractions...

This is it ladies.. Keep us in your prayers and wish us luck!

<3

Still here!

Been a while since I updated..
I guess I haven't really had much to say...

I'm still pregnant and getting bigger by the minute.. But it's not bothering me as much any more. I updated my weight on myfitnesspal and I am still 3 lbs under the weight I was before I got pregnant.. But I don't really care about that either..

I had a check-up with this doctor at the hospital (they send women with BMI over 30 to them) - and he told me my pregnancy had been going much better than they expected. I haven't gained weight, my blood work is good, the baby is growing the way he is supposed to, and he is strong and healthy.. They will however induce me if he isn't born on his due date, which means if he isn't out he will be by Dec 4th!

My baby is healthy and perfect.. My hubby loves me more than anything on this earth.. What more could I really ask for?

I mean, I am not happy with my body or my weight as it is today.. But I can see that the way I think of weight, losing weight ect is different.. This pregnancy has thought me that my body isn't working against me cause it wants me to feel horrid.. Of course, I have bad days.. Of course I have days where I HATE the way I feel about it.. But it's not its fault.. I did this to my body, and it will not change unless I change..

I have days where I think about my bad days with binges and purging, and you know what.. I can say for sure that those days are behind me.. The days where I would think of starving to get short term results.. The days where I would blame my body being against me.. They are behind me.. I'm not saying I wont have bad days.. I know I will.. But it is just different now..

My plan is still to start on my "diet" starting new years.. To begin with my focus will be to keep my portions under control, and to eat clean. I still aim to reach my goal by end of next year, but I also will take it step by step..

I was looking at some old pictures.. And in those pictures my weight was halfway what my goal is.. But in those days - I didn't really worry.. I went to the gym.. I ate.. I was partying a whole lot.. But I didn't care.. I felt like I was the sexiest woman walking around.. That is what I want to go back to.. I want to feel good about my self.. I am tired of not being happy with me..

Any who..

I will let you guys know when the little guy is here.. And I will do my best to put up more updates, but I doubt I will have the chance to before I start the new plan..

My mother is going to come and stay with us for a week mid December (Lord have mercy lol).. And my gran (well she isn't really my gran, but she is the closest family member I have) - is going to stay with us during Christmas and new year.. Along with a new born baby our weeks will be pretty packed the upcoming few weeks! My bff and her family will also be visiting the first or second week of January for a long weekend, but that is still some time away :)

I want you all to keep taking care of your self, and I am doing my best to comment on blogs.. I do read most of your posts though..

<3

Been a while!!!

It seems like I am posting less and less..

I do try to keep up with your blogs as often as I can.. And I do miss you guys.. I'm just so freaking huge and tired all the time .. The moment I think my belly can't get any bigger.. BOOM! It gets bigger..
I am not going to nag about it though.. It's the baby taking the place he needs.

We had a new ultrasound last Thursday.. It was supposed to be a 3D ultrasound where we could see him properly, but the little bean decided to face down and curl up, so we didn't get to see anything.. She showed us some parts saying "oh this his leg - this is his back" ect.. But I couldn't tell them apart to save my life lol

The good news is that he is growing the way he is supposed to and he is perfectly healthy as far as they could see :) - I have been worried that he would be "big" due to my weight ect - but he is just perfectly normal.. She told us that he is around 5 lbs now - and if he grows the way he is now, he will weigh in around 8 lbs. - and I must say, I have been a little stressed up about my weight gain, which has been going up pretty fast the last few weeks, but I still weigh around 9lbs less than I did when I got pregnant.. So I guess I should be happy about that too..

It's 43 days left to my due date.. And I am pretty much either tired, or doing baby related stuff when I'm not at work.. So I do not have much else to report..

<3

Life..

I have been home from work since last Wednesday.. I just haven't been able to "force" my self to go to work.. It really upsets me, cause I have been wanting to be full time at work, as long as possible.. But lately, I just can't be arsed... The new guy I told you about in my last post sucks.. I have told my boss about it.. And they still wanted to give him a couple of more weeks before they decide how it goes.. I know, it's not up to me hwo they keep and who they don't, but I really don't feel like being there, forcing my self to have a full day - when they don't really respect my opinion.. I am going back to work tomorrow, but I don't know how long I will keep it up.. As I mentioned before, I am going on my maternity leave from 12th of November - and I am already planning to call in sick the two work week before that date ( Yes I know it sounds bad - but I don't want to use my maternity leave days before I have to, when I can call in sick) - That means my last day at work will be the 29th of October.. Which means it's only 5 weeks left.. I really should just ignore how annoyed the whole work situation makes me and keep going, well unless I am in too much pain.. Right? 

*Sigh* I probably sound like a spoiled brat when I nag about my work.. But I just don't know how to deal with this thing.. I am so sick of it all :S

Other than work, I have been having money on my mind a whole lot lately. For me to be able to take the long leave that I am planning, we will have to really watch how much we spend.. My hubby just got a nice raise, so we really wont be having too much of a hard time with allt he expences, but I have been standing on my own for so long, that having him being the one who will be paying more than twice as I will be to our joint account to cover everything really has been tough on me. I know that the reason why I will having the low income is because of the baby, and because it is best for our family that I stick around until he is old enough to go to kindergarden.. But it has been tough.. Silly right?? - I mean if he was the one staying home, I would be the one paying more than he does.. So I should just shut it and be thankfull - right?? 

Anywho... 

The next few weeks are going to be packed with baby stuff.. This Thursday we have a new check-up with the midwife.. This week, we are attending Lamaze classes, and my work is actually covering the bill for it (See I should be greatful, and don't be so upset about my work... ).. The upcoming two Mondays we have "parenting" classes.. It's basicly going to be about the birth plan, and stuff like that as far as I know.. And then the 11th we are going to have another check-up with the midwife, and later the same day we will go to the hospital for a 3D/4D scan. I am really looking forward to that.. This whole becoming a monther thing is getting really real ladies.. 

I just hope that they keep telling us that the baby is healthy, and that everything is fine.. I have these dreams about stuff that can go wrong.. But I hear that it is normal.. Like every other weird thing that they tell you is normal while you are pregnant.. 

Anyways, I am going to finish this wall of text.. Thank you again for all your comments and support.. and welcome to the new followers.. Thanks for reading :) 

Oh and before I forget.. I had to activate the stupid "Please prove you're not a robot" thing on the comments after I got 30.. Yes you saw correct 30 - spam comments in one day.... :S 

Ah well.. Take good care of you ladies... <3 

Depression??

Not sure what's wrong with me..
I don't know if it is due to the pain - or me feeling huge, not being able to move freely.. But I feel so down lately.. I know I am 7 months pregnant and it is normal to be big and heavy.. But all I think about is how badly I want to get rid of all this weight..
I also know that I am lucky that haven't been gaining during this pregnancy, and that I will weigh much less than when I found out about being pregnant.. And I do feel a whole lot of love and joy when I feel my baby boy move.. But the numbers are taking over my mind.
I keep thinking about how badly I want to be able to wear shorts next summer.. How much I hate being yet another overweight mother.. About how much should I eat.. How I should maybe practice more portion control already. And then I get really afraid - cause I know that these thought aren't coming from a healthy place.. I don't want be a mother with ED behaviours.. I don't want to have my kid see that I hate my body..
My logical side of the brain says it wont happen. I have changed a whole lot during this pregnancy.. I have been listening to my body most of the times and followed what it needs.. And I know it will take a couple of years before the baby understands enough to notice my actions. But I just don't want to go there..

I don't understand why I am thinking about it..
I don't understand why I feel so shitty about everything...

I know it's wrong of me to be happy that I haven't gained weight every time I step on the scale.. And I know it's wrong of me to step on it as often as I do.. But I don't know how to control it..

Maybe it's just the fact that I have been home for a few days.. Maybe I am over-thinking it all.. Maybe it's all the changes that I can not control that is bringing up the ED thoughts.. I just don't know...

I need to stay strong.. I need to push those thoughts away.. I know that.. Right now - I'm just not sure how..

There are so many things I wish were different.. I wish I had a good loving family who would be there.. One who I don't feel like I need to always tip toe around..
I wish I was living back in Oslo where I had my friends close to me..
I wish I had more willpower to actually have done something about my weight before I got pregnant..
I wish I could shut my mind and think of other things than weight.. Body.. Numbers.. How to's..
I wish I didn't feel so lonely...

Been a while..

I'm sorry for being so much MIA lately.. I just don't know what to post... On one hand I have a hard time wrapping my head anything but the baby - and being pregnant.. On the other hand I do have a whole lot of thoughts about the things I want to do after the baby is out (with my weight, health ect) but I feel like a dork talking about it when it's so far away.. But anyways :) Here it goes...

I am looking more and more forward to end of this year - having the baby here with us - and next year and the changes it will bring. I think it will be a very different journey than anything I have been on before.. And it is very very scary.. But I think.. I hope.. That I/we will be fine..

What do you guys think of the name Caspian for our baby boy?? And no please don't say Prince Caspian from the chronicles of Narnia.. As some of you might remember I am Persian, living in the Nordics and I really wanted our boy to have a name that can be related with Persia, but also one that doesn't sound weird to the nordics. We also have a VERY nordic last name - so I wanted the first name to be a tad more me.. Caspian is related to the Caspian Sea which is a landlocked sea in north-west Asia ( north of Iran) which was named after the ancient Caspians (or Caspis) who used to live on its shore. My grandmother from my dads side, and my grandfather from my mothers side both have their roots from that area. So it's not a randomly picked name .. I also like that the name is special and that there wont be 100s of other guys with the same name as our baby boy.

Over to something else. I saw this video the other day - and I really loved it.. If you have the time - it really is worth having a look.  The clips name is "hungry for change" .. So if the link doesn't work - you should be able to find the whole thing on youtube. :)

I have lately been looking more and more into how to cure my body using food.. I mean.. We all eat food.. We all have had our issues with food.. It has for years been an enemy.. Wouldn't it be amazing to become friend with food and use it to live a healthy life?? At times it seems like a dream... But I mean lets face it, there are way too many people who has done it - why wouldn't I be able to do the same?? The main point.. The main reason why I think these things can work is because there is no food abuse.. There are no diets.. The main rule is to eat what your body needs, give it nutrients for it to feel full and for it to be able to heal..

This pregnancy has been hard.. And I think it would have been so much easier if I had a normal and healthy relationship with food and my body - and with my mind.. I really don't wish the state of mind I have been to any others.. And if I was to give an advice to anyone who is thinking about getting pregnant it would be this:

• Have a healthy relationship with food and your body
• Have a healthy state of mind where you don't hate your body and the changes that it will have
• Make sure to be in a healthy weight/BMI range

Don't misunderstand me.. I am really looking forward to have this baby here.. But I wish I had been a better place with my self, so I could enjoy the journey more.

My hubby and I have been talking more and more lately.. And I have been trying my best to be open to him about what is on my mind.. And it's starting to feel so much easier.. I am really happy to have you girls around for when I need to vent - cause you girls always understand.. But I must admit that things are starting to feel so much "lighter" now that I can talk to him.. He still doesn't understand it all.. He still get the "OMG you what" look on his face from time to time.. But now I know.. I don't have to carry it all alone.. I know that I don't need to worry about my eating habits/issues around the baby cause he will be there to notice if something is wrong. And I know he will be there to help and support me on getting healthy even if he doesn't always like the idea of it. It is a weird feeling.. To have someone really care about me.. My health.. My body.. It's so so weird..

This is another page I have been on more and more lately - It is an amazing page if someone is looking into clean eating - and to rehab the body with food.

At the moment.. I am mostly doing research and are working on my mind and how to befriend food.. I don't want to do any drastic change while I am pregnant, but my thoughts are to get on these things starting new year.. If any of you have any other similar pages/books ect I should look into, feel free to let me know :)

Anywho.. I'm gonna finish up for now.. Take good care of you all ladies..

<3

*untiteled*

I'm sorry for being awol so much lately.. I am so freaking tired all the time.. We had our vacation and we have been back to work for a week.. Working from 08 - 5 really takes its toll on me.. Luckily people are still on their vacation mode and we don't have that much to do at work else I'd be dead!!! hehe

Thank you all so much for the comments on my last post.. I am relaxing more about the weight and I am happy to report that I haven't been gaining since my last post.. I had another check up last Thursday and the nurse is really happy with my weight - which makes me relax more and more about it. We also got to hear our little boys heart.. They tried to listen to it when I was the last time - but he was moving too much for them to be able to get a hold of him.. This time we got to hear it properly and it was just so amazing :)

I have also decided how I am going to take out my maternity leave.. I will start taking out vacation days from around second week of Novemeber - and I will go on my leave from the 19th.. and I will be out the rest of the 2012 - and I am taking 2013 off.. I told my boss that I was going to start going back to work starting January 2014 - but only part time.. They were fine with it, and they are open for changes as long as I let them know about the changes 2 months prior to the change. During this time we will have to watch the way we spend our money, but we did the math and we will be just fine :) Worst comes to worst we will have to dug into savings.

We are also almost done with baby room and all the things he needs. We just need to buy a couple of small stuff but that is about it.

When my mum was here she bought a chair for the baby - this is a Norwegian brand and the things from them are a little more expencive the "normal" stuff - but I guess you get what you pay for.. Cause we got 5 years of warranty and it can be used for all ages.. Anywho, if you want to have a look, this is a link to the page with info about the chair. We got the back one to match the rest of our dining chairs - we also got the black baby set and the premium cushion :)

We also invested in their daybed.. We were told that the baby needs to sleep in our room the first few months and we don't have room for his bed in our bedroom... So we wanted something smaller and something that is easier to move.. We also wanted a bouncer so this was perfect for us.. I really love the color and design of this thing.. 

Anyways.. I need to be off.. I was informed that the reason for a lot of my pain lately has been pelvic girdle pain and let me tell you this.. It hurts ALOT.. I guess this is also another reason why I am so freaking tired again..

<3

Not feeling all too good today...

So my body decided to crash... Season change is hitting us and the fibromyalgia is acting up.. This morning I could barely move.. Being pregnant means that I can't take any of my pain killers that work for me..
And as if this morning wasn't bad enough - my body reacted to this new bread I had for breakfast.. It's supposed to be very healthy- high fiber, sourdough bread.. And I just had to run to the bathroom and everything came up.. This was so much worse than any purging experience of my life...
This was around 2 hours ago.. I just looked in the mirror and my face is covered by red dots... You know when you have been purging really badly and you get the red dots over your eyes??? My whole fucking face is covered with it...
I really hope my face looks better by the time hubby gets home - cause if it looks like this by the time he gets home, he will panic.. *sigh*

And today.. I got on the scale.. And I am gaining.. I know I know - I HAVE to.. It's normal.. I am 6 months pregnant .. I lost around 15 lbs since I got pregnant.. I have gained 3 lbs during the last 2,5 weeks. Again I know.. It is normal to gain.. But it really freaked me out.. But I wasn't ready for it.. You know..
I know I was worried before about not gaining and keep losing weight.. But.. Today.. It was just too much..

Anyways.. Hope you guys are feeling better than I am..


<3

I have made up my mind!

Thank you so much for all your comments on my last post. It really helped to get your opinions on the matter and it made it easier for me to make my decision.

I have decided to give her a chance - so I sent her a PM telling her that. But I also made it clear that I didn't believe her excuses and that I knew they were lies. Also that I need to see some proper changes in her actions to start giving her any sort of trust. I have also told her that if she ever again acts that way towards me - or anything close to that against my kids that she is out.

I guess the thing I keep forgetting is that I don't live that close to them anymore - and that I actually can control how much contact i have with them. I really need to remember that they are not able to mess me up even more unless I allow them to keep doing it. Birthdays - Christmas that is about it.. And I don't have to let it be anything more than that unless I want to.

So again :) Thanks.

Over to something else.. I have officially lost 15 lbs since I found out that I was pregnant. Again I haven't tried to lose any weight - so a part from the time I had the morning sickness, I really don't get how it keeps going down. As you might remember I was pretty worried about it to beginn with - but after my talk to the midwife I am feeling ok. My friend (the one who just gave birth to her second kid) says that I have a luxury problem - I do have a hard time understanding how most woman can gain so much during their pregnancy. The same friend I just mentioned gained around 50 lbs with her son (that was 1,5 years ago) and she gained around 40 lbs with her last one. .

So I guess I should just be happy and stop thinking about it. The midwife told me that I will soon start putting on some weight - the last 3 months of the pregnancy is the time where the baby grows the most and I should also gain some weight then. My goal was to not gain more than 15 lbs during this pregnancy - and I guess if I keep it up and watch my eats ect I should be able to keep it around that too.

I started my 21st week of pregnancy today and my tummy is rounding up. I can see clear changes from last week and I must admit it is so weird.. I am actually starting to have a hard time bending or getting out of the sofa in a normal way lol...

Anywho :) What else.. Hmm..

Oh yes.. I am still coughing a whole lot.. And getting pretty tired of it.. I hope however to go back to work tomorrow or the day after. I have two weeks of vacation starting Monday - so I think it would be smart of me to show up at work for a couple of days before that.

Talking about vacation - my mother is coming to visit us. She arrives on Saturday afternoon and is leaving really early (her flight is at 8 AM) on Thursday.. I am a tad worried about it cause of .... Well you know.. Everything.. So wish us luck and keep them crossed to this trip of hers goes ok. I really can't take more family dramas..

Monday after she leaves is our one year wedding anniversary.. With everything that we have to buy for the baby we can't really afford a proper trip so we are going to spend a couple of days in Denmark, Copenhagen. We have booked a nice hotel and I really am looking forward to it. It is the last time we can take a "alone" trip before the baby comes and it will be a while until we can have another after he is here so I really wanted us to do something - just the two of us.

Anways - I'm going to end this wall of text. Again, thanks for all your comments.


<3

On strike!

I'm staying home again. I am still coughing a whole lot. It was better on Monday - but got much worse on Tuesday. Yesterday I told my teamleader that I couldn't be on the phone for that much and that he should take me off everything but the Norwegian line. Did he do it? No..
So my cough got worst during yesterday and I was coughing all evening and night.. And this morning.. So now I just thought.. Fuck it.. If he doesn't care about my health, then why should I let him be in charge?
So I am taking today off - probably tomorrow too. The worst annoying part is that he was sitting next to me yesterday and he could hear how bad my cough is. He even made some comments about it.. By the end of the day I was just.. *sigh* - So enough is enough.. I hate staying home from work.. But I can not take another week of coughing..
On top of that on Tuesday I was so stressed at work that I didn't measure my blood sugar when I was supposed to. I had too much to do - and the annoying part is that I was doing the job that isn't a part of my job. My blood levels were the highest they have been ever... I have been testing it for weeks now - and never been close to those numbers. I am checking the levels today again - and hopefully the levels are normal again - if not I have to talk to that diabetes specialist and see if I need to take insulin.. Which I really really really don't want to.
They did tell me that stress effects the levels a whole lot - but that the further I get into the pregnancy, the more hormones the body produces which can effect it all. So I am really hoping that it was the stress of the day - and not the hormones.. Cause the last part would really suck :( - I guess I just have to wait and see how today goes before I start worrying more.

----------------

Have you guys seen Fat Sick and Nearly Dead? I saw the clip the other day and it amazed me. My hubby always teases me for watching too many body related stuff - but even he was amazed by this. Here is the trailer:

Even though I am aware of the fact that what we put in our bodies really effects our health and how we feel - but things like this still amaze me. I plan to do the juice fast for 10 days when I am done breastfeeding the baby - if I don't breastfeed him - I will start with it when I start my weight loss plan starting January next year. And I must say - I am really looking forward to that.  --------------  What else is new.. Hmm.. Well we are pretty much done getting all the "big" things needed for the baby room. Here is a picture of the closet - the changing table and the beddings we got (PS: ignore the mess)

We also got some new cloths for him (The superman tee and the mini socks were a gift).

That is about it for now.
I am going to get some breakfast - and see if there are any blogs to read (the blogger world is very very quite lately).

<3