Do you think reaching your goal weight will make you happy?? ( happy in sense of proper happiness - feeling content ect ) 

I'm so lonely.. So lonely that my body aches.. I feel sick.. I feel like my head is going to explode .. I'm just so freaking lonely... 

No one understands how bad it is.. Maybe no one cares... 

I don't know how long I can keep going like this... If it wasn't for my little boy, I don't think I would... 

Cleanse part 3...

The cleanse is going to hell... I keep doing well during the day and have a horrid evenings...
So I am going to try something else..

My new plan is to eat every 2-3 hours, and instead keep it clean and low cal.. Anyways.. Lets see how this goes...

Here just as I thought hubby was grossed out by me he sends me flowers!!

 

Cleanse update...

I did good all day until around time and then I had the mother of all binges... It was bad... And believe it or not it was the first time hubby saw me having one of my insane binges and well he was shocked :S I think sometimes he just doesn't really know how bad things have been and can be...

Any who I have been thinking about it and to avoid another binge I have decided to add nuts and seeds to the diet - I am also going to add lentils, and use that to make this veggie lentil soup for dinner. And of course this means I have to start practicing portion control ... Now I'm gonna focus and make today a better day! 

Cleanse..

Starting tomorrow until next Sunday, I am going on a fruit/veggie cleanse. With expection of my morning pro-bio drink. (It's 100ml - 28 calories, and it does wonders for your tummy)... 

Anyways, I feel like I am soo full of food that there isn't a cm left for more food in my body (Yes yes, I know fruits and veggies are also food, but you know what I mean!)... I feel bloated, full.. And lets face it, fatter than ever... 

So ... Now that we are talking about my fat. I am back at my highest weight again... Instead of using this last 6 months to lose weight, I have been gaining weight.. I look and feel horrible.. Like really horrible.. 

If this thing goes well.. I might just keep at it for a while.. I just need to keep reminding my self that the first week is the hard one.. Specially the first 3 days when the body is purging all the toxins... 

Over to something not so gloomy.. We were at this store, and I saw this bracelet I loved and he got it for me.. It costed 50 dollars but it was 30% off so it was a good buy.. It's been ages since I got something pretty, or asked him to get me something pretty that isn't home/ baby related.. It's cute, right?? 

Anyways, I'm off for now.. Hope you all are having a great weekend.. 

<3 

Need to...

Need to face the scale tomorrow...
Need to get on track..
Need to lose weight...