Plan..

This post is mostly for me getting my thoughts on "paper" - so feel free to ignore it if you wanna.

Eats

Right after waking up - Drink a large glass of water, and take a dose of vitamin mineral pill.
Breakfast - Smoothie (Recipes from this book with subs to fit local food) + Green tea
Lunch - Salad made of quiona, edame beans, avocado, mix lettuce, nuts/seeds, beans/peas/lentils, veg
Snack - Fruit, hard-boiled egg-whites, coffee
Dinner - half a portions of whatever I am making for my family topped with extra salad/veggies
Snack - Tea, 10 gram piece of dark chocolate

Workouts

30 mins of w/e that gets heart-rate up

My goal is to add 5 mins each week until I reach 60 mins, and then add 5 mins every other week until I reach 120 mins.

I'm having a really hard time to follow the plan the nutritionist advised me to follow.. I don't really have much of an appetite when I wake up - and if I drink a cup of tea/coffee or something liquid, I kind of feel full for a while.. If I have a cup of tea, half a banana (I mash half for my son, so I eat the "leftover"), and a pro-bio yogurt, then I really don't have room for an omelette or sandwich as she told me to have in addition to that.. The amount of food is one thing, the other problem is that I really don't know how to fit all that food in my mornings...

My days until lunch time are pretty messy, getting breakfast ready for my son (and no it's really stressful for me to have a proper breakfast while I am feeding him) - dressing him and getting him ready for either play time, or baby song hour, or going to the park takes a while since he has reached an age that he wants to decide what we do, and getting dressed is never on his to do list... Then we spend couple of hours on those things, and before I know it it's time to feed him again, so I can put him down for a nap... Being all fussy due to him teething means I either am walking with him in the stroller, or we are driving if hubby is home for couple of hours, so he can sleep. I usually walk for a while and then grab something to eat.. I have been buying salads lately, but it is starting to get a tad expensive....

After he gets up from his naps, it's time for another feeding, and most likely a full clothing change.. Then play time - snack time... Then hubby gets home, and starts on his last meal, and gets him ready for him while I clean up and make dinner ect..

So yeah.. I am having a hard time fitting all that eating in my day.. Eating a not so healthy sandwich or grabbing a burger/toast when I'm out has been the easy way out - but I know it's not an option..

Anyways, in attempt to stay full, and to stay on track I am going to try to replace breakfast and lunch with meal replacement shakes/bars.. I have some shakes I need to drink up, and while I do that I am going to look for options with less sugar, more protein. and have fruit/yogurt for snacks..

On other news I have been doing pretty well with dinners. The delivery service works like a dream for us.. I have been adding some more veggies to their recipes since they had a whole lot of bell-pepper as sides, and hubby can't eat bell-peppers, but all in all it is working just fine for us.. The thing that surprised me the most is that the portions which are supposed to be normal sized portions are actually very filling.. I don't know why but I always thought I wouldn't feel full unless I have a huge portion, this is making me see that I do not have to have huge meals to feel full..

My weight.. I have lost like 3 lbs, but I think all the eating she wants me to do is not really helping me lose weight, so I am hoping to see it move with the new plan. I really want to get under 200lbs by the time I go back to work (I will go back to work around mid January).. That means I would have to lose around 50 lbs, and if I am to have any chance of doing it I have to stick to this plan.

Anyways ... I need to get to bed now.. Wish me luck...


<3

You need to eat more!

WTF right?? I'll get to the header soon...

I haven't been on lately.. And I am really behind on reading blogs.. I have been reading a post here or there, but I promise I will get on it asap...

Things have been so busy.. We have been pretty much sick since my birthday.. First week it was the cold, ever since my son has had tummy flu... This mean there has been an insane amount of poo... I am not joking.. I have been cleaning up poo like 10 times a day, and that's when hubby comes home and takes over.. Poor kid.. It's due to him teething but yeah.. Enough with the poo already... :s On the cute note, he started saying mamma for real yesterday.. He is too cute :) (and hubby is so jealous ^^)...

I have also had to get a vaccine.. Wikipedia tells me it's called Rubella in English.. I have been vaccinated for it when I was little, but while I was pregnant I was told I needed to "refill" the dose.. So I have been all icky and tired because of that on top of everything..

Talking about the vaccine.. I had my appointment with doctor hunk... He looks better in the picture than in real life.. He also had the most weird voice.. So light and well lets just say, he is one of those people who should just "shut it and look pretty" lol

I have also been calling the hospital MANY times since I still hadn't gotten my appointment (remember the pap smear with the bad results?).. After many calls I got a letter telling me I have an appointment to have the cells removed second of October.. Apparently the cells were cancerous.. So they will be "burning" off all the changed cells with a laser.. I am trying not to think about it.. They told me if everything goes as planned I will be good to go home the same day, and it will not have any affects on my getting pregnant later on..

What else..

Ah yes.. The "you need to eat more" part.. Well I finally visited a nutritionist yesterday.. She is a nurse who also works with nutrition at doctor hunks office.. I actually like her and what she said made a whole lot of sense..

Time and time again I have said I do good with my eats during the day, and then I overeat at dinner and so on.. And I have always thought that to lose weight you need to be hungry and feel the hunger ALL the time.. Now we are going to change all of that.. The plan is to have a BIG breakfast.. So a fruit + yogurt + tea/coffee + a sandwich or oatmeal or omelette.. What ever I add to the last part needs to have loads of protein... (You don't have to eat it all at once, but the idea is to have it all as breakfast).. Then it's lunch time.. The plan is to eat something like salad with loads of veg and protein.. So greens and something with protein + a complex carb of some sort.. Few hours later you are to have a snack.. And guess what. A piece of fruit doesn't count as a proper snack.. So if I am having fruit, I need to have some sort of protein on the side..
And then the dreaded dinner.. I am to have a plate, where I have 1/3 carbs, 1/3 protein and 1/3 veg...

I was told to buy a smaller plate, so yesterday I was at Ikea and bought a plate that is smaller than normal dinner plates.. I am also going to meet her again in two months, and that's when we will plan the diet in more details if needed.. So yeah.. The idea is to eat more during the day, so I eat less during dinner time and so on.. And to never get to the "I'm starving" point to prevent binges from happening.. Makes sort of sense, doesn't it?

Now that we are talking about food.. Let me tell you about this wonderful wonderful thing... So there is this service where it provides you with 5 dinners, with recipes, and they deliver almost everything you need once a week to your home.. We have ordered a trial pack from them, and if it works for us, I am going to have them deliver every week... The dinners are planned for 4 portions.. And they actually have the calories pre-calculated! I am so sick of always thinking about food and planning it - this means I have a meal less to think about! And the bright side is also that when we cook the meals, it is easy to divide it into 4, letting hubby have two, put one in the fridge for his lunch the day after, and leave one portion for my dinner..

If there isn't more food left to overeat from, then I guess I won't be overeating will I??? ... The service still leaves two dinners a week open for dinners out, and so on.. Oh did I mention the service will save us money?? At the end of the month, our food budget will go down with like couple of hundred dollars depending on what we eat during the weekends... It might not be much, but it is still plenty :) I REALLY hope it works and that the food isn't all yucky, cause I am so fucking sick of thinking about food... Planning it, thinking of it... All of it...

Other news is that my drivers license course starts tomorrow.. Tomorrow I have this class I need to attend, and I have my first driving lesson with the school next Wednesday! I am really looking forward to have the license, and the freedom it gives me.. Specially during the yucky Scandinavian winter months..

I think this should cover everything that has happened or will happen soon.. And I promise, I will get on reading the blogs soon (idea is to get on it this weekend)..

<3

This whole avoiding to eat during the day is going well, I am down 7 lbs already!

Today I was really proud of my self, we were at the shopping mall, and I went to get a Cappucchino at my fav coffee shop.. I had been at the food court earlier to feed my son and all the smells.. Everything I was STARVING! Then while I was waiting in line to order my coffee I was infront of their huge collection of cakes, cookies, pancakes ect and I really wanted something.. However I closed my mind and thought of the number I saw only a couple of days ago.. I got my coffee and I was off! These sort of things don't normally happen with me cause I don't practice self control.

I have however noticed that both yesterday and today I have eaten WAY too much for dinner.. I am overly stuffed eventhough it has been within my calorie budget (my goal is to stay under 1000 calories).. So it is not hard to see that I need to take this to the next step.. Being from middle east my main problem is rice.. I LOVE it.. I can have it with almost everything.. But a cup of rice being 200 cals, and for me one portion of it being 1,5-2 cups means I eat too much of it..

So I have now decided to limit my rice and have it twice a week.. It would be stupid of me to plan to not have it at all cause I know I would crave it too much, and it could end up in a binge.. So twice a week.. I can do that!

I also want to use this post to thank you all for your support. Things get hard, but each of you inspire me in your own way and that makes things somehow easier.

Josie, I don't really have any medical issues ex. from my fibromyalgia.. I do however tend to get acidic stomach pains (after years and years of being wrongly medicated for my fibromyalgia my stomach is pretty fucked... I guess the b/p sessions haven't helped it either).. I don't take any meds but some painkiller when the pain is too much for me to deal with (right now I take a mix of paracetamol, and ibuprofen), and I use chewing pills for the stomach acid when it's needed... I don't really have the option of seeking a nutritionist right now, and I don't really have a proper doctor after I moved to Sweden.. I guess I should make sure to register so I have someone to talk to..

How long would you say it is "safe" for me to stay under 1000 cals without totaly fucking up my metabolism? I was thinking about maybe keep at it until I reach my second GW, which is 198lbs - and then up the cals and add some proper exercise. Right now exercising is not an option, well unless you count walking as exercise.. I do walk for 1-2 hours a days most days, and I do run/carry/play with my son a whole bunch... I just don't want to count them as exercise so I don't use it as an excuses to eat more.. What do you think about this idea?

Cleanse..

Starting tomorrow until next Sunday, I am going on a fruit/veggie cleanse. With expection of my morning pro-bio drink. (It's 100ml - 28 calories, and it does wonders for your tummy)... 

Anyways, I feel like I am soo full of food that there isn't a cm left for more food in my body (Yes yes, I know fruits and veggies are also food, but you know what I mean!)... I feel bloated, full.. And lets face it, fatter than ever... 

So ... Now that we are talking about my fat. I am back at my highest weight again... Instead of using this last 6 months to lose weight, I have been gaining weight.. I look and feel horrible.. Like really horrible.. 

If this thing goes well.. I might just keep at it for a while.. I just need to keep reminding my self that the first week is the hard one.. Specially the first 3 days when the body is purging all the toxins... 

Over to something not so gloomy.. We were at this store, and I saw this bracelet I loved and he got it for me.. It costed 50 dollars but it was 30% off so it was a good buy.. It's been ages since I got something pretty, or asked him to get me something pretty that isn't home/ baby related.. It's cute, right?? 

Anyways, I'm off for now.. Hope you all are having a great weekend.. 

<3 

Safe food!!

Eating hot soup in the summer time seems just like a silly thing to do, but weight watchers hot noodle soup is my safe go to food.. I usually have it for lunch, it has 114 calories and is pretty low carb and is really yummy.. It has some chicken bites but I pick them out since I'm not a fan of their texture ... I always add a tad of lemon juice to it to make it taste even better.

What is your go to meal/ food? 

Semi vegetarian..

(Or even flexitarian if you feel more comfo with that term) - Is what this household is now.. We have talked about it and 4 out of 7 dinner/lunch meals we have are going to be vegetarian now.. I managed to get hubby to agree to this with a "imagine how much money we can save" comment..

Our income is much lower than it used to be after I went on my leave, and with the formula, diapers and everything else the kid needs, our monthly "food" cost has been over budget every single month.. Being lazy and buying partly made meals, or even things like sauces in jar ect has also been a reason why we have been going over budget.. So I told him about my idea and he is agreeing to it.. So the idea is to have fish one day, chicken another, and meat of some sort the third and veggie dishes for the rest.. And I am really looking forward to cook up some new stuff and to try a bunch of recipes I have put on hold..

I bought the Happy Herbivore cookbooks from amazon and I have the skinny bitch cookbook (along with lovely Claires blog ) which are vegan recipes and I am hoping to use them to ease us into eating more and more plant-based food. I don't think I will ever manage to go 100% vegan or vegetarian for that matter, but I think this is a huge step into the right direction..

There is one thing I am really confused about though.. What do you eat for breakfast besides eggs/jams when you want to reduce animal based products??? Any ideas?

I am also hoping to introduce juicing (I juice from time to time, but hubby hates it.. ) to him and to the baby when that time comes..

Do you guys have any vegetarian blogs/ cookbooks/ recipies you love? - If you do, please do share..

Update!

So today we did the groceries and I bought a bunch of veg. I got zucchini - bell peppers and mushrooms. I cooked it all in low sodium veggie broth (I read somewhere that cooking the stuff in broth makes it all easier since you can skip seasoning and it works fine for me) in the oven. It gave 5 cups worth of veg. I also boiled some skinless chicken breast in broth - and cooked some wholemeal couscous. I premade 5 portions worth of one cup of each and that is what I am going to have for dinner the rest of the week along with some salad on the side.

I also thought about breakfasts - I didn't find any yoghurt that was low on sugar/fat that I liked, so I am skipping the cheerios.. We do not have almond milk here Josie.. I have been looking for it - but haven't found it yet :S - And Miranda, we don't have eggbiters either.. I think I could find that in the American store but it will probably be too overpriced. So I have decided on having eggwhite mushroom omlettes for breakfast. That is easy and works for me.

I bought some frozen lunch dishes and those are around 400-440 calories per portion (these are low sodium products).. So with snacks and my tea a whole day worth of food will be around 1600 calories.. Breastfeeding burns around 500 calories a day- so even with the unplanned calories I should be able to stick to a good 1200 calorie plan if I eat like this.

I know, I know - I am doing the "eat the same thing over and over again" thing.. But - the lunch meals and the snacks will be different so I wont get sick - and I am planning to change the protein and the veg each week.. AND to have "normal" dinners with hubby during the weekends.

Now I just have to stick to it.. And it should be moving..

Linny - as far as exercise goes, I have been wanting to go on walks with the baby but the weather has been horrid.. It has either been below zero, or it has been insanely strong wind. We have a mall close to us so I could go for walks inside -but with the flu season and the RS virus going around we are adviced not to take the babies to malls.. But it is on my to do list - I think it is good for the kid too :)

Emily - did I mention that it is 5 combined hours? ^^ an hour here - 2 there ect ^^ He slept much better last night so hopefully now that he is getting older (he was 7 weeks this Friday.. *sigh* he is growing too fast :( ) - We will get more sleep..

Lucy - When I was cutting down carbs, I replaced bread with high fiber wasa crackers - I am going to have crackers for my breakfast and snacks now again - maybe that will work for you too? :)

Little Miss Thin - I love the show too :) I catch them on this channel on youtube since they don't show it on tv here.

Anywho :) Gotta be off now - hope you all are having a great weekend :)

Not doing so well!

Ugh... Started this post several times- during several days and kept having to go away - so if everything doesn't make sense.. Sorry!

--------------------------------------

I am sort of not losing weight at all... I know it's only been a few days, but it has made me think of what is wrong.. So I did my weigh-in and took the pictures - I haven't taken measurements yet, but then again, this is the first time I have had some time since the last time I posted. Little mr. has been sick, and as soon as he got better I got what he got and I am still not feeling all too good.

I tracked a couple of days worth my eats on MFP, and I am doing OK with my calories, but I think there are 3 reasons to why I am not losing weight..

1: I barely get 5 hours a sleep a night
2: I don't keep my portion sizes since I don't get the chance to eat more than once or twice if I am lucky while hubby is at work
3: I eat too much carbs since it is the easiest thing to eat when you don't have much time to spend on food

I have been thinking about what I can do - and I think I should start planning my meals better. I was thinking about getting a whole bunch of veg when we do this weeks grocery shopping, and oven bake them all. And also precook some chicken filet and just make lunches for the whole week so I am set. That way I will skip the carb filled sandwiches. And I am also thinking about having some cereal for breakfast - I know it's carby, but I am so sick of sandwiches and tasteless oatmeal, and it goes fast.. I just need to find something to have it with since I don't drink milk...
I also need to get some fruit to fill up on - I have been so bad with it ever since the kid was born.. And the fact that hubby never ever eats fruit unless I force him doesn't help... Maybe I should get back making smoothies.. Hmm..

I think I really need to plan my eats better. It was so much easier while I was pregnant - now I don't have the time to eat until I feel really starved, and that's as you know when I usually overeat..

On the good note, I tossed all the leftover cookies and candies we had after Christmas.. I have kept one bar which wasn't open - but it is well hidden and out of reach. I have been covering my chocolate needs with low fat hot coco and it's working well.

I guess I should just finish this post before I have to go away again... I'll try to make a proper post soon..

<3


Edit:
Just remembered this thing I was ttly :S about.. I was watching the new season of Supersize vs superskinny online.. And there was this picture from this dude who had died because his inner organs were smooshed by his fat.. OMG!!!!!!! I didn't know it was possible :S

Been a while..

I'm sorry for being so much MIA lately.. I just don't know what to post... On one hand I have a hard time wrapping my head anything but the baby - and being pregnant.. On the other hand I do have a whole lot of thoughts about the things I want to do after the baby is out (with my weight, health ect) but I feel like a dork talking about it when it's so far away.. But anyways :) Here it goes...

I am looking more and more forward to end of this year - having the baby here with us - and next year and the changes it will bring. I think it will be a very different journey than anything I have been on before.. And it is very very scary.. But I think.. I hope.. That I/we will be fine..

What do you guys think of the name Caspian for our baby boy?? And no please don't say Prince Caspian from the chronicles of Narnia.. As some of you might remember I am Persian, living in the Nordics and I really wanted our boy to have a name that can be related with Persia, but also one that doesn't sound weird to the nordics. We also have a VERY nordic last name - so I wanted the first name to be a tad more me.. Caspian is related to the Caspian Sea which is a landlocked sea in north-west Asia ( north of Iran) which was named after the ancient Caspians (or Caspis) who used to live on its shore. My grandmother from my dads side, and my grandfather from my mothers side both have their roots from that area. So it's not a randomly picked name .. I also like that the name is special and that there wont be 100s of other guys with the same name as our baby boy.

Over to something else. I saw this video the other day - and I really loved it.. If you have the time - it really is worth having a look.  The clips name is "hungry for change" .. So if the link doesn't work - you should be able to find the whole thing on youtube. :)

I have lately been looking more and more into how to cure my body using food.. I mean.. We all eat food.. We all have had our issues with food.. It has for years been an enemy.. Wouldn't it be amazing to become friend with food and use it to live a healthy life?? At times it seems like a dream... But I mean lets face it, there are way too many people who has done it - why wouldn't I be able to do the same?? The main point.. The main reason why I think these things can work is because there is no food abuse.. There are no diets.. The main rule is to eat what your body needs, give it nutrients for it to feel full and for it to be able to heal..

This pregnancy has been hard.. And I think it would have been so much easier if I had a normal and healthy relationship with food and my body - and with my mind.. I really don't wish the state of mind I have been to any others.. And if I was to give an advice to anyone who is thinking about getting pregnant it would be this:

• Have a healthy relationship with food and your body
• Have a healthy state of mind where you don't hate your body and the changes that it will have
• Make sure to be in a healthy weight/BMI range

Don't misunderstand me.. I am really looking forward to have this baby here.. But I wish I had been a better place with my self, so I could enjoy the journey more.

My hubby and I have been talking more and more lately.. And I have been trying my best to be open to him about what is on my mind.. And it's starting to feel so much easier.. I am really happy to have you girls around for when I need to vent - cause you girls always understand.. But I must admit that things are starting to feel so much "lighter" now that I can talk to him.. He still doesn't understand it all.. He still get the "OMG you what" look on his face from time to time.. But now I know.. I don't have to carry it all alone.. I know that I don't need to worry about my eating habits/issues around the baby cause he will be there to notice if something is wrong. And I know he will be there to help and support me on getting healthy even if he doesn't always like the idea of it. It is a weird feeling.. To have someone really care about me.. My health.. My body.. It's so so weird..

This is another page I have been on more and more lately - It is an amazing page if someone is looking into clean eating - and to rehab the body with food.

At the moment.. I am mostly doing research and are working on my mind and how to befriend food.. I don't want to do any drastic change while I am pregnant, but my thoughts are to get on these things starting new year.. If any of you have any other similar pages/books ect I should look into, feel free to let me know :)

Anywho.. I'm gonna finish up for now.. Take good care of you all ladies..

<3

Will it ever end?

I'm so sick and tired of numbers ruling my life.. Before the pregnancy it was to get it lower - now (and you will probably hate me for this) I am worried that I'm not gaining enough. There is still couple of weeks left until the ultra sound and I am starting to wonder.. What if there is something wrong with the baby and that is why I am not gaining weight..

I mean.. I am actually a couple of lbs less than I was the last time I talked about the weight.. Is it normal? Should I be worried? - Where does the baby get the nutrient if I am not eating enough? ...
I really feel like I am though.. I am watching what I eat - and how much I eat - and sometimes it feels like I am eating something ALL the time.. So where the fuck does the weight go? - And I am so conflicted.. On one hand I am so happy that I'm not gaining weight.. On the other.. I am really worried..

Could it be that something is wrong? 


Maybe I should talk to that midwife/nurse/what her name is.. And sometimes - I think that I am probably just thinking too much about it.. and there is still around 5 months left of this pregnancy.. Maybe I should just wait and see how everything is at the ultrasound..

And as if I don't have enough to think about - I am so fucking sick of people commenting on my eating habits.. I have already flipped out once at work.. And I just can't take another "friendly" advice.. Where they keep telling me that I am not eating enough.. Cause I know that I am.. I just eat smaller portions to avoid getting sick - but I am freaking eating ALL the time.. I am eating 4-7 times a day counting the snacks and stuff.. How can it not be enough.. It could be one of the reasons why I am so worried about the weight gain.. I dunno.... *sigh*

Ok.. Lets change the subject.. This isn't good for me...

I have bought baby's first outfits :) They aren't in the newborn size but one month - cause I have a feeling that the kid will probably get a bunch of newborn gifts and since it will be growing fast that its better something that it can fit into after a few small weeks :) They are from Next and I just love them ^^

Cute.. Right? ^^ They have so many cute baby stuff and the prices are insane lol.. I do wonder how they decide the prices on this things.. I mean they are tiny.. I should probably take a trip to London and do my baby clothing shopping there, cause I am sure we can save a whole bunch there.

Over to something else.. Did I mention that I had my therapy session a couple of weeks ago? ... I don't think I have.. I did decide that I am not going back though.. I was supposed to have my second session yesterday and I called it off.. You are probably wondering why I did it.. And well.. It is because after I told her some about my past and such.. She said my food issues (aka the binging and purging) - was normal... She actually used the word normal.. How could she? I am sane enough right now to know that it is not normal.. And that it never was.. The other reason was that she kept wanting me to talk about the sexual abuse and really.. I didn't go there to dig up things that I have put behind me.. I wanted to be guided about how to handle the emotions that I am going through now.. And if all she could offer was to have me talk about my childhood - and telling me how my destructive behaviours were normal.. Well.. It wasn't something I wanted to spend time on..

You guys understand what I mean - don't you?

I have thought and talked about my past enough to understand how it is effecting me - and why I react to things the way I do.. I dunno... It didn't feel right.. It made me more depressed - and that is not what I need right now.. I did however had a talk with my uncle.. This uncle of mine lives in Dubai and he is a pastor.. He is one of my relatives who have always been in-touch with no matter what state my life has been at - and he is the one who walked me down the isle on my wedding.. He said something that really made me feel better.. I have heard some of it before - but never in the way he put it..

In his words, he said that I was very strong.. That I had gotten through everything without any help from any one - and that even though life could have been easier if I had taken some help from people I trusted - it is something I had to go through to get where I am now. And that what I should remember from my past is that  nothing is impossible.. That no matter how hard things get - I can raise above it.. But now..
Now I have my own family.. I have a husband who love the ground I walk on - and a baby on the way.. And my focus should be in finding happiness in the family I have now - and not focus on what I didn't have before..

Makes sense doesn't it? ..

Ah well.. I should end this wall of text..
I want to say sorry for being so much awol lately.. I read most of your blogs and try to comment when I have something to say.. Which isn't that often lately...


<3

Rant..

Weather is finally getting better.. And I think I should really get my act together with the exercising. I have been thinking about renewing my gym membership, but then I really thought about it.. There is always so many excuses to be made going to the gym.. And i have been talking about how I want to start running for AGES.. And we have the great park next to our place. So I am going to have get my act together.

I'm thinking about running every other day, and do either a Jillian dvd or something else every other day. This way I can ease into it.

Anywho - I am loving the idea of going more low carb - and getting into working out.. This is good. And you know what.. I have been thinking.. The only thing I would have to change if/when I get pregnant is to up the amount of my eats and change the exercise plan.

Anyways.. The weight hasn't being the way I wanted it.. Last week was a bad food week.. But I am getting my act together - Yet again.. hehe

I read this thing some where.. Can't remember where.. But it said "You haven't failed until you give up" - and I am not giving up.. I don't care how many times I mess up and crash.. I will keep going and going..


<3

Game plan!

Ok.. So I got on the scale this morning and it was a total gain of 1 lbs. If I am to have any chance of reaching my valentines goal I need to up the ante. I also want to push it a little extra the next week to make up for the lost week.
This is what I am planning to eat the upcoming days..
Today: WW soup - 114 cal - steamed broccoli or beans 30 cals
Saturday and Sunday: Homemade spelt pasta 309 cals - Jello to cover the weekend sugar craving (10 cal portion)
Monday: WW soup - 114 cal - steamed broccoli or beans 30 cals
Tuesday: Valentine dinner - Veggie Sushi (around 350 cals)
Wednesday: Blueberry oatmeal (180 cals)
Thursday: Blueberry oatmeal (180 cals)
Friday: WW soup - 114 cal - steamed broccoli or beans 30 cals
Saturday and Sunday: Homemade spelt pasta 309 cals - Jello to cover the weekend sugar craving (10 cal portion)

Yes yes.. I know - I tend to eat the same stuff over and over again.. But I have a bunch of foods I eat over periods cause they make me feel safe.. I am going to keep the coming days pretty low cal. I will take my vitamins - and you need to add a bunch of black coffee - green tea and water to the list. Oh and maybe some coke zero, some sugar-free chewing gum/mints.. But all of those things barely have any calories. I think my morning espresso shots are the one with highest cals at 4 cals each shot hehe..

Oh and hubby is now mostly out two nights a week, aka Wednesday and Thursday, training for his upcoming competition.. So I can easily get away with the oatmeal.. It's funny how he thinks that the ww soups are more "food" than the oatmeal and doesn't argue on me having them for dinner.

I just went to get more tea - and I just thought "this is the reason why I am afraid of having kids".. You see - the 50 lbs is a health concern.. But you ladies know me pretty well.. We all know that I can not have a kid as long as this is my mindset.. I need to get a grip of my thoughts first..
Fun fact of the day: Hubby wants to go and look at cribs this weekend... Fuck my life lol...

Anywho.. Lunch break over..

Loads of love <3

Finally!

I know I still need to learn to not let the scale dictate my mood - but I was soo happy when I got on the scale this morning, and I haven't been able to stop smiling since then ^^
After a week of not counting, and the gain, the scale is moving again and this time in the right direction.. Yaay :) I have lost like 1.5 lbs over night - and I beg to God that it isn't just water weight.
Eventhough I haven't been squeezing in exercise yet, my intake is very much under control thanks to skipping meals during the day. The one thing that bugs the hell out of me is that I didn't think of this before.. Imagine how much I could have lost if I had been following this a year ago..

Anywho - no need to dwell on the past..

@ Claire: I am not sure if I have allergies, but I am def. reacting to them. This is now a very stupid question, but gluten allergies isn't the same as wheat intolerance is it? (I should ttly google this a tad hehe) - And ya we have health stores and other option, I am looking into more options :)

To the rest - thanks for always being there <3

So far so good!

I must actually admit that I am really enjoying the whole skipping food during the day and eating a proper dinner thingi.. Yesterday we went out for indian for our "day" - and it was really good, but OMG... I got so fucking sick on our way home.. How could I be so stupid?
So far I have learned this:
I can not have any sort of milk - unless it's soya or almond. I can have very small amount of it, if it is cooked properly (like in soups or w/e) . I had my fav coffee today, and after half a cup I was really sick again.. So that is not happening again. As far as wheat goes... I can not have any sort of white version of it. I can have very small amount of the brown version of it but very very very tiny amount. I am going to avoid it as much as possible. I am using spelt instead and that is working fine for me. I just have a really hard time to find products with spelt that do not have wheat in it.

Work is still way too busy, and I am really dead by the end of the day and it is really frustrating.

As far as school goes, I don't think I am going to pick the classes. I get up around 6 am and work is finished 5pm - and if we go home right after work, we are home around 6 pm. By the time we have made dinner and eaten it's 7 - If we exercise, we aren't done before 8-9 pm. And by that time - I am done... I have no will or energy to study.

I have been thinking and considering my weight - I think it is a smarter choice of me to focus on my health and on losing weight than finishing those classes cause i don't want to waste the money I spent on it. If I could study during the weekends and get ready for the exams while following the online sessions it would be different.. But I have to deliver a bunch of tests/projects and I have to have passed like 5 of 7 ect before I can even consider the exams.. The tests/projects are all to be delivered during the week day, Friday before noon the latest.. So ya.. I guess I will put this in my "things I started and never finished and wasted loads of money on it" file - and rather work on my weight..

Anywho - off for now..


<3

Edit:

I think i want to put up a mini goal.. I want to lose 7 lbs by valentines! Lets see how it goes :)

Crabby and cranky....

Meh - I am having one of those days.. Well actually I have been having one of those nights and now days...

Got home after work yesterday to find a notification from our janitor saying that they have had to close down the buildings hot water cause apparently someone had an accident and didn't fix it - and now we have a huge leak.. Which means no shower  - which means no exercise (I didn't want to get all sweaty and stink today at work :S ) - which means I haven't lost a single pound this week .. I have actually gained like 100 grams ish - I'm not stressting over the 100 grams - that is like 0.2lbs.. but I am also restricting properly today..

I have planned inn black coffee - green tea - and a coke zero for work. I might have a fruit of some sort if I am starving before I go home, maybe a protein shake (103) maybe both even , will see.. I am going to have a can of weight watcher soup (114 cals) for dinner. And I am going to do 1 hour on the WiiFit when I get home. I am going to do a combo of the "free run"" - Boxing and step.. (last time I did this combo I burned almost 500 cals) which means it will be negative calorie day.

And hopefully tomorrow the scale will move again... (in the right direction)

-----
It suddenly got really busy at work. So I'm going to just publish this post for now :)

<3


Edit:

Don't you just love her??

Day 6 and TGIF....

Day six: Have you ever been overweight or underweight?

Overweight.. Still am.... 

OMG.. I did so good today .. All day.. And then I met my American coworker and we went out and we had dinner at TGIFriday's... and OMFG.. I just punched in my dinner on MFP.. and the dinner was over 3k calories.. UGG... WTF..... I feel sick to my guts now... That's it.. From now on.. Dinners out = sides only.. 

We bought the place!

So the place I told you in my last post- the one that needs to be totally renovated.. Well we bought it! and we are signing the contract in around 1.5 hours :)

I can not WAIT to get my hands on it- plan the bathroom- kitchen.. the colors.. Everything ^^ Girls feel free to give me your idea's ^^ hehe

Oh another news.. Yesterday I wanted to binge.. I was so ready.. Got to the shop and filled on a whole lot of shit.. And you know what.. When I got home.. I stopped half way.. I reminded my self that this was not who I wanted to be..

Today I have been reminding my self over and over that I NEED TO CHANGE.. I can not keep waiting.. So I wanted a panini. And you know what.. Instead of using butter and ketchup and making two of it as I always would.. I made one. And I used fresh tomato and paprika instead of the fatty stuff.. Still tasted yummy!

I need to keep this up.. Making half of the portion I would normally have. and just keep in mind that I do NOT have to eat everything that is infront of me..

The leftover "binge" food is tucked away. Hubby can have it.. I really don't need to or want it..

So this is how the day has been so far.. After we are done signing the papers for the flat I am going to celebrate.. And this time it will not be with food or something fatty.. I am going to by simple light weight treadmill.. I am so going to get the pink one if they had it hehe .. It is on sale and you know what.. I am planning to actually use it too. I love watching tv so it will be placed right here where I can walk and watch my favorite shows..

Anyways I need to go get ready to get out.. But before I go I want to repaste what I read on a blog today which really got into me..

Today, I will eat healthy. I will not put myself down. I will tell my self that I am amazing, commited, and that I can do this. I will prove to everyone that they were wrong. I will wear a bikini  and I will not only look good I FEEL damn good in it. I will be confident, happy and beautiful! 


<3

A new day..

And I am still sick.. I never ever thought I could disgust my self so much lol.. Good thing hubby thinks I am still cute even with the huge red nose and all the other charming side effects of this horrid cold.. I have been coughing so much that my abdominal core muscles ache when I try to move.. Ah well.. C'est la vie..

I have been making a new blog today. It is going to be my recipe blog. I have also made a new page called "eats" where I will link recipes I am trying from the other blog.

I have always loved cooking.. But food has become more than an animy than a friend and I want to break the horrid circle of binging and abusing food.. I am going to try to make/try sensible dishes which will make me feel good instead of guilty for eating them.

Each recipe will also give the amount of calories, fat, carbs and protein per serving (I am using the recipe tool on myfitnesspal to figure those out).. Ofc the numbers can be different since I am using nordic products and most of you guys don't so recalculate those numbers just to be sure if you want to.

Most of the dishes will be veggie or vegan. And that is another step in the right direction for me. I am really excited about all of this :)

Oh and as I mentioned I have redid my goals yesterday, and I resetted my ticker. And I am glad to say that I am finally down 2lbs. I haven't been gaining the last weeks but I haven't been watching what I eat or how much I eat either. So this is also a good step in the right direction.

Anyway.. Wish you all a great day..

<3

Taking it easy..

Today I am taking everything easy... I am very very tired- it is sunny outside but the wind is really strong.. I bought me a new pair of jeans and a thick cardigan yesterday- so today I am all cuddled up in warm cloths.. I am even wearing a scarf.. Which is really good cause I have been freezing a whole lot lately.
My body and mind in general are worn out- hubby is even worse.. So we are really looking forward to this weekend. We are planning to do nothing ^^ Just take it easy and relax.. We might go and have a look at a few places on Sunday, but that is about all we are planning to do.. Oh and we gotta do the laundry tomorrow. We barely have any clean cloths left hehe.. Oh and I have an appointment to get my legs waxed tomorrow.. Well I guess doing nothing for us means a whole bunch of stuff lol but we will take it easy :)

It must be the most chill I have had at work in weeks.. I have my headset on listening to Norah Jones.. Right now it's this one :

I am answering some email, had a couple of calls and drinking my tea.. Sitting far back in my chair and I am loving it. I hope it stays like this all day.

Over to food- I have no idea how much I have been eating the last few days. I haven't really eaten that much- but I haven't been tracking anything either. Have been so tired and out of focus.. But talking about food.. Hubby is going to go veggie/vegan with me. Yay for that.. Things will be so much easier.
But I am back on writing down everything again. I had to delete some apps from my phone cause I kept getting "you are low on space" error all the time.. I don't get why :S But since I couldn't move my calorie counter over to my SD card- I had to remove it too.. Now I only have it on the PC only. I think I might go for an iphone for my next phone.. I have been loving HTC for so long- but these app stuff are getting annoying.. And the new iphone should be out in a month ish so I might just go for it.. Will see..

I haven't been on the scale in a few days either.. The lack of sleep and the stress has made me really bloated even though I have been good for the intake. And we have had the scale packed away since we were going to have the shoot- but I will get on it tomorrow and see how much damage I have to deal with heh..

I am going to read up on more blogs- I am planning to start reading up on some of my favo blog all the way from when they were started.. I mean I do have the time today hehehe .. So why not ^^

<3

Edit: I might play around with the layout and such as well.. I think I want to redo the whole blog.. Make it more positive and not so "hidden" ..Will see..