I made a comment on my last post, but I figured it would be easier to just make a new post.

First off, thank you so much for the comments, it makes it easier to deal with things when reminded I am not the only one who goes through things like this.

But yeah I am going to meet my shrinks replacement in January. And today I got a letter confirming the date.. And guess what.. The new shrinks last name is Frankenstein...

I couldn't stop laughing.. I mean really?? Frankenstein?? If this is not a sign then I don't know!

So erm yeah...

Today my shrink told me it is her last day and that she is starting a new job...
This after I had an emergency doctors appointment at the hospital cause my tummy has been hurting like a bitch and they told me my stress hormone levels are too high..

*sigh*

2014

So I guess this will most likely be my last post in 2014. I know I have been a sucky blogger and been MIA most of this year, but I still find my self very lucky to have some of the most amazing readers <3

2014 has been a rough year for me. 2013 and most of  2014 have been filled with really unstable mood-swings and loads of depression. I am however really glad to say that I feel much better. I still have days where I just don't want to get out of bed, talk or even breath but those days are coming further and further apart.

I still am seeing my therapist, however we haven't been able to have sessions as often as I wish we had, but she is still there. Our next "project" is to prep me for birth of my new son this March, and hopefully try to prevent, or catch yet another PP depression in time and get on with treatment asap. They say when you have had it once, you are most likely to have it again, and for someone with my background the chances of it happening are pretty high. This time around I am lucky to have her on my side so I know I will not have to go through it alone until I crash.

This pregnancy has also been really hard, I am now into my 27th week of pregnancy and I still get sick. I have been coughing really bad for almost 5 weeks now, and it just doesn't seem to go away. The doctor says it is just a virus and there is nothing to do about it..

This year (a month or so ago) I was also verbally attacked and a victim of "random" racism.. It's not often I feel like a foreigner even though I live in Sweden but am Persian and raised in Norway.. But when something like that happens it really hits you right in the face - making you question if you made the right choice of living where you live. I know idiots are everywhere, and something like that could happen everywhere, but it is hard to just keep a "c'est la vie" attitude and not let if affect you.

We have also moved to a new place this year, we are still not really in place, still have no curtains, pictures ect up, but my son seems to love it here, so I am trying my best to stay positive, and just take it as it comes.

This Christmas is also going to be "special" since my mother and my middle sister are going to spend it here with us. I told my mother they could spend it here, but I know for a fact that it will be really rough. My sister is the definition of drama queen, one who always makes everything about her self, who has never really done anything to show that she cares about me but saying the words. She is also a liar (I am not sure if she means to be, but she is), and always tries to manipulate people around her. She has yet to meet my son, and she is already talking about meeting some random people she met, who she has spoken to once, while she is here. It really hurts me, that my son is 2 years old when she gets to meet him, which btw also has been her choice, and still she makes it clear that we are not the main reason why she is coming to visit us. And my mother.. Well she is who she is, you have all read the stories about her, and she doesn't really change. She says so many stupid things without being aware of how horrible they actually are.. So yeah..

I guess I just have to bite through the days there are here, and remember that it will most likely be years before we see my sister again, and months before we see my mother. I really don't understand why I just don't say "No you can not come" when I don't really want them here, and the only reason I say they can come is because I don't want to hurt them..

Anywho..

I am looking forward to 2015, and I aim to make it a great year for us. Are you happy with how 2014 has been?

I just don't understand how this is even possible!

So as the title says, I got my self a proper shock today..
We have had a bad cold, and moved to the new place last weekend, so I haven't had the chance to get on the scale.. But I did today..

And OMFG!!!!! I have now lost almost 20 lbs since I got pregnant... How.. I just don't understand how is this even possible??

I promise you I have not been trying to lose weight.. I have been eating almost everything I have craved (within reason), I haven't really been out and about because my fibromyalgia and SPD pains have been over the roof.. So how is it possible that I have lost almost 20lbs?

I know that a couple of it is probably cause I haven't been drinking as much as water as I should the last couple of days, but still..

As far as I can tell the baby is doing good too, he is very active (aka kicking my bladder so I have to pee like 30000 times a day), and we are to check the growth on Thursday, but nothing seems off. This means.. That if I don't gain any weight until the baby is duo I will end up losing over 30lbs when the baby is born. Of course I know I can not think like this, cause usually the most gain comes in the last tri-master.. But lets get real... I am 24 weeks pregnant and down almost 20lbs! Insane I tell ya... This is just insane!


PS: I promise to post before/after home edition pix as soon as we are more in order :)

Oh boy, oh boy!

Seems like we are having another boy :) I was sure this one was a girl since the pregnancy is one from hell, but the ultra sound doesn't lie lol

I just want to say that I am so sorry for being so much awol and so sucky reading/commenting. Between all the puking, insane pain in the joints and the hip and the renovation drama I am using every moment not spend on those sleeping.

I am doing very well with my weight - lost around 12 lbs and it is keeping steady so that is all good.

I promise I will do my best to post more.

My bff's 2 year old daughter was just diagnosed with brain cancer..
She is to have chemo every week for next 6 months, and then ever other, ever second week for next 1,5 year..They also discovered that she has a genetic illness called NF1 which means she could be having the chemo on and off for years..

And all off this.. It is making me so angry... So angry that this little wonderful beautiful baby girl has to go through all of this.. Lose her pretty curls... Be in pain.. While there are people like my sister who refuse to go to rehab to get rid of her addiction..

I know that addictions and ED's are not easily treated... But after this... I just do not understand why people don't want to get help when they have the option of getting help and becoming healthy..

This little girl has no option...

So if you are reading this.. And you have an ED... Or any other disorder - and have the option of getting help... GO GET HELP and try to get healthy..  Do not waste your life chasing a number, cause there are people, babies.. Who do not have the option of being healthy..

And please keep our little princess in your prayers..

It's so important to remember who your family is..
Family is NOT the one you are labeled with..
Family is the ones who are loyal to you.. Who actually bother to wonder how you are, regardless of how much their own life sucks..
Family is not the people who keep pushing you into giving, and giving but who never give anything back.. The ones who are just full of words and never act anything close to the words they speak..

My family is my son.. My husband.. My soon to come baby..
My family is the friend who has a kid in hospital but still tries to sooth me when I worry...
My family is my husbands grandmother who pulls me aside and tells me not to worry, cause when it's time for me to go to labor she will be there to make sure my son is taken care of - canceling her vacations just to not miss it..

So fuck the ones who are forcing words like "sister" on you.. Fuck them..