Food is my drug and I abuse it horribly..

I heard that on the intro for one of the "I used to be fat" episodes on MTV.. And it is so true...

@Sammy.. You are right love. My plans are always boring - always lacking something.. And your comment really made me thing.. Cause again.. You are right.. and I have been thinking about why .. And I can tell you why... It is because it is not me.. - The way I am acting - the way my mind is - it is just not me..

One of the things my doctor first told me when I was learning to deal with my fibromyalgia was that I always want too much. That I need to face the fact and stop acting like the person I wish I was - instead of the person I am.. I had to learn to stop - to understand my limitation- I had to learn that my body no longer can do everything I wanted it to do.. And I had to stop asking too much of my self.

It tok me years to learn to deal with the illness - but today I realized - I am still doing it.. This time - it's not about my work - my partying - my relationship.. This time around is my weight - and my weightloss.

I am no longer 18 - I can not keep planning - and keep failing - cause lets face it.. I have already wasted too many years of my life trying - and failing on so many things..

So dearest Sammy - Thank you for helping me open my eyes..

When I restarted this blog - I said that I wanted to become healthy.. Not long ago - I said I wanted to be smaller - not skinny mini..

So here is a new plan..

I am going to stop putting my self down - and plan things that make me fail. I am going to count my calories, but not starve my self.. I don't want to starve my self, cause I always end up in a huge binge.. I binge - I feel down about my self so I eat more..

I am not going to plan to exercise too often - too much - cause I always fail - and it makes me feel worse about my self - and when I feel worse about my self.. Well - you know the story, I binge..

I keep saying baby steps - but I keep forgetting that those are the right steps for me..

So girls - you are probably sick and tired of hearing about my "new plans" .. So I am not going to bore you with it..



  1. awe, Cupid - i feel like this is an intro to a 'i binged so epically'.
    awe, love. <3 i hoped so. i thought there's something off. you always have either too extreme ones, or repetitive ones that exclude all types of food you will end up craving - and maybe even binging on. :( sorry, Cupid!
    that sounds so very reflective.
    aweee. i'm glad i can be of service to you, love. <3
    good luck, love! look at every little thing you do as a bonus. <3
    -Sam Lupin

  2. Don't feel too bad. At least you haven't given up. Baby steps might be the way to go. I totally understand where you are coming from...trying and failing is such a hard cycle to feel caught up in. Just focus on health.

  3. BABE! i could not be a bigger fan of your new plan.
    THIS IS AMAZING. don't give up.
    loveyourself. or try. and dont starve just watch what your eating and feel better inside. i promise, this will end well and make you so much happier than hate and horror of your beautiful body.
    Omygawd, I'm like a mama, I could cry right now I'm so proud of you. Sending you all my strength. xoxo

  4. Baby steps are a great plan. One foot in front of the other, one vegetable after the other and one workout after another- it will come, with consistency come results but you have to keep on going! Pick achievable goals that you can maintain and not trigger bad habits. You deserve good healthy foods that nourish your body. Please never doubt that!!!
    All the best xxx

  5. I love your new plan. Sustainability and taking care of yourself is key. Love xx

  6. Don't see it as "failure," see it as a learning opportunity - look at whether your goal was reasonable (like too drastic of a change from your current habits) or what obstacles kept you from achieving it, and rework your goal or your strategies... and keep going... because life is continuous, it doesn't stop for us if we don't lose the goal #s or work out the right number of minutes or eat the wrong number of calories. Eventually those small changes (like running a minute) build into something better (like running a mile :D) and help keep you going on to better things.

  7. You can do it! I think your new plan is great. Sometimes trying to do way too much (too soon) is overwhelming and completely backfires. Baby steps are the way to go. Just one step in front of the other and before you know it you'll be pretty far along :)