A couple of days ago some girl added me on Facebook.. I don't normally add people unless I am sure I know  who they are. This girl turns out to be my cousin. I knew my uncle in the US had a daughter but never knew her name or anything.

I accepted the request and last night I logged on and she was online.. We were talking for hours and it felt like we have been friends for years.. It felt so good to have a family member on my dads side who I can actually talk to. She knows my dad.. I am not sure if I mentioned it before - but my dad died before I was born.. But before that he used to spend a bunch of time in the US with his brother - so when she was around 2-3 years old, my dad was her fav uncle.

She has so many memories and thoughts of him.. Those memories and thoughts are so new to me.. No one ever really told anything about him to me.. When my mother remarried my stepdad - all I heard about my dad was "oh he was a bastard" .. I didn't have any contact with his family after that until I was 20 something.. And even then when I met my gran and aunt in Germany.. They never really talked about how he was.

Since my dads body never was found, my gran believes that he is going to come home some day.. And because of that no one talks about him as if he is dead. He is just "away".. So this is all new to me. And it feels good to hear that he was a funny loving man.

My cousin is around 5 years older than me and she is amazing. She lives in DC and she is a strenght and yoga instructor. She works with a bunch of private clients - even some movie stars.. She looks like those girls you see on fitness blogs and she has the most amazing body.. She is very very beautiful.. And this girls - she reeks confidence.. She is so vivid and so in tune and it is the first time I have had a female member of my family being this way.. She reminds me so much about my self before my Dutch ex..I used to reek confidence.. And I felt like I was the most beautiful girl where ever I went.. She really makes me want to go get back to that..

We have other things in common.. She also moved out in a very young age and has been standing on her own from a very young age. It is sad - but her relationship with her mother is sort of as messed up as mine.. But in a way - it feels good to have someone who can relate.

This morning I saw that she had left me a song on facebook. She wrote that when we were chatting yesterday - she kept thinking of this song.. And I wanted to share it with you.. Hope you enjoy it :)


Back to work for now..



  1. Wow that sounds amazing, its always good when you have that someone that understands you and your situation :)
    congrats on the baby by the way i think its great news.
    (i still follow your blog even though i deleted mine, so i dont know if you remember me lol but im happy to hear you're doing great) x

    1. Ofc I remember you :) It's hard to forget people as lovely as you are ;) <3

  2. that's interesting to say the least. family is huge and half the time i don't even know most of the people but then i realised that i have a cousin on my Dad's side that loves what i love exactly and is also a vegetarian which creeped me out to HELL.
    :) oh. that's interesting. this all sounds like part of a novel, incomplete and i hope that it somehow finds it way to completion, Cupid. <3
    i know what you mean about relating with someone.
    HEY. my cousin is your cousin.
    i'm closer to her sister though for some reason and she wants me to go to London with them x <3
    -Sam Lupin

  3. It's so lovely that you found someone to talk to like that :) it must be great to learn more about your dad :) mine died when I was 11 and I don't really remember him being well (bipolar and alcoholism got bad with in my memory) so I always like to hear about things he did when he was younger and more stable :)
    And your cousin sounds amazing! I'm sure you can get that level of confidence back some day :)
    Lottie x

  4. That's awesome that you found a friendly and supportive family connection on your dad's side. FB sometimes gets a bad rap but it really is awesome for reasons like that. You can get that confidence back! It's in you. You just have to find it.

  5. http://swedegoingfit.tumblr.com/

    I'm so happy for you! <3

  6. I am so glad that you have found someone who is a relative of yours and is so supportive, and who has these memories of your father that she can share with you, and help you form a better and clearer picture of the man he was. That's just an amazing thing to happen. I'm really amazed by what facebook allows people to accomplish these days.

    That was awesome news, Kitty, it made me smile! xoxoxo I'm really really happy for you!

  7. Having someone in your family who understands is always such a relief, I am sure.
    No one in my family gets it, so I talk to my boyfriend and his mom.
    They get it, and they do not judge me.
    It is such an amazing feeling.
    I am so glad to hear that you got this chance to connect with your cousin!
    The wonders of Facebook. :)
    The song is absolutely beautiful, and the rhythms are very soothing. :)
    I hope you have a fantastic day!
    Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3

  8. That's lovely about your cousin, I'm really happy for you :) xx

  9. hey,
    i just found your blog and you have a new follower :D
    i'm happy for you that you've found your cousin via facebook and her memories of your dad seems to be awesome :D

    where are you from?
    and do you know where your family in germany lives?
    because i'm german and i also live there :D

    xox sophie