Season 5!

I have been watching season five of Supersize vs Superskinny. It is one of my fav shows - but I didn't watch season five cause it was sort of yucky..
It was on TV the other day so I watched the first episode, and I have been streaming the rest from youtube. And right now I am watching episode 6 - and it starts with the doc (which btw I have always thought is a huge hotty!) is talking to these patients.. And they are ofc all obese - have diabetes type 2 - and have lost some body part due to it..

And what amazes me is how much they all remind me of my friend in London. I have mentioned him before - its the guy who has the diabetes due to his lifestyle - and who says living a healthier life doesn't suit the lifestyle he wishes to have. They all know what they are doing to them selves.. They all know that if they lose some weight they will get better - and they all say that they are too lazy to do it!

I was thinking that "omg, i can not believe that they do this to them selves" - but the matter of the fact is that I am one of those people. I might not be one of those in the hospital but lets be honest.. Due to me being overweight I have the following issues:

- I have fibromyalgia - which is not weight related, but my symptoms are all much worse because of my weight
- I have gestational diabetes - although people born where I was are more likely to get it - the fact of the matter is that I was in a much bigger risk zone because of my insanely hight BMI.
- Now that I have the gestational diabetes I am in a very high risk zone to get diabetes type 2, if I do not change my lifestyle.
- Although I am one of those "lucky" people with an hourglass body shape - I am so big that I can not shop in normal store anymore. With my love for fashion I am reduced to shop the things that fit - not the things I like..
- Due to my weight I have barely no confidence. I do not feel sexy.. I do not dare to get naked infront of my husband. When I am undressed infront of him, I try to position my self in a way that it doesn't look as fat - but lets face it, it does - no matter where i turn.
- My BMI is over 40... Which means that I am morbidly obese.. The number doesn't lie.. I am not chubby, I am not just big.. I am morbidly obese.. And if I do not do anything about it.. I will die.. But my death will be like those people in the hospitals in UK.

I do have better eating habits now after that I got pregnant. I do not binge or purge anymore. I do not skip meals and go on a extreme binge around dinner time.. But I am still not eating as healthy as I should.
I still eat too much meat for my liking - I still have days where I eat very unregular meals. I still do move anywhere close to what I should.

Don't misunderstand - this post isn't a "oh poor me" post.. I just think I should finally face the facts. I need to prep my self - and work on chaning the way I think about food and start taking small steps towards my goal. I know that I will keep at some point start gaining more weight due to my pregnancy. But I don't want to go on yet another diet when the baby is born.
I do have a goal weight - and I do have exercise goals.. But I want to change my lifestyle.. I don't just want to get thin. I want to be healthy.. I want to live a life I can be proud of.

I have always said I do not want to be the mother my mum was to me - to my kids. And my mother, no matter what size she was, was always insecure - and it was easy to us to see that she hated her body. I do not want my kids to see that in me.

I need to change my mind.. So I can change my life.
I need to to change the way I view food and exercise.
I need to learn that I am worth having a healthy life.. A long life.. A life without pain.


  1. I love supersize v superskinny too! Looking forward to the new one, when it finally comes on tv. Have you seen secret eaters? there are only 2 episodes on 4OD but its quite good. xx

    1. No but the youtube channal I watch the Supersize vs superskinny on has uploaded those too. I am gonna watch it when Im done with season 5 of SZ vs SK :)

  2. I can really feel your longing for a healthier life through your words. I have faith that you can do it <3

  3. Wow, thank you for this touching honest post. It rings so true that it really motivates me to keep going.
    I love supersize superskinny - I didn't really "get"the feeding clinic thing until I talked to an anorexic friend and really saw that she had no idea what was a normal amount of food to eat. And also that our underlying issues are identical and just manifest in different ways.

    My mother has always had issues with food and her weight, and so has my grandmother.
    Even now, when I order a salad she manipulates me into eating more. Because of the habits I was raised with, I constantly have to repeat to myself: if hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the solution. Because she raised me to turn to food whenever anything was wrong. I don't blame her for it, but I don't want to pass this legacy of food addiction on to my children one day.

    I am lucky that I do not have any apparent health problems that remain after my weight loss. When I was obese, I would have really bad gastric reflux. I would also sometimes purge after I binged. Thankfully not long enough to cause permanent damage. I also use to sweat excessively and my blood pressure was borderline high. But I am okay now, my cholesterol is like record low.

    Unfortunately I do not have a hourglass shape. Even after all my hard work, my stomach still protrudes in a very unfeminine way. It is causing me a lot of unhappiness. Maybe I should just accept it in self-love. But I don't want to accept it. I just want it gone.

  4. "If hunger isn't the problem, then food isn't the solution." WOW what a powerful sentence. Remie I'm copying that to one of my computer's stickies...

    Kitty I feel like I'm in a different spot on the same road... Do try to forgive yourself because the reasons you struggle are not laziness, they are having been through difficult times without knowing how to deal better... And now you want to learn how. I feel the frustration radiating from your words, but underneath it I see strength. I know you can create that happy, healthy future for yourself.

  5. One of the best posts I've read these days..Changing your lifestyle is the best you can do...I mean you can live on a 1000 calories diet a day, but if you use that 1000 limit on fast food and soda..even if its just a small amount, its not going to be very helpful. (Just an example)...I love supersize vs superskinny, I watch it on youtube every time I want to binge on something unhealthy :) Good luck with your goals, as a soon-to-be mom I know you will succeed

  6. You are wonderful. Challenge yourself to be better than tr day before and in no time you will see good results

  7. I think this baby has taught you so much about your eating habits that will become long term habits :) xx