I have been watching season five of Supersize vs Superskinny. It is one of my fav shows - but I didn't watch season five cause it was sort of yucky..
It was on TV the other day so I watched the first episode, and I have been streaming the rest from youtube. And right now I am watching episode 6 - and it starts with the doc (which btw I have always thought is a huge hotty!) is talking to these patients.. And they are ofc all obese - have diabetes type 2 - and have lost some body part due to it..
And what amazes me is how much they all remind me of my friend in London. I have mentioned him before - its the guy who has the diabetes due to his lifestyle - and who says living a healthier life doesn't suit the lifestyle he wishes to have. They all know what they are doing to them selves.. They all know that if they lose some weight they will get better - and they all say that they are too lazy to do it!
I was thinking that "omg, i can not believe that they do this to them selves" - but the matter of the fact is that I am one of those people. I might not be one of those in the hospital but lets be honest.. Due to me being overweight I have the following issues:
- I have fibromyalgia - which is not weight related, but my symptoms are all much worse because of my weight
- I have gestational diabetes - although people born where I was are more likely to get it - the fact of the matter is that I was in a much bigger risk zone because of my insanely hight BMI.
- Now that I have the gestational diabetes I am in a very high risk zone to get diabetes type 2, if I do not change my lifestyle.
- Although I am one of those "lucky" people with an hourglass body shape - I am so big that I can not shop in normal store anymore. With my love for fashion I am reduced to shop the things that fit - not the things I like..
- Due to my weight I have barely no confidence. I do not feel sexy.. I do not dare to get naked infront of my husband. When I am undressed infront of him, I try to position my self in a way that it doesn't look as fat - but lets face it, it does - no matter where i turn.
- My BMI is over 40... Which means that I am morbidly obese.. The number doesn't lie.. I am not chubby, I am not just big.. I am morbidly obese.. And if I do not do anything about it.. I will die.. But my death will be like those people in the hospitals in UK.
I do have better eating habits now after that I got pregnant. I do not binge or purge anymore. I do not skip meals and go on a extreme binge around dinner time.. But I am still not eating as healthy as I should.
I still eat too much meat for my liking - I still have days where I eat very unregular meals. I still do move anywhere close to what I should.
Don't misunderstand - this post isn't a "oh poor me" post.. I just think I should finally face the facts. I need to prep my self - and work on chaning the way I think about food and start taking small steps towards my goal. I know that I will keep at some point start gaining more weight due to my pregnancy. But I don't want to go on yet another diet when the baby is born.
I do have a goal weight - and I do have exercise goals.. But I want to change my lifestyle.. I don't just want to get thin. I want to be healthy.. I want to live a life I can be proud of.
I have always said I do not want to be the mother my mum was to me - to my kids. And my mother, no matter what size she was, was always insecure - and it was easy to us to see that she hated her body. I do not want my kids to see that in me.
I need to change my mind.. So I can change my life.
I need to to change the way I view food and exercise.
I need to learn that I am worth having a healthy life.. A long life.. A life without pain.