First I want to start saying thank you so much for all your comments on my last post. I never thought it was possible to have a support system like the one you have been offering me here. You ladies are just wonderful <3
This weekend has been different. You guys remember my sister from this post? Anyways - just a quick update is that I have two half sisters (their dad is the one who raped and abused me when I was a kid). The middle one is 7 years younger than me - the youngest 12. So that means the youngest is now soon to be 18.
I didn't have much of a relationship with the middle one until a year ago. She has had her own battles to live with - she was born with anxiety cause her dad used to hit my mother when she was pregnant with her. That developed into many things over the years and she was using heavy drugs by the time she was 17. She did that for some years but she has been trying her best to get out of it all for the last years - and she has been mostly clean the last couple of years. I always had an understanding for why things went the way they went with her - and even though we never had a relationship, I have always made sure that she knows that if it really matters, and if she needs me, that I will be there for her.
My relationship with the youngest one has been different. After I moved out from my mum I always made sure that she could come and visit. She would come - stay for a week or so. And since I knew she missed having me there - I used to always spoil her. I was always there for her when my mom was the person she is. I always support her choices.. I was even the one having the "safe sex" talk with her.
When she turned 14 ish - she started being a huge bitch. She didn't even bother to send me a text on my birthdays. Or say thanks for her own birthday/Christmas gifts. I always put that on "the teen hormonal behaviour".. I mean.. Being bitchy is "normal" when you are 14 right? - This was the same time when our other sister was on her worst with the drugs - so I figured that also played a big part in her behaviour.
But over the years she just got worst. And she did it being aware of what she is doing. Her sleeping with everything on two legs - smoking heavily - drinking like a sailor and being very very rude - calling me for names were the reason why I started taking some distance from her when she was around 16.
The day before my wedding, I had a big dinner with all my friends and family and she got pretty drunk.. On our wedding.. She did the same.. When I asked her to cool off and get some coffee she called me for a bunch of things and walked away. The post I linked at the start of this post - was kind of the breaking point for me. After the wedding - she added all my friends on facebook - after she started posting naked pics of her and aksed her to remove my friends from facebook.. She deleted me - and let them be. And that just made me flip.. I called her - and told her that this was the last drop. She had the nerves saying that for her to talk to me, I had to respect her lol.. When I told her that for me to respect her, she needs to start respecting her self first she hung up. And I didn't talk to her until I found out I was pregnant.
A couple of weeks after I told you girls that I was pregnant, I sent her a PM - and told her that I was pregnant, and that she was becoming an aunt. And if she wanted to be a part of any of our lives, she needed to start taking some action to get her life together. I dunno if I mentioned it for or not - but I didn't hear from her for almost 4 months..
This Saturday she contacted me saying she was sorry. And then she said a whole bunch of lies about why she had been acting the way she had. She blamed it on drugs among other things.. And I know for a fact that her excuses all were lies. She has done everything she has done - just because she wanted the attention and she wanted to be cool. That's it.
I know that she is still "roaming" around. And she hasn't done anything to get her act together. And lets be honest.. I had major depression because of her and my mothers behaviour in this pregnancy. It's not that long ago I even posted about it here..
Now she wants me to forget it all and welcome her to my family and life as if nothing has happened.. And I really don't think I want to. But on other hand - I think that it might be unfair to the kid to have her completely cut out of his life..
I know we all deserve a new chance - but all her excuses were lies.
I told her - that I would think about it.
What do you girls think.. What should I do.. I really don't trust her right now. And I really don't believe anything of what she said. So I'm pretty lost..
What would you do?
My younger sister is an awkward, lying, angry individual too who screams about how people aren’t showing her respect... I first tried (calmly) to explain the error of her ways and why the family is not putting up with it anymore (Hitting and verbally abusing my mother) but that just made it worse. I even had to apologize to her?
ReplyDeleteSo I just swallowed my anger took a deep breath and let it all go, that was 4 months ago and now il just wait for her to come to me when she needs me.
I would give your sister a chance but don’t show her how angry she has made you just let it all go, it is harder said than done though x
Good luck xx
Firstly I completely agree and I'm so glad to have found people like you!
ReplyDeleteOh boy... I have no idea what I would do because I'm not in the situation but I've got to say- go with your gut. If it was me I would want loving supportive positive family around my child, if they would do more harm than good I would leave a distance between us. If I got pregnant now I would avoid my husbands family except for birthdays and christmas... but having said that people do grow up and change, perhaps give her one chance and see how it goes? Good luck, just do what feels right for you xxxx
Remember that she is a child with a brain that has not fully developed. Hold her accountable for her actions with that in mind
ReplyDeleteYou do not need to "trust" her right off to give her a chance. trust and respect are earned. I would say spend time with her get a feel for how things might be going. work at it dont just though yourself out there. there is nothing wrong with taking it slow with family. and no one says you need to forget what she has done but if you can forgive later then great.
ReplyDeleteI was addicted to drugs for 6 years and I relied on others to give me a second chance.
ReplyDeleteI know your sister is not addicted but if it was me I would give her a chance but make it clear there will be consequences if she messes up.
She sounds like she is a bit lost and is full of anger, let her know you are there for her but you won't put up with negative behaviour.
She is still very young and hopefully she will mature in time.
Hope it all works out x
I'm all for second chances love. She isn't addicted and she has never had any drug issues.
DeleteAnd she is just making up some excuse. I think the reason why she is using drugs as an excuse for her actions is cause my other sister had problems and she always wanted to be like her.
If she's lying, then nothing will change. I say wait until you actaully see a real change. She will eventually come around.
ReplyDelete~MLM
What a tough situation. She is young. Not that it's the ultimate excuse for behaving badly but she also has dealt with some pretty heavy issues as a child. It's good that it's not drugs because drugs are a tough think to kick and they tend to take over and not let go but a pathological liar can be just as bad of a situation to deal with. It's sad to just shut the door b/c she is so young so I'd say give her another chance but keep her at arms length and make it CLEAR that you are not playing around. If she screws up again you are done with her. She should be old enough to understand that now.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to do what is the best for you and the baby, sometimes staying away from a person is the best for all parties involved. But then again its natural to forgive family and give them another chance especially if they were clouded with drugs or going through their teenage years, people are so much different when they have grown up a bit.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she just needs time to grow a little and deal with her problems?
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through zerointentions. You definitely have some inspiring stuff to say, and I think I'll continue to read. The advice I might give for this situation is that you could tell your sister that you're not inclined to trust her until she proves that she can be trustworthy. People do go through some tough times during their teenage years, and the people they are during those years aren't always the people the want to be.
lovely blog, followed.
ReplyDeletefollow back x