It's been a while since I have posted a proper post, so I figured it was about time I did that. 

I have been working on and off everyday (we have had some horrible flu sessions) - and ever since my last appointment with my doctor I have been working half days. I had another doctors appointment and they renewed my sick leave, so I will work half days until first week of May, and I really really hope I will be able to get some more sick leave after that. It's been so great to have my husband take out daddy hours, so he can get our son from day care. I finally feel like I have had a chance to breath.. Having him around the house has been good.. I don't feel like a single parent anymore and it's been doing wonders for my mood. 

I have also been taking my meds everyday now for the last two weeks, and I don't have the insane moodswings anymore. Yesterday my husband said that he noticed a change in my mood, and that I wasn't angry with him all the time anymore.. I am not sure if it is the pills, or that fact that I am not as stressed anymore, or even that we have had better weather and we have had some sun lately.. But I am really glad that something is working. Everything is not fine, but not always being on the edge is making things easier to handle. The side affects of the pills are also getting better.. I don't feel as sick anymore, and I don't have the insane headaches.. I am however really tired, and been going to bed early almost every night.. 

I am also eating less cause I don't have the insane emotional cravings.. I haven't really lost that much of weight though. But I guess it's because I am still eating more than I should.. 100-200 grams here and there doesn't really count. So yeah I really need to get a grip soon.... 

I have also started my therapy again, I had the first session today, and I am going to see her every week for the next 5 weeks, and we are going to take it from there. She had me write this journal over how my days were, and today we talked about what I was missing.. And this week, I am supposed to write another journal and write down how a perfect week would look like for me. It really gets you thinking doesn't it?? 

We are also taking a mini trip to Norway this week.. We are to leave early Thursday morning, and will get back Sunday around midnight.. We are going to stay at my bff's and I am really looking forward to have some girl time with her.. I really wish we could afford to move back to Oslo.. But it really would be such a huge setback for us, that I am not sure if it's worth it... *sigh*

I guess I didn't that much to say anyways lol ... 

Take care ladies :) 

<3

Update!

Things have been very hectic.. As I mentioned my son started kindergarten almost two weeks ago.. It's been going well. He likes it there and plays well with the other kids..  He has however developed a HUGE case of separation anxiety.. It's worst with me.. When we are together he doesn't want me to put him down, or go away from me.. It was so bad that he would start screaming as soon as I went through a door.. Any door..

We think he is smart enough to understand that going through doors means we are going away from the place he is at, but he is still so young (he turns 14 months next week) that he doesn't understand that we will be back shortly.. 

Since this weekend was my last weekend at home before I go back to work I kept him with me this Friday, and we have been on top of each other the whole weekend, and his anxiety seems to be much better. It breaks my heart to see my baby in in so much stress and so upset.. And I wish I could stayed home with him for few more months.. It's insane how fast time goes by.. Here is a picture of him from a few weeks ago.. He is getting big, isn't he? :) 

edit: remove picture

As you also might remember I have been talking about getting my drivings license.. I have my theory test this Tuesday, and the practical drivers test this Wednesday.. I am not worried about the practical test, but I am a tad worried about the theory part.. I am going to be studying when ever I can until then. So hopefully by end of this Wednesday I have my license! Keep them crossed for me ladies.. I know I need it lol ^^

As far as weight and diet goes, I haven't really been doing anything special.. I have lost around 4lbs.. I am going to get back on the LCHF diet after my practical test is done. I don't want to risk to have the "keto flu" while I have so much to think about. And my plan is (as I have probably mentioned before) to keep at it until end of March, and then take it from there. I am also hoping to be able to get to the gym in the evenings (after my son goes to bed) when I finally get my license. The weather here has been pretty insane, and with my fibromyalgi I can't really be out and about in this wind. So yeah, I really really hope to get my license this Wednesday.. 

And to top everything I am going back to work tomorrow.. I really am not looking forward to it.. I made this deal with my team leader, which lets me work 62.5% (aka 8am - 1pm, working through lunch). So now I can pick my son up a tad earlier from kindergarten. So my days will be get up around 6.. Out of the house around 7.. Work 8 to 1.. Pick up my son around 2... When we get home, it's snack  time, bath/play time.. Dinner time.. My hubby will get home sometime after 5pm and then it's bedtime for the kid.. lol I get tired just typing it... 

Anywho.. This is it for me for now... Hope you ladies are having a great weekend.. 

<3

Around the corner...

Today my son turned 11 months!!! My time flies... He is changing so much.. So fast.. He will be walking by him self any day now... And before I have had time to blink an eye, it's January and time for him to start kindergarten...

I am dreading that day.. Dreading the day he will start doing something new and I am not there to witness it.. Dreading being away from him... I have loved before.. I love my husband.. But the love I feel for him can not be compared to anything else. I love him so much that sometimes my heard aches.. Does it make sense??
Hubby and I are talking about maybe trying for another baby next year.. Well end of next year.. But I can not imagine how it would be to have another tiny person to love. Ah well.. I guess that is something I will have to wait and see..

Him going to kindergarten means that it is time for me to go back to work.. I have told my job that I will be back January 6th.. The plan is to start part time to so that my son doesn't get stuck with day care while he is still so young. When I started my job, we were a team of 12.. All guys and me.. Couple of months before I left on maternity leave we had another girl join us.. I wasn't worried really, she being all nice and all, was 38 years old, a tad chubby and not as close as I was with the guys.. Now there are a whole bunch of new people in my team.. Including 3 new girls... This worries me...

Before I left on my maternity leave, my manager and I had a very close relationship.. I was the one taking over every time he was gone. My team mates trusted me and talked to me when something was off and I was the one taking it up with our manager.. The one who would "sweet talk" him and get things the team wanted.. We were actually mistaken for a couple by a new co-worker of ours..

When I go back.. I have been gone for 14 months.. And before that I was barely at work.. All these new people.. All the changes that have been made while I was gone worries me.. What if that connection I had with my team, with my manager is gone?? .. What if I am so much out of it that I mess up more than I do good?? Ugh...

Anyways.. In all of this mess I know one thing.. And that is that I will not be returning to work at the size and weight I am now... I know I will not be anywhere close normal weight, but I will be smaller than now.. I have not been under 100 kg since a month or so after I moved to Sweden (sadly enough around the time I started this blog), and I aim to be under 100 kg by the time I am going back to work..

I started working on this goal a couple of days ago, and have lost a couple of pounds, but we all know a couple of days in not a routine! My usual pattern is to be good a couple of days and then just jump of the wagon.. Now I just need to stick to it..

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My fucking moodswings are giving me a fucking whipflash... So fucking sick of it.... One minute I feel normal - another I am in tears... This can not be normal....

Anywho.. Thought I'd do a recap of what happened with the PT. The guy was one of the best I have ever went to. He actually knew what fibromyalgia was and set me up with a program to lose weight and get better upperbody strength.. I am to meet him again after our trip to Oslo.. The trip is in 2,5 weeks and I am going to meet him couple of days after we get home.. The program is going to last for 8 weeks and I will meet him again at the end of it.

He wants me to walk for 30 mins twice a day - in addition to the 3 workouts at the gym where I have a 20 mins strength program and I am to do 40 mins of cardio where 10 to 15 mins is warm up and the rest after the strength program.

To balance of my body he asked me to lay off diary and wheat as much as possible - to take additional pro-biotic pills.. He wants me to drink a whooping 3.5 liters (that is I guess around 15 cups for those living in the US)  of water a day - where half of them are to be consumed as soon as I get up with juice of half a lemon. If I am having coffee he wants me to drink 2 glasses of water for each cup! And an extra liter on the days I hit the gym...

This week has been hell and I haven't been able to hit the gym more than once - and my water intake hasn't been that well.. We have been out of and about all the time and well - that amount of water makes you f-ing pee every 5 mintues... I also have had a stomach flu which well.. Hasn't exactly been pretty...

Anywho - this week isn't going to be less busy but I am ready.. I have precooked a bunch of meals and have portioned them and have them in the freezer for the days where I don't have time to prep lunch/dinner.
I have a bunch of weightwatchers canned soup which are each around 100 calories... Some apples, bananas and some hummus and green veg for snacks.. Oh and rice cakes since I am staying off wheat. Frozen fruit and protein powder for on the go meals.. So hopefully this will get easier..

I'm off for now being all moody...

5k!

I don't know if anyone remembers, but my work is the one of the sponsors for this running thing each year.. I did register for it last year, but then I found out that I was pregnant and never got started on the training for it.. 

This year is another story - the run is scheduled for 11th of May and I really want to try to attend the 5K run.. This means that I have around 3,5 months to get ready for it.. (This is way more time that I had the last time) - and I think I am going to put it as my first fitness goal.. 

I am going to start the C25K program (yet again) and see how it goes.. I was wondering - is anyone else planning to do some sort of running, and maybe wants to start the program with me? (I need all the motivation I can get).. 

Oh and I also e-mail my work - we have the right to get 1500sek that is around 250 dollars from our work for their "stay healthy" sponsorship plan to pay for gym ect. Last year I used it to pay for my lamaze classes.. Anywho - I mailed and asked if they will sponsor and pay for a gym membership while I am on my leave.. So fingers crossed - if I get a positive answer from them I will register to this gym close to out home as well.. I hope to be able to sneak of to it couple of nights while hubby is with the kid (I really need some kid-free time) - so we will see how it goes.. If they don't I will still have the running :) 

Tiny update!

So I went to the doctor yesterday and starting today I will be working 50% , which is great for me. This way I still get to meet the coworkers I like and get out of the house, and get to go home before the pain is too much.

I also talked to my manager, and I am not in charge of the tardface anymore.. I told him basicly that I didn't want to deal with him and that if they think he is worth a chance they should have someone else train him cause the stress of it all is not good for me. So they have made one of my coworkers in charge of him - and I have put him out of my mind.. I have told them what I think - they are the ones that need to follow up..

So today.. Working until lunch and having the tard away from me, has been good. I had fun with the co-workers I love and am really looking forward to the weekend.

Hope you all are having a great Friday, and I wish you a great weekend :)

<3

I just snapped!

And left work...
I got back to work after being away for a week.. And was told that the new sucky guy was given full access to the system ect.. I tried to talk to my manager about what a mistake it was, and he was all "oh it will be fine".. And I wrote a msg telling him that I officially wanted to wash my hand off everything regarding him".. And he just loughed it off..

I just got more angry and felt my pulse going faster and faster.. So I just packed all my stuff, and gave everything (aka work laptop/phone ect) to my manger and told him I was going home.. I just couldn't deal...

I am going to call the doctor when she has her phone hours and ask for a doctors notice and take atleast another week off.. At the moment.. I just don't want to go back there.. I just don't....

I just sometimes wish I could just give a shit and ignore it all and don't even care about what it's going on there...

Yesterday I had an argument with my mother cause yet again she was being an ignorant bitch.. Today this.. I just want to hide away and don't talk to anyone for days.. And I think I just might do that....

Life..

I have been home from work since last Wednesday.. I just haven't been able to "force" my self to go to work.. It really upsets me, cause I have been wanting to be full time at work, as long as possible.. But lately, I just can't be arsed... The new guy I told you about in my last post sucks.. I have told my boss about it.. And they still wanted to give him a couple of more weeks before they decide how it goes.. I know, it's not up to me hwo they keep and who they don't, but I really don't feel like being there, forcing my self to have a full day - when they don't really respect my opinion.. I am going back to work tomorrow, but I don't know how long I will keep it up.. As I mentioned before, I am going on my maternity leave from 12th of November - and I am already planning to call in sick the two work week before that date ( Yes I know it sounds bad - but I don't want to use my maternity leave days before I have to, when I can call in sick) - That means my last day at work will be the 29th of October.. Which means it's only 5 weeks left.. I really should just ignore how annoyed the whole work situation makes me and keep going, well unless I am in too much pain.. Right? 

*Sigh* I probably sound like a spoiled brat when I nag about my work.. But I just don't know how to deal with this thing.. I am so sick of it all :S

Other than work, I have been having money on my mind a whole lot lately. For me to be able to take the long leave that I am planning, we will have to really watch how much we spend.. My hubby just got a nice raise, so we really wont be having too much of a hard time with allt he expences, but I have been standing on my own for so long, that having him being the one who will be paying more than twice as I will be to our joint account to cover everything really has been tough on me. I know that the reason why I will having the low income is because of the baby, and because it is best for our family that I stick around until he is old enough to go to kindergarden.. But it has been tough.. Silly right?? - I mean if he was the one staying home, I would be the one paying more than he does.. So I should just shut it and be thankfull - right?? 

Anywho... 

The next few weeks are going to be packed with baby stuff.. This Thursday we have a new check-up with the midwife.. This week, we are attending Lamaze classes, and my work is actually covering the bill for it (See I should be greatful, and don't be so upset about my work... ).. The upcoming two Mondays we have "parenting" classes.. It's basicly going to be about the birth plan, and stuff like that as far as I know.. And then the 11th we are going to have another check-up with the midwife, and later the same day we will go to the hospital for a 3D/4D scan. I am really looking forward to that.. This whole becoming a monther thing is getting really real ladies.. 

I just hope that they keep telling us that the baby is healthy, and that everything is fine.. I have these dreams about stuff that can go wrong.. But I hear that it is normal.. Like every other weird thing that they tell you is normal while you are pregnant.. 

Anyways, I am going to finish this wall of text.. Thank you again for all your comments and support.. and welcome to the new followers.. Thanks for reading :) 

Oh and before I forget.. I had to activate the stupid "Please prove you're not a robot" thing on the comments after I got 30.. Yes you saw correct 30 - spam comments in one day.... :S 

Ah well.. Take good care of you ladies... <3 

* Title*

Some times it's so hard to find a proper title for posts.. Anywho..


My mom went back home this morning - and her trip has been just fine. We didn't really talk much, but I did tell her that I didn't want her to come and stay with us after the baby was born. She wanted to stay for two weeks - and her intentions are all good , but lets face it.. I would go mental.. I also think it is very important for us to be able to get our own rutines with the baby without someone else trying to tell us what to do. She tok it pretty well.. I was very surprised that she actually listened.

She had bought some baby cloths and a toy. And when she was here she bought another set of cloths and this chair we wanted for the baby. It was really nice of her cause the chair in it self was pretty expencive. I will post some more pictures of them in a late post. (I am too lazy to get up and take picture now hehe)..
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I got some questions about the parental leave here so I thought I would make a little post about it. In Norway it's pretty straight forward - you get to take 10 months and keep 100% of your regular income - or you can take 12 months for 80%.. The other parent can take 8 weeks for the full income in addition to it.

Here in Sweden it's a mess. They have so many rules and thing which really are giving me a headache.
In total we have the right to take 480 days off. Where (in our case) the father has to take 60 days. Of those 480 days you have 90 days where you get the low pay rate which is around 20 USD a day.. The rest gives you around 80% of your income pre tax. When I go on my leave my income will be around 800 USD less than what I get paid normally.. And even though we will be just fine - we wont have any room to "play", and we will depend a whole lot more on my husbands income.

So yes technicly I can take a whole year off but I really am not sure what I am going to do. I might take 10 months full time and then the rest as 50% leave and work 50% .. I really have to think about what will be best for us.. All of us..

That said the goverments in the nordics give this monthly amount of money for the kids until they turn 18. For one kid it's around 175 USD - and for two it's around 340 USD ( I know for a fact that I wont have more than two kids - so the other amounts aren't really relevant for us)..

So erm ya .. I hope it explains it a bit better hehe ..

Anywho.. I am going to go off for now.. I have loads on my mind lately.. I should make a post about that too soon... I sure need to vent - but right now, my head is a little to messy..

<3

Upset rant..

I haven't been at work that much lately thanks to the extreme coughs I have had. I worked 3 days last week before I lost my voice again - and I have been at work since yesterday. It will only be two days this week before I go on my vacation for two weeks. 

So I shouldn't really be complaining but this work is really messing me up lately.. It's not the job in it self.. I love my job.. I love most of my co-workers.. But the changes we have been having here have been soo annoying.. 

They have been taking in some people who are fucking up everything.. Our new PR director.. She SUCKS.... And she is so dense.. She miss spells all of our press realises and even though we have told her that she does - she just ignores it.. The new development manager.. Well he is just a bright flower.. After he started more than half of the testers and developers have disappeared.. Makes you wonder why?? right?? 

The new sales manager ... She doesn't speak to other females.. It's so fucking annoying.. If you say hi - or whatever.. She just ignores you - or walks by.. I have heard it from so many of the girls.. But he is best friend with the guys.. What the fuck is that all about??? 

Our production manager is a control freak... He has the team under such a leash that they can't even take a break without him asking them exactly what they are doing.. 

And my closest manager.. He is just.. Well he doesn't do shit... First of the guy can not multi task to save his life.. Second he "forgets" things that shouldn't be forgotten.. *sigh*

And I know - I "only" have 3 moths left here before I go on my leave for a year .... But this is really messing me up... I have had to check my blood levels twice while I had been at work - and both times they have been sky high cause I feel so upset and stressed when I'm at work. 

I keep reminding my self of my new mantra.. "3 months to go" .... But ya... 

Anywho... I just needed to vent a tad.. 6 hours to go.. 

On strike!

I'm staying home again. I am still coughing a whole lot. It was better on Monday - but got much worse on Tuesday. Yesterday I told my teamleader that I couldn't be on the phone for that much and that he should take me off everything but the Norwegian line. Did he do it? No..
So my cough got worst during yesterday and I was coughing all evening and night.. And this morning.. So now I just thought.. Fuck it.. If he doesn't care about my health, then why should I let him be in charge?
So I am taking today off - probably tomorrow too. The worst annoying part is that he was sitting next to me yesterday and he could hear how bad my cough is. He even made some comments about it.. By the end of the day I was just.. *sigh* - So enough is enough.. I hate staying home from work.. But I can not take another week of coughing..
On top of that on Tuesday I was so stressed at work that I didn't measure my blood sugar when I was supposed to. I had too much to do - and the annoying part is that I was doing the job that isn't a part of my job. My blood levels were the highest they have been ever... I have been testing it for weeks now - and never been close to those numbers. I am checking the levels today again - and hopefully the levels are normal again - if not I have to talk to that diabetes specialist and see if I need to take insulin.. Which I really really really don't want to.
They did tell me that stress effects the levels a whole lot - but that the further I get into the pregnancy, the more hormones the body produces which can effect it all. So I am really hoping that it was the stress of the day - and not the hormones.. Cause the last part would really suck :( - I guess I just have to wait and see how today goes before I start worrying more.

----------------

Have you guys seen Fat Sick and Nearly Dead? I saw the clip the other day and it amazed me. My hubby always teases me for watching too many body related stuff - but even he was amazed by this. Here is the trailer:

Even though I am aware of the fact that what we put in our bodies really effects our health and how we feel - but things like this still amaze me. I plan to do the juice fast for 10 days when I am done breastfeeding the baby - if I don't breastfeed him - I will start with it when I start my weight loss plan starting January next year. And I must say - I am really looking forward to that.  --------------  What else is new.. Hmm.. Well we are pretty much done getting all the "big" things needed for the baby room. Here is a picture of the closet - the changing table and the beddings we got (PS: ignore the mess)

We also got some new cloths for him (The superman tee and the mini socks were a gift).

That is about it for now.
I am going to get some breakfast - and see if there are any blogs to read (the blogger world is very very quite lately).

<3

I have nothing to do post!!

@ journeyofjosie: If you read this.. I don't seem to be able to comment on your posts.. When I click on publish and get the "prove your not a robot" check.. Well that's where it stops.. There is no publish button after that. I thought I would let you know :)

So couple days ago we found out that my mother in law is in the US. Apparently she had been to Vegas to get married.. I knew something was up because of this dinner party she has this Saturday so I asked her if they were planning it.. I asked her 3 times.. She lied to me 3 times.. She said "No, no wedding for me" .. They didn't even tell us that they were going to the US.. So  I was pissed!!!
She is still there - and wont be back before Wednesday - but I sent her an e-mail and told her what I exactly thought about her being a liar and doing her best to keep us out of her life. And I have decided that if she doesn't say sorry for lying to me - that I will not share any more news about our life with her.. I mean why would I ?? Argh.. I hate people like that.. I really HATE it..

Anywho.. Today is a Norwegian holiday - but since I live in Sweden I am at work.. But since I am only working with the Norwegian customers I have nothing to do.. This day will be really long..

Hmmm.. What else??

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a gestational diabetes specialist.. I am going to take my glucose meter with me and see what she says. I don't mind having to check my levels any more.. Getting used to it.. But I really hope that I don't need to do anything else.

Lately it feels like that time is going even faster than before.. Today I am starting pregnancy week 16..

Anywho... I'm going insane here ... I think I will take rest of the day off.. Will see...

Gonna publish this post and maybe update later




<3

Can't really complain..

I'm at work.. Sitting outside in the balcony next to my office.. In the sun.. I do have my work cell with me . and my laptop ofc checking my mails.. But I mean - who cares? 

The summer time meaning alot of dead time is here - and I am doing what I am supposed to - just getting a tan while doing it.. 

I really hope the weather keeps up cause I really hope to get some colour on my legs too then.. 

<3

Hola..

I think I have catched up on all your blogs :) 

I got on the scale yesterday morning - and I have gained 200 grams - that is around 0.4 lbs - and I must say I am really glad cause I felt so bloated and I was scared I had gained ALOT.. So I take the 0.4 lbs with a smile.. 

Work has been insane - and I have been very tired. But I am starting to feel a tad less tired cause I have been getting more sleep. 

Since yesterday I have been trying to keep it low carb. Yesterday I messed up my dinner so I had some of hubbys so it messed it a tad up - but I don't mind. Today I did good :) and I am planning my meals for the rest of the week as we speak. 

I am going to weigh-in on Friday, before we leave for hubbys competitions. I think I will be able to get some online time while we are away, but if I don't I will be back next Monday again. 

Aaannnddd I am starting the proper traning for the 5k. I am really looking forward to it.. And I am thinking about giving my self some proper reward when I complete the run :) will see.. 

Going out for a jog now before it gets too late.. 

<3 

Mini post :)

So yesterday during work I got my period.. Kind of wasn't expecting it.. My phone app had bugged and I thought I wouldn't have it before like end of this month.. Funny how we are so depended on all this apps and what nots.. I am staying off the scale this week.. I tend to be really bloated and weigh so much more during my period and I really don't want it to being me down.
I have been feeling really ill today - so I ate some food for lunch - and had some dinner. Don't know how many calories they had, so I over calculated them.. Still pretty under the budget - but the eating ttly backfired.. I have been really ill all night.. Sorry for the TMI - but been running back and furth to the wc a bunch of times and now I feel even more bloated.. I have decided that if I do feel more dizzy or w/e this week, I am going to have some fruit - that way I know I wont get sick.
Last night I ordered a new phone. I landed on the Iphone 4S - after being unsure about what phone to go for.. I have been an android user for ages and I love it but for some reason the good android phones are getting huger and huger.. I wanted to get the Samsung galexy nexus - but OMG.. I have purses smaller than that phone.. WTF... So the iphone it is..
I also had to change my serviceprovider - and if everything goes by plan I will have it up and running this Saturday. So if any of you girls are iphone users give me heads up on some good apps- I will ofcourse get the myfitnesspal app - but I am using a converter and a weight tracker app on my current phone that I would love to have on the new phone too :) Oh and something to track the monthly visits would be good too hehe. (OK end of geek rant)!
Other than that I went over my dashboard today - I cleaned it up and removed a bunch of  dead blogs, and so on... I really don't dare going on the blog with my boss sitting right behind me, having complete overview of my screen.. So I have less time to spend on the blog as I used to - but I am not finally updated on all of your blogs and I hope that I can move soon so I can go back to chilling with the blog at work again hehe.. (Sounds wrong, but it was the only think I could relax with) ...
I have added a tad of info to my "goals" tab - I am going to put up an overview on the personal challenges I am putting up for my self.. Like the valentines one - and the 20 lbs before the Chamonix one.. I think putting up mini goals and challenges for my self will help keep me motivated..
anywho - getting late, so I'm going to hit the sack..

Have a good night ladies :)

<3

Update!

So I got on the scale and I was pretty happy.. Last weeks total loss is now 4.2 lbs and I can not really say I am unhappy about it ^^

I just want to make something clear about my tracking and eats. Since I don't track all the macro nutrients of everything I eat - the numbers on the nutrient report on my last post aren't accurate. I track calories, carbs, fats, saturated fat, protein, and fibre.

I am not worried about my vitamin and mineral intake since I do eat enough greens and I do take the supplements. I take a multi- vitamin, mineral supplement, made for woman which means it also includes iron and folic acid. An additional D supplement cause of my fibromyalgia and a calcium, magnesium combo. I also take extra Iron during that time of the month if my bleeding is strong.

On top of that - I also get my values checked once a year to be sure. I used to have low D, iron and B levels, few years back, so I am extra careful with how and what I eat.

The reason why I just posted the whole nutrition report is cause I really couldn't bother with too much cut and pasting to only put up the stuff I track :) - I might just post the weekly nets from next week hehehe :)

Anywho...

New week, another Monday, and another week of "what to eat" questions ahead. ^^ I have to shorten down my blog time during work cause I have moved my desk and now my hunky teamleader sits right behind me and looks directly at my screen.

I will catch up on the blogs later today..

Loads of love <3

Finally!

I know I still need to learn to not let the scale dictate my mood - but I was soo happy when I got on the scale this morning, and I haven't been able to stop smiling since then ^^
After a week of not counting, and the gain, the scale is moving again and this time in the right direction.. Yaay :) I have lost like 1.5 lbs over night - and I beg to God that it isn't just water weight.
Eventhough I haven't been squeezing in exercise yet, my intake is very much under control thanks to skipping meals during the day. The one thing that bugs the hell out of me is that I didn't think of this before.. Imagine how much I could have lost if I had been following this a year ago..

Anywho - no need to dwell on the past..

@ Claire: I am not sure if I have allergies, but I am def. reacting to them. This is now a very stupid question, but gluten allergies isn't the same as wheat intolerance is it? (I should ttly google this a tad hehe) - And ya we have health stores and other option, I am looking into more options :)

To the rest - thanks for always being there <3

So far so good!

I must actually admit that I am really enjoying the whole skipping food during the day and eating a proper dinner thingi.. Yesterday we went out for indian for our "day" - and it was really good, but OMG... I got so fucking sick on our way home.. How could I be so stupid?
So far I have learned this:
I can not have any sort of milk - unless it's soya or almond. I can have very small amount of it, if it is cooked properly (like in soups or w/e) . I had my fav coffee today, and after half a cup I was really sick again.. So that is not happening again. As far as wheat goes... I can not have any sort of white version of it. I can have very small amount of the brown version of it but very very very tiny amount. I am going to avoid it as much as possible. I am using spelt instead and that is working fine for me. I just have a really hard time to find products with spelt that do not have wheat in it.

Work is still way too busy, and I am really dead by the end of the day and it is really frustrating.

As far as school goes, I don't think I am going to pick the classes. I get up around 6 am and work is finished 5pm - and if we go home right after work, we are home around 6 pm. By the time we have made dinner and eaten it's 7 - If we exercise, we aren't done before 8-9 pm. And by that time - I am done... I have no will or energy to study.

I have been thinking and considering my weight - I think it is a smarter choice of me to focus on my health and on losing weight than finishing those classes cause i don't want to waste the money I spent on it. If I could study during the weekends and get ready for the exams while following the online sessions it would be different.. But I have to deliver a bunch of tests/projects and I have to have passed like 5 of 7 ect before I can even consider the exams.. The tests/projects are all to be delivered during the week day, Friday before noon the latest.. So ya.. I guess I will put this in my "things I started and never finished and wasted loads of money on it" file - and rather work on my weight..

Anywho - off for now..


<3

Edit:

I think i want to put up a mini goal.. I want to lose 7 lbs by valentines! Lets see how it goes :)

Tired...

Work has been insane since last Friday. On the good side, the days go by too fast for me to even notice them, on the bad side, I am tttly burned out. My eats have been... Well I am not sure. I have been eating Ok pretty much every day.. But this whole stress shit is killing me.. Every inch of my body aches.. That's one of the "fun" sides of fibromyalgia... Stress is the killer..
I am also so freaking bloated.. I got worst when I had the pro bio yoghurt in the morning that last couple of days.. It could be that.. Or it could be the wheat intolerance most of the fibromyalgia patient develop... I am so sick of feeling this way that I am cutting all wheat and dairy prodcuts starting tomorrow.
As far as exercising, I haven't been doing any since Saturday.. I am just so dead when I get home - that I can't do much other than to crash. But my Jillian Michaels DVD's got delivered yesterday, and I noticed that the 30 day shred workouts are only 20 minutes. So I am planning on getting up 30 mins earlier and do the work out before work.
I have been very very very bad at tracking too...... But I have made the promiss to my self of getting back to it again. I will make the time and afford to track even if it means that I write it down on post-its and fill my MFP later in the day..
I am not going to get on the scale until Monday morning. I hope the bloat will be better by then.. Forgot to mention that I have been having insane pain in the stomach too - so now I'm on pills for that too.. But it feels like they are helping already so I guess that's good...

Ah well :) I am going to end up this wall of text.. I want to go to bed early today.. I am just too tired..

<3

Why is it so hard?

I did have my negative calories on Wednesday. Not many but I had a -6! Which is a first time ever for me. Yesterdays net was pretty good too.. I ended up around 381. But the scale has barely been moving. It has moved with almost a pound :(

And this is making me really sad, cause I have been very careful, and I been trying to move as much as possible. I have lift up my desk so I am standing instead of sitting behind my desk all day long at work.. I got in 40 mins of exercise on Wednesday, and 30 yesterday (even though I was so tired I was about to pass out) .. 

And what happens? Nothing?? 1 lousy pound?? wtf :( 

Ah well... I just have to keep going.. It should be moving more soon.. I am not going to stop because I am not seeing the results I want.. But it is making me very sad .. I know it sounds pretty stupid, but after my workout yesterday I just sat down and had a long cry.. Hubby was looking at me not understading what is happening, but I guess I can't explain this to him.. So I didn't.. 

I can not explain how I hate to look at my self in the mirror.. How I hate the way my body feels when I am moving it..  How sick I am of all the "space" I am taking.. How every time he tells me that I am sexy or beautiful, the first thing on my mind is "Please stop - and open your eyes, I am NOT" ... How am I to explain to him that the reason for why I hate my body and its look now more than I have ever done before is because he is sooo freaking skinny.. That I feel like a giant next to him.. That sometimes, I feel so huge beside him that I am afraid I am going to crush him ?? ... 

Meh.. I am sorry for being a downer.. I just am not feeling all great today. 

I have decided I am going to start posting my weekly calorie reports every Sunday. I seem to be able to get nice looking reports on my Ipad - So I thought I would just screen shot it from there, send it to my self and post it. Not all my days have been good (Last Sunday, and this weeks Tuesday) but ya.. 

If you however would like to snoop around my eats, feel free to have a look at my MFP diary  - I have made it public now because I figured for me to be able to stay true to what I am doing, I need to be open about it. 

Anywho... Insane day at work today. We are lacking people so it's too much to do. I will make a proper post this weekend


<3