Pledge!

I pledge to be skinny enough to wear shorts next summer without hating every inch of my self...



IF you were to choose ONE thing you want to do by next summer, what will it be?

Saw my doctor today...

She told me she this is the last time we will see each other cause she is moving to another side of the country... Ugh..

I hate this...

I finally have a doctor here who understands me and who is helping me :s now she is going away and I am back to zero...


I DO NOT NEED THIS SHIT NOW!

Update..

Our vacation is soon over. And I am OK with that.. My son needs the time in daycare to run and play with his friends.. We go out everyday, most days before and after his mid-day nap, but it's easy to see that he misses his friends. 

My bff, her hubby and kids stayed with us for 5 days last week, and even though I loved having her here, it was really though.. She and I have really different outlook on parenting, where I believe in rutines and nutrition - she is more.. Well the kids were up to all hours, and they barely ate a proper meal. She would bring out pancakes while they were eating lunch and then to say "you can't have it before you finish up" and I just never got why.. She said "it is my way to let them know something good is waiting for them if they finish up".. but really?? what kid wants to eat noodles when they have yummy pancakes sitting right there in their face?? - And of course it would end up in A LOT of screaming, discussion and crying, and the kids ending up having more of the pancakes/chocolate/cookies/ice cream instead of the real food.. 

I might be a tad overprotective but no matter how I turn and twist I just don't understand their way of thinking.. My son that is 18 months old, ate more proper meals and waaaay less snacks compared to her 4 year old.. (still she would mock me for giving my kid freshly made juice instead of sugary chocolate milk).. Anywho... 

I had my first appointment with the midwife, I will go back in mid September and I have my first ultrasound 6th of October. I must admit I am really nervous about having another kid. I just hope he/she is healthy.. 

Pregnancy so far has been OK.. I am sick.. often.. but nothing compared to the last time.. I am really really really tired and my boobs hurt like an elephant has been sitting on them for hours.. My sense of smell is off the charts.. I have always been sensitive to smells but this is just insane.. ugh.. And it being hot means there is a whole lot of stinky sweaty people out there.. Srsly people.. Shower and use a freaking deo.. I do not understand that they can smell how badly they reek.. ugh.... 

Thing is flying by and the blog-sphere is pretty silent.. I wonder where everyone is and how you are doing.. 

<3

Goals of 2014..

I don't know what it is with my body and pregnancy, but my eating habits are totally different already and I am not really trying.. It's like my body says stop and I just can't eat more. Being sick, is making me start my days with some crackers, and then actually keep having a small breakfast, remember having regular breakfast was one of my goals? Well it is actually happening now. Then I have lunch, dinner and some times a little snack between those. But my portions can't really be compared to like two weeks ago. 

I have lost 5 lbs since I found out that I was pregnant, and again.. This is me not trying to lose weight. 

I still need to move more, and I am aiming to get off the bus a stop before my actual stop on the days the weather is OK. Not much, but something to aim for. 

This week is our last week at work before we go on a two weeks vacation. Well we aren't really going anywhere, but yeah, we are off work. Hopefully the weather Gods will be kind to us, and we will be able to visit the zoo, we were also planning to visit my bff in Oslo, but since I have a bad case of morning sickness, and have puked a few times (nothing compared to my last pregnancy yet though), I have asked them to come over. 

Anyways.. These are my goals for the rest of this year:

- Make better choices when I eat

- Get off my bum and move as often as I can.. It doesn't all have to be in one session, but a little here, and a little there is better than nothing

- No more haircuts .. I am so sick of going to the hairdresser and they fuck up my hair. I go in for a trim and I end up with chopped hair.. Trying to save some length and it has been taking ages. If I am going to get a trim, it will only be with the one hairdresser I trust. 

- Stop hating every aspect of my body.. This one will probably be a goal for life, and it will take years for me to deal with.. 

Do you have any goals? If so, what? 

Rough night...

It's been ages since I had a night like last night. I slept in 1-2 hour intervals waking up horrified from nightmares.. Hubby woke me up a few times cause apparently I was screaming.. Or sounded like I was suffocating..

The first nightmare had the worst affect on my body.. My heart kept pumping so hard it felt like it was going through my chest.. It was like my body was trying to force me wake up.. Took around 5 mins for me to realize I was safe..

Today I stayed home from work.. I begged hubby to stay home with me so I could sleep without having more horror - but he really had to go to work.. Luckily I managed to crash on the sofa and get 3 hours of sleep with the TV on.. I really needed that. My body feels rested.. My mind still in shock..

I don't understand what brought out all these nightmares.. I thought I was done with them.. I do tend to have them once or twice now and then, but never so often in the one and same night.. And not so intense..

Do you have nightmares? How do you deal with them?

Pregnant....

Don't ask me how it happened..
I can count the times I have had sex this year on one hand..

We wanted to try for another baby end of September.. I'm not sad about another baby even though it is earlier than we had planned, but I am worried.. My last pregnancy was rocky... And the time after even harder.. I am just starting to get out of my depression..

I don't think my doctor will approve..


And my mother has been here.. She just left a couple hours ago.. Surviving these days has been a binge fest.. I am tired.. So glad i planned this ahead and took two days off so I can recover.. I also have an appointment with my shrink which also is needed..

I found out my youngest sister is using heroin... She is barely 20.. And my mother still wonders why I don't bring my kid there to "spend time with his family"... Fuck that.. I am his family.. his dad is his family.. People who love him and care enough to spend time with him are his family.. blood relation doesn't matter shit..

I'm sorry..
I'm just so tired..


And I am fat.. I don't even want to face the scale after this weeks binges..
I will have to tomorrow.. I need to start tracking my weight.. I have to do as good as I did with my last pregnancy.. I do not need to get fatter..

Going to see the midwife on the 28th.. Not sure how far along I am.. Think it is 7 weeks or so.. Never understood why they count it the way they do...


That's it for now..