Time for some planning..

As I mentioned yesterday - everything that happened made me think. I have been thinking about my life - my work.

At the moment I work as a support technician for an e-mail marketing company. The co I work for had been growing a whole lot over the past year and I am really enjoying my job. The pay is OK - and I really love my team mates. But.. Not that long ago we got two new co-workers. One is 38- the other 42.. The rest of us are in the late 20's or have just turned into the 30's..

And I have been thinking - Would I want to be in this position when I am that age ? Do I want to work with the same things as I do today in 5 years - in 10 ? And the answer is : NO.. I do not want to keep being in this job - when I am 35- or 40 or what ever..

I have been working since I was 16. And I have been very proud of the fact that I have always been standing on my own two feet. Managing .. there has been times where I have had 3 jobs to get things go around.. But I have survived.. I have done what I have needed to do - just to get by..

Couple years ago I tried to do this online BA study as a last resort after my ex fucked up everything.. I had quit my job and everything to move with him (he lived in the NL) - and when he suddenly broke up with me - I only had 3 weeks to figure out a way - and the online studies were the only option I had. It was private school- cost a whole lot - and I really couldn't follow it - cause trying to study first year of a BA study on your  own, specially it being economy based, when you don't have a real economy mind - SUCKS...

So I dropped out after the first semester. I still had to pay for the whole year.. The total cost is around 25 k USD.. So ya.. Hubby says that the money wasn't wasted on my fail attempt that I had to try it to find out that it wasn't the right choice for me.. But that is a butt-load of money to toss away like that...

And now I don't really know what to do- which road to take.. I am really not sure what I want from my life. I always thought when I get married, that I will be happy with the married life - having a kid or two and so on. And yes I do want a kid.. And so on.. But I don't have to have it right away - do I ?? I mean I don't want to "too old" to have one either - but why I have always thought I would just go for it.. You know what I mean?? - I don't know if all these thoughts are even valid.. I mean.. Why would I suddenly change my mind on something so big? - Is it cause I am afraid of having no life of my own when we do have the kids? On the other hand, what is so wrong to wait a few more years to have the kids.. but then again.. Nicole Richie had two and she is amazing... So erm ya... *going crazy*..

Anyways, before this drives me totally mad, this is what I have been thinking of:

- I am going to figure out what I want to do with my life.. Properly.. And find out how to get there.
- I am going to put more time on me, finding my way back to my wants and needs - and work on building up my confidence. Investing in me is going to be the best investment of my life, wouldn't you say so?
- I am going to work properly with my over and emotional eating. I haven't purged in almost 6 months.. If I can do that.. I can get control of the rest!

I want to get in charge of me, my body and my life by the time I turn 30. My birthday is on second of September. So it gives me plenty of time to do it. - and lets face it.. I think to be able to do all of those things I need to make me my first prio.

So ladies.. Stay tuned and I will make sure to share the steps with you all :)



  1. i'm one of the few lucky ones that already know what to do with their lives (i am 19). but i wish you strength and good luck on finding your answers to these questions!

  2. I know what you mean. I like my job too but since it's not something i'm passionate about it makes me wonder how I'll feel in 5 years. I got my BA but I'm still stumped. Hope you can find some clarity and figure things out for yourself.

  3. You're right- you don't have to rush into having kids, just have them when you're good and ready.
    Do something that makes you happy- there's no point pushing yourself into something that will make you miserable.
    You can only put so much of yourself into someone else (children/partners/friends) there has to be some of your life for you, if you're not sure what that is yet I'd be hesitant to give the rest of your time, energy and love to someone else. Don't get me wrong I love kids but I just think the time and energy needed has to come from you and if you don't recharge then you'll end up blue.
    Don't sweat the education bill, I have a heap of debt from doing my BA, Hons & MA. It's only money.
    Hope you find what makes you shine xxx

  4. good luck figuring it all out. I've decided that's what I'm going to focus on for the next months. Just me. I'm going to finish school and get a job, and lose weight (hopefully in a manner that isn't too disordered) and learn ballet and modern dance and meet new people...

    Also, congrats on not purging for 6 months! that's pretty awesome! <3 <3 <3