As I mentioned yesterday - everything that happened made me think. I have been thinking about my life - my work.
At the moment I work as a support technician for an e-mail marketing company. The co I work for had been growing a whole lot over the past year and I am really enjoying my job. The pay is OK - and I really love my team mates. But.. Not that long ago we got two new co-workers. One is 38- the other 42.. The rest of us are in the late 20's or have just turned into the 30's..
And I have been thinking - Would I want to be in this position when I am that age ? Do I want to work with the same things as I do today in 5 years - in 10 ? And the answer is : NO.. I do not want to keep being in this job - when I am 35- or 40 or what ever..
I have been working since I was 16. And I have been very proud of the fact that I have always been standing on my own two feet. Managing .. there has been times where I have had 3 jobs to get things go around.. But I have survived.. I have done what I have needed to do - just to get by..
Couple years ago I tried to do this online BA study as a last resort after my ex fucked up everything.. I had quit my job and everything to move with him (he lived in the NL) - and when he suddenly broke up with me - I only had 3 weeks to figure out a way - and the online studies were the only option I had. It was private school- cost a whole lot - and I really couldn't follow it - cause trying to study first year of a BA study on your own, specially it being economy based, when you don't have a real economy mind - SUCKS...
So I dropped out after the first semester. I still had to pay for the whole year.. The total cost is around 25 k USD.. So ya.. Hubby says that the money wasn't wasted on my fail attempt that I had to try it to find out that it wasn't the right choice for me.. But that is a butt-load of money to toss away like that...
And now I don't really know what to do- which road to take.. I am really not sure what I want from my life. I always thought when I get married, that I will be happy with the married life - having a kid or two and so on. And yes I do want a kid.. And so on.. But I don't have to have it right away - do I ?? I mean I don't want to "too old" to have one either - but why I have always thought I would just go for it.. You know what I mean?? - I don't know if all these thoughts are even valid.. I mean.. Why would I suddenly change my mind on something so big? - Is it cause I am afraid of having no life of my own when we do have the kids? On the other hand, what is so wrong to wait a few more years to have the kids.. but then again.. Nicole Richie had two and she is amazing... So erm ya... *going crazy*..
Anyways, before this drives me totally mad, this is what I have been thinking of:
- I am going to figure out what I want to do with my life.. Properly.. And find out how to get there.
- I am going to put more time on me, finding my way back to my wants and needs - and work on building up my confidence. Investing in me is going to be the best investment of my life, wouldn't you say so?
- I am going to work properly with my over and emotional eating. I haven't purged in almost 6 months.. If I can do that.. I can get control of the rest!
I want to get in charge of me, my body and my life by the time I turn 30. My birthday is on second of September. So it gives me plenty of time to do it. - and lets face it.. I think to be able to do all of those things I need to make me my first prio.
So ladies.. Stay tuned and I will make sure to share the steps with you all :)