Guess who is gaga!!

So erm ya.. Had my second control today - so the nurse started asking me a bunch of questions to get some background info - and then she asked about my family and my relationship with my mother - and if I had ever had any sort of depression or stuff before.. And guess what...
Out of no where I was bawling.. It sort of started with how sucky my relationship with my mum is - how soon I moved out from home - the sexual abuse while she was away - the dreams I keep having about it.. My issues with food..

You can imagine that the list was long.. So erm ya.. She is sending me to get some terapi.. I don't know when it will start - she is contacting them and they will contact me and I guess we will take it from there..

I guess it is about time I faced everything and talked to someone about it.. On the other hand I must admit that I am worried.. What if it sort of brings out everything?? - but then again.. I guess it's better that I am getting help now before the baby is born.. Isn't it?

Anyhoo..

I have been feeling really well today.. I really hope this keeps up cause I really want to get back to work soon.. Staying home is not good for my mood.. I can tell you that..

Hope you are all OK.. Take care of you girls


<3

Scale...

Got on the scale today.. I have lost around 7lbs since I found out that I was pregnant - with my total this is my lowest weight I have been at since the wedding..

I know this is probably really wrong, but I am kind of happy about it.. I mean - I was already really overweight before I got pregnant and some of you might remember that I was sort of panicked over the fact that I will gain a bunch.. When I was at my first baby check-in the nurse or whatever she is, said I should aim to not gain more than 15 lbs (which is actually what I was aiming for before the talk).. So I guess all things considered this is good - isn't it?

Anywho - getting really sleepy here (as if I am not sleeping enough as it is lol)

Wishing you all a great weekend :)


<3

Edit to say that I'm not losing weight cause I'm trying to... It's a combination of being sick and not binging... Wanted to clear that before more comments :)

Been a while..

I have been missing you girls.. I haven't been on blogger much.. Well.. I haven't been behind a PC much at all.. You  see part of being preggo is that even normal things make you sick hehe

I just wanted to pop in and say that I am OK, just not in shape to blog.. I have however tried to catch up on your blogs today..

Take care of you girls..


<3

A horrid night,.

Feel free to ignore this post - but I had a really bad night - and really need to get it out of my system..

I haven't had these dreams for a while.. But this one was bad.. Hubby says I woke up so many times - and that I had been kicking and stuff, and that he had tried to hold me but nothing seemed to work..

I don't remember much of my dreams but the last one where I killed my step dad.. I have no idea how this gun had so many bullets but he got it all inside him.. and the last god knows how many bullets were right in his ... - and then in my dream right the minute before I woke up.. All I could think was "What if my baby is a girl" ...

I know that I would never ever let anything similar happen to my girl - but life is so much easier if you are a guy.. It just is..

Sometimes I hate life for the way it has been.. And sometimes I don't understand why I even want to bring a child to this world.. And now.. I am really freaking out.. I hate hate hate that fucking man to fucking have fucked me up for the rest of my life and now his actions are effecting even this..

FFS....

Rant..

I  have been reading up on blogs today.. And it really breaks my heart to read that so many of you wonderful amazing beautiful smart girls do not appriciate your self.
Sometimes I wish you could stop and just have a look at your self and just find the good things in you. Just open your eyes and look. Cause I know for a fact that it is way too easy to focus on what is wrong and not see the good - but really.. You people are wonderful.. Give your self some cred and try to see the beauty you see in others, in your self..

Ok - I'm going to stop naggin you :)

Me.. I'm OK.. My doctor has put me on a sickleave for a while. Hopefully things will be better by then. BUT enough about that - I don't want to have yet another "pregnant" post.

We are having some issues with the people who painted our place before the move. There are a bunch of cracks in the paint.. And the first few came already a couple of weeks after we moved in. We have been trying to get a hold of the painters since - and we just managed to finally get a proper convo with them. They are blaming us for not choosing the right materials?? - while we had given them green light to do whatever they needed just to get the right results..

So I am ttly pissed.. Their manager is going to come and have a look at the cracks in a couple of weeks and we will see what they say then. It is so sad to have a fully renovated flat and then have cracks everywhere :S And for the amount of money we paid them for the job.. I realy hope they will fix this shit.. Ugh..

Anywho, I am going to get off before I get really icky again..

<3

*sick*

Easter was good. I didn't get to meet as many as my old friends as I had planned since - well I have been sick.. Not sick sick - but you know.. Yesterday was horrid.. nothing would stay in.. Every single thing I ate would come up.. Today - I am feeling better, but not too well.. And I feel really worn out. I have been home sick from work - and I really don't like being so much away :S 

The appointment went really well. Apparently all my yucky horrid feelings are "normal" for the pregnancy.. I really liked the nurse or whatever her title is.. She was really nice and easy to talk to. I decided to tell her about the eating issues cause lately I have been having some problems. It was soo awkward to talk about it infront of the hubby - and his face was in shock when I told the nurse that it had been really bad until our honeymoon.. But I felt like I had to be honest about it.. and I am glad I did, cause she told me that as soon as I felt it was becoming too much - that she would refer me to an specialist and that i would get help.. 

Other than that - I had a huge argue with my mom when I was away. - I don't want to get into it right now cause it really stresses me out - and I already feel sick today :( 

What else?? 

I am not gaining.. I have gained a total of 3 lbs since I got pregnant - which is good I think. I am aiming to not gain more than 15-20 lbs during this pregnancy. That is supposed to be enough.. 

I am sorry to be so much away - my energy level is next to nothing.. Hopefully it will get better in a few weeks (that's what they say atleast).. You know what?? - I have always said I want more than one kid.. But I really don't think it will be any more than this one.. Did i mention we might get twins?? - apparently hubby has it in his genes.. ah well.. 

sorry for being so boring.. 

<3 

Easter!

Oh my girls - time goes by waaay too fast.. Can you imagine that it's already April?? How did this even happen??

I am doing OK :) I am getting more comfy with the idea of being pregnant - and I am starting to get very very excited :) According to my cellphone app I am in my 8th week of the pregnancy which means the baby is as big as a blueberry ^^ I am actually really looking forward to have the ultrasound - but that is still weeks away :)

We are leaving for Norway tomorrow - we are staying at my uncle's mother in law - which I call for grandma - and she is really the closest I have EVER had to having a mom.. I haven't seen her since the wedding, and I am really looking forward to have some time with her. She lives right outside Oslo so I will take a couple of trips to Oslo as well to meet up with some old girlfriends and that I am really looking forward to. - I will be back on Monday night - and on Tuesday I have my first "mommy to be" appointment at the baby healthy station (not sure what the correct term for it is in English :( ) ..

My mom and I are still ... Well not so good.. She still hasn't called me after I told her about the baby. She has left me 2 PM's on facebook - one to ask me where I bought my GHD straightner and the other to ask if she could tell her friends that I was pregnant..

I mean comeon.. Shouldn't she have called? - Just to say "oh your knocked up grats or w/e? " - Ah well.. I guess the more she fucks up - the more I get an idea of what not to become when I have the baby..

As far as my weight goes - I keep going up and down.. The weekend I found out I gained some pounds due to the emotional eating.. But now that I am feeling more stabil I am actually losing weight.. Not much but I have lost couple of pounds the last week.. And I can cross my heart that I am not trying.. I eat when I'm hungry - and stop when I'm not.. I haven't even restricted - so if I have wanted candy I have had a piece.. So I find the loss odd...

I have been thinking.. Should I tell the health people when I go there about my "issues" ? - not the emotional ones - but you know the food - the binging - the purging.. On one hand I haven't been going that road more than once for months.. On the other hand, I wonder.. Can my background be of harm to the baby? What do you guys think??

Anywho..

I am getting sleepy again.. I can tell you one thing.. This being knocked up thing is REALLY tiring lol I am always sleepy.. and I can sleep for hours and hours hehe -

Thanks for all your comments girls - it's good to know that you are there..


<3

Happy easter!!