It doesn't come as a surprise to me that I don't feel like I belong when I listen and talk to my family.. My two younger sister.. Well my half sisters.. They are alot like my mom.. Well atleast they are becomming more and more like her. The youngest one even looks like her.
Oh and get this.. She is like only 16 and now she is suddenly having "shoots" and I mean, good for her.. I am glad that she feels better about her self doing that, but she is only a teen.. Her pics look like she is my age and ready to be taken..
The insanely tiny dresses.. The makeup that suits a "working girl" and it is all so so wrong.. And my mom, instead of trying to have her acting like a teen.. And going for the teen modeling.. She doesn't do shit.. And now all of the suddon my mom has decided to become a model... WTF..
My other sister. She is 21 and she is/wants to be a glam model. Her dresses show less than my 16 year old sis uses on her shoots.. I have had so many wtf moments lately...
Back to the sis that is 21. She had drug issues for years.. She is better now.. But it's like.. My mom doesn't see what she is doing to us....
She didn't become a drug addict by her self.. She became one to deal with her emotions.. I didn't go cutting my wrists, and purging when I was her age just to have fun... I did it to have some sort of control over my life and just focus on some other pain than the one I constantly had inside..
Now the youngest one is behaving like she is twice her age.. Doing God knows what at any hour of the day.. And my mom.. She wants to become a model.. wtf wtf wtf...
When is she gonna open her eyes and see that we don't want her to be our mate? I am so fed up of hearing about her issues and her dates and how her relationship with ppl goes wrong.. I dun fucking know about how that guy made her feel.. I don't want her to call me and tell me that "oh if you were living here you could see" ... I don't fucking want to know.. I want a mom that listens..
When my ex (( which btw was like 10 years older than me)) was cheating around.. My mom made me stay with him, cause she told me how i always judge ppl and how I never gave ppl second chances.. What she doesn't know is that he did over and over and over again.. He told me to get an abortion or he would do it for me.. Nooo... She didn't listen.. She just made me feel guilty.. She said "he takes care of you, where will you find a guy like him" .. wtf..
Maybe I can try to forgive her.. But how the hell am i supposed to forget??
So here I am.. At my lunch break at work.. Feeling more shit than I have for a while.. Being pissed.. And I'm sorry for all the F-words.. But I am just so fed up.. So frustrated.. When will she ever listen and act like a mom..
Anyways.. My lunch break is almost over.. Need to get my act together before my coworkers notice how fucked up my mood is...
Oh and btw.. Don't you just hate it when ppl stink food... Makes me so ill.... :S
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