Visual impact for woman.. Pt2!

So I got me the visual impact for women. Haven't started reading it yet, but we will be on the road this weekend and I am planning to read it then. Haven't heard anything about my gym card yet, so I emailed them to see what's up with that. I also added a diet ticker to the blog, so it will be easier to follow the numbers. And I got me this really easy to use weight chart on my cell. Gotta love the android market.

Had yet another breakdown last night. My BF acted like a moron when I tried to tell him about the Rusty's training plan. Which ended up in me falling apart. I know that he doesn't mean to be a jerk, and stuff he does are mainly because he talks before he thinks. We have had several "fights" over what a joykill he is. And each time in ends up in a very long emo session. Sometimes I wish that he would just stop, and listen and try to understand. You see.. My BF is one of those ppl who can eat for 3 ppl and doesn't gain a pound. He is tall, lean and defined. And beside him I feel often like a huge bulb of fat. I hate most of the pictures we have together cause I look like I'm 3 times bigger than him. And with the wedding comming up in a few months.... I just wish he could understand why I feel what I feel... I do understand that he thinks I the most pretty girl for and blabla.. But I'm not...
It's not hard to see from the numbers that I am very very very overweight.. And that my BMI is skyhigh.. And that I actually am a fat blub and that it isn't something I pretend to be.

I am hoping to get a minimum of 24 kg's off me during those 12 weeks on Rusty's program. That is only 2 kg per week. I don't think it's an unreal number. After those 12 weeks I have enough time to do half of the program again before the wedding. Which means if I really stick to it and really follow it and do the plan and the gym and stay off junkfood and so on I should be able to reach a weight that is "normal".
I have never weighted less than 67 kg in my adult life.. I started gaining weight when my step dad started to "enjoy" me when I was around 10. It was my way of trying to keep him away. I thought that if I gained alot of weight and would become ugly that he would stay away... I was only a kid.. But what did I know.. He liked it... And that has really fucked up my body.. I have strech marks in places I shouldn't.. I could never ever wear a bikini no matter how skinny I get.. It's "funny" how one persons action can ruin your life forever..
Anyways.. I think.. Well I don't really know.. But I hope that when I lose the weight that the other stuff that is wrong with me will be easier to deal with.. Maybe the strechmarks wont look as bad when I'm not this huge. I dunno.. I just hope...

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