Today my son turned 11 months!!! My time flies... He is changing so much.. So fast.. He will be walking by him self any day now... And before I have had time to blink an eye, it's January and time for him to start kindergarten...
I am dreading that day.. Dreading the day he will start doing something new and I am not there to witness it.. Dreading being away from him... I have loved before.. I love my husband.. But the love I feel for him can not be compared to anything else. I love him so much that sometimes my heard aches.. Does it make sense??
Hubby and I are talking about maybe trying for another baby next year.. Well end of next year.. But I can not imagine how it would be to have another tiny person to love. Ah well.. I guess that is something I will have to wait and see..
Him going to kindergarten means that it is time for me to go back to work.. I have told my job that I will be back January 6th.. The plan is to start part time to so that my son doesn't get stuck with day care while he is still so young. When I started my job, we were a team of 12.. All guys and me.. Couple of months before I left on maternity leave we had another girl join us.. I wasn't worried really, she being all nice and all, was 38 years old, a tad chubby and not as close as I was with the guys.. Now there are a whole bunch of new people in my team.. Including 3 new girls... This worries me...
Before I left on my maternity leave, my manager and I had a very close relationship.. I was the one taking over every time he was gone. My team mates trusted me and talked to me when something was off and I was the one taking it up with our manager.. The one who would "sweet talk" him and get things the team wanted.. We were actually mistaken for a couple by a new co-worker of ours..
When I go back.. I have been gone for 14 months.. And before that I was barely at work.. All these new people.. All the changes that have been made while I was gone worries me.. What if that connection I had with my team, with my manager is gone?? .. What if I am so much out of it that I mess up more than I do good?? Ugh...
Anyways.. In all of this mess I know one thing.. And that is that I will not be returning to work at the size and weight I am now... I know I will not be anywhere close normal weight, but I will be smaller than now.. I have not been under 100 kg since a month or so after I moved to Sweden (sadly enough around the time I started this blog), and I aim to be under 100 kg by the time I am going back to work..
I started working on this goal a couple of days ago, and have lost a couple of pounds, but we all know a couple of days in not a routine! My usual pattern is to be good a couple of days and then just jump of the wagon.. Now I just need to stick to it..
Try not to psych yourself out too much. I'm sure that your team will welcome you back with open arms and tell all the new people what a great person you are to work with! I hear so much that the love of a child is unlike any other... I'm so glad you are getting to experience it!
ReplyDelete11 month son wowowowowow
ReplyDelete" I love him so much that sometimes my heard aches.. Does it make sense??" yes. it definitely does :)
awwwwwww no honey don't worry. i remember you mentioning it before that you had all males in your team.
"What if that connection I had with my team, with my manager is gone?? .. What if I am so much out of it that I mess up more than I do good?? Ugh..." think logically, sweetie. you didn't change as a person. you are still the sweetheart that we all know and love. nothing's going to change that now!
as Tempest said, try not to psych yourself out too much. <3
-Sam Lupin
PS. good luck with eating well and working out! ooooh!!! eggs :)
Aww sweetie I can't believe he is almost a year old! They say when you have another child your love just keeps growing, so imagine how lovely that would be. You jump right to worst case scenario with change just like I do, remember it is hardly ever as bad as we fear it will be. You are doing great don't over think anything.
ReplyDeleteTime really does fly!!! I hope going back to work isn't too stressful!
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