Today my son turned 11 months!!! My time flies... He is changing so much.. So fast.. He will be walking by him self any day now... And before I have had time to blink an eye, it's January and time for him to start kindergarten...
I am dreading that day.. Dreading the day he will start doing something new and I am not there to witness it.. Dreading being away from him... I have loved before.. I love my husband.. But the love I feel for him can not be compared to anything else. I love him so much that sometimes my heard aches.. Does it make sense??
Hubby and I are talking about maybe trying for another baby next year.. Well end of next year.. But I can not imagine how it would be to have another tiny person to love. Ah well.. I guess that is something I will have to wait and see..
Him going to kindergarten means that it is time for me to go back to work.. I have told my job that I will be back January 6th.. The plan is to start part time to so that my son doesn't get stuck with day care while he is still so young. When I started my job, we were a team of 12.. All guys and me.. Couple of months before I left on maternity leave we had another girl join us.. I wasn't worried really, she being all nice and all, was 38 years old, a tad chubby and not as close as I was with the guys.. Now there are a whole bunch of new people in my team.. Including 3 new girls... This worries me...
Before I left on my maternity leave, my manager and I had a very close relationship.. I was the one taking over every time he was gone. My team mates trusted me and talked to me when something was off and I was the one taking it up with our manager.. The one who would "sweet talk" him and get things the team wanted.. We were actually mistaken for a couple by a new co-worker of ours..
When I go back.. I have been gone for 14 months.. And before that I was barely at work.. All these new people.. All the changes that have been made while I was gone worries me.. What if that connection I had with my team, with my manager is gone?? .. What if I am so much out of it that I mess up more than I do good?? Ugh...
Anyways.. In all of this mess I know one thing.. And that is that I will not be returning to work at the size and weight I am now... I know I will not be anywhere close normal weight, but I will be smaller than now.. I have not been under 100 kg since a month or so after I moved to Sweden (sadly enough around the time I started this blog), and I aim to be under 100 kg by the time I am going back to work..
I started working on this goal a couple of days ago, and have lost a couple of pounds, but we all know a couple of days in not a routine! My usual pattern is to be good a couple of days and then just jump of the wagon.. Now I just need to stick to it..
Showing posts with label goal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goal. Show all posts
2013/10/23
2013/09/26
I'm having a really hard time to follow the plan the nutritionist advised me to follow.. I don't really have much of an appetite when I wake up - and if I drink a cup of tea/coffee or something liquid, I kind of feel full for a while.. If I have a cup of tea, half a banana (I mash half for my son, so I eat the "leftover"), and a pro-bio yogurt, then I really don't have room for an omelette or sandwich as she told me to have in addition to that.. The amount of food is one thing, the other problem is that I really don't know how to fit all that food in my mornings...
My days until lunch time are pretty messy, getting breakfast ready for my son (and no it's really stressful for me to have a proper breakfast while I am feeding him) - dressing him and getting him ready for either play time, or baby song hour, or going to the park takes a while since he has reached an age that he wants to decide what we do, and getting dressed is never on his to do list... Then we spend couple of hours on those things, and before I know it it's time to feed him again, so I can put him down for a nap... Being all fussy due to him teething means I either am walking with him in the stroller, or we are driving if hubby is home for couple of hours, so he can sleep. I usually walk for a while and then grab something to eat.. I have been buying salads lately, but it is starting to get a tad expensive....
After he gets up from his naps, it's time for another feeding, and most likely a full clothing change.. Then play time - snack time... Then hubby gets home, and starts on his last meal, and gets him ready for him while I clean up and make dinner ect..
So yeah.. I am having a hard time fitting all that eating in my day.. Eating a not so healthy sandwich or grabbing a burger/toast when I'm out has been the easy way out - but I know it's not an option..
Anyways, in attempt to stay full, and to stay on track I am going to try to replace breakfast and lunch with meal replacement shakes/bars.. I have some shakes I need to drink up, and while I do that I am going to look for options with less sugar, more protein. and have fruit/yogurt for snacks..
On other news I have been doing pretty well with dinners. The delivery service works like a dream for us.. I have been adding some more veggies to their recipes since they had a whole lot of bell-pepper as sides, and hubby can't eat bell-peppers, but all in all it is working just fine for us.. The thing that surprised me the most is that the portions which are supposed to be normal sized portions are actually very filling.. I don't know why but I always thought I wouldn't feel full unless I have a huge portion, this is making me see that I do not have to have huge meals to feel full..
My weight.. I have lost like 3 lbs, but I think all the eating she wants me to do is not really helping me lose weight, so I am hoping to see it move with the new plan. I really want to get under 200lbs by the time I go back to work (I will go back to work around mid January).. That means I would have to lose around 50 lbs, and if I am to have any chance of doing it I have to stick to this plan.
Anyways ... I need to get to bed now.. Wish me luck...
<3
My days until lunch time are pretty messy, getting breakfast ready for my son (and no it's really stressful for me to have a proper breakfast while I am feeding him) - dressing him and getting him ready for either play time, or baby song hour, or going to the park takes a while since he has reached an age that he wants to decide what we do, and getting dressed is never on his to do list... Then we spend couple of hours on those things, and before I know it it's time to feed him again, so I can put him down for a nap... Being all fussy due to him teething means I either am walking with him in the stroller, or we are driving if hubby is home for couple of hours, so he can sleep. I usually walk for a while and then grab something to eat.. I have been buying salads lately, but it is starting to get a tad expensive....
After he gets up from his naps, it's time for another feeding, and most likely a full clothing change.. Then play time - snack time... Then hubby gets home, and starts on his last meal, and gets him ready for him while I clean up and make dinner ect..
So yeah.. I am having a hard time fitting all that eating in my day.. Eating a not so healthy sandwich or grabbing a burger/toast when I'm out has been the easy way out - but I know it's not an option..
Anyways, in attempt to stay full, and to stay on track I am going to try to replace breakfast and lunch with meal replacement shakes/bars.. I have some shakes I need to drink up, and while I do that I am going to look for options with less sugar, more protein. and have fruit/yogurt for snacks..
On other news I have been doing pretty well with dinners. The delivery service works like a dream for us.. I have been adding some more veggies to their recipes since they had a whole lot of bell-pepper as sides, and hubby can't eat bell-peppers, but all in all it is working just fine for us.. The thing that surprised me the most is that the portions which are supposed to be normal sized portions are actually very filling.. I don't know why but I always thought I wouldn't feel full unless I have a huge portion, this is making me see that I do not have to have huge meals to feel full..
My weight.. I have lost like 3 lbs, but I think all the eating she wants me to do is not really helping me lose weight, so I am hoping to see it move with the new plan. I really want to get under 200lbs by the time I go back to work (I will go back to work around mid January).. That means I would have to lose around 50 lbs, and if I am to have any chance of doing it I have to stick to this plan.
Anyways ... I need to get to bed now.. Wish me luck...
<3
2013/03/07
Life!
So I haven't been making proper posts in ages.. Things have been hard.. I went bananas with my eats and have gained a whole lot.. I had a huge fight with hubby and didn't talk to him for days (ex. for the things that were regarding the kid), I have cut out my sisters from my life.. Mjeh.. Lets go into details..
I was in a funk for a long while.. And being an emotional eater - I just couldn't take back control over my eats and my life.. And as if everything wasn't hard enough we decided to take a roadtrip to Oslo for my bffs daughters baptism.. I didn't want to take the trip since we would have to leave on the same day that my son was to have his first vaccines.. But she kept telling me nothing would happen, and I trusted her opinion since she has two kids.. I checked with my sons doc and she said it was OK.. The drive takes 6-7 hours, and guess what.. We weren't even half way before my son started getting really sick.. He had a really high fever and was just screaming in pain... Lets just say by the time we had that stop for me to try to see if I can calm him down.. Feed and change him.. I was shivering from stress.. When we got back in the car and he fell sleep I just broke down.. I was so stressed out that I couldn't stop my tears or to shiver...
That day hadn't started well either.. I had told my mother that we were taking the trip (it takes her 3-4 hours drive to Oslo from where she lives) and I told her that she could come and visit us if she wants to.. She is in Turkey now and she is staying there for two months - so it was her last chance to see her grandson.. She decided on her own to bring one of my sisters (the middle one) and of course that turned into a shitty drama.. It ended up with her being a F--ing liar saying my mom hadn't told her about the trip, and that she couldn't come.. At the same time she called my mother saying I had called her and yelled at her saying I didn't want her there.. And then she drags our other sister (the youngest one) into the shit and she starts calling for things.. It was the last drop for me and I just had enough.. So I just blocked them from Facebook.. And have stopped replying to their calls/msg ect.. I just can't take it anymore..
Anywho.. That was the start of the day.. The kid burning up with fever was the next.. But at the end we finally arrived and crashed.. I am ashamed to say this whole episode ended up with me going into a binge mode.. I stuffed my face for a week.. I cried.. I ate.. I cried more and I ate more..
Finally I started feeling better and I decided I would get my shit together and just stop.. It was a sunny day (the first one in God knows how long).. So we ran some errands and by the end of the day I wanted one of those small icecream cones from Burger king.. And the hubby decided he is going to be "funny" and said "Oh so you wont stop your eating before you have given all our kids diabetes"... He was of course refering to the gestational diabetes.. And it was a low blow.. I was in shock.. You guys know how hard the whole shit was for me.. I was feeling so bad.. he know how hard it had been for me.. The second it was out of his mouth he realized what he had said.. But it was too late then.. He kept saying that it wasn't what he ment.. And that he loved me - that he was trying to take care of me.. But it was just not OK.. I was crushed.. (I still am when I think of it)...
I know that menn are stupid.. That they say things without thinking.. So I decided to let it be after a couple of days.. I know he loves me and that he is very sorry.. But I have never been this hurt.... Say what ever the fuck you want about me.. But don't drag my kid into it... He is the one good thing about me that I know I can not ruin...
Anyways.. I am "ok" now.. My husband is away on the trip I told you guys about with his work.. And of course my bff couldn't come and stay with me as planned.. Both her kids got a really bad case of flu right before the trip so she had to cencel it.. He will be back on Monday.. So lets hope I can manage this and that we will be Ok...
Other than those things I am doing OK.. I started over this Monday and things are OK.. I am writing down everything I am eating - and I am starting to see where I go wrong.. I want to keep writing down things until the end of next week and then start counting calories properly.. The weight is thankfully already dropping again and I feel like I am understanding my mistakes and am making better choices each day..
I have been following the journey of the girls on Team Taralynn and I was thinking about going their cleanse but I have decided not to.. I am however going to take a note and I have a couple of changes I want to work on.. First goal is to stop using salt on my salads and veg.. The second is to make lunch the largest meal of the day.. I am starting to realize that I tend to eat too little during the day and I overeat at night.. So now I want to make sure to get a proper lunch in loaded with veg ect and to have a light dinner instead..
Anyways.. That is about it from me for now...
<3
Edit: Oh I forgot to say.. I finally got the rest of the money from the house they sold for me back in Iran and I have decided I am gonna put aside some of it and use to get me something good as a reward when I reach my first goal weight.. I am thinking about a Nike fuel band but I dunno yet :)
I was in a funk for a long while.. And being an emotional eater - I just couldn't take back control over my eats and my life.. And as if everything wasn't hard enough we decided to take a roadtrip to Oslo for my bffs daughters baptism.. I didn't want to take the trip since we would have to leave on the same day that my son was to have his first vaccines.. But she kept telling me nothing would happen, and I trusted her opinion since she has two kids.. I checked with my sons doc and she said it was OK.. The drive takes 6-7 hours, and guess what.. We weren't even half way before my son started getting really sick.. He had a really high fever and was just screaming in pain... Lets just say by the time we had that stop for me to try to see if I can calm him down.. Feed and change him.. I was shivering from stress.. When we got back in the car and he fell sleep I just broke down.. I was so stressed out that I couldn't stop my tears or to shiver...
That day hadn't started well either.. I had told my mother that we were taking the trip (it takes her 3-4 hours drive to Oslo from where she lives) and I told her that she could come and visit us if she wants to.. She is in Turkey now and she is staying there for two months - so it was her last chance to see her grandson.. She decided on her own to bring one of my sisters (the middle one) and of course that turned into a shitty drama.. It ended up with her being a F--ing liar saying my mom hadn't told her about the trip, and that she couldn't come.. At the same time she called my mother saying I had called her and yelled at her saying I didn't want her there.. And then she drags our other sister (the youngest one) into the shit and she starts calling for things.. It was the last drop for me and I just had enough.. So I just blocked them from Facebook.. And have stopped replying to their calls/msg ect.. I just can't take it anymore..
Anywho.. That was the start of the day.. The kid burning up with fever was the next.. But at the end we finally arrived and crashed.. I am ashamed to say this whole episode ended up with me going into a binge mode.. I stuffed my face for a week.. I cried.. I ate.. I cried more and I ate more..
Finally I started feeling better and I decided I would get my shit together and just stop.. It was a sunny day (the first one in God knows how long).. So we ran some errands and by the end of the day I wanted one of those small icecream cones from Burger king.. And the hubby decided he is going to be "funny" and said "Oh so you wont stop your eating before you have given all our kids diabetes"... He was of course refering to the gestational diabetes.. And it was a low blow.. I was in shock.. You guys know how hard the whole shit was for me.. I was feeling so bad.. he know how hard it had been for me.. The second it was out of his mouth he realized what he had said.. But it was too late then.. He kept saying that it wasn't what he ment.. And that he loved me - that he was trying to take care of me.. But it was just not OK.. I was crushed.. (I still am when I think of it)...
I know that menn are stupid.. That they say things without thinking.. So I decided to let it be after a couple of days.. I know he loves me and that he is very sorry.. But I have never been this hurt.... Say what ever the fuck you want about me.. But don't drag my kid into it... He is the one good thing about me that I know I can not ruin...
Anyways.. I am "ok" now.. My husband is away on the trip I told you guys about with his work.. And of course my bff couldn't come and stay with me as planned.. Both her kids got a really bad case of flu right before the trip so she had to cencel it.. He will be back on Monday.. So lets hope I can manage this and that we will be Ok...
Other than those things I am doing OK.. I started over this Monday and things are OK.. I am writing down everything I am eating - and I am starting to see where I go wrong.. I want to keep writing down things until the end of next week and then start counting calories properly.. The weight is thankfully already dropping again and I feel like I am understanding my mistakes and am making better choices each day..
I have been following the journey of the girls on Team Taralynn and I was thinking about going their cleanse but I have decided not to.. I am however going to take a note and I have a couple of changes I want to work on.. First goal is to stop using salt on my salads and veg.. The second is to make lunch the largest meal of the day.. I am starting to realize that I tend to eat too little during the day and I overeat at night.. So now I want to make sure to get a proper lunch in loaded with veg ect and to have a light dinner instead..
Anyways.. That is about it from me for now...
<3
Edit: Oh I forgot to say.. I finally got the rest of the money from the house they sold for me back in Iran and I have decided I am gonna put aside some of it and use to get me something good as a reward when I reach my first goal weight.. I am thinking about a Nike fuel band but I dunno yet :)
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