No excuses!

After a slow start to June I am finally on track. It's great to see so many of you joining me on "No excuses June". I have updated the page, but feel free to leave a comment with changes and I will make sure to update them asap. :)

This weekend I took a huge step, and spent a great deal of money on my self. I rarely do that anymore, but I felt that this was something that would benefit me too much to be ignored. I bought a crosstrainer!

I have said this before, I am ashamed of being out and about trying to workout where there is a bunch of tiny girls in tiny shorts and tanks looking like ballerinas jogging on the mill like that is nothing when I am weezing after 10 mins on whatever machine. So I am bringing the gym to me.. And it is finally being delivered today! My husband promised to put it together for me tonight, and I must admit that I am really looking forward to it.

I have moved out our dining-table (we rarely used it anyways, since we mostly eat in the kitchen), and make space to have it in the living-room. There are no excuses left.. I can watch TV, talk to my husband, watch my son play and still be able to do something but sitting on my ass on the couch...

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!!

I am going to start by seeing what is the longest amount of time I can spend on it, and then keep adding to it minute by minute over time. And my goal is to be able to do 60 mins on it without passing out...

Anyways.. Looking forward to a new me... Remember ladies... No excuses.. Lets be honest with our selves and I am sure that's when we can achieve whatever we are aiming for.

Bad night = good morning - new motivation

I had a really bad night after my horrid day yesterday.. I went home and did a whole lot of cooking (that is my way to relax) - so now hubby has a bunch of proper and healthy food for his lunches at work.. Then I watched princess and the frog (Cartoons always get me in a better mood) - and I felt much better. Then we hit the sack - talked and was ready to go to sleep... I am pretty good dealing with my pains- but yesterday was kind of bad- and by the time the lights were off- and I was trying to get some sleep.. I just got more and more frustrated.
My right knee was aching really bad- I could chew off my arms to get rid of the pain.. And then in the middle of the night. I started crying.. I cried- and cried and cried.. I think I was crying for an hour or so...
I cried cause I was in pain.. Not only on the outside- but also the inside.. I was hurting cause I know the my knee hurting like this is most likely cause of my weight. I know that if I get lighter- It will be so much easier on my joints.. I cried cause I have let it go this far- cause I keep disappointing my self.
Cause this year is almost over - and yet again I have not lost any weight.. I managed to get my self 14 lbs heavier than I had every been before. But that is that.. I think I have given my self way too many chances to fuck up.. I have given my self way too many excuses.
I am done planning and failing cause I just talk.. From today I will just do... I will practice self control. And I make the right choices. It is not like I do not know HOW to do this shit.. I just never do it..
I know I said this before - but this time I mean it.. I am not gonna go into details of what I am going to do - I just know I am going to count everything and stop at the bite that is my limit.

There is one thing I can promise though.. I am done disappointing my self..

<3

PS: @ Miranda: His family lives here.. His grandparents going to be living like 2 mins walk away from our new flat.. But you are right.. I am going to stop letting them stress me - and stand up for us.. Thanks :) <3

Sigh @ me!

Yesterday didn't go so well... I did good until dinner time but then I went on a eating spree.. OMG I suck.. :( So yesterday ended up in way too many cals :S .. Where as my max level according to my fitness pal is 1250.. *sigh* ...

But today is a new day. I have learned that I should be better with how I eat during the work day so I don't get so hungry and don't eat mindlessly.. I must say.. I did stop my self at some point- cause I could eat and eat and eat... I have gained 0.4 kg.. I am not taking it too harsh- cause I haven't been drinking so much when I was ill and since yesterday I have been back to drinking normally again.. And I did pig out yesterday..... So ya.. Lesson learned..

 Another *sigh* moment is me being late AGAIN!!! I mean come on.. This isn't funny anymore.. I know for a fact that I should not be pregnant this time- cause we have been careful since I panicked last time.. I have never been like this.. I used to be able to count on the day I would get my period to the exact day when I was in my teens even.. So this is stupid..

Another I suck moment is the fact that we didn't hit the gym either.. I guess me being stuffed after dinner- and dead tired cause of lack of sleep doesn't help.. I am so disappointed in my self :S

I am really going to focus on today and not fuck up... Todays goal is to eat within the calorie budget.. It sure is something I need to learn cause I have to learn to recognize the "stop" button my mind has forgotten all about..

I bought these plastic plates on my way home yesterday which I am thinking will help my portion control issues..

The bigger half for veg- 1/4 for carbs and the other for protein.. I mean.. This should be safe.. If I stick to the plate and don't go for a second.. Then it should be the right size for a normal portion.. Or what???

I'm sorry for being all sucky today.. I am not liking my self all that much at the moment..

Anyway.. I will be off before I rant more BS..


<3

Killing time__

Good thing about being sick and being home alone is that you get the time to think.. Just think.. You get the time to read.. And to process.. It can be really hard to focus on everything that is happening all the time at the same time..
I have been pretty off the HSGD well mostly cause I have been too busy to track numbers.. That is the excuse I am using for now.. But I know for a fact that if I REALLY want to do something I do no matter where I am and what I am doing. So I guess I really do need to reinvent my self.. and not just talk about it... *sigh*

I know.. I know.. I suck on following up.. I am going to start writing down and track everything I put in my mouth again.. No more excuses, starting today! Starting now.. Don't need to wait till tomorrow- or next week.. Now is as good as any other day..

Step by step ya??

First step: Plan the eats and stay within the calorie budget..
Step two: Write down everything I eat right after I eat them..
Step three: Drink more water.. Eat more veg and fruit..

3 simple steps.. That is where I am going to start again..

Oh and there is this new blog I am loving.. Check it out..

Edit:
I am redoing my goals.. going to put more real goal steps.. :)

Yet another blab session about food..

"Shockingly" enough the reason why I like many other people am fat is because I eat too much..( like.. duuuuhh)..
And its not that I don't know that fact.. the problem is that I keep doing it. Eventhough I know I shouldn't. And I think I can keep going on and on about how I will lose the weight, and what im gonna eat to do so.. but I keep falling back to the same decision over and over again..
I can not lose the fat by keeping to eat.. I can for sure not keep on eating as much as I do. I read this article about how the main focus for the weightloss should be on the diet..( yet another duuh moment)... and then when you get close to your goal weight you have to start building up the body so won't gain it all back right away..
That does make sense to me. So Ok.. I am going to restrict.. as long as I keep eating as much as I do I will stay fat. I know I keep saying that I will eat so much and burn half at the gym.. but who the fuck am I kidding. I never get to the gym as much as I should. I always have an excuse.. and ok.. I admit that I should stop making excuses and instead just go to the gym.. but it makes me zoo fucking hungry that I normally end up in a binge by the end of the day.
So instead of trying to do it all I am gonna just focus on the food.. and put in 2 -3 gym sessions a week.
I am sort of done with trying too much and keep failing. And I think having my focus on one thing at the time is the safe way to go. That way I won't feel guilty over not having the energy/time/mood for the gym.. and I won't have the oh I'm really hungry after the gym excuse to eat. Anyways lunch break almost over. Going to head back to work. But ya.. I think maybe this will work.. atleast it should be easy enough to make it work..

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