I had a really bad night after my horrid day yesterday.. I went home and did a whole lot of cooking (that is my way to relax) - so now hubby has a bunch of proper and healthy food for his lunches at work.. Then I watched princess and the frog (Cartoons always get me in a better mood) - and I felt much better. Then we hit the sack - talked and was ready to go to sleep... I am pretty good dealing with my pains- but yesterday was kind of bad- and by the time the lights were off- and I was trying to get some sleep.. I just got more and more frustrated.
My right knee was aching really bad- I could chew off my arms to get rid of the pain.. And then in the middle of the night. I started crying.. I cried- and cried and cried.. I think I was crying for an hour or so...
I cried cause I was in pain.. Not only on the outside- but also the inside.. I was hurting cause I know the my knee hurting like this is most likely cause of my weight. I know that if I get lighter- It will be so much easier on my joints.. I cried cause I have let it go this far- cause I keep disappointing my self.
Cause this year is almost over - and yet again I have not lost any weight.. I managed to get my self 14 lbs heavier than I had every been before. But that is that.. I think I have given my self way too many chances to fuck up.. I have given my self way too many excuses.
I am done planning and failing cause I just talk.. From today I will just do... I will practice self control. And I make the right choices. It is not like I do not know HOW to do this shit.. I just never do it..
I know I said this before - but this time I mean it.. I am not gonna go into details of what I am going to do - I just know I am going to count everything and stop at the bite that is my limit.
There is one thing I can promise though.. I am done disappointing my self..
PS: @ Miranda: His family lives here.. His grandparents going to be living like 2 mins walk away from our new flat.. But you are right.. I am going to stop letting them stress me - and stand up for us.. Thanks :) <3