Been a while..

I have been missing you girls.. I haven't been on blogger much.. Well.. I haven't been behind a PC much at all.. You  see part of being preggo is that even normal things make you sick hehe

I just wanted to pop in and say that I am OK, just not in shape to blog.. I have however tried to catch up on your blogs today..

Take care of you girls..


<3

A horrid night,.

Feel free to ignore this post - but I had a really bad night - and really need to get it out of my system..

I haven't had these dreams for a while.. But this one was bad.. Hubby says I woke up so many times - and that I had been kicking and stuff, and that he had tried to hold me but nothing seemed to work..

I don't remember much of my dreams but the last one where I killed my step dad.. I have no idea how this gun had so many bullets but he got it all inside him.. and the last god knows how many bullets were right in his ... - and then in my dream right the minute before I woke up.. All I could think was "What if my baby is a girl" ...

I know that I would never ever let anything similar happen to my girl - but life is so much easier if you are a guy.. It just is..

Sometimes I hate life for the way it has been.. And sometimes I don't understand why I even want to bring a child to this world.. And now.. I am really freaking out.. I hate hate hate that fucking man to fucking have fucked me up for the rest of my life and now his actions are effecting even this..

FFS....

Rant..

I  have been reading up on blogs today.. And it really breaks my heart to read that so many of you wonderful amazing beautiful smart girls do not appriciate your self.
Sometimes I wish you could stop and just have a look at your self and just find the good things in you. Just open your eyes and look. Cause I know for a fact that it is way too easy to focus on what is wrong and not see the good - but really.. You people are wonderful.. Give your self some cred and try to see the beauty you see in others, in your self..

Ok - I'm going to stop naggin you :)

Me.. I'm OK.. My doctor has put me on a sickleave for a while. Hopefully things will be better by then. BUT enough about that - I don't want to have yet another "pregnant" post.

We are having some issues with the people who painted our place before the move. There are a bunch of cracks in the paint.. And the first few came already a couple of weeks after we moved in. We have been trying to get a hold of the painters since - and we just managed to finally get a proper convo with them. They are blaming us for not choosing the right materials?? - while we had given them green light to do whatever they needed just to get the right results..

So I am ttly pissed.. Their manager is going to come and have a look at the cracks in a couple of weeks and we will see what they say then. It is so sad to have a fully renovated flat and then have cracks everywhere :S And for the amount of money we paid them for the job.. I realy hope they will fix this shit.. Ugh..

Anywho, I am going to get off before I get really icky again..

<3

*sick*

Easter was good. I didn't get to meet as many as my old friends as I had planned since - well I have been sick.. Not sick sick - but you know.. Yesterday was horrid.. nothing would stay in.. Every single thing I ate would come up.. Today - I am feeling better, but not too well.. And I feel really worn out. I have been home sick from work - and I really don't like being so much away :S 

The appointment went really well. Apparently all my yucky horrid feelings are "normal" for the pregnancy.. I really liked the nurse or whatever her title is.. She was really nice and easy to talk to. I decided to tell her about the eating issues cause lately I have been having some problems. It was soo awkward to talk about it infront of the hubby - and his face was in shock when I told the nurse that it had been really bad until our honeymoon.. But I felt like I had to be honest about it.. and I am glad I did, cause she told me that as soon as I felt it was becoming too much - that she would refer me to an specialist and that i would get help.. 

Other than that - I had a huge argue with my mom when I was away. - I don't want to get into it right now cause it really stresses me out - and I already feel sick today :( 

What else?? 

I am not gaining.. I have gained a total of 3 lbs since I got pregnant - which is good I think. I am aiming to not gain more than 15-20 lbs during this pregnancy. That is supposed to be enough.. 

I am sorry to be so much away - my energy level is next to nothing.. Hopefully it will get better in a few weeks (that's what they say atleast).. You know what?? - I have always said I want more than one kid.. But I really don't think it will be any more than this one.. Did i mention we might get twins?? - apparently hubby has it in his genes.. ah well.. 

sorry for being so boring.. 

<3 

Easter!

Oh my girls - time goes by waaay too fast.. Can you imagine that it's already April?? How did this even happen??

I am doing OK :) I am getting more comfy with the idea of being pregnant - and I am starting to get very very excited :) According to my cellphone app I am in my 8th week of the pregnancy which means the baby is as big as a blueberry ^^ I am actually really looking forward to have the ultrasound - but that is still weeks away :)

We are leaving for Norway tomorrow - we are staying at my uncle's mother in law - which I call for grandma - and she is really the closest I have EVER had to having a mom.. I haven't seen her since the wedding, and I am really looking forward to have some time with her. She lives right outside Oslo so I will take a couple of trips to Oslo as well to meet up with some old girlfriends and that I am really looking forward to. - I will be back on Monday night - and on Tuesday I have my first "mommy to be" appointment at the baby healthy station (not sure what the correct term for it is in English :( ) ..

My mom and I are still ... Well not so good.. She still hasn't called me after I told her about the baby. She has left me 2 PM's on facebook - one to ask me where I bought my GHD straightner and the other to ask if she could tell her friends that I was pregnant..

I mean comeon.. Shouldn't she have called? - Just to say "oh your knocked up grats or w/e? " - Ah well.. I guess the more she fucks up - the more I get an idea of what not to become when I have the baby..

As far as my weight goes - I keep going up and down.. The weekend I found out I gained some pounds due to the emotional eating.. But now that I am feeling more stabil I am actually losing weight.. Not much but I have lost couple of pounds the last week.. And I can cross my heart that I am not trying.. I eat when I'm hungry - and stop when I'm not.. I haven't even restricted - so if I have wanted candy I have had a piece.. So I find the loss odd...

I have been thinking.. Should I tell the health people when I go there about my "issues" ? - not the emotional ones - but you know the food - the binging - the purging.. On one hand I haven't been going that road more than once for months.. On the other hand, I wonder.. Can my background be of harm to the baby? What do you guys think??

Anywho..

I am getting sleepy again.. I can tell you one thing.. This being knocked up thing is REALLY tiring lol I am always sleepy.. and I can sleep for hours and hours hehe -

Thanks for all your comments girls - it's good to know that you are there..


<3

Happy easter!!

Motivated!

As you might have noticed I have been pretty AWOL the last few weeks. I haven't been feeling all too well - and when I learned that I was pregnant it sort of felt like my dream of getting "normal" and healthy was over.. All I could think about is the fact that I will be fatter and fatter and that was it for me..

Your comments did make me feel better.. But lets be honest, in that state of mind - it was very temporary.. I have been feeling really lost.. Who am I now? - Who will I become?

So I have been depressed.. Crying a whole lot (thanks hormones) .. You get the idea. The other day I remembered the two comment.. One from Tempest - with that amazing article.. The other from Sleepwalker, about the podcasts.. I have read the article, and been listening to the podcasts - and it has been doing wonders for my mental state.

This is a choice.. No body is forcing me to stay pregnant.. As Miranda said - I have been wanting this, and now is it.. So true.. This baby - is a blessing.. I am NOT going to become like my mum - and blame my baby for not being who I want to.. This baby is good.. This baby is the kick I need to get healthy.. To make the talk into a lifestyle.. Eating clean.. Getting enough nutrient.. Being good to my body.. Listening to it..

Then of course I started thinking about food.. What to eat, how much to eat.. The math.. You know what I mean.. And I remembered I have this old food plan from this PT - where it has two versions.. I have talked about the low cal version before in some posts I think - but now is not the time for me to under/overeat. The second part of his meal plan is for around 1800 calories. That is actually only 16 calories down from what my BMR is atm. - and as I mentioned before - the baby doesn't need that many extra calories. Jillian was talking about 300 calories a day. So my plan is to follow that 1800 calorie plan - and add a smoothie in as the snack. And then just feel free to have the extra fruit, veg when ever I feel like it. I am also allowing my self the extra cup of popcorn, or a cup of starbucks if I feel like it. And that together is enough calories for me to get the nutrients I need - and still have the extra calories for the baby - and not become an elephant by end of this pregnancy.  Anywho - I am putting calorie counting on the shelf, and I am going to start measuring everything according the the plan.

I have also been wondering about this blog, and what to do about it. And every single time I get back to the place where I know for a fact that I love it.. I love you guys, and I would hate to lose you guys and your blogs, your every day, your comments. So the blog is going to stay up - and I hope you don't get sick of my whining - and I hope you will still be there even with the baby weight ect.

Wish me luck hehe - I am sure it is needed



<3

Update...

Where to start..
Well I can say I am not dealing too well with the pregnancy.. I am sort of in shock - and don't really know how to react. Don't misunderstand me - I am happy... I do want to have a kid with my husband... But everything else been really hard.. First off it wasn't meant to happen now..
It came as a shock cause well we have had sex a total of 3 times since the start of this year.. And we have been using a condom.. How on earth does that make a baby?..

But the baby is a good thing.. It will be a good thing..

I am worried.. I know I shouldn't but I have been reading way too much about being overweight and pregnant.. And it worries me..

I am scared.. I do not want to become like my mum... Which btw was the only barely reacting to the news.. All she said was "oh that's great - I can't talk right now"..

I am frustrated.. I hate my family for being the way they are.. My husbands mum almost flew back from her vacation only cause I called to tell her the news.. She was over the moon.. My youngest sister.. She hasn't even sent me a PM on facebook.. Well you know FUCK THEM!!!! Family isn't what you were born to - family is the ones you decide to be...

Other than that - I am constantly tired.. I have been going to bed around 9 every day since the trip in Chamonix..

I know - this wasn't a part of my plan - but I am not going to let it stop me.. I am going to focus on eating enough and healthy during this pregnancy. I am going to focus on staying active. I was told that I should be able to limit my weight gain eating correctly.. Tracking.. I do not need to more than a "normal budget" until the last 3 months of the pregnancy - and then I only need to add 300 calories. That is what I'm going to do..

Eat enough.. Healthy.. Not overeat..

I am sorry for not being around much.. I am sort of as you might have noticed confused - and tired.. Sometimes very happy - but sort of depressed most of the time.. It might be the hormons or whatever - but I am crying ALOT.. heh..

Anywho..

Thanks for all your comments girls - it really made my heart warm..


<3