* Title*

Some times it's so hard to find a proper title for posts.. Anywho..


My mom went back home this morning - and her trip has been just fine. We didn't really talk much, but I did tell her that I didn't want her to come and stay with us after the baby was born. She wanted to stay for two weeks - and her intentions are all good , but lets face it.. I would go mental.. I also think it is very important for us to be able to get our own rutines with the baby without someone else trying to tell us what to do. She tok it pretty well.. I was very surprised that she actually listened.

She had bought some baby cloths and a toy. And when she was here she bought another set of cloths and this chair we wanted for the baby. It was really nice of her cause the chair in it self was pretty expencive. I will post some more pictures of them in a late post. (I am too lazy to get up and take picture now hehe)..
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I got some questions about the parental leave here so I thought I would make a little post about it. In Norway it's pretty straight forward - you get to take 10 months and keep 100% of your regular income - or you can take 12 months for 80%.. The other parent can take 8 weeks for the full income in addition to it.

Here in Sweden it's a mess. They have so many rules and thing which really are giving me a headache.
In total we have the right to take 480 days off. Where (in our case) the father has to take 60 days. Of those 480 days you have 90 days where you get the low pay rate which is around 20 USD a day.. The rest gives you around 80% of your income pre tax. When I go on my leave my income will be around 800 USD less than what I get paid normally.. And even though we will be just fine - we wont have any room to "play", and we will depend a whole lot more on my husbands income.

So yes technicly I can take a whole year off but I really am not sure what I am going to do. I might take 10 months full time and then the rest as 50% leave and work 50% .. I really have to think about what will be best for us.. All of us..

That said the goverments in the nordics give this monthly amount of money for the kids until they turn 18. For one kid it's around 175 USD - and for two it's around 340 USD ( I know for a fact that I wont have more than two kids - so the other amounts aren't really relevant for us)..

So erm ya .. I hope it explains it a bit better hehe ..

Anywho.. I am going to go off for now.. I have loads on my mind lately.. I should make a post about that too soon... I sure need to vent - but right now, my head is a little to messy..

<3

Dear stupid Anonymous!

I got a comment left on one of my old posts saying this:

Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I'd figured I'd ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you're interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way! Also see my site > buy hcg diet canada

I mean.. Come on! Who the fuck do you think we are here?? lol - What ever we are - we sure aint stupid! 

This is just a new low for random PR / stupid comments.. 

Did anyone else got the same msg? 

Upset rant..

I haven't been at work that much lately thanks to the extreme coughs I have had. I worked 3 days last week before I lost my voice again - and I have been at work since yesterday. It will only be two days this week before I go on my vacation for two weeks. 

So I shouldn't really be complaining but this work is really messing me up lately.. It's not the job in it self.. I love my job.. I love most of my co-workers.. But the changes we have been having here have been soo annoying.. 

They have been taking in some people who are fucking up everything.. Our new PR director.. She SUCKS.... And she is so dense.. She miss spells all of our press realises and even though we have told her that she does - she just ignores it.. The new development manager.. Well he is just a bright flower.. After he started more than half of the testers and developers have disappeared.. Makes you wonder why?? right?? 

The new sales manager ... She doesn't speak to other females.. It's so fucking annoying.. If you say hi - or whatever.. She just ignores you - or walks by.. I have heard it from so many of the girls.. But he is best friend with the guys.. What the fuck is that all about??? 

Our production manager is a control freak... He has the team under such a leash that they can't even take a break without him asking them exactly what they are doing.. 

And my closest manager.. He is just.. Well he doesn't do shit... First of the guy can not multi task to save his life.. Second he "forgets" things that shouldn't be forgotten.. *sigh*

And I know - I "only" have 3 moths left here before I go on my leave for a year .... But this is really messing me up... I have had to check my blood levels twice while I had been at work - and both times they have been sky high cause I feel so upset and stressed when I'm at work. 

I keep reminding my self of my new mantra.. "3 months to go" .... But ya... 

Anywho... I just needed to vent a tad.. 6 hours to go.. 

I have made up my mind!

Thank you so much for all your comments on my last post. It really helped to get your opinions on the matter and it made it easier for me to make my decision.

I have decided to give her a chance - so I sent her a PM telling her that. But I also made it clear that I didn't believe her excuses and that I knew they were lies. Also that I need to see some proper changes in her actions to start giving her any sort of trust. I have also told her that if she ever again acts that way towards me - or anything close to that against my kids that she is out.

I guess the thing I keep forgetting is that I don't live that close to them anymore - and that I actually can control how much contact i have with them. I really need to remember that they are not able to mess me up even more unless I allow them to keep doing it. Birthdays - Christmas that is about it.. And I don't have to let it be anything more than that unless I want to.

So again :) Thanks.

Over to something else.. I have officially lost 15 lbs since I found out that I was pregnant. Again I haven't tried to lose any weight - so a part from the time I had the morning sickness, I really don't get how it keeps going down. As you might remember I was pretty worried about it to beginn with - but after my talk to the midwife I am feeling ok. My friend (the one who just gave birth to her second kid) says that I have a luxury problem - I do have a hard time understanding how most woman can gain so much during their pregnancy. The same friend I just mentioned gained around 50 lbs with her son (that was 1,5 years ago) and she gained around 40 lbs with her last one. .

So I guess I should just be happy and stop thinking about it. The midwife told me that I will soon start putting on some weight - the last 3 months of the pregnancy is the time where the baby grows the most and I should also gain some weight then. My goal was to not gain more than 15 lbs during this pregnancy - and I guess if I keep it up and watch my eats ect I should be able to keep it around that too.

I started my 21st week of pregnancy today and my tummy is rounding up. I can see clear changes from last week and I must admit it is so weird.. I am actually starting to have a hard time bending or getting out of the sofa in a normal way lol...

Anywho :) What else.. Hmm..

Oh yes.. I am still coughing a whole lot.. And getting pretty tired of it.. I hope however to go back to work tomorrow or the day after. I have two weeks of vacation starting Monday - so I think it would be smart of me to show up at work for a couple of days before that.

Talking about vacation - my mother is coming to visit us. She arrives on Saturday afternoon and is leaving really early (her flight is at 8 AM) on Thursday.. I am a tad worried about it cause of .... Well you know.. Everything.. So wish us luck and keep them crossed to this trip of hers goes ok. I really can't take more family dramas..

Monday after she leaves is our one year wedding anniversary.. With everything that we have to buy for the baby we can't really afford a proper trip so we are going to spend a couple of days in Denmark, Copenhagen. We have booked a nice hotel and I really am looking forward to it. It is the last time we can take a "alone" trip before the baby comes and it will be a while until we can have another after he is here so I really wanted us to do something - just the two of us.

Anways - I'm going to end this wall of text. Again, thanks for all your comments.


<3

I need some advice!

First I want to start saying thank you so much for all your comments on my last post. I never thought it was possible to have a support system like the one you have been offering me here. You ladies are just wonderful <3

This weekend has been different. You guys remember my sister from this post? Anyways - just a quick update is that I have two half sisters (their dad is the one who raped and abused me when I was a kid). The middle one is 7 years younger than me - the youngest 12. So that means the youngest is now soon to be 18.

I didn't have much of a relationship with the middle one until a year ago. She has had her own battles to live with - she was born with anxiety cause her dad used to hit my mother when she was pregnant with her. That developed into many things over the years and she was using heavy drugs by the time she was 17. She did that for some years but she has been trying her best to get out of it all for the last years - and she has been mostly clean the last couple of years. I always had an understanding for why things went the way they went with her - and even though we never had a relationship, I have always made sure that she knows that if it really matters, and if she needs me, that I will be there for her.

My relationship with the youngest one has been different. After I moved out from my mum I always made sure that she could come and visit. She would come - stay for a week or so. And since I knew she missed having me there - I used to always spoil her. I was always there for her when my mom was the person she is. I always support her choices.. I was even the one having the "safe sex" talk with her.
When she turned 14 ish - she started being a huge bitch. She didn't even bother to send me a text on my birthdays. Or say thanks for her own birthday/Christmas gifts. I always put that on "the teen hormonal behaviour".. I mean.. Being bitchy is "normal" when you are 14 right? - This was the same time when our other sister was on her worst with the drugs - so I figured that also played a big part in her behaviour.

But over the years she just got worst. And she did it being aware of what she is doing. Her sleeping with everything on two legs - smoking heavily - drinking like a sailor and being very very rude - calling me for names were the reason why I started taking some distance from her when she was around 16.

The day before my wedding, I had a big dinner with all my friends and family and she got pretty drunk.. On our wedding.. She did the same.. When I asked her to cool off and get some coffee she called me for a bunch of things and walked away. The post I linked at the start of this post - was kind of the breaking point for me. After the wedding - she added all my friends on facebook - after she started posting naked pics of her and aksed her to remove my friends from facebook.. She deleted me - and let them be. And that just made me flip.. I called her - and told her that this was the last drop. She had the nerves saying that for her to talk to me, I had to respect her lol.. When I told her that for me to respect her, she needs to start respecting her self first she hung up. And I didn't talk to her until I found out I was pregnant.

A couple of weeks after I told you girls that I was pregnant, I sent her a PM - and told her that I was pregnant, and that she was becoming an aunt. And if she wanted to be a part of any of our lives, she needed to start taking some action to get her life together. I dunno if I mentioned it for or not - but I didn't hear from her for almost 4 months..

This Saturday she contacted me saying she was sorry. And then she said a whole bunch of lies about why she had been acting the way she had. She blamed it on drugs among other things.. And I know for a fact that her excuses all were lies. She has done everything she has done - just because she wanted the attention and she wanted to be cool. That's it.

I know that she is still "roaming" around. And she hasn't done anything to get her act together. And lets be honest.. I had major depression because of her and my mothers behaviour in this pregnancy. It's not that long ago I even posted about it here..

Now she wants me to forget it all and welcome her to my family and life as if nothing has happened.. And I really don't think I want to. But on other hand - I think that it might be unfair to the kid to have her completely cut out of his life..

I know we all deserve a new chance - but all her excuses were lies.

I told her - that I would think about it.

What do you girls think.. What should I do.. I really don't trust her right now. And I really don't believe anything of what she said. So I'm pretty lost..

What would you do?

Season 5!

I have been watching season five of Supersize vs Superskinny. It is one of my fav shows - but I didn't watch season five cause it was sort of yucky..
It was on TV the other day so I watched the first episode, and I have been streaming the rest from youtube. And right now I am watching episode 6 - and it starts with the doc (which btw I have always thought is a huge hotty!) is talking to these patients.. And they are ofc all obese - have diabetes type 2 - and have lost some body part due to it..

And what amazes me is how much they all remind me of my friend in London. I have mentioned him before - its the guy who has the diabetes due to his lifestyle - and who says living a healthier life doesn't suit the lifestyle he wishes to have. They all know what they are doing to them selves.. They all know that if they lose some weight they will get better - and they all say that they are too lazy to do it!

I was thinking that "omg, i can not believe that they do this to them selves" - but the matter of the fact is that I am one of those people. I might not be one of those in the hospital but lets be honest.. Due to me being overweight I have the following issues:

- I have fibromyalgia - which is not weight related, but my symptoms are all much worse because of my weight
- I have gestational diabetes - although people born where I was are more likely to get it - the fact of the matter is that I was in a much bigger risk zone because of my insanely hight BMI.
- Now that I have the gestational diabetes I am in a very high risk zone to get diabetes type 2, if I do not change my lifestyle.
- Although I am one of those "lucky" people with an hourglass body shape - I am so big that I can not shop in normal store anymore. With my love for fashion I am reduced to shop the things that fit - not the things I like..
- Due to my weight I have barely no confidence. I do not feel sexy.. I do not dare to get naked infront of my husband. When I am undressed infront of him, I try to position my self in a way that it doesn't look as fat - but lets face it, it does - no matter where i turn.
- My BMI is over 40... Which means that I am morbidly obese.. The number doesn't lie.. I am not chubby, I am not just big.. I am morbidly obese.. And if I do not do anything about it.. I will die.. But my death will be like those people in the hospitals in UK.

I do have better eating habits now after that I got pregnant. I do not binge or purge anymore. I do not skip meals and go on a extreme binge around dinner time.. But I am still not eating as healthy as I should.
I still eat too much meat for my liking - I still have days where I eat very unregular meals. I still do move anywhere close to what I should.

Don't misunderstand - this post isn't a "oh poor me" post.. I just think I should finally face the facts. I need to prep my self - and work on chaning the way I think about food and start taking small steps towards my goal. I know that I will keep at some point start gaining more weight due to my pregnancy. But I don't want to go on yet another diet when the baby is born.
I do have a goal weight - and I do have exercise goals.. But I want to change my lifestyle.. I don't just want to get thin. I want to be healthy.. I want to live a life I can be proud of.

I have always said I do not want to be the mother my mum was to me - to my kids. And my mother, no matter what size she was, was always insecure - and it was easy to us to see that she hated her body. I do not want my kids to see that in me.

I need to change my mind.. So I can change my life.
I need to to change the way I view food and exercise.
I need to learn that I am worth having a healthy life.. A long life.. A life without pain.

Ok.. This is just too horrible not to share ..

Nuf said! 

On strike!

I'm staying home again. I am still coughing a whole lot. It was better on Monday - but got much worse on Tuesday. Yesterday I told my teamleader that I couldn't be on the phone for that much and that he should take me off everything but the Norwegian line. Did he do it? No..
So my cough got worst during yesterday and I was coughing all evening and night.. And this morning.. So now I just thought.. Fuck it.. If he doesn't care about my health, then why should I let him be in charge?
So I am taking today off - probably tomorrow too. The worst annoying part is that he was sitting next to me yesterday and he could hear how bad my cough is. He even made some comments about it.. By the end of the day I was just.. *sigh* - So enough is enough.. I hate staying home from work.. But I can not take another week of coughing..
On top of that on Tuesday I was so stressed at work that I didn't measure my blood sugar when I was supposed to. I had too much to do - and the annoying part is that I was doing the job that isn't a part of my job. My blood levels were the highest they have been ever... I have been testing it for weeks now - and never been close to those numbers. I am checking the levels today again - and hopefully the levels are normal again - if not I have to talk to that diabetes specialist and see if I need to take insulin.. Which I really really really don't want to.
They did tell me that stress effects the levels a whole lot - but that the further I get into the pregnancy, the more hormones the body produces which can effect it all. So I am really hoping that it was the stress of the day - and not the hormones.. Cause the last part would really suck :( - I guess I just have to wait and see how today goes before I start worrying more.

----------------

Have you guys seen Fat Sick and Nearly Dead? I saw the clip the other day and it amazed me. My hubby always teases me for watching too many body related stuff - but even he was amazed by this. Here is the trailer:

Even though I am aware of the fact that what we put in our bodies really effects our health and how we feel - but things like this still amaze me. I plan to do the juice fast for 10 days when I am done breastfeeding the baby - if I don't breastfeed him - I will start with it when I start my weight loss plan starting January next year. And I must say - I am really looking forward to that.  --------------  What else is new.. Hmm.. Well we are pretty much done getting all the "big" things needed for the baby room. Here is a picture of the closet - the changing table and the beddings we got (PS: ignore the mess)

We also got some new cloths for him (The superman tee and the mini socks were a gift).

That is about it for now.
I am going to get some breakfast - and see if there are any blogs to read (the blogger world is very very quite lately).

<3

Stupid pop-up!

I have now removed everything on my blog that was not standard blogger add-on. Let me know if you still get the stupid "surprise" pop-up..

Does any of you have any idea what can cause it? - It can't be a local thing since you guys get it too.. I still did a full scan of my laptop and the PC to be sure, and nothing was found..

Feeling better :)

Sorry for the foul mood yesterday.. I am much better today.. I had a good chat with this friend of mine, and he was so right.. I need to keep remembering that this is my life - my kid - my family and if anyone wants to be a part of it - it will be in our own terms.. I also have to remember to stop letting people walk all over me being too nice and thinking "what ever" ..

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We finally had a new appointment with the midwife/nurse and I got to talk to her about the weight.. More of the weight loss, instead of gain.. And she assured me that everything was normal. As you girls said, it is because I am eating smaller portions and more often.. And the baby is growing the way he is supposed to.. So if I hadn't been pregnant, I would probably weigh 3-4 lbs less than I do.. As she put it "the baby is growing - you are the one getting smaller".. She also said that it was a positive fact, and since my goal is to not gain more than 10-12 lbs during this pregnancy - I am pretty much on track.

I was thinking today, and if I manage to stick to the way I am eating and so on- and the pregnancy goes the way it is, I will weigh as much as I did by the end of it - as I did when I found out I was pregnant. Which if you ask me is amazing, cause I do as we all know have a whole lot of junk in my trunk lol

And as you might remember I was told that I have gestational diabetes.. And that has been going great.. My levels are still normal. I talked to the diabetes nurse yesterday and she thinks it must have been the stress of everything, and the fact that I had been so sick that caused the blood sugar go that high on the day I tok the test. So even though I am going to keep checking my blood levels every other day - I am so much more relaxed about it and my eats and everything..

Can you believe that I am almost halfway done with this pregnancy.. It's not that long ago I was in panic mode over being knocked up.. and now it's already half way there. The midwife asked me today when I am planning to start my pregnancy/parental leave... And she told me i should think about taking off work around 4 weeks before the due date.. My due date is 27th of November - which means I would be taking time off from work from beginning of November.. That is not that far away...

Time goes by fast.. Sometimes it feels like it's going by way too fast.. It is a tad freaky isn't it... ?

Anyways.. I'm going off for now.. just wanted to give you all a quick update.

<3

Fuck being sick!

I am so fed up with being sick.. I have been coughing for freaking two weeks now.. Saw the doctor yesterday - and she said "it will pass".. WTF lol... I am sure it will - but the question is WHEN!!
I have been home since the trip to Oslo - and she told me to stay in until next Monday.. I am going crazy... I mean I do like having time off - but being stuck at home - coughing is not what I like to spend my time on.. *sigh*

And on top of that .. I am so freaking angry lately.. I keep having these angry dreams about my socalled family - and I wake up feeling more pissed.. And I just sometimes really want to call up some of them and tell them how they make me feel..

I still haven't heard from my "sister" after I told her I was pregnant.. That was ermm what .. Over 2 months ago... And my mother.. She is being her usual self.. She is just so full of her self, and why the fuck does it always have to be about her? .. Now she has grown a sudden "love" for this baby - and she talks about how she is going out buying stuff.. And is having opinions about what my baby needs.. And I have been trying to be as polite as possible - trying to explain how the stuff she thinks is what we need isn't what we actually need.. and that if she wants to spend money, she could get some of the things we actually do need.. But does she listen?? Ofc not.. She never has.. Why would she now..

And get this.. She doesn't want the kid to call her for grandma.. It makes her feel old.. What the fucking fuck is that all about??? *sigh* She said "I don't know how I feel about someone calling me grandma, so we should find out what the baby is going to call me" ... Oh did I mention she has decided to come visit? She is coming in two weeks, even after I told her that it was our vacation time, and we were planning to take a trip somewhere - and she decided that we could do it AFTER she has been here..

Why the hell does she asks if it is OK for her to visit when she is just going to ignore what I say?? I am so sick of them.. All of them.. Oh and lol ... She is planning for my kid to stay with her for some weeks every summer lol.. As if that is ever fucking going to happen.. She fucked up the 3 of us.. and she thinks I will let my kid be alone with her.. EVER???? She is just so fucking clueless.. And I am so sick of trying to keep the peace and be nice.. But what else can I do???

I just wish that she could open her eyes and see what she is doing.. I just wish that I could have a normal talk with her without it depressing me for days.. And sometimes.. I just wished they didn't exist.. My life would have been so much happier and easier without them.. *sigh*...

I'm sorry for this but I am just so fed up..