Update!

So I had my appointment this morning with the gestational diabetes doc and guess what ???
My levels are really good.. :D
I still have to keep track of my levels and so on - but she said from what it looks like and how my "long time sugar levels" were - I am most likely not going to need any sort of medication during the pregnancy and that the baby will not be harmed in any way ^^

I'm sooo happy..

Just wanted to share the news with you guys ^^


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I have nothing to do post!!

@ journeyofjosie: If you read this.. I don't seem to be able to comment on your posts.. When I click on publish and get the "prove your not a robot" check.. Well that's where it stops.. There is no publish button after that. I thought I would let you know :)

So couple days ago we found out that my mother in law is in the US. Apparently she had been to Vegas to get married.. I knew something was up because of this dinner party she has this Saturday so I asked her if they were planning it.. I asked her 3 times.. She lied to me 3 times.. She said "No, no wedding for me" .. They didn't even tell us that they were going to the US.. So  I was pissed!!!
She is still there - and wont be back before Wednesday - but I sent her an e-mail and told her what I exactly thought about her being a liar and doing her best to keep us out of her life. And I have decided that if she doesn't say sorry for lying to me - that I will not share any more news about our life with her.. I mean why would I ?? Argh.. I hate people like that.. I really HATE it..

Anywho.. Today is a Norwegian holiday - but since I live in Sweden I am at work.. But since I am only working with the Norwegian customers I have nothing to do.. This day will be really long..

Hmmm.. What else??

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a gestational diabetes specialist.. I am going to take my glucose meter with me and see what she says. I don't mind having to check my levels any more.. Getting used to it.. But I really hope that I don't need to do anything else.

Lately it feels like that time is going even faster than before.. Today I am starting pregnancy week 16..

Anywho... I'm going insane here ... I think I will take rest of the day off.. Will see...

Gonna publish this post and maybe update later




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Can't really complain..

I'm at work.. Sitting outside in the balcony next to my office.. In the sun.. I do have my work cell with me . and my laptop ofc checking my mails.. But I mean - who cares? 

The summer time meaning alot of dead time is here - and I am doing what I am supposed to - just getting a tan while doing it.. 

I really hope the weather keeps up cause I really hope to get some colour on my legs too then.. 

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Finally some sun!

The weather has been amazing.. It's so rare to have this kind of weather here.. And I am just loving it.. The nice weather has also made me notice that this pregnancy stuff is making me get super burned really fast..
I never get burned.. Now I have to watch how long I'm sitting in the sun - and how I'm facing it ect.. Weird.. But apparently it's normal... (like every other weird thing happening to me - including getting a cramp in the side of my butt.... but that is another story...)

Anywho - I am feeling so much better lately.. But other than that I am just really really boring..

I go to work - come home - crash on the couch - and fall asleep around 9 PM... I guess I should get all the sleep I need before the kid is out ^^

Thanks for the comments on my last post - made me feel so much better to know that I am not being all mean and that you guys agree on the fact that he is being just lazy and stupid..

Over to something else - I am not gaining weight yet and I am very very happy about it.. I keep going up and down a pound like before - but I guess that is normal. I know for a fact that I will soon be gaining due to the baby - but this is week 15 and I weigh around 7 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant (due to the time I was sick) - and I haven't gained it back. I would normally gain it back in a jiffy.. It makes me feel so much better with how I am eating now.. Maybe just maybe - I can actually eat normally and healthy and lose weight the "normal" healthy way when the baby is out. Can you imagine that?? - I know I probably sound weird now, but sometimes the idea of not being a binge eater - just seems so far away.. And now I am starting to feel like that I can..

Have any of you read some good books lately? I am running out of books and I would love some ideas.. No horror or crime please.. I get bored way too fast on those..


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Annoyed rant....

So this whole gestational diabetes thingi has made me look more and more into the danger for diabetes type 2..  And then I remembered I have this friend from wow who has diabetes. 

So I talked to him today and he was just so w/e about it.. He said that lately he had missed to take his medication from time to time cause he forgot to eat intime to take his meds.. WTF!!!!!!!

And then I asked him if he was aware of the fact that diet changes could actually reverse the diabetes and he said "I know - but the changes doesn't suit the lifestyle I want to live" .... 

I just don't understand... Why??? How can he not see where he is going to end?? 

I know that sometimes people get fat without realizing what they are doing.. But staying fat - and keeping an illness alive cause being healthy isn't a lifestyle you want to have.... How is it even possible? 

Since I have been told that I have the gestational diabetes, I am watching every single bite I'm taking.. I am more obsessed with the numbers and values than I was before.. I have a plan for what to do when the baby is out to prevent me from getting the actual diabetes.. 

I just don't get how can he just ignore it?? 

*sigh*

Ok - rant over.. 

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Family..

A couple of days ago some girl added me on Facebook.. I don't normally add people unless I am sure I know  who they are. This girl turns out to be my cousin. I knew my uncle in the US had a daughter but never knew her name or anything.

I accepted the request and last night I logged on and she was online.. We were talking for hours and it felt like we have been friends for years.. It felt so good to have a family member on my dads side who I can actually talk to. She knows my dad.. I am not sure if I mentioned it before - but my dad died before I was born.. But before that he used to spend a bunch of time in the US with his brother - so when she was around 2-3 years old, my dad was her fav uncle.

She has so many memories and thoughts of him.. Those memories and thoughts are so new to me.. No one ever really told anything about him to me.. When my mother remarried my stepdad - all I heard about my dad was "oh he was a bastard" .. I didn't have any contact with his family after that until I was 20 something.. And even then when I met my gran and aunt in Germany.. They never really talked about how he was.

Since my dads body never was found, my gran believes that he is going to come home some day.. And because of that no one talks about him as if he is dead. He is just "away".. So this is all new to me. And it feels good to hear that he was a funny loving man.

My cousin is around 5 years older than me and she is amazing. She lives in DC and she is a strenght and yoga instructor. She works with a bunch of private clients - even some movie stars.. She looks like those girls you see on fitness blogs and she has the most amazing body.. She is very very beautiful.. And this girls - she reeks confidence.. She is so vivid and so in tune and it is the first time I have had a female member of my family being this way.. She reminds me so much about my self before my Dutch ex..I used to reek confidence.. And I felt like I was the most beautiful girl where ever I went.. She really makes me want to go get back to that..

We have other things in common.. She also moved out in a very young age and has been standing on her own from a very young age. It is sad - but her relationship with her mother is sort of as messed up as mine.. But in a way - it feels good to have someone who can relate.

This morning I saw that she had left me a song on facebook. She wrote that when we were chatting yesterday - she kept thinking of this song.. And I wanted to share it with you.. Hope you enjoy it :)

Anyway...

Back to work for now..


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Confused..

So according to the nurse at the diabetes clinic - my sugar levels on the test that I took at the baby nurse mean that I do have the gestational diabetes..

I got this blood sugar meter thingi and I have to keep track of my blood sugar 7 times every other day. I have to do it once I get up before I eat or drink anything. And once before bed. Other than that before each main meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and once within an hour of started main meal.. The fasted numbers count for the pre breakfast dose..

I have been doing it since yesterday and my levels are REALLY good.. I am well under the limits and this is really confusing me..

How can they say I have the gestational diabetes - if none of my blood levels agree with it??

Anyway.. I have to do this until a few days after the baby is born.. And if the numbers stay this way (which they should with me keeping my diet and moving unless I am really unlucky) I will not need any insulin treatment.

I guess it's not all bad though .. The fact that this diet will make me more used to eating normal and healthy and by the time the baby is born - and that will the weight-loss after this whole thing is over much easier.. Wont it ??

Anyhoo.. Gotta get off.. This house is a mess and starting to get on my nerves...

Wishing you all a great weekend <3

Dropping by..

Just give a quick update..

I have been back at work since Monday.. It has been OK, but I am really worn out and dead tired by the end of the day.. But being back at work has been good for my mood - so I am trying to stick to it and see how it goes.

Yesterday I got a whole bunch of post with different appointments. Tomorrow I have the appointment with the diabetes clinic.. I am really worried.. So lets keep them crossed.. *sigh*

Wednesday I have the first appointment to see a therapist. I am starting to look forward to that - I just hope that I click with the person I am going to meet.. Else there is no point of going there is it?

And last but not least I got the appointment for the ultrasound.. It's going the be June 18th.. So that isnt that far away :) Now that I am really looking forward to.. I hope we can see if it is a girl or a boy :)

I have been really good with my eats lately. I watch everything I eat.. I have said no to ALOT of cravings.. Stupidly enough I have cried a bunch over a whole lot of it too - mostly because I have been so worried.. But ya..

My weight is also normal.. I keep going up and down a pound but most days I am sticking to the low number. Still not aiming for it - it is just how it is.. I don't feel eating much - and when I eat I am really careful eating high fibre food - no added sugar ect.

My relationship with my family - aka my mum and my sisters isn't getting any better either.. My youngest sister hasn't even bothered to PM back after I told her I was pregnant.. That was erm... 1,5 month ago I think.. My mother.. Well you know the story.. What's new is that after I published that I was preggo on facebook she made a comment- and put the same as her status saying "God has blessed our family - I am going to become a grandmother".. Then a friend of her commented saying "congrats, I guess you will be visiting Sweden more now".. Wanna know what she said?? - She said "No, we will see, the plane fairs are high" .. WTF lol ..

I sometimes consider if I should just ignore them - and put them in my "people I know, but I don't want to think about" category.. I dunno.. It's not fair to the middle one.. She has been really nice - but I really can't bare the idea of even going to that town.. To that place.. Anything like that..

Anyway..

I hope you are all good..


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*sigh*

Yesterday was a really rough day for me.. I had this routine control where you have to meet up at the nurses office fully fasted (You aren't allowed to have water even) - then they give you a huge glass of sugary water, which you need to drink within 5 minutes. Then you get to sit and wait around for 2 hours - two hours later they stick the finger take a bunch of blood samples to see how your body handles the sugar.

The levels are supposed to be under 8 - mine was 10, something.. She told me that those levels puts me in a really high danger zone for the gestational diabetes.. So she is going to send me to this diabetes clinic and see what they say... I got home.. Puked my heads off (I still had alot of disgusting sugary water in my tummy)... And then most of yesterday I was crying..

There are few factors that can put you in a higher risk zone for the diabetes.. One is being from the part of the world that I was born in... Second being overweight... The history of bulimia and binge eating is also a factor..

I know I can not do anything about where I was born - so that is that.. But the last two.. I have done to my self.. I feel just sooo horrible.. I guess the fact that during the last few weeks where I have been really sick my eats have been horrid isn't helping the matter.. The only thing I have been able to eat has been maria cookies, salt crakers, and sometimes cooked basmati with some chicken.. None of them are exactly helping you to keep your sugar levels stabil ect...

I didn't get any information from the nurse yesterday so I went online and started reading about the gestational diabetes and what can help and so on.. Apparently IF I get it, it is something that will go over of it self after the baby is born, but the woman that get the diabetes, are most likely to get diabetes type 2 later in their life..

You know.. I have had a shit life - I can deal with stuff that happen to me.. But the thing that really breaks my heart is the fact that if I do not get a hold of this - it can effect the baby.. The baby can get too much sugar through me - and become a HUGE baby - and it will most likely have issues with low blood sugar after it is born.. - I do understand that these are all IF but it didn't really calm me down yesterday..

So I started reading more about how to deal with this.. - and I have a game plan.. A whole bunch of sites were talking about how diet and when you eat can effect this.. I need to eat something every 3 hours... No skipping meals... High fiber - low sugar is the key.. No added sugar.. No more than 3 portions of fruit a day.. No white bread - pasta - ect..

I just hope this will help.. And that by the time I get to the clinic for more tests there is no need for me to do anything - or even go back..

Anyways..

Wish me luck.. I don't think I would EVER be able to forgive my self, if anything happenes to the baby because of my fucked up relationship with food..

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