Don't you wish you could turn off your brain sometimes? I know for sure that I do..
Sometimes I wonder if I am one of those people who lives in a fantasy world.. I am so perfect in my head.. I am skinny - I have a great career - I have the best collection of shoes, and purses, and cloths - I am the best wife and mother - I juggle everything, and I do it perfectly!
But then I open my eyes.. I am fat - I am out of shape - I have an OK job - I have a bunch of shoes that I can barely walk in cause I am too fat - I only own cloths that fit me, not cloths I wish I want to wear - I love my husband more than anything on this earth, but I can not be the best wife and make him the happiest I can, before I am happy in my own skin - and a mother.. Well.. I am ready.. I want to have a baby.. But I am dead scared of getting pregnant cause of my weight - I wouldn't hasitate if I was 100 lbs lighter - If I was in shape..
Sometimes I stop up and look in the mirror and just think to my self "what have you done to your self" ... The thing that makes me even more depressed is that I know what to do to fix this shit.. I know it way too well.. I have been obsessed with food and diets ALL of my adult life.. I know every fucking detail about every fucking diet that is out there..
And I am just so sick of my self.. I am THE queen of talks.. I am the queen of planning and never doing it.. You guys know it.. You guys have seen me do it over and over again.. You do not gain 35 lbs over a year not being the queen of excuses - cheats - talks..
This year - I will make a change.. This moment I will make this change.. Ladies, I know you have heard this before but I truely am done disappointing my self..
I'm going to stop the wall of text cause I am actually going to move my butt and get some exercise for a change..