Why is it so hard?

I did have my negative calories on Wednesday. Not many but I had a -6! Which is a first time ever for me. Yesterdays net was pretty good too.. I ended up around 381. But the scale has barely been moving. It has moved with almost a pound :(
And this is making me really sad, cause I have been very careful, and I been trying to move as much as possible. I have lift up my desk so I am standing instead of sitting behind my desk all day long at work.. I got in 40 mins of exercise on Wednesday, and 30 yesterday (even though I was so tired I was about to pass out) .. 

And what happens? Nothing?? 1 lousy pound?? wtf :( 

Ah well... I just have to keep going.. It should be moving more soon.. I am not going to stop because I am not seeing the results I want.. But it is making me very sad .. I know it sounds pretty stupid, but after my workout yesterday I just sat down and had a long cry.. Hubby was looking at me not understading what is happening, but I guess I can't explain this to him.. So I didn't.. 

I can not explain how I hate to look at my self in the mirror.. How I hate the way my body feels when I am moving it..  How sick I am of all the "space" I am taking.. How every time he tells me that I am sexy or beautiful, the first thing on my mind is "Please stop - and open your eyes, I am NOT" ... How am I to explain to him that the reason for why I hate my body and its look now more than I have ever done before is because he is sooo freaking skinny.. That I feel like a giant next to him.. That sometimes, I feel so huge beside him that I am afraid I am going to crush him ?? ... 

Meh.. I am sorry for being a downer.. I just am not feeling all great today. 

I have decided I am going to start posting my weekly calorie reports every Sunday. I seem to be able to get nice looking reports on my Ipad - So I thought I would just screen shot it from there, send it to my self and post it. Not all my days have been good (Last Sunday, and this weeks Tuesday) but ya.. 

If you however would like to snoop around my eats, feel free to have a look at my MFP diary  - I have made it public now because I figured for me to be able to stay true to what I am doing, I need to be open about it. 

Anywho... Insane day at work today. We are lacking people so it's too much to do. I will make a proper post this weekend



  1. One pound lost is still one pound lost, and one pound closer to your goal. Last week you lost 6lbs, right? That's a lot for your body to adjust to, and that's 6.5lbs you never have to see again. You're doing really good, keep it up honey! I understand it's frustrating when you're not seeing results as fast as you'd like, but it's coming, promise:)I hope you feel better soon.

    Aha, that makes sense from what I've read in your blog! You're so lucky to have found your perfect man ;)

  2. maybe you're like me, you lose slower on negative nets and need a bit more food to start it all up. that's why sometimes when i exercise, i just pump up my calories by 100 or 200. if i have a net, i will gain even. so if i want a net, it must be over a 100 cal.
    yeah. we know you're working hard, love. but sometimes overworking also is just as bad as underworking? you have to find a bit of balance. or wait for a new drop to happen? :)
    gah. it's hard to think that skinny people will get it, right? they don't know how it is to hate their body like we do, to want to kill ourselves changing it, regretting every morsel we put in our mouths, afraid of that number on the scale every morning...holding our breaths in when we weigh in and look down and let the number take over our mind for the rest of the day. they just don't get it.
    alright. *takes a look at your diary* :)
    i have noticed a pattern here. you eat the same things every day. like i do. so...i think you should switch it up just a bit. like for me. i realised that if i don't touch cereal as much, i lose more? try experimentation. :)
    -Sam Lupin
    PS. sometimes our bodies are really weird. like i lose a lot of weight if i don't eat more than one tablespoon of peanut butter or something.

  3. I know it's hard!! I'm very frustrated myself with how slowly things are going for me. You have to keep trying. You might have to ramp up your exercise. Cardio is what you will need for weight loss. Some really good sweat sessions. My hubby has lost 6 pounds in two weeks and I can barely lose 1! It's not fair.

  4. I was going to say the same as Sam. That your body may just be in shock from really low calories combined with exercise. You may want to allow for a higher calorie day once a week or so (still healthy food though). I find that I've actually been losing the most on my rest days from exercise, probably because my body is happy to have the extra calories.

    But yeah - 1 lb is still a loss at least it's coming off. And the slower it comes off the more likely you are to keep it off. It means you're making lasting changes and not just a fad or crash diet.

  5. congrats on the negative net!

    with the weight, since you've been working out for many days, it's probably muscle. Don't focus too much on the scale, muscle is leaner and makes you look fitter even though it weighs more. More muscle will also increase your BMR so you burn more!

    and one pound is a loss, at least you didn't gain! xxo