And this is making me really sad, cause I have been very careful, and I been trying to move as much as possible. I have lift up my desk so I am standing instead of sitting behind my desk all day long at work.. I got in 40 mins of exercise on Wednesday, and 30 yesterday (even though I was so tired I was about to pass out) ..
And what happens? Nothing?? 1 lousy pound?? wtf :(
Ah well... I just have to keep going.. It should be moving more soon.. I am not going to stop because I am not seeing the results I want.. But it is making me very sad .. I know it sounds pretty stupid, but after my workout yesterday I just sat down and had a long cry.. Hubby was looking at me not understading what is happening, but I guess I can't explain this to him.. So I didn't..
I can not explain how I hate to look at my self in the mirror.. How I hate the way my body feels when I am moving it.. How sick I am of all the "space" I am taking.. How every time he tells me that I am sexy or beautiful, the first thing on my mind is "Please stop - and open your eyes, I am NOT" ... How am I to explain to him that the reason for why I hate my body and its look now more than I have ever done before is because he is sooo freaking skinny.. That I feel like a giant next to him.. That sometimes, I feel so huge beside him that I am afraid I am going to crush him ?? ...
Meh.. I am sorry for being a downer.. I just am not feeling all great today.
I have decided I am going to start posting my weekly calorie reports every Sunday. I seem to be able to get nice looking reports on my Ipad - So I thought I would just screen shot it from there, send it to my self and post it. Not all my days have been good (Last Sunday, and this weeks Tuesday) but ya..
If you however would like to snoop around my eats, feel free to have a look at my MFP diary - I have made it public now because I figured for me to be able to stay true to what I am doing, I need to be open about it.
Anywho... Insane day at work today. We are lacking people so it's too much to do. I will make a proper post this weekend