Second post of the day!

Sorry for being a pain and rant so much.
I have been thinking a bunch today. The last few days have really been harsh and I have had to deal with feelings I really didn't want to. And it has been making me feel like.. I don't want to be this way anymore.. I don't want to feel so insecure about what my hubby says.. Taking everything he says the "wrong" way, cause I feel bad about my self.. I really miss me..
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he said that I have always be the biggest flirt he knows.. And you know what? - I used to be.. I was so full of confidence - never shy.. No matter how big I was - I always knew that I was beautiful.. My ex really did fuck me up.. I lost all my believe in my self.. I forgot how I used to feel about me..
And I really want to find my way back to that..
I think one way for me to be able to get back to that is to just get to a normal weight.. I don't want to be too skinny.. I used to love my curves.. I want to get back to feeling happy..

So.. I have put up new challenges for my self.. I am going to reach my goalweight by my birthday.. And my smart self knows that I can not keep skipping meals and so on forever. So I have some thoughts on what I am going to do.

First I am going to keep what I used to do (before this weekend) out this week. From Monday, I am going to start having up it and start having more normal meals.
I am going to have fruit for breakfast - steamed veg mix for lunch - fruit snack or protein shake if I am hungry - and dinner. My calorie goal will still be 1200 calories at the max level - but I am also going to get back to working out again. Don't really care if it is going to be a Jillian dvd - or jogging or even WiiFit.. I just want to get in a session a day.

I know that I will reach my valentine goal by end of this week. I will make it happen. And after that - to reach my GW I need to get rid of a total of 106 lbs. I have 28 weeks left until my birthday.. So my goal is 4 lbs a week. I know that it will get off pretty easy to start with and that I will probably lose to start with, and I know that I will need it the closer it gets to the end.

I just had a thought.. When I was at my lowest weight (around 147 lbs) I used to be pretty small - I was a size 8-10 US . and my goal weight is around 20 lbs under that... And maybe for some of you being a 6-8 isn't enough.. But I honestly think I would be happy with it..

Anywho.. Goals and challenges are updated. And I am going to reread "you can be thin" and start listening to her CD again. So wish me luck..

Love you all <3


  1. I think it's great that you have reasonable and non ultra skinny goals. I wish mine were more like that...maybe I wouldn't be such a wreck over my weight half the time if it was. Anyhow, glad you worked things out with the hubby and once you get to your happy place you will feel so much better about yourself that something like that wouldn't even affect you so much.

  2. I love this new plan, it sounds so awesome and full of happiness. Best of luck on your endeavor, stay motivated :)

  3. i love the sound of that. we do just generally take anything that way. if someone tells me i've failed in something, that's what i flip to. if someone comments on me being a little bigger than others, i'll think they're indirectly calling me fat. if someone says my shirt is small, i believe that they're commenting on how big i am compared to it, but it's really - just a comment on the clothes i wear and how small they are (as said by my cousin, 'you look like you wear kids' clothes').
    confidence is so key. and bluntness. <333 i love them both. and i hope you do restore them back. once you go blunt, you never go back. xD.
    that sounds nice! and very practical. especially if you know you can't take your current intake well.
    for me, 6-8 sounds impossible to fit through my hips, but that would be a dream, rather. 0__0
    <33333 we wish you so much luck!
    -Sam Lupin

  4. Sounds like a great plan :) I also feel like I've lost myself, but things are slowly falling back in to place. Maybe not to who I was, as I'm just not that person anymore, but to who I'm meant to be, if that makes sense? Maybe losing the weight will help a lot, but I think you should look into other areas as well...processing what happened with your ex, what's making you feel down and insecure etc. The weight might just be a symptom, not the cure. Good luck hon xx

  5. I think your attitude about meeting your goal is a great one. One slip up at the weekend isn't going to de-rail you completely.

    Your goals have to be your own. You know what will look and feel best to you.

  6. it really is amazing what guys can do to our self esteem! they guy I dated before A, he totally broke me. I was never the same after dating him, and I'm only just starting to see glimpses of the old me coming back, the one who knew she was beautiful and had enough strength to ignore the monster in the mirror most of the time... I really hope you are able to regain that confidence, you're well on your way though!
    I know I'll never be happy at a 6 - 8 (I was unhappy even at a size 0), but I also know it's not fat at all (I'm a 10 right now and I'm not fat even though I believe I am), I think 6-8 actually looks good on people, like it's healthy and sustainable and you're more able to enjoy life rather than struggling to maintain a size 0/2 frame
    aaanyway, long winded ramble aside, best of luck reaching your goal! and I'm rooting for you! and the new plan sounds good with more normal meals (you don;t want to be stuck on a diet forever, and the sooner you start eating normally, the better!)

    <3 you missy! xx