Sorry for being a pain and rant so much.
I have been thinking a bunch today. The last few days have really been harsh and I have had to deal with feelings I really didn't want to. And it has been making me feel like.. I don't want to be this way anymore.. I don't want to feel so insecure about what my hubby says.. Taking everything he says the "wrong" way, cause I feel bad about my self.. I really miss me..
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and he said that I have always be the biggest flirt he knows.. And you know what? - I used to be.. I was so full of confidence - never shy.. No matter how big I was - I always knew that I was beautiful.. My ex really did fuck me up.. I lost all my believe in my self.. I forgot how I used to feel about me..
And I really want to find my way back to that..
I think one way for me to be able to get back to that is to just get to a normal weight.. I don't want to be too skinny.. I used to love my curves.. I want to get back to feeling happy..
So.. I have put up new challenges for my self.. I am going to reach my goalweight by my birthday.. And my smart self knows that I can not keep skipping meals and so on forever. So I have some thoughts on what I am going to do.
First I am going to keep what I used to do (before this weekend) out this week. From Monday, I am going to start having up it and start having more normal meals.
I am going to have fruit for breakfast - steamed veg mix for lunch - fruit snack or protein shake if I am hungry - and dinner. My calorie goal will still be 1200 calories at the max level - but I am also going to get back to working out again. Don't really care if it is going to be a Jillian dvd - or jogging or even WiiFit.. I just want to get in a session a day.
I know that I will reach my valentine goal by end of this week. I will make it happen. And after that - to reach my GW I need to get rid of a total of 106 lbs. I have 28 weeks left until my birthday.. So my goal is 4 lbs a week. I know that it will get off pretty easy to start with and that I will probably lose to start with, and I know that I will need it the closer it gets to the end.
I just had a thought.. When I was at my lowest weight (around 147 lbs) I used to be pretty small - I was a size 8-10 US . and my goal weight is around 20 lbs under that... And maybe for some of you being a 6-8 isn't enough.. But I honestly think I would be happy with it..
Anywho.. Goals and challenges are updated. And I am going to reread "you can be thin" and start listening to her CD again. So wish me luck..
Love you all <3