After that fast fail.. My fiance and I had a looong chat.. Where he mostly said how he was worried about eating behaviour and how he wanted me to stop and blabla.. Followed with me telling him that he doesn't understand and that I feel horrid and fugly and that I can't stand staying this way, and him telling me how pretty I was and blabla..
Anyways.. As far as this goes.. I mean I don't want to lie to him. He is really amazing, and he is really the best guy I have ever had in my life.. He is so thoughtful and so amazing. Always taking care of me ( a tad too much at times ), making me his number one prio in every matter of his life.. Showing me a whole lot of love and affection.. He is really the dream guy. And the wedding is really close.. And I can not stand the idea of my kookooness ruining (spelling?) this for us.
So I have been having a mental war.. Trying to figure out what to do. It needs to be more steady and stabile so he doesn't feel like I'm going more kookoo as I might be. And he needs to see that it is healthy.. For me it needs to work. I mean.. I need to see results.. I need to see that it is actually working.
so here is what I have come up with.. During work days, I can restrict. I can eat as much or little as I wish. Still cook a good healthy plate of food for dinner, where I keep his normal and mine low cal. He is ok with my "portion control" as he puts it. So why not.
Weekends are another story. But sure.. I can work around that. My answer to how we can fix this.. Well the problems is that I need to hit the gym more. So every lunch break.. And after work. I know that this will be the only way to go around it.
If he is freaking out about my (lack) of eating. Then sure.. I will eat. I just need to make sure that I burn it off again. I don't see any way around it. And ya I guess it is the healthy way of doing it..
I am gonna study the VIFW again. Get me going. The 12 week plan sounds great. I guess I just need to get off my fat bum and get on with it.
And I started doing this detox program. It just two pills in the morning and night.. It's herb based and I tok the first morning pills today and I can already feel them work.. heh.. Very charming I know.. But ya.. After this I am going to start this CLA based diet pills ( sorry no english site ).. Basicly these pills are based on green tea and thistle oil and it's supposed to control your hunger and give a better balance between muscle/fat % of your body.. The box lasts for 15 days. So I will see how it works.
Anyways.. That's it for me. I will do my best to get alle the MIA thoughts off my head ( I hope ).. "Eat" more healthy.. And be a true gym person.. I don't have many other options.. I am not ready to risk my relationship for this..
Feel free to tell me what works for you.. Keeping the balance.. Getting rid of the fat.. And still staying in a good relationship with your husband/bf..