I haven't been in mood of doing much the last few days. I have been really tired.. And really mentally wornout.. As much as as I am looking forward to the wedding, all the fuss from our families is getting too much..
I must admit it is sad to see that the people we call for our family don't care.. Or respect us enough to let us have things the way we want it..
It has been argues about who we have and have not invited.. The language of the invite ( I made them in English since I have friends comming over from other countries ).. Then the fact that I didn't put a dresscode on it.. My mom throw a fit over us not wanting to serve alcohol until after the dinner ( my fiance doesn't drink) .. His mom throw a fit over the fact that we are considering to change our last name when we get married and didn't tell her about it.. She doesn't get that we haven't decided anything yet..His gram has been saying stuff such as " you know it is your family that should pay for it".. I mean.. Omg... *sigh*... And then it was the mother of all argues.. My mom wants to walk me down the isle.. While I don't see why she should cause she basicly has never acted like a mom for me.. She said "I gave you life so it's my right".. Now that was a serious wtf moment..
Anyways. We have been considering to blow the whole shit.. Just get married and spend the money on traveling.. But ya.. I know deep inside, that he really wants the whole traditional thing..
Anyawys.. I have reached the total bliss of ignore mode.. I am ignoring them all.. And I have decided.. One more comment from any of them.. And they are uninvited.. heh..
Work has been insanely busy.. I barely have had time to even check my mails.. But ya.. I like my job, so I can't really complain..
My workouts have been fail.. I had a huge cramp in my left leg on Friday night.. And it keeps comming back ever since.. On Monday during my lunch workout.. I had a really bad one.. and I haven't been to the gym since..
Food wise.. I have had a few really bad days with Mia.. I don't know if its the stress or what it is.. But ya.. I just feel like.. Well.. That is maybe the problem, I don't know what I feel like.. And those few moments where I feel like I know what I'm feeling, it all gets so twisted that I rather just stop thinking about it.. But even that has become a problem.. Being a control freak I can't stop thinking.. I can't stop analyzing.. And it is driving me mad.
Somewhere on the back there is this little voice saying "oh you can't controll the things happening around you, but you can controll you.. You can controll what you put in you.. Or rather don't put in you".. And then the "sane" part of me takes over and starts analyzing it all and it always ends in an emo binge.. Followed by a sesseion with mia..
I have also realized that I work out waaay too little compared to what I should.. I do the mini 30 mins cardio during my lunch break from work.. But that has been it.. I think I should start doing atleast a couple of hours after work as well..
Anyways I have been thinking.. Analyzing.. Planning.. And thinking even more.. I am made my peace with the fact that I will not be skinny enough for the wedding.. It is 15 weeks left. And I am going to do everything I can to lose as much as possible by then.
My plan is to restrict the calories to 1000. And burn off half at the gym.
No fast carbs, no premade food, no added sugar.. Only food high on fiber, protein and low on fat. I got me this little bracelet today. It is going to be my reminder.. So everytime I am about to eat something, I am gonna have a look at it and ask my self.. Is this food good for you?- Will this food get you closer to your goal?- Will you feel better about your body if you eat this?.. And if the answer to all of them is yes.. Then I will have it.
And I am gonna reward my self with a new pair of shoes.. A purse.. A piece of jewelry for every 10 lbs I lose.. Or just put the money toward the MG reward... When I hit my goal (( 110-115 lbs )) I am going to change out every piece of clothing I have.. My closet atm is full of cloths that are either too big.. Too small.. Or gym cloths.. Heh.. I really need to renew it all... I need a new me...
Yet again.. Wish me luck.. I know I need it...