As you know I have been having a whole lot of ups and downs lately. Everything has been a mess- and my body has been one of the main subjects on my mind. As you also know, it being messed up cause the way it looks is a big issue of mine. I have been thinking a whole lot- specially with my co-worker, the one who had the gastro has been back to work and is losing weight.
It's been a couple months ago he had his surgery and it is not hard to see that he has lost a whole lot of weight. His cloths are loose and his neck fat is only couple layers now compared to the 4 he had before his gastro. Yesterday I overheard him asking one of the guys here to buy him Chinese food for lunch. And I also saw him stuff inn 4 rolls with ham and butter and so on - and some candy, on our common Thursday breakfast at work. Now I know that he isn't able to eat all of it in one sitting since he just had most of his stomach removed- but he bombarding his body with a small but constant flow of the food means that the stomach will expand and he will put the weight on again.
I have asked him if he has had any help (shrink and so on) for the issue- apparently they only get a session before they are approved for the gastro- then you go in a line to get it- in his case it took couple years. Then nothing.. So he hasn't changes his mind- or the way he looks at food. I have heard him say things like "oh I can never give up bread" and ya.. I normally just snort at it.. Thinking I am so much better.
The matter of fact is that I am not. I was thinking - if I were to get a gastro- the only thing that would stop me from stuffing my face would probably be that I couldn't.. And I have been thinking that if I really had a proper mind sett- I wouldn't think about having a gastro if I had the will to stop eating. Correction: from overeating. I am realizing more and more that being skinny- healthy- fit is not something that is given/handed to you. If you want those things you have to work for it. I know this is such a duuh moment- cause I have this way of thought when I think of work- money and so on. So how come haven't I been able to put it in practise when it comes to my eating habits? Lets face it- if being all those things was easy everyone would be thin- healthy- fit.. Wouldn't they?
I am realizing more and more that I am stuck being a talker... I talk the talk- I give opinions- but I never put it into action. They say losing weight is 70% diet- 30% exercise. I keep blaming the lack of exercise for my flabbiness. But I know that it is not it. You are what you eat yes? A calorie is a calorie- if you don't eat too much then you wont gain weight- if you eat less than you burn then you will lose weight. As Mia puts it, it is easy simple math.
Anyway, I'm going to stop ranting :) . Seems like I still have a bunch of soul searching to do. To figure out what I want and actually make a commitment to my self. Not to others - but to my self.. For once..
Wish you all a great weekend.