THE talk!

Today is going to be very very very quite at work. I work for an email marketing Co. Living in Sweden my main customers are from Norway. Today is a Norwegian holiday- while it's a normal work day here in Sweden. Which means I will have NOTHING to do. So most of the day will be going to streaming, blogging and so on. Can't complain.. But ya.. It will be boring.

Anywho.. Last night my BF and I had this long talk. I told him how much I have gained since we got together.. It is insane.. I have gained 33 lbs since I met my BF. And I don't want to blame him, but I eat A LOT more when I am with him. Mostly because I feel like I HAVE TO feed him. And that I have to eat with him, and every time I try to lay off. He goes all emo on me saying I should eat.. Our sex life has been decreasing as time goes, and well those 33 lbs are one of the main reasons why. I told him how sick I feel when I see my self. How I feel when I try to shop.. I love to shop.. I love cloths.. Fashion.. I LOVE shoes.. I can barely wear any of my high heels cause I weigh too much. What is the point of owning like 50 pairs of heels and only wear jogs?

Anyways. We talked and I explained. And he listened. He understand that I shouldn't weigh more than 125 lbs to have a healthy BMI, and that my goal of 110 is actually good for my body. That if he loves me, and wants me to be happy he needs to stop asking me to eat all the time, and give up to my cravings. That he HAS to stop surprising me with chocolate ice cream and coockies cause I have a bad day at work. You know he is very sweet and the thought behind it is very sweet. That would be ok if I wasn't twice as big as I should be.  And we came to this agreement. He is now going to make his own meals. I mean he is pro athlete, he has been competing in national team levels. He knows how to feed him self. And stop pushing me to eat. No more "sweet surprises" and no more supporting the cravings. So now I can do whatever I want. Eat whenever I want without having the constant guilty feeling.

I have this co worker that is going to undergo gastro surgery  soon and he has been drinking these "modifast" shakes/soups. They give you around 800-900 calories, depending on what flavour you choose. Now he is really big, but the first he went on them, he was on it for like 3 months and he lost around 80 lbs. Anyways the normal VLCD shakes didn't work for me. Eating around 500 calories really messed up my head. Specially since the shakes tasted so horrid that I was skipping a bunch of them and ended up with like 100-200 calories a day. I went down around 30 pounds in two weeks and then gained it right back and some more right as soon as I fell off the wagon. Anyways seeing that he manages it ( I think he weighs around 500+ lbs) has giving me the push, and modifast is a VLC diet. 800-900 calories isn't that little. I mean reaching my GW I don't need more than 1200 calories so I don't think it's that drastic. And if he can, can I!

So I just went down to the pharmacy that is next to my office and got me a box of the shake, and soup. I will order more from their web site since its much cheaper. And I had the "bfast shake" for like 45 mins ago.
Anywho here is how the Modifast plan will look like:


Breakfast around 0800-0830. Coffee flavoured shake
Lunch around 1200: Either a soup or a shake.
Snack around 1630: Banana shake or a pudding.
Dinner around 1900-1930: Soup or shake depending on the weather.

According to the site you can have one whole or half a shake on the gym days. You could also have fruit if you prefer that. You could also have something with loads of protein in it if you have been doing heavy training. So the smart and fit protein shakes are also a good choice. In addition I have to drink a minimum of 2,5 l of water. I like water and I drink around 1,5-2 l water a day normally, so that wont be such a big problem. I don't know how long I will go on it. They say you shouldn't go on it for more than 3-4 weeks without having a talk with your doctor. I am an appointment with a doctor next Monday, so I will talk to her about it then. With the insanely hight BMI that I have I don't think it will be an issue. The wedding is 7 weeks away, and it will be the honeymoon break from the diet then. Until then I will take one step and day at time.

Today sure is a day for new changes. I have been talking about starting the Couch to 5k program, and I am getting on it today. 3 days a week is a sensible start and I don't want to bite over too much. I have to get in some light weight training for the arms cause of the fibromylagia but that is something that wont be an issue since that is just something I have to do. I also downloaded (Yes I am a horrid person) the P90x Yoga x video and I want to do it during once during the weekend. I think it will do me good.

Oh btw :P This shake/water intake is making me pee like every 30 mins.. The toilets are all the way on the other side of the office- so I have to pass EVERYONE before I get to it lol.. A tiny tad embarrassing, but you  gotta do, what you gotta do lol..

Wish me luck.. Yet again.. I really don't want to be huge. I want to be able to shop freely.. Wear my high heels.. Feel light and tiny.. I remember how it felt.. But it's been years since I felt it..