*yawn*

OMG I am so sleepy today.. I don't understand how people can sleep for 3-4 hours and keep going. Even 6 hours is most of the times too little for me.. But last night it was way too little sleep. I couldn't sleep. And it ended up with me talking to my bf about my ex.. lol I know I know.. But I am going to explain why.
My ex was the first from any guy I have ever dated that I was in love with.. I was head over hills.. We were together for 1,5 years ish- which isn't one of my longest relationships but it was an intense relationship. He was Dutch living in Netherlands- so we met once every 4-8 weeks but then a week or two at the time.
He is finishing up his masters so it ended up with me doing most of the travels and paying for most of things.. And I didn't really mind. I loved him and I wanted to be close to him. At some point we decided to move closer. He started looking into doing his internship in Norway and I started looking for jobs in NL. And then I got this great job offer.. So I had to made a decision.. We had a long talk and I gave a notice to my work and to the people I was renting my flat from. I called him minutes before I was delivering my notice at work and he was all "oh I love you.. we can do this.. Just do it" .. So I trusted him.. Being foolish.. Being naive and in love..
He came to visit me around 3 weeks before the move. And guess what.. The night before he was going to leave, he dumped me.And his reason was "it doesn't feel right" .. lol.. I can not even explain how I crashed.. I had nothing.. No job.. No place to live.. No plan.. No nothing. And the idea of going on with the moving plans just made me more sick.. So I stayed trying to clean up the mess I had ended up in. Him leaving and going on with his life..
I got keep my flat- and I got to keep my job part time. This happened for 13,5 months ago.. I met my current BF online.. And in a game.. Have you heard about world of  warcraft?? Yes I was a huge geek.. Anyways what happened was that he annoyed me so much that I ttly flipped. And that is how our relationship started hehe.. We started talking and we never stopped.. He came to visit me that weekend.. I warned him that I was crushed and not ready for something new but he didn't want to take a no for an answer. And I am so glad he didn't.. Our wedding is actually going to be on our first year anniversary.. So things have been moving forward  really fast.. And I am the happiest I could ever be.. He is more than what I could even wish for.. BUT this means that I never got to deal with my feelings.
My relationship with the Dutch was over mid May. I wasn't able to do anything but crying my eyes out for 3- 4 weeks, I don't deal with losing control too well and this made me crash.. I started cleaning up the mess I was left in Mid June- and I got to know my current BF in beginning of July. I flipped on him 2-3 weeks later.. And we met the 30th of July..
I still think about my ex from time to time.. I know he is a jerk and doesn't deserve my thoughts.. But he was my first true love.. I have loads of friends in Netherlands.. Some are his friends. So I guess he has heard about me getting married.. Ah I don't know what I am ranting about even.. It isn't like I look back.. Or I want him back.. Or anything.. I just never understood why.. How could he change his mind like that.. And no there is no other girl.. Cause I would know.. Some of his friends are more loyal to me than him lol..
I guess I am just thinking about all my past relationships now before the wedding and that is why I have been thinking of him..
My friend sang this song to me when I was on my lowest.. She has the most amazing voice.. So this song got stuck with me.. Nvm the silly clip.. I couldn't find one with proper sound than this one..