OMG I am so sleepy today.. I don't understand how people can sleep for 3-4 hours and keep going. Even 6 hours is most of the times too little for me.. But last night it was way too little sleep. I couldn't sleep. And it ended up with me talking to my bf about my ex.. lol I know I know.. But I am going to explain why.
My ex was the first from any guy I have ever dated that I was in love with.. I was head over hills.. We were together for 1,5 years ish- which isn't one of my longest relationships but it was an intense relationship. He was Dutch living in Netherlands- so we met once every 4-8 weeks but then a week or two at the time.
He is finishing up his masters so it ended up with me doing most of the travels and paying for most of things.. And I didn't really mind. I loved him and I wanted to be close to him. At some point we decided to move closer. He started looking into doing his internship in Norway and I started looking for jobs in NL. And then I got this great job offer.. So I had to made a decision.. We had a long talk and I gave a notice to my work and to the people I was renting my flat from. I called him minutes before I was delivering my notice at work and he was all "oh I love you.. we can do this.. Just do it" .. So I trusted him.. Being foolish.. Being naive and in love..
He came to visit me around 3 weeks before the move. And guess what.. The night before he was going to leave, he dumped me.And his reason was "it doesn't feel right" .. lol.. I can not even explain how I crashed.. I had nothing.. No job.. No place to live.. No plan.. No nothing. And the idea of going on with the moving plans just made me more sick.. So I stayed trying to clean up the mess I had ended up in. Him leaving and going on with his life..
I got keep my flat- and I got to keep my job part time. This happened for 13,5 months ago.. I met my current BF online.. And in a game.. Have you heard about world of  warcraft?? Yes I was a huge geek.. Anyways what happened was that he annoyed me so much that I ttly flipped. And that is how our relationship started hehe.. We started talking and we never stopped.. He came to visit me that weekend.. I warned him that I was crushed and not ready for something new but he didn't want to take a no for an answer. And I am so glad he didn't.. Our wedding is actually going to be on our first year anniversary.. So things have been moving forward  really fast.. And I am the happiest I could ever be.. He is more than what I could even wish for.. BUT this means that I never got to deal with my feelings.
My relationship with the Dutch was over mid May. I wasn't able to do anything but crying my eyes out for 3- 4 weeks, I don't deal with losing control too well and this made me crash.. I started cleaning up the mess I was left in Mid June- and I got to know my current BF in beginning of July. I flipped on him 2-3 weeks later.. And we met the 30th of July..
I still think about my ex from time to time.. I know he is a jerk and doesn't deserve my thoughts.. But he was my first true love.. I have loads of friends in Netherlands.. Some are his friends. So I guess he has heard about me getting married.. Ah I don't know what I am ranting about even.. It isn't like I look back.. Or I want him back.. Or anything.. I just never understood why.. How could he change his mind like that.. And no there is no other girl.. Cause I would know.. Some of his friends are more loyal to me than him lol..
I guess I am just thinking about all my past relationships now before the wedding and that is why I have been thinking of him..
My friend sang this song to me when I was on my lowest.. She has the most amazing voice.. So this song got stuck with me.. Nvm the silly clip.. I couldn't find one with proper sound than this one..


  1. Kitty! I completely understand how empty and deceived you must have felt because of the Dutch guy... it's just so hard to face the truth when we invest so much in a relationship (feelings, time, thoughts, job, house, money...) and then all of a sudden we ended up with nothing! and I know how distance relationships work :(

    I don't think it's a bad thing to think about your ex every now and then... it's normal. to be curious about how his life is going, to think of how things would have gone, had it been different...

    oh, and on a sidenote, I totally know WoW. I'm also a great video game nerd but it's a great BONDING experience if your boyfriend is also into it. I'm really into League of Legends right now, have u heard of it?

    Anyway dear, stay strong and beautiful! much love, L.

  2. I used to play WoW! My ex got me into playing it. I liked running around killing things, but I was not social enough to really level up - I prefered questing by my lonesome -MMPORPG are just not for me.Eventually, I was only playing so I could have time with my BF. When he broke up with me, I broke up with WoW.

  3. That is a tough break up story. It happened for a reason. You met the one you were supposed to be with. But you never forget your first love. That is only natural. Glad you got your life back together and a great boyfriend. Just curious...You never say fiance when you refer to your BF. Is that word not used in Norway? Just curious. Also, the app I use for tracking is Loseit.com. I have the phone app for it that makes it super easy. BUT you are not counting any more so...... : )

  4. I've been there :) My first true love I met on FB and we went to the same university. He is a jerk but I still think of him from time to time but I have the love of my life now :)

  5. Hehe my BF plays wow too. he says there are a lot of couples who play. In his guild (?) there even is a married couple with a baby. How cute is that?

    It's normal to mourn a lost relationship. And to look back on it. Especially since your taking such a big step with your new partner. Anyway, I really hope you'll be happy. And get everything you deserve.

  6. Aw, beautiful song!
    I know all about WoW, haha.
    My best friend plays it.
    I do not understand the hype behind it, or what makes it so fun. :P
    I hope you find all the happiness you deserve with your BF/fiance. :)
    Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3

  7. I wish I wrote that. I'm from Belgium, so I speak dutch. It's from a song that I can't keep out of my head. (Noll from Kent)