Regret...

I have done a whole lot of shit in my life.. But there isn't much I regret. There are a lot of stuff I would have done differently if I knew then what I know now.. But that is how life is.. Isn't it..
But now I have reached a level where I regret that I moved here. I regret that  didn't ask him to move. I regret that I choose what is best and easiest for him instead of what I need.

I miss my friends.. I miss the big city life of Oslo. I need my doctor.. It took me years to find a doctor who understood me.. Who was able to listen and actually help me get on with my life. I need him.. How could I ever risk moving somewhere and not have a proper doctor around..

I am out of my medications that I take for my Fibromyalgia. There aren't many.. But I take a few.. And I need them to be able to live a life where it isn't a constant hell.. So I tried to go to a doctor.. First of all it took them fucking 2 weeks to give me an appointment. But I thought.. You can deal with it.. So I waited..

I had the appointment today.. I told her everything.. About how long I have had the illness- what I have tried.. Medications I have tired.. EVERYTHING.. and the fucking moron told me to go and get some aspirin.. WTF!!! Omg.. what the fuck is wrong with some people.. IF I could take a normal aspirin I wouldn't fucking take off work and go to her would I?? I am so frustrated.. Tired.. Pissed..

My head is already fucked up trying to not binge and purge.. AND try to keep cool and not think about the constant pain in my arm.. neck.. fingers and so on.. I can not deal with this shit too.. I just can't...

I really can't.. I keep telling my self that I should just deal with it for my BF and just keep going on.. But I can't.. I just can't..